Do you spank your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, different punishments work on different children. Do what works for your child. There is no research that states that, in and of itself, a handful of spankings with an open hand in childhood negatively impacts a child.

A lot of adults have been spanked as kids with no lasting negative impact, and they manage to still have close, loving relationships with their parents. Some obviously have issues, but I suspect there may have been more things going on there to cause some emotional/mental issues down the line than simply a handful of spankings as a child.

There IS actually research that shows that spanking, with an open hand or otherwise, DOES, in fact, negatively impact the child. But, my assumption is that those of you that stank your kids are not making an informed, evidence-based decision based on what is best for your child.

Not research that controls for the type, frequency, severity of spanking, or controls for SES, or controls for the type of children predisposed to behavior more likely to earn soakings, etc.

Okay you obviously have not read the research that I have. Makes me wonder if you are just making this up. The study I read was longitudinal and included a range of spanking disciple and found that across the board, spanking had negative outcomes. Don't kid yourself that hitting them is good for them. It is not.

Do you care to share the article you read?

Here you go. Although I am done arguing this. If this is not self-evident, I doubt the research will persuade you.

http://www.endcorporalpunishment.org/assets/pdfs/reference-documents/Gershoff-US-report-2008.pdf

It's not self-evident when they lump together just about every kind of physical chastisement, including kicking, beating, etc. Nor do they attempt to control for contextual factors surrounding the punishment. That's not valid research.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do spank. Never out of anger, however. I think that's the key- like PP said, there are a few things that are an automatic spanking in our house. Like any consequence, the kids KNOW why they are being spanked, and we discuss the issue before and after the correction. Hugs, kisses, and reflection on how we can do better next time. And then it's done, and we move on. No different than other consequences.

I am not a fan of the impromptu whack on the butt stuff.

Great plot for a porn video.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Like any consequence, the kids KNOW why they are being spanked, and we discuss the issue before and after the correction. Hugs, kisses, and reflection on how we can do better next time. "

Weird and creepy and pervy.

Np. This is what we do, too. Why do you think it's weird?

NP. I think it's weird too. It sounds cold and calculated. And you're teaching your kid that abuse is OK as long as the hitter gives you a hug and kiss later. Classic adult abuse situation, there.

I love the armchair PhDs who use the term "classic." Look, sweetheart, if your husband out you in time out because he didn't like your attitude, forcing you to sit on the naughty step, and an hour later gave you a hug and a kiss with an admonishment to do better next time, that wouldn't be such a healthy marriage dynamic, either. So maybe let's just drop the ridiculous idea that the parent-child relationship is supposed to be modeled after a spousal relationship. No punishments or disciplining translate well in comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we spank. It works for our family. It's they calm, measured soanking. Never in anger.

Oh, measured and controlled hitting? Got it. Do you teach them they can hit others, as long as they aren't angry?

Nope, just like I don't teach them it's okay to take away others toys away, put others in time out, send others to bed early, or away others' desserts.

This. People make the same stupid arguments, and never think for half a second that they're arguing against the concept of discipline altogether.

[Anonymous]

i gave my 3yo a single light spank twice in response to her attacking me. but i'm not proud of it, it was motivated at least in part by anger, and i would NEVER fess up to it in person. both times she was overtired (for reasons beyond my control) and tantrumming and crazed. i've started giving myself time outs when she loses it.

[Anonymous]

Yes. As a last resort, with a brief discussion before and after.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Occasionally for egregious offenses or deliberate defiance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we spank. It works for our family. It's they calm, measured soanking. Never in anger.

Oh, measured and controlled hitting? Got it. Do you teach them they can hit others, as long as they aren't angry?

Nope, just like I don't teach them it's okay to take away others toys away, put others in time out, send others to bed early, or away others' desserts.

This. People make the same stupid arguments, and never think for half a second that they're arguing against the concept of discipline altogether.

As adults they could lose their apartment, lose their job, etc. It's real world consequences on a child level. As adults they will not be getting hit by other adults - if they do its either assault, abuse, or a part of consensual sex.

[Anonymous]

No. Never. Might does not make right, and I see it as an abuse of power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Never. Might does not make right, and I see it as an abuse of power.

So you wouldn't use your physical strength to force a child into timeout, or into a car seat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had the shit beaten out of me as a kid, and my boyfriend was spanked. I have four kids and have not spanked any of them. At first I didn't spank because I couldn't trust myself to stop at spanking and not kill them. Then I didn't spank them because I realized it wasn't needed.

I have smacked hands trying to sneak food. I have made the kids hit the back of their own hands. But I don't hit.

These things sound problematic to me. It's still hitting. And why are your kids trying to sneak food? That might be something worth thinking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Never. Might does not make right, and I see it as an abuse of power.

So you wouldn't use your physical strength to force a child into timeout, or into a car seat?

NP here, but no, I would not. Unless there was a circumstance where I really needed to (i.e. my child was running into the street and I needed to push him hard out of the way to safety, knowing it could hurt him but would hurt a lot less than a truck hitting him), I would not do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we spank. It works for our family. It's they calm, measured soanking. Never in anger.

Oh, measured and controlled hitting? Got it. Do you teach them they can hit others, as long as they aren't angry?

Nope, just like I don't teach them it's okay to take away others toys away, put others in time out, send others to bed early, or away others' desserts.

This. People make the same stupid arguments, and never think for half a second that they're arguing against the concept of discipline altogether.

Discipline is teaching. Thinking that hitting is a bad way to teach doesn't mean that I am against teaching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we spank. It works for our family. It's they calm, measured soanking. Never in anger.

Oh, measured and controlled hitting? Got it. Do you teach them they can hit others, as long as they aren't angry?

Nope, just like I don't teach them it's okay to take away others toys away, put others in time out, send others to bed early, or away others' desserts.

This. People make the same stupid arguments, and never think for half a second that they're arguing against the concept of discipline altogether.

Discipline is teaching. Thinking that hitting is a bad way to teach doesn't mean that I am against teaching.

Hitting is a punishment. Punishment is sometimes a necessary part of teaching.