Petty In-Law and/or house guest vents

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My MIL insisted on feeding my dog "people food" even after we told her repeatedly that it makes him sick, so she did it when I wasn't looking. It was a holiday dinner with lots of rich food. We also told her the dog isn't allowed on any floor other than the ground floor, where he has a nice, huge, comfy dog bed. The reason is that the other floors have wall to wall carpet and for some reason he associates the carpeting with being outside and always, ALWAYS, pees on it. So we don't let him upstairs or in the basement. Well, in the middle of the night she decides she's lonely and gets the dog to come into the guest room (in the basement) and sleep with her. Well sure enough in the middle of the night the dog got sick, both threw up and diarrhea, everywhere. So instead of getting us, she grabs a bunch of paper towels, picks up the mess with it, puts it in the toilet, and tries to flush it all at once (not flush as you go), which clogs the toilet and causes it to overflow with the water, dog vomit, dog diarheea and the paper towels everywhere. So then she tries to clean that up with our towels. And then she tries to clean the carpet with bleach. Which results in a broken toilet and ruined wall to wall carpet. She finally woke us up to tell us what she had done and ask for help. It cost me $500 to snake the line and fix the toilet. And it cost $3500 to have the wall to wall carpet replaced. It cost $500 to replace the towels. And it cost another $500 to take the dog to the vet and his medicine. And my MIL yelled at me because she said she didn't know how to clean wall to wall carpet and I should have told her if she was going to be sleep in the guest suite, and I should have told her all along paper towels can't be flushed down the toilet.

I am still dumbfounded by that evening (was a few years ago) and what happened. It was a cluster fuck of fuck ups. And I have a relatively good relationship with my MIL, still do, but this is still a sore subject for me.

Ok, this is not petty! What a disaster! Does she still stay with you? And off topic, how did the towels cost $500?

Because she used every single one in the linen closet, including hand towels, beach towels and wash clothes. It was over 25+ towels, all had to be thrown away.

Weird. We have this thing called a washing machine. You put your soiled clothing or towels in it with detergent and it cleans them!! You're welcome!!

PP here. Thank you for letting me know about the invention of the washing machine. In case I wasn't clear, there was an enormous amount of dog feces and vomit, as well as toilet water as in raw sewage, all over the towels. And I mean super saturated, with brown and green shit, literally. So it would have taken a massive amount of loads to wash that, even on the sanitary super hot cycle. The smell was out of this world. My DH just was so grossed out he threw them away. Maybe the stuff would have come out on a few washes, but I doubt it. In the clothes it got on, the brown stained and never came out. So your obnoxious comment is just that. Maybe next time I will have my MIL stay with you.

All I can say is, you WIN!!! Your MIL sounds like a holy terror of a selfish, stupid, irrational, insane bitch. OMG. And you still speak to her so you win the angel DIL award.

Yes PP you win!

(and I would have thrown the towels out too)

[Anonymous]

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I know it's not the same, but my peeve is guests who have to have COFFEE OMG coffee first thing. I drink coffee. It's made by 7 am at the latest. But my priority is getting up with my daughter and getting her needs met. My parents and in-laws are practically chomping at the bit. If I don't set it up the night before, my dad rattles around at 5:45 making it. At least he's clean about it. My MIL will get grounds and water everywhere. With my ILs, I make a full pot, have one small cup myself, and they want another full pot.

It's just like...calm down. When I'm a guest in someone else's home, I drink a cup if there is a pot, when it is made, and I don't go sniffing around for it.

"It's not important to me, and thus it shouldn't be important to anyone!"

Set up the coffeemaker the night before. Leave the stuff out so they can make a second pot if they want one. Buy cheap coffee if this is a budget issue. Otherwise, stop policing what other people ingest.

+1

How hard is this?

And to complain about them getting their own coffee? Seriously?

Can you not read? She does make the coffee by 7 am. She does set it up the night before. She drinks coffee, too. The issue is not providing coffee, it's the "rabid coffee drinker attitude," which IS annoying, at home and, in my case, at work.

Calm down. It's just coffee.

Yeah, and some people (like me!) don't want to wait an hour or two for someone to finally get around to making it. Just set it up the night before so that they can turn it on. What is the big deal? It almost seems like a power trip to make people wait around for you to decide when they can (finally!) get a cup of coffee in the morning.

+1

You've already figured out that the easiest thing for everyone and that makes your guests comfortable is to just make it the night before, so why wouldn't you?

Also, FYI, some people depend on that first wonderful cup to encourage that first morning poop (sorry to be crass, but there it is) -- and as you get older, digestive issues can arise. With 4 people probably looking on the back side of 60, it may be asking a lot to make them continually wait around an hour or two longer than they're used to to get into their morning routine just because you deem their request to be not important.

Finally, to the person suggesting the coffee drinkers are addicts, you may be right. But it's not a moral failing. Just because their bodies respond differently than yours to something that's widely accepted in our culture doesn't mean you have to treat them like a nuisance.

[Anonymous]

Shut up with the arguing back. This is a thread about pet peeves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shut up with the arguing back. This is a thread about pet peeves.

make me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL needs something that I don't have, she'll buy them in multiples - 7 spatulas. I had 1.

All the kitchen stuff she buys for me and I don't really want, she counts on to be available next visit. So problem solved: I have a "MIL box" that gets brought up from the basement. But it's rude if it's obvious the items are separated - but I don't have room for all to clutter up the kitchen.

Ugh, that's annoying. That comes back to the coffee/alcohol issue, too...no one "needs" special kitchen equipment/multiples. They need to adjust and make do in someone else's home. It is not the host's duty to re-create your home experience for you (though thoughtful gestures are appreciated); it's for the guest to adapt to the environment of the home they are visiting.

When in Rome...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL needs something that I don't have, she'll buy them in multiples - 7 spatulas. I had 1.

All the kitchen stuff she buys for me and I don't really want, she counts on to be available next visit. So problem solved: I have a "MIL box" that gets brought up from the basement. But it's rude if it's obvious the items are separated - but I don't have room for all to clutter up the kitchen.

Ugh, that's annoying. That comes back to the coffee/alcohol issue, too...no one "needs" special kitchen equipment/multiples. They need to adjust and make do in someone else's home. It is not the host's duty to re-create your home experience for you (though thoughtful gestures are appreciated); it's for the guest to adapt to the environment of the home they are visiting.

When in Rome...

The PP reminded me of my own mother, who about 6 months ago, with my dad stayed with us for about a week after our second child was born. Afterwards, she sent me towels and washcloths because mine were "threadbare." First, I'm fairly certain she saw one washcloth I keep hung up in my son's/guest bathroom as a rag to clean the counter because he's five and, therefore, it's otherwise a blessed mess. Yes, that RAG was threadbare. Second, my towels were fine. They didn't look brand new, but the thought of going out and buying all new towels when the ones I had were perfectly fine seemed ridiculous and wasteful to me. I have two small children. I don't keep "nice" things right now. When I, too, am 65 and have no children in my house and nothing better to do with my time and money, sure, I'll keep my towels looking spiffy. so now I have more towels and washcloths than I know what to do with (and barely enough room for them). Finally, they weren't even particularly nice towels. So when they come visit, I'll put her new towels out for her and my dad and I'll keep right on using my plush bath sheets from Costco.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: The PP reminded me of my own mother, who about 6 months ago, with my dad stayed with us for about a week after our second child was born. Afterwards, she sent me towels and washcloths because mine were "threadbare." First, I'm fairly certain she saw one washcloth I keep hung up in my son's/guest bathroom as a rag to clean the counter because he's five and, therefore, it's otherwise a blessed mess. Yes, that RAG was threadbare. Second, my towels were fine. They didn't look brand new, but the thought of going out and buying all new towels when the ones I had were perfectly fine seemed ridiculous and wasteful to me. I have two small children. I don't keep "nice" things right now. When I, too, am 65 and have no children in my house and nothing better to do with my time and money, sure, I'll keep my towels looking spiffy. so now I have more towels and washcloths than I know what to do with (and barely enough room for them). Finally, they weren't even particularly nice towels. So when they come visit, I'll put her new towels out for her and my dad and I'll keep right on using my plush bath sheets from Costco.

I know, this is so frustrating! My MIL always mentions how she made such-and-such FROM SCRATCH (like muffins she brings, or dessert) so that it will be "a special treat for us, because I know Larla doesn't bake." Well, every meal I prepare when they are in my home is homemade: soups, lasagana, even mini Beef Wellingtons. But no, I don't bake a ton. Because I cook. A LOT. For a lot of people.

Maybe when I'm retired and have nothing else to do, I'll bake more, too! But it's just like, why can't you just say, "I brought you some muffins!" And then enjoy some of the homemade breakfast casserole that I cooked, but didn't BAKE.

[Anonymous]

People who bring a crap-ton of food into my house without telling me. I will have prepared for your visit by cooking/baking. "Thanks" for the blueberry muffins (when I already made scones), the fresh produce from your garden (when I already have a tyranny of summer produce from my own garden), and the chocolate chip cookies (when I baked the same).

By all means, offer to bring food, and I'll gratefully take you up on it. (Or at least inform me of what you plan to bring.)

Hostess/host gifts should be things that don't have to be used during the visit: a candle, a box of chocolates, a bottle of unchilled wine. Otherwise, you are putting pressure on your hosts (and are filling their already-full pantry!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who bring a crap-ton of food into my house without telling me. I will have prepared for your visit by cooking/baking. "Thanks" for the blueberry muffins (when I already made scones), the fresh produce from your garden (when I already have a tyranny of summer produce from my own garden), and the chocolate chip cookies (when I baked the same).

By all means, offer to bring food, and I'll gratefully take you up on it. (Or at least inform me of what you plan to bring.)

Hostess/host gifts should be things that don't have to be used during the visit: a candle, a box of chocolates, a bottle of unchilled wine. Otherwise, you are putting pressure on your hosts (and are filling their already-full pantry!)

I prefer items that will leave my house and not need to be stored - perishables are welcome.

[Anonymous]

Visitors who feel free to comment/offer unsolicited advice on your parenting choices: breastfeeding or formula feeding, working outside the home or staying home, enforcing naptime, food choices, etc.

Shut it!

It always is so defensive, "Well, *I* didn't breast-feed Tim, and HE turned out FINE!" Great for you. I never said you should have breast-fed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you are a guest in someone else's home, especially if they have kids or are off to work, need to go with the flow of the household they are visiting.

I can see this too. I bend over backwards for house guests, but if someone reaaaallllly needs to start making noise in the house at 5 AM because waiting for coffee with everyone else will take too long... maybe it's time to stay in a hotel with crack of dawn coffee service! (Or for folks in these predicaments to stock their guest rooms with those little hotel room coffee makers!)

[Anonymous]

We had a house guest (former fraternity brother of DH) who was a real treat. The first time I met him, he asked me to iron a shirt for him and dug into the closed bag of snacks & drinks I'd packed in the fridge for a road trip and asked if he could have them, despite a ton of other options staring him in the face. He was also super annoyed that we didn't want him to continue staying at our place after we left on that road trip even though we were clear about it ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ILs like to ask when we will get around to painting this or recarpeting that...in a very nice home we've been in for two years, and put a new roof, A/C, some hardwood in...as if we don't have a toddler, baby on way, and are saving for colleges.

Meanwhile, their house is the land that time forgot! Old carpets, old/uncomfortable furniture, terrible mattresses...

I would never, as a guest, question of criticize my hosts' home, even if they are family.

If I wasn't an only child married to another only, I'd ask if you were my SIL Both sets of parents do this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In-laws who expect to be entertained/conversed with by the WHOLE family every single minute. My husband was in the bathroom earlier today, and they both were all, "Where's Joe?"

He's taking a dump, OK? Do you want him to leave the door open next time so you can chat?

And I'm not exaggerating. They never, ever are OK with people "disappearing" to be alone for a few minutes, even when both kids are napping!

My IL's disappear from each other constantly. They pretty much can't stand each other. They don't actually have conversations at any length, or of any depth. Their favorite pastimes are what ailments they have, and what embarrassing thing the most successful members used to do when they were little, 40+ years ago. For the 400th time. But they have to attend whatever holiday or beach week from hell, just to say that they did it. I don't know why they crucify themselves, if being around each other is so difficult for them. But they have the bragging rights. Good thing. Now I know why DH spends an hour in the bathroom. Two hours if we are with them.

[Anonymous]

I never knew the world was full of intolerant assholes--or is it just that this ilk is drawn to the DC metro area?