Sibling's +1 to wedding

[Anonymous]

^ I think OP seems a little annoying but I dont see how this is warranted. She said she was posting to seek opinions and vent a little. JEEZ So judgy!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok Bridezlla. You said +1 without limitations. Now you are upset?

OP you are being a pain in the butt. No one needs to explain their +1 to you. I hope someone buys you a book on etiquette. You are in sore need of some basic manners.

I feel sorry for your STBH.

-DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ I think OP seems a little annoying but I dont see how this is warranted. She said she was posting to seek opinions and vent a little. JEEZ So judgy!!!!!

cosigning this. dcum is so hostile now. i may disagree with the op's line of thinking, but in her last post she said she was going to welcome the friend and have ag ood time with everyone. saying you feel sorry for her stbh and calling her a bitch? noone else here has ever been wrong or overreacted to something?

signed,
dw who can offer criticism without personal attacks

[Anonymous]

So the short version of this whole ordeal is "My brother and I don't like each other, and still find every opportunity to needle/bitch about each other."

I think, under those circumstances, I would be glad that he'll have a guest with him. First, it makes it less likely that he'll do something obnoxious at the wedding because he won't want to embarrass himself in front of her. Second, the more he's distracted with her, the less you'll have to interact with him. Win-win!

[Anonymous]

Honestly OP if I were in your situation I would be a bit annoyed, but you say destination wedding then cop to it being in your home town... You gave him the +1, so really, just suck it up. In the grand scheme of wedding issues this should fall very low on the totem pole. Go be mad about things that you should actually be mad about...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i would find this annoying too. i have always interpreted a +1 to be a date to a wedding, not bringing a buddy just for the hell of it.

Agree, but you can't take it back, because you already told him he could have a +1. Don't be such a control freak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the short version of this whole ordeal is "My brother and I don't like each other, and still find every opportunity to needle/bitch about each other."

I think, under those circumstances, I would be glad that he'll have a guest with him. First, it makes it less likely that he'll do something obnoxious at the wedding because he won't want to embarrass himself in front of her. Second, the more he's distracted with her, the less you'll have to interact with him. Win-win!

This. OP, your wedding is a month away. Move on from this and find some other drama.

You can't really expect DCUM to share your frustration without also sharing your years-in-the-making frustration with your inconsiderate brother. Look, I'm with you on that, my brother, while not a freeloader, is generally a jerk, but really you don't need justification for being irritated by it.

And really, fill your wedding time with lots of happy memories. How about the tasting? Scheduling of engagement photos? Final mockups from the florist? Don't spend all your time on silly catty dramas that come down to one chick that your brother hopes to hook up with maybe (even if it will never happen). He is probably not going to change, and as a PP said, having the guest means he'll likely be on better behavior, or at least not at all in your hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are in a bad mood today! OP is paying.

I can sympathize, OP, but I have seen it from brother's side, too. I'm guessing there are other issues at play here that you aren't detailing.

Yes there are other issues (this same sibling asked my parents not to financially contribute so that money wouldn't be taken away from the allowance my parents give him...he is a grad student). I don't mind if people are in bad moods today or feeling particularly feisty. I sought out the opinions, so I can take it...

I have always assumed that if a +1 was not a romantic partner, then it should be someone at least the bride or groom knows. Maybe my assumption was wrong. I've been wrong before.

Ah, the truth comes out. You are pissed at your brother and now are striking back at him. If you are still involved in sibling rivalry, are you emotionally ready for marriage?

Uh, no. "Hey, Bridezilla invited me to her wedding but not you. Do you want to just come as my date, even though she didn't want to invite you?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You said he could have a +1 now he does. You didn't say it had to be a +1 that gave him blow jobs.

I think this sums it up quite nicely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My now SIL (DH's sister) was single at the time and just brought a female friend. I thought it was silly, and I was annoyed at having to add to the head count, but she was 22 and insecure and wanted a friend there. Not really a big deal. Roll your eyes once and move on.

I brought 4 female friends to my brother's wedding, on his suggestion. He wanted me to have fun at the reception. We had a blast! My nieces sometimes bring friends to family events, and it never bothered anybody.

[Anonymous]

The only real pertinent issue, OP, is that you told him he could bring a +1. He is being a +1. End of story.

--His relationship with this person is none of your business.
--Who he gets an allowance from is not your business and irrelevant.
--The price of the one meal you will you have to add is irrelevant because you already told us the money isn't the issue.
--How well you do or don't know her is irrelevant because you told him he could bring a +1. You didn't give him rules about who he could bring.
--Your judgment about him and gossiping with your family about him and his +1 is pretty mean.

You're being unreasonable, OP. Get over and get over it quick so you can be gracious to your brother, his guest, and everyone else who is going to spend time and money to celebrate you and your fiancé.


OP here- I didn't make the allowance my business. I mentioned it b/c someone asked if there were other underlying issues. When fiance and i got engaged, my brother told my parents "i hope this doesn't mean you are going to cut me off to pay for her wedding." HE said that. He has never called to congratulate us, wish us well, or ask if he could help in any way. His primary concern is making sure he did not get cut off. It's clear that I have regarded him as a freeloader in other aspects of life, which, in my opinion, once again manifested here. I didn't assume my parents would give anything, and unlike my brother, I don't feel a sense of ownership over my parents' money.

I find him unreasonable re: many things, but he is family. Like I said before, his +1 will be a welcomed guest at all the events of the weekend. I was just coming here to see what other people thought and get other opinions. I plan to have a lovely weekend with my family and a long, happy marriage with my DH to be.

You are being disingenuous here, OP. You did make his allowance your business the minute you posted it here as a factor. It isn't a factor here. You are using it as a compounding factor to all your other complaints about him...he didn't wish you well, congratulate you, or act in a way that you wanted him to act. You are sharing all these details to support your reasons for wanting to be aggrieved that he is bringing a +1 who you don't approve of.

We get it. You think he is a freeloader. You don't like him. You think this is a valid reason for going back on your word that he can being a +1 to your wedding.

Sorry, it doesn't work that way.

You are in the wrong.

[Anonymous]

yes

[Anonymous]

She's 22? Even if she's a proclaimed lesbian "with a girlfriend" she is staying in the room of a 30-year-old man she hasn't known all that long. Here's my take: She's not completely, convincingly lesbian. He wants to doink her, and she might be up for a doinking.

And OP, you need to let this go. I can sympathize. I have trainwrecks for brothers, but this isn't a big deal. Save your energy for a big deal.