Sibling's +1 to wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more annoying to BE the plus 1. Go to someone's wedding I have never met as a favor for a friend? Yuck. But sometimes friends to favors like that, so think of her as doing something nice for your brother. You're going to be so busy that day. Let it go.

NOt OP but come on? A favor? Sounds like this girl is getting, minus flight, a free weekend trip? That's not a favor, that's a come up!

A free couple of nights in a hotel to attend a wedding of someone I don't know/care about? Not worth it. I'd definitely only do it as a favor.

Free nights in a hotel on the beach plus 2 dinners and open bars?

Are you poor or not very well traveled? Going somewhere you don't get to choose, staying in a hotel not of your choosing is doing a favor for somebody. Two dinners and open bar? Woo hoo. You're forced to mingle with people you don't know, plus go to a wedding & reception, which are usually awful even when you know people. It's a favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more annoying to BE the plus 1. Go to someone's wedding I have never met as a favor for a friend? Yuck. But sometimes friends to favors like that, so think of her as doing something nice for your brother. You're going to be so busy that day. Let it go.

NOt OP but come on? A favor? Sounds like this girl is getting, minus flight, a free weekend trip? That's not a favor, that's a come up!

A free couple of nights in a hotel to attend a wedding of someone I don't know/care about? Not worth it. I'd definitely only do it as a favor.

Free nights in a hotel on the beach plus 2 dinners and open bars?

Are you poor or not very well traveled? Going somewhere you don't get to choose, staying in a hotel not of your choosing is doing a favor for somebody. Two dinners and open bar? Woo hoo. You're forced to mingle with people you don't know, plus go to a wedding & reception, which are usually awful even when you know people. It's a favor.

You sound fun! Can I sit at your table?

[Anonymous]

i got married last year (thank god wedding planning is over!!!) and i think i would have been slightly annoyed if my sister or brother did this. in an ideal situation, brother would have asked you, "hey sis, i know i said i didnt want the plus one, but do you care if i bring a friend?"

a little communication goes a long way......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I replied previously that you should accept the plus1, but since it's not just a dinner but a whole trip you're financing, I think that's pretty obnoxious of your brother and this friend. He probably said, "Don't worry, sis is loaded!" and she took him up on the offer.

Where did OP say she was financing the whole trip? Her PARENTS give him an allowance not OP.

She's not--the OP said that her brother was paying for airfare, and apparently her parents are paying for the brother's hotel. So she's out the cost of the +1's meal.

original quoted pp here. i misunderstood. if it's just the cost of a dinner, suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would like to get thoughts and opinions on this scenario:

-Planning our wedding and both my sibs are single.
-I told each as soon as wedding planning started that they could have a +1. I figured that over the course of a year of planning, maybe they would start dating someone and would like to bring as a guest.
-My sister declined immediately because she didn't want to bring someone random just for the sake of bringing someone. (She is my sensible, thoughtful sib)
-Fast forward a year. 1 month before wedding, my brother sent back the rsvp card with his name and someone I had never heard of. I called to ask him who this person was, and he told me that "they met each other at his new job and they are friends." Completely platonic--in fact she has a girlfriend.

I'm completely annoyed by this. Who brings a friend just for the sake of bringing a friend? This is a destination wedding and I find it obnoxious to have to pay for someone neither I nor my fiance have ever met, AND isn't romantically involved with my brother. Thoughts??

My thought is that you need to grow up. If you had to have prior approval of the plus one then you should have spelled it out. Unless, his plus one is a criminal, a psycho, or your ex husband, who the hell cares??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i got married last year (thank god wedding planning is over!!!) and i think i would have been slightly annoyed if my sister or brother did this. in an ideal situation, brother would have asked you, "hey sis, i know i said i didnt want the plus one, but do you care if i bring a friend?"

a little communication goes a long way......

I'm not the original poster on the thread, but this is the most sensible thing I've read so far. Having been through planning a wedding with my daughter, I wonder how many of the people who posted such strong feelings, calling the original poster a bitch, bridezilla, etc have actually planned a wedding? It is a stressful time indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop it with the bridezilla please. Its offensive. I get where OP is coming from. Its a destination wedding on her dime, and the plus 1s were obviously extended as a courtesy if they were actually romantically involved with someone. I'm torn on what I'd do. You said he could bring someone and didn't specify who, BUT this woman has no connection to you or to your family and is just taking the opportunity for a vacation. I'd be annoyed for sure.

OP here- Thank you! This is what I feel, but perhaps more eloquently stated. Everyone we are (happily) paying for for the welcome dinner and wedding is here because they are a meaningful part of our lives and we couldn't imagine getting married without that person being there to celebrate with us. My brother just met this person in the last few months at work and neither of us, nor MY PARENTS had ever heard my brother mention this new friend. It feels like she is coming for the vacation.

She's coming because your brother invited her. GET.THE.FREAK.OVER.IT

[Anonymous]

A month before the wedding doesn't sound bad to me. It's not like he sprung it on you the week before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it sounds like you resent your brother in general.

You told him he could bring a +1. You didn't put any conditions on that. You would have been okay if he'd brought his new girlfriend, right? So why are you all pissy because he brought his new friend instead?

You're not paying her travel expenses. The only cost you're incurring is what you would pay for any other guest at your wedding--so two meals. Get over it. The only thing that it's legit to be upset about is if he was late RSVPing. But were you really going to invite a random other person at the last minute if he didn't bring a +1? If not, it's not about wanting to invite someone else.

Would not have invited a "random other person" at the last minute. All of our parents gave us a list of local people they would like (I guess you could call it a B list) to include, space permitting.

Really, pretty sure that the reason that this is bothering you is are not that a random one person from your parents' "B list" of friends is not getting a chance to attend. You shouldn't have invited your brother with a +1 if you didn't want him to have a guest, you don't get veto power of who he choses as a guest.

[Anonymous]

Dear DCUM:

My sister is getting married in a month and the whole thing is getting a little weird. Her invite said I could bring a guest and I told sis a month in advance that I am bringing a girl from work I really hit it off with in a platonic way (she is gay, maybe bi, not sure), but my sister is giving me the side eye because I am not having hot, hot sex or a LTR with my date.

I am feeling annoyed because I am footing all our travel bills, a bunch of money for the bachelor party, money for my tux (maybe?), and money for a wedding gift, all of which certainly totals in the hundreds of dollars just to attend this thing. I know my parents are shelling out several thousands of dollars as well. All my sister is paying for for this guest is the cost of the food and I guess if there is a party favor. And my sister told me I could bring a guest! She never told me my guest had to pass some test to show how close we were!

I am a guy and might be a little clueless about this Emily Post wedding etiquette stuff. Am I a jerk or is my sister being a bit of a bridezilla?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i got married last year (thank god wedding planning is over!!!) and i think i would have been slightly annoyed if my sister or brother did this. in an ideal situation, brother would have asked you, "hey sis, i know i said i didnt want the plus one, but do you care if i bring a friend?"

a little communication goes a long way......

I'm not the original poster on the thread, but this is the most sensible thing I've read so far. Having been through planning a wedding with my daughter, I wonder how many of the people who posted such strong feelings, calling the original poster a bitch, bridezilla, etc have actually planned a wedding? It is a stressful time indeed.

Are you joking? Since most people here are parents, they've gone through the whole wedding planning state and have the perspective of how little these trivial issues matter in the bigger scheme of things. OP would be really fortunate if the worst thing to happen with respect to her wedding is that her brother bought a guest she didn't approve of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I replied previously that you should accept the plus1, but since it's not just a dinner but a whole trip you're financing, I think that's pretty obnoxious of your brother and this friend. He probably said, "Don't worry, sis is loaded!" and she took him up on the offer.

You're paying for travel expenses and hotel too, OP?

[Anonymous]

Brother is paying his own travel expenses and guest isn't costing any hotel expenses (sharing room with bro).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it sounds like you resent your brother in general.

You told him he could bring a +1. You didn't put any conditions on that. You would have been okay if he'd brought his new girlfriend, right? So why are you all pissy because he brought his new friend instead?

You're not paying her travel expenses. The only cost you're incurring is what you would pay for any other guest at your wedding--so two meals. Get over it. The only thing that it's legit to be upset about is if he was late RSVPing. But were you really going to invite a random other person at the last minute if he didn't bring a +1? If not, it's not about wanting to invite someone else.

Would not have invited a "random other person" at the last minute. All of our parents gave us a list of local people they would like (I guess you could call it a B list) to include, space permitting.

Really, pretty sure that the reason that this is bothering you is are not that a random one person from your parents' "B list" of friends is not getting a chance to attend. You shouldn't have invited your brother with a +1 if you didn't want him to have a guest, you don't get veto power of who he choses as a guest.

This.

If your brother told you a month in advance, that sounds like it was before the RSVP deadline. So your complaint is that you told him he could bring a guest, he did, but the guest isn't his girlfriend, so you're annoyed. Really petty. If he brought his new girlfriend, would you be bitching?

[Anonymous]

Ask brother to promise to boink her at least once during the trip. Then you can classify her as a "date" by your terminology, he gets a little workout, she gets to experiment with a guy and everyone is happy again.