This was a real post on my neighborhood listserv

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another Bethesda story - once we had a couple to dinner with their young child, who was about 3. My fiancee (now DH) had white carpeting in the dining room. (I know, I know...remember what it was like to be single??) The kid, whom we had been warned was a "handful" by other friends, picked up something (forget what it was) and it appeared he was going to drop it on the carpet, soiling it. My fiancee said, "NO!" very sharply -- again, as we were afraid the parents would do nothing -- and the kid started crying. It was like he had never heard the word NO.

This reminds me of the time when I brought my brand new co-worker and his pre-school daughter by my MIL's house. (It was an unplanned stop on the way from the airport to his new apartment. Long story.) His dd went to go pick up a glass sculpture. I walked over quickly and with my voice raised just a little (just a little - I swear!), I said, "Oh no, honey let's not play with that" or something to that effect. The kid put her head in her dad's lap and started crying. He then said, "Oh no, it's okay, little xxxx, you don't have to rethink your idea that xxxxx (me) is a nice person."

I never trusted him again after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I guess I'm inviting everyone to mock me as well, but here goes. . .

I don't think the mother's email was really off base. It's not something I would probably send, but my reaction as a recipient would have been mild sympathy.

Some kids have a really strong sense of shame, especially at that age, and many have a strong sense of justice as well. In combination, I can see where a mother would be frustrated at how this played out. My nephew is like that. I can easily imagine him ruminating on this and feeling really bad and embarrassed for a long time.

I also think if you're going to really take someone to task, especially a stranger who won't have the opportunity to follow up later, it's better not to do it in a hit-and-run fashion. The kid is not entitled to "closure" as the mother put it, but it would nice. Since the guy took on the role of "village" in this situation, he could have take the extra 30 seconds to do it more productively. Learning to apologize meaningfully is important and this was a lost opportunity for that. One of my biggest peeves is those terrible, passive-voicue, "I'm sorry if what I said/did offended you," nonapologies that you hear all the time.

+1

+2 my dad was always yelling at kids in the neighborhood. It was wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A six year old hit a car with a flying object. He should be scared.

Yes!

The kid was throwing acorns at cars?? I would be mortified if my 6 yo did that to a neighbor.

He should have been scared. The mom just comes across as a whiny pain in the butt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A six year old hit a car with a flying object. He should be scared.

Yes!

The kid was throwing acorns at cars?? I would be mortified if my 6 yo did that to a neighbor.

He should have been scared. The mom just comes across as a whiny pain in the butt.

throwing pinecones... PINECONES I tell you!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is in very poor taste that you are posting this here. Have some respect for neighborhood list serves. There's a line that you don't cross- when someone posts a message with their and their child's name on it. They are doing it in good faith that their kind neighbors won't publicly shame them as you are doing here.

Sure, the message is stupid, but I look more poorly on you, OP. I also think that the website admin should not allow this kind of posting that is a kind of "public shaming" for other messages that were posted in good faith that they would not be circulated for widespread ridicule.

But no one's name is mentioned. And all we know is what town it is from. I think you are way over reacting.

And all of the people on that list serve know who we are talking about, so no, this is not anonymous.

I am on that listserv, too, and OP's posting here made me very sad. I hope the mom being criticized does not know about DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is in very poor taste that you are posting this here. Have some respect for neighborhood list serves. There's a line that you don't cross- when someone posts a message with their and their child's name on it. They are doing it in good faith that their kind neighbors won't publicly shame them as you are doing here.

Sure, the message is stupid, but I look more poorly on you, OP. I also think that the website admin should not allow this kind of posting that is a kind of "public shaming" for other messages that were posted in good faith that they would not be circulated for widespread ridicule.

But no one's name is mentioned. And all we know is what town it is from. I think you are way over reacting.

And all of the people on that list serve know who we are talking about, so no, this is not anonymous.

I am on that listserv, too, and OP's posting here made me very sad. I hope the mom being criticized does not know about DCUM.

I hope so too. She would be extremely sad. She is a very nice person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is in very poor taste that you are posting this here. Have some respect for neighborhood list serves. There's a line that you don't cross- when someone posts a message with their and their child's name on it. They are doing it in good faith that their kind neighbors won't publicly shame them as you are doing here.

Sure, the message is stupid, but I look more poorly on you, OP. I also think that the website admin should not allow this kind of posting that is a kind of "public shaming" for other messages that were posted in good faith that they would not be circulated for widespread ridicule.

But no one's name is mentioned. And all we know is what town it is from. I think you are way over reacting.

And all of the people on that list serve know who we are talking about, so no, this is not anonymous.

I am on that listserv, too, and OP's posting here made me very sad. I hope the mom being criticized does not know about DCUM.

Or, maybe it would be a good thing- awareness of how ridiculous this entire thing really is. She might learn that posting on a listserv to shame the guy who had a few words, in the end, is completely void of helpfulness and in the end- is attention-seeking at best.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand what the big deal is if "all the people on the list serve" know who it is - pinecone mom did actually decide to publicly share her own story, right? At that point, she willfully surrendered anonymity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what the big deal is if "all the people on the list serve" know who it is - pinecone mom did actually decide to publicly share her own story, right? At that point, she willfully surrendered anonymity.

I hate when people use this excuse. True, it is a public forum, to a degree, but the mom sure as hell probably didn't expect to be cruelly mocked by strangers on a site she did not post to. And to have hateful slurs aimed at her 6 YEAR OLD!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is in very poor taste that you are posting this here. Have some respect for neighborhood list serves. There's a line that you don't cross- when someone posts a message with their and their child's name on it. They are doing it in good faith that their kind neighbors won't publicly shame them as you are doing here.

Sure, the message is stupid, but I look more poorly on you, OP. I also think that the website admin should not allow this kind of posting that is a kind of "public shaming" for other messages that were posted in good faith that they would not be circulated for widespread ridicule.

But no one's name is mentioned. And all we know is what town it is from. I think you are way over reacting.

And all of the people on that list serve know who we are talking about, so no, this is not anonymous.

I am on that listserv, too, and OP's posting here made me very sad. I hope the mom being criticized does not know about DCUM.

I hope so too. She would be extremely sad. She is a very nice person.

Nicely neurotic, I suspect.

[Anonymous]

takoma wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I guess I'm inviting everyone to mock me as well, but here goes. . .

I don't think the mother's email was really off base. It's not something I would probably send, but my reaction as a recipient would have been mild sympathy.

Some kids have a really strong sense of shame, especially at that age, and many have a strong sense of justice as well. In combination, I can see where a mother would be frustrated at how this played out. My nephew is like that. I can easily imagine him ruminating on this and feeling really bad and embarrassed for a long time.

I also think if you're going to really take someone to task, especially a stranger who won't have the opportunity to follow up later, it's better not to do it in a hit-and-run fashion. The kid is not entitled to "closure" as the mother put it, but it would nice. Since the guy took on the role of "village" in this situation, he could have take the extra 30 seconds to do it more productively. Learning to apologize meaningfully is important and this was a lost opportunity for that. One of my biggest peeves is those terrible, passive-voice, "I'm sorry if what I said/did offended you," nonapologies that you hear all the time.

What else would you say if you said something you think needed saying, but you know that, unfortunately, someone was offended? I want to express my sympathy, but I'm not apologizing. Surely people know that sorry is not a synonym for apology. If not, I'm sorry to hear it.

I believe the passive aggressive DC apology would be, "I'm sorry you thought what I said was offensive."

[Anonymous]

I am a friend of the woman who posted to the listserv. She is actually one of the nicest people I have met in the area. She was upset by the incident. What I don't understand is why you feel the need to tear her to shreds here on this site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what the big deal is if "all the people on the list serve" know who it is - pinecone mom did actually decide to publicly share her own story, right? At that point, she willfully surrendered anonymity.

I hate when people use this excuse. True, it is a public forum, to a degree, but the mom sure as hell probably didn't expect to be cruelly mocked by strangers on a site she did not post to. And to have hateful slurs aimed at her 6 YEAR OLD!

Look. It's not the stranger's fault that her child assaulted someone. It's not everyone else's fault that she chose to publicly air her story. I think the lack of responsibility seems to be a running theme in her family, and it would seem to do good to have a reality check. The mother is clearly in the wrong. A 6 year old is not a 1-2 year old, and they should know better by then. It's better that she find out ASAP to learn how to parent better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a friend of the woman who posted to the listserv. She is actually one of the nicest people I have met in the area. She was upset by the incident. What I don't understand is why you feel the need to tear her to shreds here on this site.

Meh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what the big deal is if "all the people on the list serve" know who it is - pinecone mom did actually decide to publicly share her own story, right? At that point, she willfully surrendered anonymity.

I hate when people use this excuse. True, it is a public forum, to a degree, but the mom sure as hell probably didn't expect to be cruelly mocked by strangers on a site she did not post to. And to have hateful slurs aimed at her 6 YEAR OLD!

Look. It's not the stranger's fault that her child assaulted someone. It's not everyone else's fault that she chose to publicly air her story. I think the lack of responsibility seems to be a running theme in her family, and it would seem to do good to have a reality check. The mother is clearly in the wrong. A 6 year old is not a 1-2 year old, and they should know better by then. It's better that she find out ASAP to learn how to parent better.

None of this justifies the over the top meanness from posters here, especially as directed toward a child. Also, the mom did acknowledge her kid did wrong and just wanted her kid to have a chance to apologize. People keep trying to spin this into the mom excusing her son, which is not at all what happened.