Buying a first home - did you get the downpayment from your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
And to the wedding poster, you are not alone. I paid for everything for my wedding, but I was financially established and "old". Drove me crazy when my parents paid for not one, but TWO full white weddings with sit down dinner and orchestra for my sister - and she was 40! Prodigal daughter here.

That woulld have driven me even more nuts. My parents were equally cheap with both of us and I was definitely the more successful one. Btw, my dad offered to pay for my wedding dress if he picked it out. I said no thanks I'll buy my own wedding dress thank you. Also to the poster who worked their way through grad school, I did do. My parents are really into to show. They didn't help at all with school but we went to a pizza place after graduation and offered to pick up the tab only because there were aunts and uncles there too. There was no way that people who were antihelp with grad school were going to take credit for the dinner. I bit my tongue enough at my wedding.


I so relate. Prodigal daughter here. That's funny that your dad said he would pay but only if he picked it out. No one offered me ANYTHING (BTW, have your watched "Say Yes to the Dress"? My daughter and I watch it every Friday night just to laugh at the silliness. Sure, drop $28K on a bridal gown. And why do you all have sausage arms at only 26?). So in the midst of doing all the planning and payment and organizing for my wedding while working fulltime until the day before the wedding, my father-in-law-to-be tells my husband-to-be that he thinks it is a mistake for us to be spending "so much" on a wedding. Hullo. I'm 38. You're not dropping a dime on this wedding and you are telling me, a mature professional, a partner with a paid-off home, via husband-to-be that a $25K wedding (including everything, even orchestra) fully paid for the bride at my chosing was out of line? Pissed me off then, pissed me off now. Then my parents go off and cover the costs again for my sister's second big wedding at 41. Huge affair at the Ritz. She even wore a white veil. Life can be very unfair. Moral of the story: shut up if you are the in-laws and not offering to help with expenses. And treat all your kids exactly the same way.

[Anonymous]

My parents gave me $100K to help with my condo purchase in 1996. I got a mortgage for the remaining $70K based on my income of $35,000. Then got married and we saved for a few years, with incomes rising. Were able to put down 300K down on a $675K house, where we still live. It's worth about $1.3 million now.

[Anonymous]

16:40 Your parents were very kind! I did not get that kind of start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My parents gave me $150K for my first house at 22 (a condo), then $500K for our second home. It's fairly common.

It's fairly common?!? LMAO.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm still waiting to hear how someone finds out that several of their friends and acquaintances receive 500K for downpayments. Do these "friends" just drop that bit of information over drinks at the Club? Mention it while playing squash? Guess I'm just nosy, but my field of friends is pretty large and I've never been told by friends of any "gifting" from parents nor have I asked. Are they bragging when they mention this fact? And, yes, I still want to be adopted by someone on this thread - the prodigal daughter.

Not that poster but I'm amazed at how people with help talk about it, blog about it, etc. I wouldn't want to tell anyone if we had help ( which we do not). It kind of comes up at odd times but we have friend's who get groceries, vacations, air conditioners, clothing for kids and adults. It gets odd at times but that may be just my opinion since at 23 I paid for a good chunk of my very nice wedding by saving.

[Anonymous]

Me too.

[Anonymous]

No. We didn't get any help. Getting a down payment is a big hurdle for many people. Getting help for a down payment really puts you on third base.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm still waiting to hear how someone finds out that several of their friends and acquaintances receive 500K for downpayments. Do these "friends" just drop that bit of information over drinks at the Club? Mention it while playing squash? Guess I'm just nosy, but my field of friends is pretty large and I've never been told by friends of any "gifting" from parents nor have I asked. Are they bragging when they mention this fact? And, yes, I still want to be adopted by someone on this thread - the prodigal daughter.

Not that poster but I'm amazed at how people with help talk about it, blog about it, etc. I wouldn't want to tell anyone if we had help ( which we do not). It kind of comes up at odd times but we have friend's who get groceries, vacations, air conditioners, clothing for kids and adults. It gets odd at times but that may be just my opinion since at 23 I paid for a good chunk of my very nice wedding by saving.

Many of my good friends have mentioned getting money from their parents. These aren't casual acquaintances but GOOD friends. They might not talk specific dollar amounts but they are open about receiving help. It's also pretty obvious by their lifestyle vs. income. A good friend will say, "We had some help from our parents with this new house". She is a SAHM. Her husband is a government attorney and has been since law school. They're both in their early 30's. Their old house was a condo purchased <5 years ago. Their new house is a 5 bedroom in Chevy Chase for $1.7 million. "Some help" means significant help.

I've altered the specifics in this example but it's a very common scenario in NW DC.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I don't think anyone has ever told me about gifts or loans for downpayments from parents. Hmm, I still want to be adopted by some wealthy D.C. parents out there . . . .Prodigal Daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely zero. And I look down on people who need to rely on mommy and daddy to live their life.

I saved 35k and bought my place at 34 yrs old. All with a salary between 40-90k during my 20s and 30s.

You'll find that nobody cares what you think except your spouse and kids who have to listen to your bitter criticism.

I agree with the poster you are calling bitter.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my parents loaned us $100k for a down payment. The loan is interest-free and paid back monthly on a 10 year plan. We've lived in our house for 5 years and are halfway through with repayments. We have never been late or missed a payment.

I didn't ask my parents for this loan- they offered, and I was completely surprised. They did the same to my sister when she bought her home. Apparently my maternal grandparents outright gifted a down payment to my parents when they first got married.

The loan came with no strings attached whatsoever. Unfortunately, my husband came into our marriage with a lot of student loan and consumer debt. We worked our butts off for 2 years to pay off close to $60k in credit card debt (clearly before we had kids or the house). The good news is that we bought a house that is well within our means and once we have my dad paid off, we'll have a nice cushion of money each month to save more for the kids' college.

I am very grateful for their help.

[Anonymous]

13:21 again- I don't discuss my finances with most of my friends, excepting a couple of very close ones. It just seems to be a recipe for disaster- either inviting jealousy or creating it within myself. I am very lucky and grateful...and don't want to change those feelings.

[Anonymous]

Well OP, I think you have your answer. Some people get money, some people get tons of money, some people don't. I'd assume that most people nation-wide and probably even DC-wide don't get help. Just like you! Now get saving. You're 31 for crying out loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:21 again- I don't discuss my finances with most of my friends, excepting a couple of very close ones. It just seems to be a recipe for disaster- either inviting jealousy or creating it within myself. I am very lucky and grateful...and don't want to change those feelings.

I agree. DH and I have 3 friends that we can/are willing to discuss money with. I have 2 and he has 1. All of them are friends of ours from when we were all in high school. So we all know how each other has worked their way up the food chain. And yes, it is fun to call up your BFF of 20+ years and share that you finally made partner, that you broke the $1M mark, that you're finally comfortable enough to not fret about XYZ. These are the people that truly celebrate your successes and know how hard you've worked to get there. They're also the people who don't give a rats a$$ about how much money you have. They knew you when you made $3.35/hr.

[Anonymous]

We were trying to buy at the same time my inlaws were downsizing, so they gave us some of the profit from their sell--about 50k. My side of the family does not have a the attitude (or money) to do that, so at first I really pushed against it. But, I don't know, my thinking has softened. It's more like a cycle, you know? They want us to feel stable so we stay close and they can see their grandkids. It also loosens up money so we can save for our kids college and help them out. And I feel obligated in a familial sense to take care of them in their old age (which can equal some serious $$$). And it was not coming from a handout sense, but from more of this being "our turn" to raise a family. I don't know. I think unless you come from some serious money, it's always going to be complictaed to figure out how to live in the place like DC.