Buying a first home - did you get the downpayment from your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. And honestly, it never occurred to me to ask them. Both DH 's and my parents have plenty of money. However, we would never accept money from them to purchase a home. If we were in a dire financial crisis, it would be different. But to buy a home? No. We are adults capable of earning our own way.

This is a noble point etc - but it basically says that SAHMs aren't adults, yes? Since they aren't "earning their own way?" Hope there aren't any SAHMs on here bragging about how "they" bought a house.

One of the dumbest responses I have ever read. And I'm not a SAHM. A mother (or father) who chooses to stay at home and take care of children and a home IS contributing. Unless of course you know of a place where free child care and free housekeeping is available.

I agree that those things are contributions. But I didn't make your statement. And a woman (or man) who stays home is not 'earning her own way' in the sense that you highly-and-mightily imply. You know exactly what I mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. And honestly, it never occurred to me to ask them. Both DH 's and my parents have plenty of money. However, we would never accept money from them to purchase a home. If we were in a dire financial crisis, it would be different. But to buy a home? No. We are adults capable of earning our own way.

This is a noble point etc - but it basically says that SAHMs aren't adults, yes? Since they aren't "earning their own way?" Hope there aren't any SAHMs on here bragging about how "they" bought a house.

Well then, let me be the SAHM to say that I am the reason we are could buy a house. I may not make the mortgage payment but because I put the money in a 401 k which rolled to an IRA, I withdrew it under the FTHO clause since we had no other help. We found a way- not how others did it but it worked for us.

OP, yes, I am your same age and have tons of friends who have parents that just throw cash their way- 20% down on any house you want, money to fix things, furniture to sit on, new HVAC when it breaks, oh your kids need clothes- just circle what you want and we'll buy it. Oh you want a vacation? Where, we'll pay for it multiple times a year. DH and I have none of that. It sounds nice but we are capable of doing things on our own- that includes watching our children, buying our own furniture and finding a way to buy a house without our parents. For parents that gift their children money, I think that's great that your parents are able to do so but asking for the money because you've been single and enjoying life...you don't get my sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We bought when I was 31 (two years ago) after living in a crappy apartment for 7 years to save up a downpayment of almost $100K (seriously, our apartment was old and run-down, but it was cheap and close-in). If you're making $100K, you can surely cut some fat out of your budget and save up -- we saved an average of $10K the years only one of us worked and the other went to school (and at that time, we were making more like $60K total), a lot more when both of us started working (and our HHI was about $110K at that time, now it's more). If we could do it even in the lean years, you can, too. I think you ARE wasting money on renting if you're spending more than $1200/month pre-kids (which I am assuming you are). Look for something dirt cheap and SAVE UP.

OP here:

Yes, you are correct. I'm paying $1500 in a close-in location for a very nice place (it's under-priced for the location). No car though, so that's saving me a lot of money. Still, I guess I need to suck it up and move to the boonies. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I borrowed about $14,000 from my parents to supplement my down payment. Paid them back in a year - I had a roomate who paid me a (nominal) rent - I sent that directly along to my parents. Often, I had him write out the check directly to them.

That said, I don't get the vitriol heaped on people who DID get substantial help from parents. If the parents are able - why not? I certainly hope to be able to help my kids. (I like the idea of creating an investment account now, and forgetting about it.)

Totally agree and I don't get it either. In most cases these are working families with very wealthy parents - it's not like they're bankrupting their parents to buy a mansion and lay by the pool. Blows my mind. If the money is offered and the relationship is strong, there are no negatives that I can see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We bought when I was 31 (two years ago) after living in a crappy apartment for 7 years to save up a downpayment of almost $100K (seriously, our apartment was old and run-down, but it was cheap and close-in). If you're making $100K, you can surely cut some fat out of your budget and save up -- we saved an average of $10K the years only one of us worked and the other went to school (and at that time, we were making more like $60K total), a lot more when both of us started working (and our HHI was about $110K at that time, now it's more). If we could do it even in the lean years, you can, too. I think you ARE wasting money on renting if you're spending more than $1200/month pre-kids (which I am assuming you are). Look for something dirt cheap and SAVE UP.

OP here:

Yes, you are correct. I'm paying $1500 in a close-in location for a very nice place (it's under-priced for the location). No car though, so that's saving me a lot of money. Still, I guess I need to suck it up and move to the boonies. Ugh.

OP, you're 31, no car, single, making $100k and you don't have anything saved up?

[Anonymous]

OP, you're making like $6k a month. You could spend $1,500 on rent each month and still have tons leftover. Where's all your money going?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're making like $6k a month. You could spend $1,500 on rent each month and still have tons leftover. Where's all your money going?

I wish. It's $4500 take home after my taxes, thrift contribution (12% of salary + 8% match), life+health+dental+vision insurance. Also, I just hit this level of salary one month ago after a recent promotion. I'm also dumping a LOT ($700+ month) on student loans and didn't finish full-time grad school until I was 29. If it wasn't for grad school, I wouldn't have my very good job (got a 40% raise vs. my job before grad school).

I do have money saved up, but no way do I have $50K+ for the down payment (plus closing costs) for a mediocre condo.

[Anonymous]

Nothing from either side. We saved up the $200k we used for a down payment.

I hope we can help our children with one when they are older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're making like $6k a month. You could spend $1,500 on rent each month and still have tons leftover. Where's all your money going?

I wish. It's $4500 take home after my taxes, thrift contribution (12% of salary + 8% match), life+health+dental+vision insurance. Also, I just hit this level of salary one month ago after a recent promotion. I'm also dumping a LOT ($700+ month) on student loans and didn't finish full-time grad school until I was 29. If it wasn't for grad school, I wouldn't have my very good job (got a 40% raise vs. my job before grad school).

I do have money saved up, but no way do I have $50K+ for the down payment (plus closing costs) for a mediocre condo.

Glad to hear you're contributing to your 401k (and what an amazing match rate!!). And totally understand about student loans. So you take home $4,500. You pay $1,500 on rent. Of course you have utilities, phone, that kind of thing. But how much of that $3,000 are you saving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I do have money saved up, but no way do I have $50K+ for the down payment (plus closing costs) for a mediocre condo.

Then you don't get to buy a house. Like most people. This idea that everyone should be able to buy a house is really unreasonable. You're not "throwing away your rent money," you're purchasing yourself a place to live. Reduce your expenses and save like crazy and then you can buy a house if that's what you truly value.

[Anonymous]

None, but this question is entirely irrelevant. Stop thinking about them, and think about your own self. Nobody has offered you money, so save some if you want a house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd love to have gotten help, but didn't (although my loser brother did). We started hardcore saving after we got married at 25 and had a pretty good sum by the time we bought our first house three years later.

Are we related DHs brother got a free house and bitches that he has to pay the taxes, cable and electric bill. Some years, he says he isn't going to pay them so he only has to pay a portion. He wanted things renovated so they were paid for as well- kitchen, carpet, landscaping, painting,etc. He also got a free car. Us...we got nothing! I should also note that the same loser brother also spent 95% of an educational trust so DH got to pay for his college himself. DHs sister still lives at home...with her boyfriend no less. I never knew it could take 9 years to still be working on an associated degree when you pass the class!

Does it surprise you that both siblings are miserable?! They may have more money in the bank but I would NOT want to be them, even for a day.

[Anonymous]

I also know a lot of people that live with their parents or in group homes until they saved up enough to buy a place. Several who were in my BigLaw class.

[Anonymous]

My parents didn't give me any money for a house. They also didn't pay for my college.

I live in the DC area. I am mid-30s, and I make considerably less than you (I'm more in the range of your friends).

I pay mortgage insurance because I didn't have enough for a down payment. I also bought a house in PG and commute.

There are trade-offs. I never expected my parents to pay for a down payment. They couldn't have even if they wanted to. So I made it work. I found what I could afford and worked with that.

You need to grow up. There will always be people who have more than you do, and it isn't even necessarily that they earned it or deserve. Life isn't fair.

It sounds like you make a good salary. You can afford to buy something, but it probably will require compromise. Welcome to life. I'm kind of shocked you're only now realizing this at 31.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're making like $6k a month. You could spend $1,500 on rent each month and still have tons leftover. Where's all your money going?

I wish. It's $4500 take home after my taxes, thrift contribution (12% of salary + 8% match), life+health+dental+vision insurance. Also, I just hit this level of salary one month ago after a recent promotion. I'm also dumping a LOT ($700+ month) on student loans and didn't finish full-time grad school until I was 29. If it wasn't for grad school, I wouldn't have my very good job (got a 40% raise vs. my job before grad school).

I do have money saved up, but no way do I have $50K+ for the down payment (plus closing costs) for a mediocre condo.

Glad to hear you're contributing to your 401k (and what an amazing match rate!!). And totally understand about student loans. So you take home $4,500. You pay $1,500 on rent. Of course you have utilities, phone, that kind of thing. But how much of that $3,000 are you saving?

Right now after the promotion, probably around $1K per month. And yes, I need to up the ante more.

Prior to the promotion, I was paying off my credit cards from grad school (had a $6K balance). Glad to be done with that!

Long story short, I'll have more ability to save over the next two years due to the promotion and no CC balance. However, if I want really want to do the most damage, moving to a cheaper place would be the best bet. However, the commute is going to suck. :-/