Crazy shit my mom says

[Anonymous]

Dh's niece was a sweet little innocent college girl from Minnesota who came to help me with my newborn twins over the summer.
My little old Cuban mother was leaving to go back home from helping us the 1st week.
She asked the little girl to come close so she could tell her something important
"leetle girl, eef you hurrrt a hair on their sweet leetle heads, I will keel chew"
We still to this day laugh about this one.
I'm pretty sure no one in Minnesota speaks to each other that way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"On de baby child, you can see dat color on dey nail beds. Dats weh you look, dey nail beds."

Well... depending on what kind of color she's talking about, she's right. Say, what WAS she talking about?

This was at my SIL's mother at sil's baby's christening. The baby is biracial. I believe this was some prediction about the kid's coloring.

[Anonymous]

Sneakers are called "yottins". No idea.

[Anonymous]

My mom says "all men arent dogs, just the ones I know."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sneakers are called "yottins". No idea.

My mother calls them "sneaks". I think I'd take "yottins" over that any day.

[Anonymous]

More from my Gram, now 89. My cousin is a lesbian and came out to our family probably about 15 years ago. My Gram is Catholic and despite her love of all things "raunchy" she's very judgmental, but she didn't bat an eye and just told her how much she loves her and just wants her to be happy. The truth is, nothing could make her happier because it has provided her with an endless source of dirty jokes and innuendos over the years. For example, we were out to eat and my grandma ordered a hot sausage sandwich. It arrived and let's just say it looked a little bit "perky" sticking up out of the bun. So the server accidentally puts it in front of my cousin, and we all start giggling and my cousin says "Um, I think they have given this to the wrong person" and then my gram does not miss a beat and says "I bet you've never been this close to one of THOSE before!" Then cousin pushes it in front of Gram and says "I think this is yours." Gram says "well, I'm not a lesbian, but I'm a widow so I'm retired" and pushes the thing toward me and says "___ likes these, obviously" (I'm 8 months pregnant at the time) So I push it back at her and say "I'm a vegetarian and I'm offended by this thing!" and my cousin says "Thats' what I"M saying!" and my gram says "That's what we all, say, honey". The server just backs away from our table slowly, which is a good thing, because we wanted our picture with the sausage. Still have that photo in a frame in my home office. My children are not old enough to understand that, given their lone lineage of twisted and stupid humor, they're completely doomed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sneakers are called "yottins". No idea.

My mother calls them "sneaks". I think I'd take "yottins" over that any day.

oh sh*t, I call them sneaks! Is my kid going to write about me on this thread one day? I also call them tennies some times! Husband calls them trainers though, and he's NOT british, so I'm not sure if I'm worse than him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The day before the 2008 presidential election, I got out of a client meeting to discover a flurry of frantic voice mail messages from my mother left during my 1 hour meeting. I called her back immediately imagining all sorts of horrible scenarios that could have prompted the calls. The following conversation ensued.

Me: Mom, what's wrong? Is everything ok?!
Mom: I've been trying to get in touch with you because I need you to do me a favor before tomorrow!
Me: Of course - what is it?
Mom: I need you to get on The Googles and use it to organize poll workers to take a paper recorded exit poll of all the voters in the places where there is no paper ballot for the election. I'm sure that those electronic machines are rigged and they are going to steal it if we don't write people's votes down!
Me: Ummmmm, Mom..... The Internet is not made of MAGIC. It really isn't possible for me to do that.
Mom: of course it is! People do things like that ALL THE TIME these days!!

Get on the googles is the bestest part of that story!

[Anonymous]

Growing up we were not allowed to say "fart," (a bad word!). The word we used was "rifter." I have never heard anyone else, ever, use that word. We are 100% American, fwiw. Thanks, Mom, for dooming us to geek status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh's niece was a sweet little innocent college girl from Minnesota who came to help me with my newborn twins over the summer.
My little old Cuban mother was leaving to go back home from helping us the 1st week.
She asked the little girl to come close so she could tell her something important
"leetle girl, eef you hurrrt a hair on their sweet leetle heads, I will keel chew"
We still to this day laugh about this one.
I'm pretty sure no one in Minnesota speaks to each other that way

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The "jean" comment reminded me of a friend's mother (who is european). She called peanut butter "peanuts butter" but with her accent, it sounded like "penis butter."

My friend's mom asked us to go pick out a new phone for her at "radio shake"

[Anonymous]

My mom asks when we are going to go to "Mazda Gallery."

[Anonymous]

My mom used to say "barf" instead of "burp."

"oops, Larla barfed!"

so embarrassing in front of my friends...

[Anonymous]

my mom says "Torbits" for "Talbots" and "Misaka" for "Mikasa"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What's google?"

My mom asked me how to google something :-/

I told my grandma she should look up something online and she said, "OK, I'll giggle it." She called it giggle for a little until my husband finally corrected her.