Crazy shit my mom says

[Anonymous]

"On de baby child, you can see dat color on dey nail beds. Dats weh you look, dey nail beds."

[Anonymous]

"I strongly believe in eating rotten food. You know penicillin is just mold from orange peels."

[Anonymous]

AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FO DAT.

[Anonymous]

huahaha. love this thread. there are some crazy a$$ mothers here!

[Anonymous]

Advice as I headed off for college -- "when in doubt, stay off your knees."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I saw on myface that Shelly had a baby"

Myface = facebook.
She's also called it Facelift.

Aww, your little mommy is so cute! She's trying to combine MySpace and Facebook. When my mom joined FB, she couldn't get straight the distinction between posting publicly on people's walls, and sending them private emails. She wrote on my wall, thinking it was private, "What's poking? I think I just poked myself." So I wrote back, "Mom! Poking yourself is really something for you and Dad to keep to yourselves."

That's okay, I have a totally and completely clueless 48 year old friend who calls it "The Facebook." This whole thread is killing me.

In your friends defense, Facebook did used to be known as "the Facebook." the old url was thefacebook.com. it still directs there. I signed up in 2004 and for years after I referred to it as "the Facebook." It was a hard habit to break. and i am 28!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"What's google?"

My mom asked me how to google something :-/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I saw on myface that Shelly had a baby"

Myface = facebook.
She's also called it Facelift.

I don't know why but this one LOLd me!!!

[Anonymous]

Can I bring my then 73 year old (now 89 year old) grandmother into the mix? Went to spring break in florida. she was a snowbird near Orlando so we stopped through to visit Gram - just me and 4 of my college best friends. We ended up playing Taboo, you know, where you are supposed to guess a word without using certain words to give this away.

So the clue is throat. And of course you can't say esophagus, neck, etc. So what does my gram say? She says "DEEEEEEEEEP" and continues to say it. Then when it's not having the desired effect, she starts grabbing her throat (breaking the rules btw, but nobody cared we were all cracking up so hard!). Her partner / guesser was the ONE friend I have (and possibly one person in the world) who didn't know what deep throat referred to (any of the references, that is). So she asked "what's a deep throat?" And my Granny explained it to her--and not the cultural reference to the Nixon scandal, either!

[Anonymous]

Omg. Best thread EVER!

[Anonymous]

My MIL was attending DHs law school graduation with his sisters and their husbands. The big group wanted to get a picture together so she was looking around for someone who would agree to take the family shot. An Asian family was standing near by and she loudly said, "oh, let's ask them - those people LOVE to take pictures!" DH said he almost died of embarrassment but that she had no idea why he would be upset. At the time, he was dating a woman from Korea.

[Anonymous]

The day before the 2008 presidential election, I got out of a client meeting to discover a flurry of frantic voice mail messages from my mother left during my 1 hour meeting. I called her back immediately imagining all sorts of horrible scenarios that could have prompted the calls. The following conversation ensued.

Me: Mom, what's wrong? Is everything ok?!
Mom: I've been trying to get in touch with you because I need you to do me a favor before tomorrow!
Me: Of course - what is it?
Mom: I need you to get on The Googles and use it to organize poll workers to take a paper recorded exit poll of all the voters in the places where there is no paper ballot for the election. I'm sure that those electronic machines are rigged and they are going to steal it if we don't write people's votes down!
Me: Ummmmm, Mom..... The Internet is not made of MAGIC. It really isn't possible for me to do that.
Mom: of course it is! People do things like that ALL THE TIME these days!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My mom is also an old-fashioned not-a-racist. She thinks that hiring a person of color, having a polite conversation, or admitting that people of color can be hardworking and pleasant, all make her not-a-racist. Of course, she's the one who, as you heard about on a previous thread like this, said "It's so nice to see a black man taking care of his children!" Loudly. In a public enclosed space. As I dragged her away in mortification, she protested "What? I said it was NICE!"

Confession: I have very little exposure to black people and thus, most of what I "know" comes from tv, and that one black girl who was my college roommate for 2 months back in '94. So I could see myself thinking/saying something like that. The majority of black people I see are 1. security guards standing outside Marshalls or Ross or outside the bank, 2, black guys unloading boxes of food in the supermarket, who, if I ask if they know where Wheat Thins or something are, won't make eye contact and mumble,or 3 the clump of black kids on the trains talking loudly to each other and cursing a ton.

So I'd be thrilled to be exposed to and have the opportunity to become friends with black people who are ... different from those people.

I... just don't understand how this is even possible. How old are you? Where do you live? I'm thinking it really might be better for all concerned if you just, you know, stayed under your rock. Or at least keep your mouth shut when you meet black folks.

OMG.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I strongly believe in eating rotten food. You know penicillin is just mold from orange peels."

My grandmother said the same thing! I was about to throw out some moldy jam, and she stirred the mold back in, spread some on toast, and ate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"On de baby child, you can see dat color on dey nail beds. Dats weh you look, dey nail beds."

Well... depending on what kind of color she's talking about, she's right. Say, what WAS she talking about?