Would you leave your wife if....

[Anonymous]

"I wish life was that simple. Each scenarios described in this thread could be result of multiple issues... Some similar and some completely different. I realize that the dcurbanmom.com forums are not scientific or 100% true and accurate but people sharing fragments have helped me understand what I might be going through.

If a NFL team drafts a Quarterback that they scouted and vetted in detail... That quarterback had no issues in and was very succesful in high school and college.... And then the team never let that Quarterback take snaps in practice or in a game for <bold>several</bold> years... And that quarterback is not allowed to practice or play for other teams because of their contract with the team that drafted him... How would you expect that Quarterback to perform when they finally get a chance to play in the big game? Is it really fair to say that Quarterback was a bad player?

I am in a very bad situation because I am married with 2 kids that I love very very much. My wife has issues. If I leave her.. She would get my kids. I was in a relationship with someone who was a result of a divorced parents and was raised by her mom. It wasn't a good situation. I love my kids too much to risk that outcome.

Could you be right in some similar situations? Yes... But in the NFL.. If a team does not like a quarterback's performance, they release the quarterback... Just ask Drew Brees... The San Diego Charger let him go, but he does not seem to be a Quarterback with no skills. "

Yikes!
Exhibit A of someone living in a sexless marriage for the "sake of the kids".

[Anonymous]

When will these men realize that the reason their DWs don't want to have sex with them is not that they don't like SEX...it's that they don't like SEX with them.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I agree.

Aolso, it's difficult to be attracted to your DH if you are pissed off at him all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When will these men realize that the reason their DWs don't want to have sex with them is not that they don't like SEX...it's that they don't like SEX with them.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I agree.

Aolso, it's difficult to be attracted to your DH if you are pissed off at him all the time.

Right. Having a husband that lets you be a stay at home mom, who financially provide for you and your kids now and thier future, a husband that does not go to poker nights, strip clubs or golf weekends, a husband that lets you sleep more than anyone in the house, a husband that rushes home from work to watch the kids so you can work on multiple causes, a husband that gets gets the kids ready for bed every night... Why wouldn't any DW be pissed at a husband line that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please most women are bad in bed. I remember one woman telling me she had....wait for it...2 orgasms when she last had sex and thats why she is great in bed. These are other issues. If your sex drive is a 1 out 10 and you hit your peak. What you have a sex drive of 1.5?

Never had a complaint. I'm good in bed because my man keeps coming back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please most women are bad in bed. I remember one woman telling me she had....wait for it...2 orgasms when she last had sex and thats why she is great in bed. These are other issues. If your sex drive is a 1 out 10 and you hit your peak. What you have a sex drive of 1.5?

Never had a complaint. I'm good in bed because my man keeps coming back.

you might be great in bed but men are less discriminating when it comes to the other person sexual abilities or lack of...

[Anonymous]

"Right. Having a husband that lets you be a stay at home mom, who financially provide for you and your kids now and thier future, a husband that does not go to poker nights, strip clubs or golf weekends, a husband that lets you sleep more than anyone in the house, a husband that rushes home from work to watch the kids so you can work on multiple causes, a husband that gets gets the kids ready for bed every night... Why wouldn't any DW be pissed at a husband line that? "

Because you are boring and I don't want to lower my lifestyle with a divorce!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Right. Having a husband that lets you be a stay at home mom, who financially provide for you and your kids now and thier future, a husband that does not go to poker nights, strip clubs or golf weekends, a husband that lets you sleep more than anyone in the house, a husband that rushes home from work to watch the kids so you can work on multiple causes, a husband that gets gets the kids ready for bed every night... Why wouldn't any DW be pissed at a husband line that? "

Because you are boring and I don't want to lower my lifestyle with a divorce!

Exactly - complete beta male that gets walked over and never stands up for himself so DW has no respect for him. The DW probably married him because he was a "provider" and not because of any attraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kind of agree with the PP who resents having to ask for sex. (I assume what you mean is "beg" and not actually make clear that you want sex, which you should be doing.) I am a DW with a very healthy sex drive, and my DH and I had sex maybe five times in the last two years. Mind you, during that time I have been pregnant and then nursing but still horny as hell. I have been married for 2 1/2 years and my sex life consists mostly of masturbation.

My husband has been diagnosed with borderline low testosterone. We have no insurance now, and even when we did, it doesn't cover the drugs/cream, which come to $200 a month. I used to be understanding of this, but now I'm not. First, where else are you spending $200 a month that you could be spending on drugs that would make me, your wife, happy? Why is that other purpose more important than my happiness? Secondly, even if your penis is taking a break, you're typing and talking at work all day long, so I know for a fact that your fingers and tongue are in good working order, and I need them more than I need your penis. Thirdly, there have been times in the past when my DH wanted it and I didn't (sleepy, period etc.) and I have always accommodated him by having sex anyway, or giving him oral because his happiness is important to me.

See, I think that when you marry someone and enter into a monogamous, legal bond, you should no longer have the right to say no to sex (for a long period of time, not occasionally), because you are de facto controlling the sex life of another human being. I am so angry and resentful that my husband decided, de facto, that my life will be free of sex from now on, without discussing this with me or at least bloody apologizing that he can't hack it now. If the roles were reversed, and I was rejecting him for two years, everyone, everyone in this society would have said to him, go ahead, get a piece on the side. I am married. Sex should be available on demand. On tap. And it isn't. It's like having a horrible boyfriend without the option to break up.

No one should be married and begging for sex. Sex in marriage is a human right.

I am a woman in your situation. I love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But what I want is the sex!

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Right. Having a husband that lets you be a stay at home mom, who financially provide for you and your kids now and thier future, a husband that does not go to poker nights, strip clubs or golf weekends, a husband that lets you sleep more than anyone in the house, a husband that rushes home from work to watch the kids so you can work on multiple causes, a husband that gets gets the kids ready for bed every night... Why wouldn't any DW be pissed at a husband line that? "

Because you are boring and I don't want to lower my lifestyle with a divorce!

Exactly - complete beta male that gets walked over and never stands up for himself so DW has no respect for him. The DW probably married him because he was a "provider" and not because of any attraction.

your response is too simplistic.. And does not accurately address the context of the post. The post that you decided to strip out was a response to outs other post by someone like you that had said that the DW was just pissed all of the time.

And to respond to your post.... You might accurately address some situations... But it does not come close to addressing mine. Real life is complicated and a responsible mature person needs to delicately diffuse situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When will these men realize that the reason their DWs don't want to have sex with them is not that they don't like SEX...it's that they don't like SEX with them. You guys who aren't getting sex are guys who aren't GOOD at sex. Generally, women in their mid30s-and beyond are at their sexual peak. If you aren't getting any, take a good long look at what you're doing in bed. Not rocket science.
PS - Think of it this way: Have you ever heard a woman pass up a massage. Why would a woman pass up sex unless the sex was just bad?

If that's the case (and I doubt that it is), how is the guy ever supposed to get better at sex with no practice? That makes no sense. If you want a guy to perform differently in bed, you have to train him, it can be fun for everyone. You don't just stop having sex altogether. That's just stupid. I was in a marriage where my husband never wanted to have sex. He would "feel pressured" if I tried to suggest sex after it had been three or four weeks of nothing. I divorced him and married someone who wants to have sex all the time. I had no children with the first husband, so that was an easy choice. I sympathize with those of you for whom the situation is more complicated.

[Anonymous]

Asking for what you want is not begging. Man up and have a talk about what your physical and emotional needs and and what hers are. Things will get better, trust me. And if they don't, it's time to move on for everybody's sake. Divorce is hard on kids, but you guys will be a better role model if dad is someone who respects himself and owns up to his wishes rather than a perpetually dissatisfied grump who wanks all the time. Despite what your exes will say about you, your kids will respect you more if they know you are emotionally honest than they will if they (tech-savvyier then you) find your porno stash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asking for what you want is not begging. Man up and have a talk about what your physical and emotional needs and and what hers are. Things will get better, trust me. And if they don't, it's time to move on for everybody's sake. Divorce is hard on kids, but you guys will be a better role model if dad is someone who respects himself and owns up to his wishes rather than a perpetually dissatisfied grump who wanks all the time. Despite what your exes will say about you, your kids will respect you more if they know you are emotionally honest than they will if they (tech-savvyier then you) find your porno stash.

This is one of the stupidest statements I have ever heard. I agree with your first statement about talking but if things are good in the marriage besides the sex, divorce is not an acceptable solution and is certainly not better for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asking for what you want is not begging. Man up and have a talk about what your physical and emotional needs and and what hers are. Things will get better, trust me. And if they don't, it's time to move on for everybody's sake. Divorce is hard on kids, but you guys will be a better role model if dad is someone who respects himself and owns up to his wishes rather than a perpetually dissatisfied grump who wanks all the time. Despite what your exes will say about you, your kids will respect you more if they know you are emotionally honest than they will if they (tech-savvyier then you) find your porno stash.

This is one of the stupidest statements I have ever heard. I agree with your first statement about talking but if things are good in the marriage besides the sex, divorce is not an acceptable solution and is certainly not better for the kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow... didn't realize this was so common. My DW and I have been married for years and have two kids. I love my DW very much but we haven't had sex since my youngest was conceived. In a way I feel trapped. I love my kids and my DW more than life itself and while I want to have sex with my DW I don't want to force it upon her. I've never felt that she really enjoyed it all that much. In my single years I was with women who I could tell enjoyed it by the way they participated. I get the feeling that when we do have sex that she is "doing her duty" and not doing it because she wants to be with me. That of course has a problematic effect on my "performance" shall we say. It has been a very long time since we've had sex and every once in a while she'll realize it and tell me that she feels really bad about it. I also don't want her to feel she has to have sex because of guilt. I'd never consider leaving or cheating on her but obviously there is a frustration and a feeling that we are missing out on what otherwise is a perfect marriage.

Yup, this is where I am at now except we are coming up on 5 1/2 years of a dry spell. Divorce is not an option and neither is cheating. She is always tired at the end of the day and there are always kids in the house who might interrupt which means she never wants to. I have tried everything imaginable, but she just can't find the will to take care of me. It is sad and I do feel depressed about this on a regular basis, but I am literally stuck.