Date made snide comments about me being a trust fund baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably a troll but some of you give too much credit to the rich -- lots of idiot rich people out there, especially in their 20s. People grow up in narrow social circles and overprotected by well-resourced parents and never learn how to interact with other sorts of people. OP's persistence in this thread says troll but I've definitely met people like this in life.

In a real scenario like this, the OP's trust fund wouldn't alone be considered an issue. In fact plenty of people would view that as appealing -- if you marry someone with a trust fund, that will be a a benefit to you both.

What would be off-putting is someone who is aimless, doesn't seem to have goals or plans for the future. Especially in a dating context -- no one wants to get involved with someone who has no direction at all. Relationships tend to need some kind of forward momentum, especially for young people who are building a life. It's weird to encountered someone in their 20s who is just standing still, and this will put off potential partners whether there's a trust fund or not.

I don’t think you need to work to have a life purpose .. that’s a weird way to think. Whats wrong with Mr taking a break?

I never said you have to work for money to have a life purpose, but if you were volunteering, making art, organizing within your community, etc. -- you would have said that when he asked what you did for a living. If someone is passionate and has direction, they don't characterize the fact that they don't have a paid position at the moment as "taking a break." They talk about what they do with their days. It sounds like you dont' do anything with your days.

This reminds me of a scene in the movie About a Boy with Hugh Grant. He's a trust fund baby who is wealthy because his dad wrote a single hit Christmas song. He genuinely does not do anything with his time except hang out in his nice house or go play billiards. At one point he's at a dinner party and a woman asks him what he does and he says "nothing." And she's confused and figures he must do *something* even if it's not work, surely he takes classes or volunteers or travels or something, right? Nope, nothing. She's not put off by his trust fund, she's put off by how freaking boring and directionless he is.

That is what you sound like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended up unblocking him and sending a text that basically echoed what was said in the 19:13 post—so thanks for that perspective. I have two dates lined up this weekend. One guy comes from an upper-class background and the other middle class , but either way I’m not bringing up my trust fund, and honestly might want to focus on just dating other wealthy guys around me from now. And, I did need a break after a tough four years doing a rigorous curriculum at a top school.

Who do you think you're talking to here? Do you know how many of us on DCUM also graduated from Ivy League schools? And then either went on to work or go to grad school at another top-tier school? You are insufferable.

That’s very nice but considering the fact that you were aiming for a career (aka more money), which I do not need, we have different perspectives.

I think that's true, OP. Unfortunately you're going to have a difference in perspectives from many, if not most people, on these issues. It's not a qualitative judgement of you, but important information for you to absorb as you're looking for a partner. Many people have to work to support themselves, even more so when they're young. My personal feeling is that it's very difficult to develop "drive" if you don't have to. Without the necessity of paying bills, it's easy live permanently in third gear and just coast. Nothing wrong with that, unless it isolates you further from others. That's a recipe for loneliness. If working as a necessity isn't in your future, it would be useful for you to identify something you're passionate about and lean into it. This is what you'll talk to potential dates about. "I manage a bird sanctuary three days a week" is a cool topic...remember how you do or don't pay the bills is your business. But this gives people a topic about which to ask, rather than filling in the blanks of how you spend your time.

Agreed. I would love to never have to work so enjoy that for me, but I would need to be doing SOMETHING, like what gets you up out of bed every day, and what will you talk to people about, how do you make friends and such if you are idle rich?

I do have things I’m committed to and do and plan to go to grad school. My friends live similar lives to me, and there’s never not enough to do, going out with friends, partying, hanging out with parents, our many hobbies, we have a lot to talk about.

That's great OP. What's hard for you to know at your age is that by mid-life, if you haven't devoted yourself to something meaningful, many people hit a "what does it all mean" phase. And honestly being busy helps get you through that. Doesn't mean you have to be busy working retail or chained to a desk, but without a greater purpose, it all becomes a bit of a void. I'm seeing this among some of the Dads of our school families; guys that made a ton of money early and retired in their late 40's, now they're mid 50's and pretty aimless. They never really parented so they have no real role at home, and many are sort of lost. Lots of TV, too much drinking. A few affairs which I think developed out of sheer boredom. You're truly fortunate to have the range of options your wealth affords you. Remember that infinite options can sometimes be harder than just a few choices. Grad school is probably a great idea.

I’m going back to school this fall, and plan to do more work. At 24 with the level of wealth I have, I don’t think anything has to be rushed. I can take my time to figure out what I want to do long term.

You don't have to rush but it's weird if there's really nothing you want to be working on. For most people in your situation, figuring ou what they wanted to do long term would mean trying a bunch of things that sound appealing to them now. The people I've known with that kind of financial freedom in their 20s did things like live and work on vineyard for a couple years, tried acting, wrote novels, or pursued exciting but not high paying careers to see what it was like (working in television news, teaching aerial arts, etc.). None of these people continued doing these things into their 30s except the woman who went into TV news, but they still enthusiastically threw themselves at these efforts when they could.

I get why this guy was put off. It's not that he's jealous of your money, it's that he's annoyed that you have such a great opportunity right now and are apparently too dull or dumb to come up with a way to take advantage of it. It does not speak well of you.

[Anonymous]

I would be afraid someone would date me for my money. He shouldn't have said that but you shouldn't have told him. "not opposed to working" is also a weird thing to say. I don't want to work but I HAVE to and that is true for most people.

[Anonymous]

OP on the chance you are not a troll I hope you take a second and read some of your replies and realize how you come across. I have known a few people who have had a lot of money and the only way they have any relationships with any non trust funders is to realize their situation is 1) unusual 2) not something they earned and 3) something to be very grateful for. The difference between “I needed a break after going to college” and “I’m fortunate enough to be able to take some time off” is huge. You don’t need a break. Surely if you have interacted with other people in the past you realize that?

[Anonymous]

When you have something that other people would like to have, some will hate you for it. I've learned this as a woman with lifetime alimony. I certainly didn't play some kind of long game to marry some poor goofy man and have him turn into a high-earning but dysfunctional alcoholic and cheater. That's just how my life turned out. Some people will act like it's a character flaw of mine. And they're welcome to. I don't have that many slots for meaningful relationships in my life. They're helping me move on to someone who likes me for who I am.

I've learned to focus on what I do - I'm still a SAHM, I own some rental properties. And not be like, "Well guess what, some doofus has to pay me a lot of money every month until one of us dies," as much as it gets a laugh at dinner parties. I'm not dating yet. But I can't imagine it's a drawback that I zero-percent want or need someone to take care of me. I just want a little companionship and sex. I don't want your money. I don't want to manage your life for you or buy presents for your relatives. I just want dinner and sex.

[Anonymous]

I mean, this guy isn't for you, but moving forward you need to do better PR and messaging for your situation if you want to find someone with substance. Living on savings while applying to grad schools is a perfectly fine answer. You can even couch it as this may be the one time in your life you can take a break so you are enjoying the peace while you sort out next steps and count your blessings that you have savings you can live on. No need to mention trust funds and all that.

[Anonymous]

I can relate, OP. I’m an artist and part time yoga/mindfulness teacher. I live a nice life not thanks to my exH, but thanks to a trust. I’ve learned to keep this info private. Because I previously had a high earning career I just say I was lucky to make hay while the sun shone and I’m fortunate to be able to pursue this alternative part time path earlier than most (I’m 50).

Don’t mention the trust till things are serious. It never serves you to reveal your wealth early- you’ll intimidate or turn them off, or you’ll become insecure that they’re just with you so thy too can live a life of leisure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended up unblocking him and sending a text that basically echoed what was said in the 19:13 post—so thanks for that perspective. I have two dates lined up this weekend. One guy comes from an upper-class background and the other middle class , but either way I’m not bringing up my trust fund, and honestly might want to focus on just dating other wealthy guys around me from now. And, I did need a break after a tough four years doing a rigorous curriculum at a top school.

Who do you think you're talking to here? Do you know how many of us on DCUM also graduated from Ivy League schools? And then either went on to work or go to grad school at another top-tier school? You are insufferable.

That’s very nice but considering the fact that you were aiming for a career (aka more money), which I do not need, we have different perspectives.

I think that's true, OP. Unfortunately you're going to have a difference in perspectives from many, if not most people, on these issues. It's not a qualitative judgement of you, but important information for you to absorb as you're looking for a partner. Many people have to work to support themselves, even more so when they're young. My personal feeling is that it's very difficult to develop "drive" if you don't have to. Without the necessity of paying bills, it's easy live permanently in third gear and just coast. Nothing wrong with that, unless it isolates you further from others. That's a recipe for loneliness. If working as a necessity isn't in your future, it would be useful for you to identify something you're passionate about and lean into it. This is what you'll talk to potential dates about. "I manage a bird sanctuary three days a week" is a cool topic...remember how you do or don't pay the bills is your business. But this gives people a topic about which to ask, rather than filling in the blanks of how you spend your time.

Agreed. I would love to never have to work so enjoy that for me, but I would need to be doing SOMETHING, like what gets you up out of bed every day, and what will you talk to people about, how do you make friends and such if you are idle rich?

I do have things I’m committed to and do and plan to go to grad school. My friends live similar lives to me, and there’s never not enough to do, going out with friends, partying, hanging out with parents, our many hobbies, we have a lot to talk about.

That's great OP. What's hard for you to know at your age is that by mid-life, if you haven't devoted yourself to something meaningful, many people hit a "what does it all mean" phase. And honestly being busy helps get you through that. Doesn't mean you have to be busy working retail or chained to a desk, but without a greater purpose, it all becomes a bit of a void. I'm seeing this among some of the Dads of our school families; guys that made a ton of money early and retired in their late 40's, now they're mid 50's and pretty aimless. They never really parented so they have no real role at home, and many are sort of lost. Lots of TV, too much drinking. A few affairs which I think developed out of sheer boredom. You're truly fortunate to have the range of options your wealth affords you. Remember that infinite options can sometimes be harder than just a few choices. Grad school is probably a great idea.

The vast majority of people aren't devoting themselves to something meaningful. You sound jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended up unblocking him and sending a text that basically echoed what was said in the 19:13 post—so thanks for that perspective. I have two dates lined up this weekend. One guy comes from an upper-class background and the other middle class , but either way I’m not bringing up my trust fund, and honestly might want to focus on just dating other wealthy guys around me from now. And, I did need a break after a tough four years doing a rigorous curriculum at a top school.

Who do you think you're talking to here? Do you know how many of us on DCUM also graduated from Ivy League schools? And then either went on to work or go to grad school at another top-tier school? You are insufferable.

That’s very nice but considering the fact that you were aiming for a career (aka more money), which I do not need, we have different perspectives.

I think that's true, OP. Unfortunately you're going to have a difference in perspectives from many, if not most people, on these issues. It's not a qualitative judgement of you, but important information for you to absorb as you're looking for a partner. Many people have to work to support themselves, even more so when they're young. My personal feeling is that it's very difficult to develop "drive" if you don't have to. Without the necessity of paying bills, it's easy live permanently in third gear and just coast. Nothing wrong with that, unless it isolates you further from others. That's a recipe for loneliness. If working as a necessity isn't in your future, it would be useful for you to identify something you're passionate about and lean into it. This is what you'll talk to potential dates about. "I manage a bird sanctuary three days a week" is a cool topic...remember how you do or don't pay the bills is your business. But this gives people a topic about which to ask, rather than filling in the blanks of how you spend your time.

Agreed. I would love to never have to work so enjoy that for me, but I would need to be doing SOMETHING, like what gets you up out of bed every day, and what will you talk to people about, how do you make friends and such if you are idle rich?

I do have things I’m committed to and do and plan to go to grad school. My friends live similar lives to me, and there’s never not enough to do, going out with friends, partying, hanging out with parents, our many hobbies, we have a lot to talk about.

That's great OP. What's hard for you to know at your age is that by mid-life, if you haven't devoted yourself to something meaningful, many people hit a "what does it all mean" phase. And honestly being busy helps get you through that. Doesn't mean you have to be busy working retail or chained to a desk, but without a greater purpose, it all becomes a bit of a void. I'm seeing this among some of the Dads of our school families; guys that made a ton of money early and retired in their late 40's, now they're mid 50's and pretty aimless. They never really parented so they have no real role at home, and many are sort of lost. Lots of TV, too much drinking. A few affairs which I think developed out of sheer boredom. You're truly fortunate to have the range of options your wealth affords you. Remember that infinite options can sometimes be harder than just a few choices. Grad school is probably a great idea.

The vast majority of people aren't devoting themselves to something meaningful. You sound jealous.

DP but I disagree. Most people do find some way to infuse their life with meaning, whether it's through work or parenthood or relationships or their community or a hobby or something.

OP's behavior on this date isn't that different than someone who is in kind of a boring, dead-end job and, when asked what they do, just says "oh I'm in this boring dead-end job" and nothing else. That would also be a turn off for most people. When you are dating, it is so much more interesting to talk to someone who seems to care about something, whether it's their job or something else. I had a really boring job I was not passionate about in my 20s, but I also had interests and hobbies I did care about, and would have mostly talked about that on a date. I think it's particularly sad OP doesn't have that when she doesn't even have the burden of spending 40 hours a week at a job just to pay rent. She sounds directionless.

Most people have meaning in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended up unblocking him and sending a text that basically echoed what was said in the 19:13 post—so thanks for that perspective. I have two dates lined up this weekend. One guy comes from an upper-class background and the other middle class , but either way I’m not bringing up my trust fund, and honestly might want to focus on just dating other wealthy guys around me from now. And, I did need a break after a tough four years doing a rigorous curriculum at a top school.

Who do you think you're talking to here? Do you know how many of us on DCUM also graduated from Ivy League schools? And then either went on to work or go to grad school at another top-tier school? You are insufferable.

That’s very nice but considering the fact that you were aiming for a career (aka more money), which I do not need, we have different perspectives.

I think that's true, OP. Unfortunately you're going to have a difference in perspectives from many, if not most people, on these issues. It's not a qualitative judgement of you, but important information for you to absorb as you're looking for a partner. Many people have to work to support themselves, even more so when they're young. My personal feeling is that it's very difficult to develop "drive" if you don't have to. Without the necessity of paying bills, it's easy live permanently in third gear and just coast. Nothing wrong with that, unless it isolates you further from others. That's a recipe for loneliness. If working as a necessity isn't in your future, it would be useful for you to identify something you're passionate about and lean into it. This is what you'll talk to potential dates about. "I manage a bird sanctuary three days a week" is a cool topic...remember how you do or don't pay the bills is your business. But this gives people a topic about which to ask, rather than filling in the blanks of how you spend your time.

Agreed. I would love to never have to work so enjoy that for me, but I would need to be doing SOMETHING, like what gets you up out of bed every day, and what will you talk to people about, how do you make friends and such if you are idle rich?

I do have things I’m committed to and do and plan to go to grad school. My friends live similar lives to me, and there’s never not enough to do, going out with friends, partying, hanging out with parents, our many hobbies, we have a lot to talk about.

That's great OP. What's hard for you to know at your age is that by mid-life, if you haven't devoted yourself to something meaningful, many people hit a "what does it all mean" phase. And honestly being busy helps get you through that. Doesn't mean you have to be busy working retail or chained to a desk, but without a greater purpose, it all becomes a bit of a void. I'm seeing this among some of the Dads of our school families; guys that made a ton of money early and retired in their late 40's, now they're mid 50's and pretty aimless. They never really parented so they have no real role at home, and many are sort of lost. Lots of TV, too much drinking. A few affairs which I think developed out of sheer boredom. You're truly fortunate to have the range of options your wealth affords you. Remember that infinite options can sometimes be harder than just a few choices. Grad school is probably a great idea.

The vast majority of people aren't devoting themselves to something meaningful. You sound jealous.

DP but I disagree. Most people do find some way to infuse their life with meaning, whether it's through work or parenthood or relationships or their community or a hobby or something.

OP's behavior on this date isn't that different than someone who is in kind of a boring, dead-end job and, when asked what they do, just says "oh I'm in this boring dead-end job" and nothing else. That would also be a turn off for most people. When you are dating, it is so much more interesting to talk to someone who seems to care about something, whether it's their job or something else. I had a really boring job I was not passionate about in my 20s, but I also had interests and hobbies I did care about, and would have mostly talked about that on a date. I think it's particularly sad OP doesn't have that when she doesn't even have the burden of spending 40 hours a week at a job just to pay rent. She sounds directionless.

Most people have meaning in their lives.

OP can find joy and meaning in whatever she wants. She mentions multiple hobbies and interests. It's not really your place to tell others what counts as meaningful to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended up unblocking him and sending a text that basically echoed what was said in the 19:13 post—so thanks for that perspective. I have two dates lined up this weekend. One guy comes from an upper-class background and the other middle class , but either way I’m not bringing up my trust fund, and honestly might want to focus on just dating other wealthy guys around me from now. And, I did need a break after a tough four years doing a rigorous curriculum at a top school.

Who do you think you're talking to here? Do you know how many of us on DCUM also graduated from Ivy League schools? And then either went on to work or go to grad school at another top-tier school? You are insufferable.

That’s very nice but considering the fact that you were aiming for a career (aka more money), which I do not need, we have different perspectives.

Your grandad is rolling in his grave seeing his money wasted when he was thinking he built multigenerational wealth that his descendants would add to and grow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended up unblocking him and sending a text that basically echoed what was said in the 19:13 post—so thanks for that perspective. I have two dates lined up this weekend. One guy comes from an upper-class background and the other middle class , but either way I’m not bringing up my trust fund, and honestly might want to focus on just dating other wealthy guys around me from now. And, I did need a break after a tough four years doing a rigorous curriculum at a top school.

Who do you think you're talking to here? Do you know how many of us on DCUM also graduated from Ivy League schools? And then either went on to work or go to grad school at another top-tier school? You are insufferable.

That’s very nice but considering the fact that you were aiming for a career (aka more money), which I do not need, we have different perspectives.

I think that's true, OP. Unfortunately you're going to have a difference in perspectives from many, if not most people, on these issues. It's not a qualitative judgement of you, but important information for you to absorb as you're looking for a partner. Many people have to work to support themselves, even more so when they're young. My personal feeling is that it's very difficult to develop "drive" if you don't have to. Without the necessity of paying bills, it's easy live permanently in third gear and just coast. Nothing wrong with that, unless it isolates you further from others. That's a recipe for loneliness. If working as a necessity isn't in your future, it would be useful for you to identify something you're passionate about and lean into it. This is what you'll talk to potential dates about. "I manage a bird sanctuary three days a week" is a cool topic...remember how you do or don't pay the bills is your business. But this gives people a topic about which to ask, rather than filling in the blanks of how you spend your time.

Agreed. I would love to never have to work so enjoy that for me, but I would need to be doing SOMETHING, like what gets you up out of bed every day, and what will you talk to people about, how do you make friends and such if you are idle rich?

I do have things I’m committed to and do and plan to go to grad school. My friends live similar lives to me, and there’s never not enough to do, going out with friends, partying, hanging out with parents, our many hobbies, we have a lot to talk about.

That's great OP. What's hard for you to know at your age is that by mid-life, if you haven't devoted yourself to something meaningful, many people hit a "what does it all mean" phase. And honestly being busy helps get you through that. Doesn't mean you have to be busy working retail or chained to a desk, but without a greater purpose, it all becomes a bit of a void. I'm seeing this among some of the Dads of our school families; guys that made a ton of money early and retired in their late 40's, now they're mid 50's and pretty aimless. They never really parented so they have no real role at home, and many are sort of lost. Lots of TV, too much drinking. A few affairs which I think developed out of sheer boredom. You're truly fortunate to have the range of options your wealth affords you. Remember that infinite options can sometimes be harder than just a few choices. Grad school is probably a great idea.

The vast majority of people aren't devoting themselves to something meaningful. You sound jealous.

DP but I disagree. Most people do find some way to infuse their life with meaning, whether it's through work or parenthood or relationships or their community or a hobby or something.

OP's behavior on this date isn't that different than someone who is in kind of a boring, dead-end job and, when asked what they do, just says "oh I'm in this boring dead-end job" and nothing else. That would also be a turn off for most people. When you are dating, it is so much more interesting to talk to someone who seems to care about something, whether it's their job or something else. I had a really boring job I was not passionate about in my 20s, but I also had interests and hobbies I did care about, and would have mostly talked about that on a date. I think it's particularly sad OP doesn't have that when she doesn't even have the burden of spending 40 hours a week at a job just to pay rent. She sounds directionless.

Most people have meaning in their lives.

OP can find joy and meaning in whatever she wants. She mentions multiple hobbies and interests. It's not really your place to tell others what counts as meaningful to them.

When it comes down to it, obviously her date did not think she was doing anything meaningful. Presumably after spending an hour with her, he picked up on the fact that she's a boring dud who lacks self awareness.

If she'd waxed on about her weekends scooping shit at the humane society and spending 3 hours a day 7 days a week at her great grandma's memory care facility, he probably wouldn't have accused her of being a lazy trust fund kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended up unblocking him and sending a text that basically echoed what was said in the 19:13 post—so thanks for that perspective. I have two dates lined up this weekend. One guy comes from an upper-class background and the other middle class , but either way I’m not bringing up my trust fund, and honestly might want to focus on just dating other wealthy guys around me from now. And, I did need a break after a tough four years doing a rigorous curriculum at a top school.

Who do you think you're talking to here? Do you know how many of us on DCUM also graduated from Ivy League schools? And then either went on to work or go to grad school at another top-tier school? You are insufferable.

That’s very nice but considering the fact that you were aiming for a career (aka more money), which I do not need, we have different perspectives.

I think that's true, OP. Unfortunately you're going to have a difference in perspectives from many, if not most people, on these issues. It's not a qualitative judgement of you, but important information for you to absorb as you're looking for a partner. Many people have to work to support themselves, even more so when they're young. My personal feeling is that it's very difficult to develop "drive" if you don't have to. Without the necessity of paying bills, it's easy live permanently in third gear and just coast. Nothing wrong with that, unless it isolates you further from others. That's a recipe for loneliness. If working as a necessity isn't in your future, it would be useful for you to identify something you're passionate about and lean into it. This is what you'll talk to potential dates about. "I manage a bird sanctuary three days a week" is a cool topic...remember how you do or don't pay the bills is your business. But this gives people a topic about which to ask, rather than filling in the blanks of how you spend your time.

Agreed. I would love to never have to work so enjoy that for me, but I would need to be doing SOMETHING, like what gets you up out of bed every day, and what will you talk to people about, how do you make friends and such if you are idle rich?

I do have things I’m committed to and do and plan to go to grad school. My friends live similar lives to me, and there’s never not enough to do, going out with friends, partying, hanging out with parents, our many hobbies, we have a lot to talk about.

That's great OP. What's hard for you to know at your age is that by mid-life, if you haven't devoted yourself to something meaningful, many people hit a "what does it all mean" phase. And honestly being busy helps get you through that. Doesn't mean you have to be busy working retail or chained to a desk, but without a greater purpose, it all becomes a bit of a void. I'm seeing this among some of the Dads of our school families; guys that made a ton of money early and retired in their late 40's, now they're mid 50's and pretty aimless. They never really parented so they have no real role at home, and many are sort of lost. Lots of TV, too much drinking. A few affairs which I think developed out of sheer boredom. You're truly fortunate to have the range of options your wealth affords you. Remember that infinite options can sometimes be harder than just a few choices. Grad school is probably a great idea.

The vast majority of people aren't devoting themselves to something meaningful. You sound jealous.

DP but I disagree. Most people do find some way to infuse their life with meaning, whether it's through work or parenthood or relationships or their community or a hobby or something.

OP's behavior on this date isn't that different than someone who is in kind of a boring, dead-end job and, when asked what they do, just says "oh I'm in this boring dead-end job" and nothing else. That would also be a turn off for most people. When you are dating, it is so much more interesting to talk to someone who seems to care about something, whether it's their job or something else. I had a really boring job I was not passionate about in my 20s, but I also had interests and hobbies I did care about, and would have mostly talked about that on a date. I think it's particularly sad OP doesn't have that when she doesn't even have the burden of spending 40 hours a week at a job just to pay rent. She sounds directionless.

Most people have meaning in their lives.

OP can find joy and meaning in whatever she wants. She mentions multiple hobbies and interests. It's not really your place to tell others what counts as meaningful to them.

When it comes down to it, obviously her date did not think she was doing anything meaningful. Presumably after spending an hour with her, he picked up on the fact that she's a boring dud who lacks self awareness.

If she'd waxed on about her weekends scooping shit at the humane society and spending 3 hours a day 7 days a week at her great grandma's memory care facility, he probably wouldn't have accused her of being a lazy trust fund kid.

Or her date was a big AH who can't handle a woman with her own money. Insecure man children don't tend to make good partners anyways, so the trash essentially took itself out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended up unblocking him and sending a text that basically echoed what was said in the 19:13 post—so thanks for that perspective. I have two dates lined up this weekend. One guy comes from an upper-class background and the other middle class , but either way I’m not bringing up my trust fund, and honestly might want to focus on just dating other wealthy guys around me from now. And, I did need a break after a tough four years doing a rigorous curriculum at a top school.

Who do you think you're talking to here? Do you know how many of us on DCUM also graduated from Ivy League schools? And then either went on to work or go to grad school at another top-tier school? You are insufferable.

That’s very nice but considering the fact that you were aiming for a career (aka more money), which I do not need, we have different perspectives.

I think that's true, OP. Unfortunately you're going to have a difference in perspectives from many, if not most people, on these issues. It's not a qualitative judgement of you, but important information for you to absorb as you're looking for a partner. Many people have to work to support themselves, even more so when they're young. My personal feeling is that it's very difficult to develop "drive" if you don't have to. Without the necessity of paying bills, it's easy live permanently in third gear and just coast. Nothing wrong with that, unless it isolates you further from others. That's a recipe for loneliness. If working as a necessity isn't in your future, it would be useful for you to identify something you're passionate about and lean into it. This is what you'll talk to potential dates about. "I manage a bird sanctuary three days a week" is a cool topic...remember how you do or don't pay the bills is your business. But this gives people a topic about which to ask, rather than filling in the blanks of how you spend your time.

Agreed. I would love to never have to work so enjoy that for me, but I would need to be doing SOMETHING, like what gets you up out of bed every day, and what will you talk to people about, how do you make friends and such if you are idle rich?

I do have things I’m committed to and do and plan to go to grad school. My friends live similar lives to me, and there’s never not enough to do, going out with friends, partying, hanging out with parents, our many hobbies, we have a lot to talk about.

That's great OP. What's hard for you to know at your age is that by mid-life, if you haven't devoted yourself to something meaningful, many people hit a "what does it all mean" phase. And honestly being busy helps get you through that. Doesn't mean you have to be busy working retail or chained to a desk, but without a greater purpose, it all becomes a bit of a void. I'm seeing this among some of the Dads of our school families; guys that made a ton of money early and retired in their late 40's, now they're mid 50's and pretty aimless. They never really parented so they have no real role at home, and many are sort of lost. Lots of TV, too much drinking. A few affairs which I think developed out of sheer boredom. You're truly fortunate to have the range of options your wealth affords you. Remember that infinite options can sometimes be harder than just a few choices. Grad school is probably a great idea.

The vast majority of people aren't devoting themselves to something meaningful. You sound jealous.

DP but I disagree. Most people do find some way to infuse their life with meaning, whether it's through work or parenthood or relationships or their community or a hobby or something.

OP's behavior on this date isn't that different than someone who is in kind of a boring, dead-end job and, when asked what they do, just says "oh I'm in this boring dead-end job" and nothing else. That would also be a turn off for most people. When you are dating, it is so much more interesting to talk to someone who seems to care about something, whether it's their job or something else. I had a really boring job I was not passionate about in my 20s, but I also had interests and hobbies I did care about, and would have mostly talked about that on a date. I think it's particularly sad OP doesn't have that when she doesn't even have the burden of spending 40 hours a week at a job just to pay rent. She sounds directionless.

Most people have meaning in their lives.

As does OP. Just because her meaning doesn't line up with yours doesn't make hers any less valid. Raising your crotch spawn might feel very meaningful for you, but that doesn't mean everyone wants to dedicate their life to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t listen to these losers . They wish they were you. A lot of them didn’t come from money and had to grind to make it, which is hard as a woman, and they ended up getting married to lackluster men and are now unhappy with their lives in middle age. They’re very envious of a hot rich 24yo woman.

Lol if op were hot, I suspect the guy she went on a date with wouldn’t have had a problem with her layabout life. Her problem is she’s not hot.

I don’t think he has a problem with the way she lives her life moreso, is jealous about how easy she has it. Why would he go on a date with her and continue contacting her if he didn’t like her?

I mean he was still trying to bang