Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one kid but grew up in a family with four kids.

I think 3 or more is a lot. But I do think families that have plenty of support from extended family and who can afford nannies, au pairs, or other help, can handle it better than I could with none of those things. In my MC family growing up, four was too many, my parents were very overwhelmed, and I think all of my siblings and I experienced neglect of some kind (including medical neglect -- several of us have chronic health issues that can be traced to undiagnosed childhood problems). So I was very wary about keeping my own family small enough for me to handle, especially without a big support system.

Was it that your parents were too overwhelmed to notice?

DP but it depends a lot on parent personality and financial resources. Most people (myself included) should not have 4 kids because they can’t handle it from a bad width or financial perspective. I’m one of four kids from a well off family and my mom had the financial freedom to stay home while we were young and then take on a flexible career, allowing her to prioritize her four kids. We were well educated, well cared for, dressed well and all did whatever activities we wanted. My spouse and I don’t have as much money as our parents, so we both work in corporate careers and could never manage four kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve got 7+ kids. The biggest difficulty isn’t the actual number you’re parenting, it’s that you inevitably end doing it while in your 40s or older. Running around after toddles starts to get really hard in comparison.

I’m guessing that it’s just a typo, and I have 5 kids and know and love a lot of families with more, but it cracks me up that you said that you have 7+ kids. Like you aren’t sure how many kids you have, but you know it’s at least 7.

7-ish. At least that. Stopped counting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one kid but grew up in a family with four kids.

I think 3 or more is a lot. But I do think families that have plenty of support from extended family and who can afford nannies, au pairs, or other help, can handle it better than I could with none of those things. In my MC family growing up, four was too many, my parents were very overwhelmed, and I think all of my siblings and I experienced neglect of some kind (including medical neglect -- several of us have chronic health issues that can be traced to undiagnosed childhood problems). So I was very wary about keeping my own family small enough for me to handle, especially without a big support system.

Was it that your parents were too overwhelmed to notice?

In part yes. Also skimped on healthcare because even the copays add up. I had a neurological issue that became symptomatic when I was 5 or 6. My mom actually changed pediatricians because our first one was strongly urging her to take me to a specialist to address it and my mom didn't want to. It's something that is now managed with medication but has caused other problems I now have to deal with, including severe teeth grinding that has resulted in multiple root canals. One of my siblings had a sports injury as a teen for which he should have had surgery but my parents chose instead to just have him quit playing and deal with it. He had surgery in his 40s to correct but struggled with mobility and weight gain before that.

I think my parents figured they'd have four healthy, obedient kids with no issues. Instead they had normal human children with some issues. It was too much.

Always assume your next kid will have big challenges, or that your existing kids could have challenges you don't know about yet. Only have another if that thought doesn't scare you too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you live in a shoe, it’s too many.

Amen