Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?

[Anonymous]

I do feel like there is a trend to have large families as a show of wealth. Kind of a humble brag that you can afford to. It's a rich big family thing that I think comes from rich influencers? This perfect family image with matching outfits? Maybe it is a Mormon influencer thing?

I do think a lot of what is big is dependent on how close the kids are spaced. Having 4+ kids back to back gives Duggar family. If you have 4 with a wide age gap the oldest is often basically an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anything beyond 2 kids is large.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious about this viewpoint for families you meet with 4 and with 5. Pregnant with number 4 now fwiw. I’ve heard this many times over the years.

Is four just more common? I haven’t looked at the numbers.

Family with more than 1-2 kids is considered a large family in educated circles.

Highly educated women are the demographic where 3 kid families are on the rise, countering downward trends elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious about this viewpoint for families you meet with 4 and with 5. Pregnant with number 4 now fwiw. I’ve heard this many times over the years.

Is four just more common? I haven’t looked at the numbers.

Family with more than 1-2 kids is considered a large family in educated circles.

Nope. There are plenty of articles on how more than 2 is considered more "prestigious," as weird as that is because the idea of having kids to impress the neighbors is messed up. And no, I am not confusing education and money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious about this viewpoint for families you meet with 4 and with 5. Pregnant with number 4 now fwiw. I’ve heard this many times over the years.

Is four just more common? I haven’t looked at the numbers.

Family with more than 1-2 kids is considered a large family in educated circles.

Nope. There are plenty of articles on how more than 2 is considered more "prestigious," as weird as that is because the idea of having kids to impress the neighbors is messed up. And no, I am not confusing education and money.

There are plenty of articles showing that people are having fewer children than they would LIKE to have, suggesting that those with means may actually be having more children because they … can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 5, age 3-13. We just moved from New England to the Midwest for COL. Four are in Catholic schools. I stay home. HHI is $160K. We had parent help with kids 1-4 but none since our fifth. We have a Honda Odyssey. We do a lot of laundry. Lots of systems. My house is cleaner now than it was with 3. For vacations we split the kids up. My husband just took the 3 older ones out West for a beach vacation with relatives. My grandmother had 12. Yes I am Catholic. I homeschooled one for 6 months and try to be faithful but am not trad or pious at all. Activities: hockey for one, musical instrument/band for another. Most families who want big families (on kid 3 say) will say oh you make it look fun! We want more! And I am sure 2 kid families shudder. You definitely lower standards for certain stuff (we do not do coordinating outfits photo shoots) but it’s also given me tremendous grace for others bc my 5 are so different. I can’t cluck my tongue in judgment when each of my kids has had a different path.

I have 3 kids myself but I related to this sooo much. I agree completely that the more kids you have, the more you appreciate that all kids are different. And I do think that’s a beautiful thing.

Yes. I often see parents commenting on here and feel like I can guess how many they have as a result of how narrow or open minded they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my friend circle almost all of our fertile parents and grandparents had 4-8 or more kids. Most of us disliked it and in my generation, almost no one has more than 1-3. We thought parenting should be individualized not wholesale. However, likely next generations would see it differently.

I have four, and it’s kind of group parenting and kind of individual. There were four kids in “Little Women,” and I feel like it’s kind of like that. There are a lot of things that we do as a group or that the kids do together without me. But at the same time they are very much their own individual people with their own lives and interests.
There were also 4 women in “sex and the city,” and we all know them pretty well . They are a group, but it’s not like you can’t possibly get to know four different people and think of them individually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious about this viewpoint for families you meet with 4 and with 5. Pregnant with number 4 now fwiw. I’ve heard this many times over the years.

Is four just more common? I haven’t looked at the numbers.

Family with more than 1-2 kids is considered a large family in educated circles.

Highly educated women are the demographic where 3 kid families are on the rise, countering downward trends elsewhere.

-1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do feel like there is a trend to have large families as a show of wealth. Kind of a humble brag that you can afford to. It's a rich big family thing that I think comes from rich influencers? This perfect family image with matching outfits? Maybe it is a Mormon influencer thing?

I do think a lot of what is big is dependent on how close the kids are spaced. Having 4+ kids back to back gives Duggar family. If you have 4 with a wide age gap the oldest is often basically an adult.

I know a lot of Mormon women with big families, and it is kind of a prestige thing. Not really a show of wealth, but kind of like showing off what a great mother you are that you are able to handle all of these kids and raise them well.
It’s kind of like having a prestigious job that’s well known for being both technically and emotionally difficult and having long hours. If you can really do it and do it well, you have achieved something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious about this viewpoint for families you meet with 4 and with 5. Pregnant with number 4 now fwiw. I’ve heard this many times over the years.

Is four just more common? I haven’t looked at the numbers.

Family with more than 1-2 kids is considered a large family in educated circles.

Highly educated women are the demographic where 3 kid families are on the rise, countering downward trends elsewhere.

-1

lol do you disagree? Google it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because 4 could have been a couple shooting for three, but accidentally got twins. Five just seems irresponsible.

I'm laughing because I know of a family who wnet for 3 and got triplets for number 3, thus ending up with 5 kids. As long as all the kids have the same parents it's fine. The worst are serial sperminators having 5 kids with 3 different women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do feel like there is a trend to have large families as a show of wealth. Kind of a humble brag that you can afford to. It's a rich big family thing that I think comes from rich influencers? This perfect family image with matching outfits? Maybe it is a Mormon influencer thing?

I do think a lot of what is big is dependent on how close the kids are spaced. Having 4+ kids back to back gives Duggar family. If you have 4 with a wide age gap the oldest is often basically an adult.

I know a lot of Mormon women with big families, and it is kind of a prestige thing. Not really a show of wealth, but kind of like showing off what a great mother you are that you are able to handle all of these kids and raise them well.
It’s kind of like having a prestigious job that’s well known for being both technically and emotionally difficult and having long hours. If you can really do it and do it well, you have achieved something.

Amen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious about this viewpoint for families you meet with 4 and with 5. Pregnant with number 4 now fwiw. I’ve heard this many times over the years.

Is four just more common? I haven’t looked at the numbers.

Family with more than 1-2 kids is considered a large family in educated circles.

Highly educated women are the demographic where 3 kid families are on the rise, countering downward trends elsewhere.

I’m highly educated, so is DH, and we have 4 kids. But most of our peers have 2 kids, with a few who have 3.

I think 4 kids is a big family (I feel it a lot when we go on vacation), but we all got easily into a minivan and can squeeze into most SUVs. I feel like if we had 5 kids the logistics would get trickier with cars, restaurants, and even our house. And I know a few families with 4 kids but not any with 5, so for that reason I would consider 5+ to be an unusually large family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious about this viewpoint for families you meet with 4 and with 5. Pregnant with number 4 now fwiw. I’ve heard this many times over the years.

Is four just more common? I haven’t looked at the numbers.

Family with more than 1-2 kids is considered a large family in educated circles.

Highly educated women are the demographic where 3 kid families are on the rise, countering downward trends elsewhere.

I’m highly educated, so is DH, and we have 4 kids. But most of our peers have 2 kids, with a few who have 3.

I think 4 kids is a big family (I feel it a lot when we go on vacation), but we all got easily into a minivan and can squeeze into most SUVs. I feel like if we had 5 kids the logistics would get trickier with cars, restaurants, and even our house. And I know a few families with 4 kids but not any with 5, so for that reason I would consider 5+ to be an unusually large family.

You don’t have to answer, but I’m curious about your kids’ age range and how old you were when you had number 4. I have a 5 year old, 3 (almost 4) year old, and 19 month old and am about to turn 36. I really, really want one more child, but my husband (a few months from 40) isn’t fully on board. I worry that we’re running out of time / will run out of energy!

[Anonymous]

1 kid is a small family.
2-3 is normal.
4 is large.
5-6 is REALLY large.
7+ ... the mere idea gives me nightmares.