Do parents realize they are rotting their own and their children’s minds with screens?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the OP and think this is a huge, societal problem. And the defensiveness on this thread is huge and telling. Unfortunately, there are no easy solutions. Raising kids and teaching kids are both incredibly hard. Screens can provide some relief. So this needs to be a bigger solution than just “do better.”

Personally, I struggle with this immensely. I’m doing okay with my kids so far (they’re in preschool, which makes it easier): screens on long plane or train rides, screens when they’re sick, and if we’re in a social situation at another family’s house and they turn on the TV, we don’t love it but whatever. Plus I know they get some screens at school. But beyond that, there’s no screens at home. So they routinely go weeks with zero screens on our watch. But I really struggle with screen time for myself. It’s just SO easy to pull your phone out when you have some downtime. It’s such a time waster, it’s bad for my attention and my mental health. I’ve recently installed the app “Opal” which blocks most apps and all websites on my phone after a cumulative hour of use each day. That’s helping, I’d recommend it for other folks who struggle with this.

Societal wide, I’d like to see:

-Way less screens in school. Get the smart boards out of preschool classrooms! No videos for recess when it’s raining - just let the kids play inside.

-More support for parents generally. Our society sucks at this. The more we can support families with paid leave, flexible work schedules, free PK, etc, the easier it is for parents and the less they’ll need to rely on screens.

-More tolerance in public spaces for kids. Sometimes kids cry, tantrum, misbehave, are loud. If this is “unacceptable” then the only answer is screens. My kids are very well behaved. But - sometimes these things happen, it’s part of learning. I address it immediately, but it’s still part of life.

-More acceptance of very small physical risks to kids. What does that mean? More independence. Kids walking to the park and playing unsupervised at younger ages. Kids taking public transit by themselves. Kids bike riding to each other’s houses. Kids using real saws and hammers to build stuff. Kids going to the store themselves. These risks are comically small, and yet we are scared so we limit them, and that leads to more nice, “safe,” screen time inside.

I’d be interested in other ideas from folks, particularly from parents of older kids.

Your attitude is an even bigger societal problem: “I have a very strong opinion on a topic about which I know absolutely nothing, and I feel the need to broadcast that ill-informed opinion to the entire world.”

DP. Everyone can, and should, have an opinion about children, who are our children's peers and our future.

Phone zombies and blob children who cannot interact socially or read (https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1253729.page and https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1246273.page) are an issue for all of us, even parents of preschool kids.

Come back and give us your deep thoughts on mitigating screen use in the 21st century when you have middle and high school aged kids.

Until then, keep your opinions to yourself. And maybe model good behavior and get off your own damn phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t feel like wading through 8 pages of this but kids should not be on screens. Period, full stop. The evidence is enormous that it’s harmful for them and should be delayed as long as possible. If your kid is not given screens to begin with, they will learn to be bored and how to occupy their own time. If they’re already addicted to screens, you can still break the addiction. My kids can get through a restaurant meal, a boring sibling activity, a plane ride, even a 9 hour car ride without a single screen. On a long car ride they will talk to us, play games, listen to music, listen to a book, and eventually just stare out the window and sit with their own thoughts. On the weekends and evenings they occupy their time playing by themselves or playing with each other. One of them is extremely challenging and SN and we still manage this.

People on here being so defensive are defensive because they know how bad it is for their kids. Either that or they are too stupid to know what the evidence shows or are just recklessly ignorant.

Yes parents need a break sometimes, so put them in front of a movie if you have to. Hire a babysitter. Ask a friend to come over. There are so many options other than screens.

My kids use screens and they can do all of that, too. Although I don’t force them to sit through long car rides or plane rides without screens, because why would I? Are the movies your putting your kids in front of not on screens?

Yes, screens can be and are addictive. That’s why we’re all here wasting our time on this dumb message board. But some of you have a bizarre need to make screen-free like some sort of moral achievement, and I can tell you it’s not.

For what it’s worth, it’s easy to tell which kids have severely limited or no screen time at home because they’re the ones that go to their friends’ houses to play or hang out and they relentlessly harass the hosts for screens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the OP and think this is a huge, societal problem. And the defensiveness on this thread is huge and telling. Unfortunately, there are no easy solutions. Raising kids and teaching kids are both incredibly hard. Screens can provide some relief. So this needs to be a bigger solution than just “do better.”

Personally, I struggle with this immensely. I’m doing okay with my kids so far (they’re in preschool, which makes it easier): screens on long plane or train rides, screens when they’re sick, and if we’re in a social situation at another family’s house and they turn on the TV, we don’t love it but whatever. Plus I know they get some screens at school. But beyond that, there’s no screens at home. So they routinely go weeks with zero screens on our watch. But I really struggle with screen time for myself. It’s just SO easy to pull your phone out when you have some downtime. It’s such a time waster, it’s bad for my attention and my mental health. I’ve recently installed the app “Opal” which blocks most apps and all websites on my phone after a cumulative hour of use each day. That’s helping, I’d recommend it for other folks who struggle with this.

Societal wide, I’d like to see:

-Way less screens in school. Get the smart boards out of preschool classrooms! No videos for recess when it’s raining - just let the kids play inside.

-More support for parents generally. Our society sucks at this. The more we can support families with paid leave, flexible work schedules, free PK, etc, the easier it is for parents and the less they’ll need to rely on screens.

-More tolerance in public spaces for kids. Sometimes kids cry, tantrum, misbehave, are loud. If this is “unacceptable” then the only answer is screens. My kids are very well behaved. But - sometimes these things happen, it’s part of learning. I address it immediately, but it’s still part of life.

-More acceptance of very small physical risks to kids. What does that mean? More independence. Kids walking to the park and playing unsupervised at younger ages. Kids taking public transit by themselves. Kids bike riding to each other’s houses. Kids using real saws and hammers to build stuff. Kids going to the store themselves. These risks are comically small, and yet we are scared so we limit them, and that leads to more nice, “safe,” screen time inside.

I’d be interested in other ideas from folks, particularly from parents of older kids.

Your attitude is an even bigger societal problem: “I have a very strong opinion on a topic about which I know absolutely nothing, and I feel the need to broadcast that ill-informed opinion to the entire world.”

DP. Everyone can, and should, have an opinion about children, who are our children's peers and our future.

Phone zombies and blob children who cannot interact socially or read (https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1253729.page and https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1246273.page) are an issue for all of us, even parents of preschool kids.

Come back and give us your deep thoughts on mitigating screen use in the 21st century when you have middle and high school aged kids.

Until then, keep your opinions to yourself. And maybe model good behavior and get off your own damn phone.

My kids are in 9th and 7th grade. 8 see this firsthand.

We waited until 8th for my oldest and my youngest doesn't have a phone yet. Oldest DC's phone stays in my pocket for a majority of hours, and I wonder if we should all go to dumbphones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t feel like wading through 8 pages of this but kids should not be on screens. Period, full stop. The evidence is enormous that it’s harmful for them and should be delayed as long as possible. If your kid is not given screens to begin with, they will learn to be bored and how to occupy their own time. If they’re already addicted to screens, you can still break the addiction. My kids can get through a restaurant meal, a boring sibling activity, a plane ride, even a 9 hour car ride without a single screen. On a long car ride they will talk to us, play games, listen to music, listen to a book, and eventually just stare out the window and sit with their own thoughts. On the weekends and evenings they occupy their time playing by themselves or playing with each other. One of them is extremely challenging and SN and we still manage this.

People on here being so defensive are defensive because they know how bad it is for their kids. Either that or they are too stupid to know what the evidence shows or are just recklessly ignorant.

Yes parents need a break sometimes, so put them in front of a movie if you have to. Hire a babysitter. Ask a friend to come over. There are so many options other than screens.

Watching a movie is screen use. And it’s a lot of screen time too. Watching a 90 minute movie means your kid is getting 90 minutes of screen time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the OP and think this is a huge, societal problem. And the defensiveness on this thread is huge and telling. Unfortunately, there are no easy solutions. Raising kids and teaching kids are both incredibly hard. Screens can provide some relief. So this needs to be a bigger solution than just “do better.”

Personally, I struggle with this immensely. I’m doing okay with my kids so far (they’re in preschool, which makes it easier): screens on long plane or train rides, screens when they’re sick, and if we’re in a social situation at another family’s house and they turn on the TV, we don’t love it but whatever. Plus I know they get some screens at school. But beyond that, there’s no screens at home. So they routinely go weeks with zero screens on our watch. But I really struggle with screen time for myself. It’s just SO easy to pull your phone out when you have some downtime. It’s such a time waster, it’s bad for my attention and my mental health. I’ve recently installed the app “Opal” which blocks most apps and all websites on my phone after a cumulative hour of use each day. That’s helping, I’d recommend it for other folks who struggle with this.

Societal wide, I’d like to see:

-Way less screens in school. Get the smart boards out of preschool classrooms! No videos for recess when it’s raining - just let the kids play inside.

-More support for parents generally. Our society sucks at this. The more we can support families with paid leave, flexible work schedules, free PK, etc, the easier it is for parents and the less they’ll need to rely on screens.

-More tolerance in public spaces for kids. Sometimes kids cry, tantrum, misbehave, are loud. If this is “unacceptable” then the only answer is screens. My kids are very well behaved. But - sometimes these things happen, it’s part of learning. I address it immediately, but it’s still part of life.

-More acceptance of very small physical risks to kids. What does that mean? More independence. Kids walking to the park and playing unsupervised at younger ages. Kids taking public transit by themselves. Kids bike riding to each other’s houses. Kids using real saws and hammers to build stuff. Kids going to the store themselves. These risks are comically small, and yet we are scared so we limit them, and that leads to more nice, “safe,” screen time inside.

I’d be interested in other ideas from folks, particularly from parents of older kids.

It's not defensiveness. It's calling out OP's lack of self-awareness and fixation on judging parents, which is not helpful.

The best way to stop screen time in kids is to reduce our own screen time as adults. I doubt any of us can honestly say we aren't addicted to our devices. They were designed to be addictive. Edtech corruption means school systems are addicted to screens too. Kids literally cannot escape screens in our society as it is.

So instead of trying to shame parents for "rotting their kids' brains" or proposing general, unactionable solutions, let's focus on the source of the problem - the devices themselves. Please feel free to share the best tools and strategies for reducing your own screen time and that of your kids. My current strategy is to keep my phone in a different room when I am home. We also recently got a music player (think Toniebox/Yoto) that doesn't require a phone to operate.

Also please feel free to share how teachers are using screens in the classroom, to what extent their employers are requiring to use them (feel free to name and shame school systems) so parents can advocate against those requirements, and to what extent teachers feel compelled to use screens for other reasons as well as workarounds.

I’m not the PP on this thread but I disagree with this more recent poster. “The best way to stop screen addiction” of kids is not to address parent addiction (though that may help with modeling) but to take the screens away from the kids. It’s actually so easy to solve! Just take away the screens and be firm about it!

I am judgmental about this - to me this is like being judgmental about a parent giving their kid a cigarette at 5. Some things are so obviously harmful they should not be given to kids. I am actually shocked how many parents at my kid’s “top” school allow screens for their young kids. And the parents who allow it create pressure on other parents who don’t want to allow it. So judgment seems warranted here.

That's a dumb metaphor to justify your self-serving judgment. You may think absolutely zero screens is the only option that doesn't amount to "giving a 5 year old a cigarette" lol, but that's not in line with current public health guidance.

It sounds like you care more about feeling superior than you do about solving this issue. I hope you got that from this thread since if you need that validation there must be a lot else wrong in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t feel like wading through 8 pages of this but kids should not be on screens. Period, full stop. The evidence is enormous that it’s harmful for them and should be delayed as long as possible. If your kid is not given screens to begin with, they will learn to be bored and how to occupy their own time. If they’re already addicted to screens, you can still break the addiction. My kids can get through a restaurant meal, a boring sibling activity, a plane ride, even a 9 hour car ride without a single screen. On a long car ride they will talk to us, play games, listen to music, listen to a book, and eventually just stare out the window and sit with their own thoughts. On the weekends and evenings they occupy their time playing by themselves or playing with each other. One of them is extremely challenging and SN and we still manage this.

People on here being so defensive are defensive because they know how bad it is for their kids. Either that or they are too stupid to know what the evidence shows or are just recklessly ignorant.

Yes parents need a break sometimes, so put them in front of a movie if you have to. Hire a babysitter. Ask a friend to come over. There are so many options other than screens.

Full stop butter has entered the chat

[Anonymous]

*as you type your thoughts onto a screen*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a NP. What I don't get is why you think posting a condescending screed on the internet is going to do anything. Have we learned nothing from decades of people arguing about fat people on the internet?

If shame, absolutism and yelling on the internet solved ANY problem, we would have at least solved obesity. Don't you think?

Discussion makes people aware of issues. There seem to be a lot of people, at least on this thread, that have never considered that screens are harmful to adults and children. Over time, they will start to consider if they agree that it is.

Let's discuss the negatives effects of screens by *checks notes* arguing with each other on screens.

My adult addiction to screens is exactly evidence of why I don’t want to subject my child’s developing mind to the dopamine addiction machine of a phone/tablet. By your logic should adult smokers get their kids hooked young too?

But did you have screens as a kid? We grew up running around outside in the woods and still find screens addicting.

Better to set an example and get off the screens yourself. Using the smoking analogy, can’t really expect your kids not to smoke if you’re sneaking off to smoke several times a day.

[Anonymous]

My kid gets more screen time than I anticipated pre-kids. However, he also started reading at 3, adds, subtracts, and multiplies at 5. We monitor what he watches and spend lots of daily one-on-one time; travel often; and enroll him in activities and experiences. All of this to say, balance and spending time with a kid helps, but there is no clear cut way to parent. Do as you see fit with your child. It’s not one size fits all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid gets more screen time than I anticipated pre-kids. However, he also started reading at 3, adds, subtracts, and multiplies at 5. We monitor what he watches and spend lots of daily one-on-one time; travel often; and enroll him in activities and experiences. All of this to say, balance and spending time with a kid helps, but there is no clear cut way to parent. Do as you see fit with your child. It’s not one size fits all.

Reading early is not an indicator of good parenting. It's just your kid's brain (and you may want to watch out for reading deficits as kids that learn to read early are often memorizing whole words instead of sounding out letters)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the OP and think this is a huge, societal problem. And the defensiveness on this thread is huge and telling. Unfortunately, there are no easy solutions. Raising kids and teaching kids are both incredibly hard. Screens can provide some relief. So this needs to be a bigger solution than just “do better.”

Personally, I struggle with this immensely. I’m doing okay with my kids so far (they’re in preschool, which makes it easier): screens on long plane or train rides, screens when they’re sick, and if we’re in a social situation at another family’s house and they turn on the TV, we don’t love it but whatever. Plus I know they get some screens at school. But beyond that, there’s no screens at home. So they routinely go weeks with zero screens on our watch. But I really struggle with screen time for myself. It’s just SO easy to pull your phone out when you have some downtime. It’s such a time waster, it’s bad for my attention and my mental health. I’ve recently installed the app “Opal” which blocks most apps and all websites on my phone after a cumulative hour of use each day. That’s helping, I’d recommend it for other folks who struggle with this.

Societal wide, I’d like to see:

-Way less screens in school. Get the smart boards out of preschool classrooms! No videos for recess when it’s raining - just let the kids play inside.

-More support for parents generally. Our society sucks at this. The more we can support families with paid leave, flexible work schedules, free PK, etc, the easier it is for parents and the less they’ll need to rely on screens.

-More tolerance in public spaces for kids. Sometimes kids cry, tantrum, misbehave, are loud. If this is “unacceptable” then the only answer is screens. My kids are very well behaved. But - sometimes these things happen, it’s part of learning. I address it immediately, but it’s still part of life.

-More acceptance of very small physical risks to kids. What does that mean? More independence. Kids walking to the park and playing unsupervised at younger ages. Kids taking public transit by themselves. Kids bike riding to each other’s houses. Kids using real saws and hammers to build stuff. Kids going to the store themselves. These risks are comically small, and yet we are scared so we limit them, and that leads to more nice, “safe,” screen time inside.

I’d be interested in other ideas from folks, particularly from parents of older kids.

Your attitude is an even bigger societal problem: “I have a very strong opinion on a topic about which I know absolutely nothing, and I feel the need to broadcast that ill-informed opinion to the entire world.”

DP. Everyone can, and should, have an opinion about children, who are our children's peers and our future.

Phone zombies and blob children who cannot interact socially or read (https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1253729.page and https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1246273.page) are an issue for all of us, even parents of preschool kids.

Come back and give us your deep thoughts on mitigating screen use in the 21st century when you have middle and high school aged kids.

Until then, keep your opinions to yourself. And maybe model good behavior and get off your own damn phone.

You too you pig

[Anonymous]

There's a big difference between a family watching a show together and screen time on phones in public. I had to drop something off at my DC's high school today and there were 3 kids who were late and were walking to school. They weren't a group, they were separate from one another. All three of them had their head down, shoulders hunched, and were watching their phones while they walked. One kid walked across the entire intersection at the stop light on his phone. Another kid I passed on my way in was still walking as I left and he was still staring down at his phone. It was striking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid gets more screen time than I anticipated pre-kids. However, he also started reading at 3, adds, subtracts, and multiplies at 5. We monitor what he watches and spend lots of daily one-on-one time; travel often; and enroll him in activities and experiences. All of this to say, balance and spending time with a kid helps, but there is no clear cut way to parent. Do as you see fit with your child. It’s not one size fits all.

Reading early is not an indicator of good parenting. It's just your kid's brain (and you may want to watch out for reading deficits as kids that learn to read early are often memorizing whole words instead of sounding out letters)

Didn’t say it was. The thread was about screens rotting brains and not “good parenting.” Physician, school system, and Children’s National all mentioned/recommended the same and were astonished when presented with several sources to read from and he consistently demonstrated reading ability. Not saying he’s a genius or anything, just saying that not all the screens=inability to read is true. Also, introducing phonics, blends, digraphs, etc. goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a big difference between a family watching a show together and screen time on phones in public. I had to drop something off at my DC's high school today and there were 3 kids who were late and were walking to school. They weren't a group, they were separate from one another. All three of them had their head down, shoulders hunched, and were watching their phones while they walked. One kid walked across the entire intersection at the stop light on his phone. Another kid I passed on my way in was still walking as I left and he was still staring down at his phone. It was striking.

Other than the amazing news that random driving mom noticed kids walking, what’s your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid gets more screen time than I anticipated pre-kids. However, he also started reading at 3, adds, subtracts, and multiplies at 5. We monitor what he watches and spend lots of daily one-on-one time; travel often; and enroll him in activities and experiences. All of this to say, balance and spending time with a kid helps, but there is no clear cut way to parent. Do as you see fit with your child. It’s not one size fits all.

Reading early is not an indicator of good parenting. It's just your kid's brain (and you may want to watch out for reading deficits as kids that learn to read early are often memorizing whole words instead of sounding out letters)

Didn’t say it was. The thread was about screens rotting brains and not “good parenting.” Physician, school system, and Children’s National all mentioned/recommended the same and were astonished when presented with several sources to read from and he consistently demonstrated reading ability. Not saying he’s a genius or anything, just saying that not all the screens=inability to read is true. Also, introducing phonics, blends, digraphs, etc. goes a long way.

You made up an argument ("screens prevent kids from reading" and then argued against that with your sample of 1. That's weird.

There is plenty of evidence that screens are harmful for a myriad of reasons but I don't think the biggest ones are cognitive skills - it's more about attention, emotional regulation, social skills and anxiety.

It seems like you are here to brag about your kid. I hope this opportunity gives you what you are looking for.