No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an evening wedding, adults only. Way before instagram. I was paying, so didn't want rando kids. We provided babysitting. It wasn't a problem for anyone as far as I know. My sister got mad because "her kids love weddings and they are well behaved". It was really her DH who wanted them there because he can't converse with adults and uses the kids as a crutch. He ended up in the bar watching the ballgame the whole reception anyway.

Maybe you just aren't kind to him and he knows it so he stopped trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s an outgrowth of kids being poorly behaved. There is no longer any expectation of reasonable behavior - thx “gentle parenting”

Exactly!

Attended a wedding a year ago. They requested no kids under 16. They also requested "no electronics during the ceremony". There were 2 kids under 5 who attended, were so-so behaved and to accomplish that required iPads/iPhones the entire time. The bride was not happy they were there, the kids were bored out of their minds and not super well behaved. And this bride is a very reasonable person---just decided the venue and event was not for kids.
So that is wrong---you either hire a sitter or you don't attend. It's your choice, but as a grown ass adult, you should know to follow the rules. And this was not a close relative (I'm a close relative)

[Anonymous]

I'm so glad you posted. I've never seen a discussion about this before and I think it needs to be finally brought up on DCUM!

Next, we should start threads about redshirting, switching seats on planes, off leash dogs, and whether or not schools should be closed for snow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s an outgrowth of kids being poorly behaved. There is no longer any expectation of reasonable behavior - thx “gentle parenting”

Exactly!

Attended a wedding a year ago. They requested no kids under 16. They also requested "no electronics during the ceremony". There were 2 kids under 5 who attended, were so-so behaved and to accomplish that required iPads/iPhones the entire time. The bride was not happy they were there, the kids were bored out of their minds and not super well behaved. And this bride is a very reasonable person---just decided the venue and event was not for kids.
So that is wrong---you either hire a sitter or you don't attend. It's your choice, but as a grown ass adult, you should know to follow the rules. And this was not a close relative (I'm a close relative)

A bride who tells her guests "no electronics during the ceremony" is not a reasonable person. Why on earth does she care if Uncle Jim is scrolling through his emails in the last row? Isn't she focused on, you know, saying her vows?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an evening wedding, adults only. Way before instagram. I was paying, so didn't want rando kids. We provided babysitting. It wasn't a problem for anyone as far as I know. My sister got mad because "her kids love weddings and they are well behaved". It was really her DH who wanted them there because he can't converse with adults and uses the kids as a crutch. He ended up in the bar watching the ballgame the whole reception anyway.

It wasn't a problem for anyone except your sister. Lol. You excluded your niece/nephew from the wedding, that's weird, sorry.

I do get drawing the line at kids of non family guests. But your own immediate family? Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't affect you if other people have different feelings or responses. You don't need to understand it.

I had kids at my wedding. I've been to weddings with and without my kids. I RSVP according to what works for my family. But I don't care if other people care about this. Not my problem.

This. But part of that is don't blame people for not coming if their kids aren't invited

Well that is a given!

It is totally fine to decline an invitation. If the Bride or groom ask why, it is also polite to state "we were not able to have appropriate childcare. We hope you have an amazing wedding day! Sorry we can't be there"

I get why people want Adult only weddings. Once your kids are 3-4 yo, you should be able to leave them for an evening with a baby sitter. If you have to travel for the wedding, then the B/G should realize that many will simply decline, as it's challenging to find (and pay for ) a 2 day baby sitter and many don't trust finding one to watch kids in your hotel room.

I can't recall seeing any angry posts here nor have I ever hear of someone being SO MAD that someone declined their wedding invitation because they couldn't bring their kids. The response is almost always "oh well!" The anger is completely on the side of the parents with the uninvited kids. They flatter themselves thinking someone will be so upset they declined the invite. I had no kids at my wedding but there were no kids to invite. None of my siblings had kids then and there were none on my husband's side either so I have no skin in this game. I also have never brought my kids to a wedding, nor have they been invited as of yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are often invited to adult only everything -- baby showers, weddings, birthday parties ..heck funerals..

Never offended as a parent.

I have never heard of an adults on funeral. That's..... something.

How do you think grandma feels about her grand babies not being allowed at her funeral?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an evening wedding, adults only. Way before instagram. I was paying, so didn't want rando kids. We provided babysitting. It wasn't a problem for anyone as far as I know. My sister got mad because "her kids love weddings and they are well behaved". It was really her DH who wanted them there because he can't converse with adults and uses the kids as a crutch. He ended up in the bar watching the ballgame the whole reception anyway.

Maybe you just aren't kind to him and he knows it so he stopped trying.

+1

The guy was probably just trying to avoid dealing with his annoying ILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are often invited to adult only everything -- baby showers, weddings, birthday parties ..heck funerals..

Never offended as a parent.

I have never heard of an adults on funeral. That's..... something.

How do you think grandma feels about her grand babies not being allowed at her funeral?

How would she know? She's not going to feel any way about it. And maybe some would prefer her grandkids remember her alive, not dead and made up in a casket. It was startling to see my grandparents at their funerals. They looked so different I wish I could unsee it. it's not a memory I look back on favorably.

[Anonymous]

Np. We invited kids and I think kids make a wedding. It’s also a chance to teach kids how to behave at such events.

I think the no kids trend started as a way to cut numbers / costs.

[Anonymous]

I didn't go to my brother's second wedding because my kids weren't invited. I live out of state and all family was going to the wedding. By not inviting my kids it meant I couldn't go. I didn't want to anyway, so it was an easy decision. I didn't want to go because my family is clueless and abusive, and this was just another example of their cluelessness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np. We invited kids and I think kids make a wedding. It’s also a chance to teach kids how to behave at such events.

I think the no kids trend started as a way to cut numbers / costs.

It is not a 'trend'. It is normal.

And as a wedding-goer, I prefer no kid wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are often invited to adult only everything -- baby showers, weddings, birthday parties ..heck funerals..

Never offended as a parent.

I have never heard of an adults on funeral. That's..... something.

How do you think grandma feels about her grand babies not being allowed at her funeral?

How would she know? She's not going to feel any way about it. And maybe some would prefer her grandkids remember her alive, not dead and made up in a casket. It was startling to see my grandparents at their funerals. They looked so different I wish I could unsee it. it's not a memory I look back on favorably.

I can absolutely see that for some children, a funeral would be too unsettling (like it was for you). And keeping children home is an absolutely valid choice by a parent. But I actually have very calming, comforting memories of my grandparents funerals including my grandfather's open casket when I was 8. I remember the service, and saying a prayer, and feeling like I was saying goodbye "officially". I think that denying ANYONE the chance to say goodbye and have closure, if they want to, is cruel. Especially a close family member. Just because of age? How would that person live with themselves, telling a child that they were not allowed to attend the funeral service of a cherished family member when the child wanted to say goodbye? Children aren't dogs.

[Anonymous]

Another thread about this? It’s been discussed to death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see both sides.

My dds were actually IN the wedding as flower girls and still weren't allowed to attend the reception. They were older too, well behaved, and super excited for the bride. Mostly they just like all the romantic, princess things. They definitely left the wedding crying. Bride didn't want kids ruining the reception vibe.

What!!! That is so incredibly rude! Not inviting members of the wedding party to the teception? Miss Manners is rolling in her grave.