Halloween dis-invitation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yes, it’s a big conspiracy.

No, if the kids end up here I order pizza. Just like other parents do if the kids end up meeting at their house. I have no part in deciding where or who is meeting up.

People in here are clearly saying they host parties and are suggesting to OP that she host her own party. I guess you just don’t want to call your gathering a party.

Pick whatever word you want. It’s low key and has almost zero parent involvement.

Cool. So the kids are drinking in the basement at your not party b/c you’re not involved.

Why are you being weirdly aggressive about this?

The low-key gathering w/pizza does not include alcohol. There are adults in the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yup.
Some kids can be bribed with pizza.
Some kids are bribed by the allure of not being excluded.
Some kids want to make friends.
Some parents like that they don't have to feed dinner to their kids.
Some parents like that the kid is on their own.

It is not your business to care about why someone attends. You make your kid realize that if they put in some effort, they can have a good social experience. Hopefully it teaches them how to be good hosts and how to be inclusive. And the best outcome from this exercise (excluding having a great halloween) is that your kid will come across some kids from good families who also value being inclusive and reciprocating. - DP

The point of this thread is “disinvitation” I guess the party hosts involved in these exclusive parties don’t care about the kids who fall to the side. We know you do it because you fear your kid being left out. You want to be the cool mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yes, it’s a big conspiracy.

No, if the kids end up here I order pizza. Just like other parents do if the kids end up meeting at their house. I have no part in deciding where or who is meeting up.

People in here are clearly saying they host parties and are suggesting to OP that she host her own party. I guess you just don’t want to call your gathering a party.

Pick whatever word you want. It’s low key and has almost zero parent involvement.

Cool. So the kids are drinking in the basement at your not party b/c you’re not involved.

Why are you being weirdly aggressive about this?

The low-key gathering w/pizza does not include alcohol. There are adults in the home.

It’s social engineering. But people are claiming it’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

PP here and this is probably more what I was trying to get at. I’m having a bit of a Charlie Brown moment.

I don’t begrudge anyone having get togethers or kids having a tight group, but it really does bite when your kids are left out. If you haven’t felt it, consider yourself lucky. Feeling relieved this morning that both Homecoming and Halloween season are over!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

Actually it is the exact opposite in middle and high school. Parents are NOT involved. Kids make their own friend groups.

Who is ordering and paying for all this food as part of the “hosting”? Parents are absolutely involved in this.

My involvement: order pizza

This never used to be a thing. You ate dinner at your house then met your friends on the street. But now, you involve yourself.

I have no part other than ordering food _if_ they end up at our house.

People have gathered for dinner before trick or treating for as long as I can remember. Even back to the 80s. It might be new to you but it’s not new in general.

Not everyone had this same experience. But as usual it’s parent driven which causes a lot of problems.

In our area, it’s not parent driven at all. Which is why it’s so messy.

Kids are meeting at homes and the homeowner has no idea who is coming? People hosting parties in their homes are involved how can they not be? Kids don’t have their own places to host.

Yes. Kids are making the plans on where and who.

I really don't know my kids friends. I see new faces all the time. Unless the kid was particularly disrepectful on a previous visit I don't care who drops by. Do you have teens?

[Anonymous]

It’s social engineering. But people are claiming it’s not.

How so? I would agree if these kids had asked to invite OP's kid, and the mom said "no, only kids XYZ can come." Or if we had evidence that the kid was left off the list because the host parent had something against him or his mom. But here, it could just as well be a group of kids being cliquey and deciding to leave a kid out, which happens in middle school, unfortunately, including to my son. Or because OP's kid didn't come to mind as one of the closer friends to invite, and the host kid never spoke up to ask for him to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There's nothing that can be done now but I want to help him navigate this in a positive and productive way....and also identify if he's doing something he should change that's contributing to the situation.

It is definitely mean behavior to say he cannot meet up with them after the party, and to back out of saying they would do so. Whether it is intentionally mean or just extremely inconsiderate tweens is hard to tell based on the info we have.

Why should he have to change himself? FWIW, my son has a friend from an elementary that he likes, and hangs out with one one one to do certain activities together, but tends not to invite to join group things. The rest of the kids like rap music and watching youtube videos, this kid dislikes both. Why should this kid have to change who he is and what he enjoys for other kids to accept him? And why should yours?

I see. Your kid is a user and you’re proud of it. Great job mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yup.
Some kids can be bribed with pizza.
Some kids are bribed by the allure of not being excluded.
Some kids want to make friends.
Some parents like that they don't have to feed dinner to their kids.
Some parents like that the kid is on their own.

It is not your business to care about why someone attends. You make your kid realize that if they put in some effort, they can have a good social experience. Hopefully it teaches them how to be good hosts and how to be inclusive. And the best outcome from this exercise (excluding having a great halloween) is that your kid will come across some kids from good families who also value being inclusive and reciprocating. - DP

The point of this thread is “disinvitation” I guess the party hosts involved in these exclusive parties don’t care about the kids who fall to the side. We know you do it because you fear your kid being left out. You want to be the cool mom.

Are you the thread "nazi" now, weirdly triggered pp?

I have no desire to be a cool mom for other kids. I am a very loving and thoughtful mom for my own kid. And no one is excluding any kid. Our invites go out on our neighborhood listserv. Besides, my children always have companionship of kids of relatives and my own friends, their school friends etc, so we always have a critical mass of guests to have a party.

Yes, why would I want my own kid to be left out and feel bad because of Karens and their children? Are you insane? I also want them to learn how to be social and inclusive. I don't want them to be some helpless, isolated, anti-social, depressed adult once they are away from home.

Are you on the spectrum? Because your posts are really weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yes, it’s a big conspiracy.

No, if the kids end up here I order pizza. Just like other parents do if the kids end up meeting at their house. I have no part in deciding where or who is meeting up.

People in here are clearly saying they host parties and are suggesting to OP that she host her own party. I guess you just don’t want to call your gathering a party.

Pick whatever word you want. It’s low key and has almost zero parent involvement.

Cool. So the kids are drinking in the basement at your not party b/c you’re not involved.

Wow! You are so triggered? The scenarios you are dreaming up of are insane. Halloween is not known as the big event for drinking in the basement. Do your kids drink in the basement if you are not present? You sound like a jealous Karen who cannot stand that someone can host kids at their house.

-NP

^ Exactly the type of “cool mom” who wants to have the party at her house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yup.
Some kids can be bribed with pizza.
Some kids are bribed by the allure of not being excluded.
Some kids want to make friends.
Some parents like that they don't have to feed dinner to their kids.
Some parents like that the kid is on their own.

It is not your business to care about why someone attends. You make your kid realize that if they put in some effort, they can have a good social experience. Hopefully it teaches them how to be good hosts and how to be inclusive. And the best outcome from this exercise (excluding having a great halloween) is that your kid will come across some kids from good families who also value being inclusive and reciprocating. - DP

The point of this thread is “disinvitation” I guess the party hosts involved in these exclusive parties don’t care about the kids who fall to the side. We know you do it because you fear your kid being left out. You want to be the cool mom.

Are you the thread "nazi" now, weirdly triggered pp?

I have no desire to be a cool mom for other kids. I am a very loving and thoughtful mom for my own kid. And no one is excluding any kid. Our invites go out on our neighborhood listserv. Besides, my children always have companionship of kids of relatives and my own friends, their school friends etc, so we always have a critical mass of guests to have a party.

Yes, why would I want my own kid to be left out and feel bad because of Karens and their children? Are you insane? I also want them to learn how to be social and inclusive. I don't want them to be some helpless, isolated, anti-social, depressed adult once they are away from home.

Are you on the spectrum? Because your posts are really weird.

Wow, you’re really going off the deep end now. So defensive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yes, it’s a big conspiracy.

No, if the kids end up here I order pizza. Just like other parents do if the kids end up meeting at their house. I have no part in deciding where or who is meeting up.

People in here are clearly saying they host parties and are suggesting to OP that she host her own party. I guess you just don’t want to call your gathering a party.

Pick whatever word you want. It’s low key and has almost zero parent involvement.

Cool. So the kids are drinking in the basement at your not party b/c you’re not involved.

Why are you being weirdly aggressive about this?

The low-key gathering w/pizza does not include alcohol. There are adults in the home.

It’s social engineering. But people are claiming it’s not.

Does some social engineering exist? Yes.

Is letting your kid and their friends decide completely on their own what to do, where to go, and who to invite (and then change it all multiple times) considered social engineering? No.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yes, it’s a big conspiracy.

No, if the kids end up here I order pizza. Just like other parents do if the kids end up meeting at their house. I have no part in deciding where or who is meeting up.

People in here are clearly saying they host parties and are suggesting to OP that she host her own party. I guess you just don’t want to call your gathering a party.

Pick whatever word you want. It’s low key and has almost zero parent involvement.

Cool. So the kids are drinking in the basement at your not party b/c you’re not involved.

Why are you being weirdly aggressive about this?

The low-key gathering w/pizza does not include alcohol. There are adults in the home.

It’s social engineering. But people are claiming it’s not.

Does some social engineering exist? Yes.

Is letting your kid and their friends decide completely on their own what to do, where to go, and who to invite (and then change it all multiple times) considered social engineering? No.

Completely on their own, sure. Just a day or two ago was a party hosting mom wanting to disinvite her son’s friend b/c of something he said on Discord.

[Anonymous]

It is definitely mean behavior to say he cannot meet up with them after the party, and to back out of saying they would do so. Whether it is intentionally mean or just extremely inconsiderate tweens is hard to tell based on the info we have.

Why should he have to change himself? FWIW, my son has a friend from an elementary that he likes, and hangs out with one one one to do certain activities together, but tends not to invite to join group things. The rest of the kids like rap music and watching youtube videos, this kid dislikes both. Why should this kid have to change who he is and what he enjoys for other kids to accept him? And why should yours?


I see. Your kid is a user and you’re proud of it. Great job mom.

Yeah, that must be it. Just like I am a user for having one friend that I play pickleball with, but don't invite to my book club, or another who I do water walking with, but have never invited to a happy hour. Every person must be invited to every event, or you are a bad person.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

Actually it is the exact opposite in middle and high school. Parents are NOT involved. Kids make their own friend groups.

Who is ordering and paying for all this food as part of the “hosting”? Parents are absolutely involved in this.

My involvement: order pizza

This never used to be a thing. You ate dinner at your house then met your friends on the street. But now, you involve yourself.

I have no part other than ordering food _if_ they end up at our house.

People have gathered for dinner before trick or treating for as long as I can remember. Even back to the 80s. It might be new to you but it’s not new in general.

Not everyone had this same experience. But as usual it’s parent driven which causes a lot of problems.

In our area, it’s not parent driven at all. Which is why it’s so messy.

Kids are meeting at homes and the homeowner has no idea who is coming? People hosting parties in their homes are involved how can they not be? Kids don’t have their own places to host.

Yes. Kids are making the plans on where and who.

I really don't know my kids friends. I see new faces all the time. Unless the kid was particularly disrepectful on a previous visit I don't care who drops by. Do you have teens?

Yes, teens. I was saying yes to the PP who asked if I have no idea who is coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

Actually it is the exact opposite in middle and high school. Parents are NOT involved. Kids make their own friend groups.

Who is ordering and paying for all this food as part of the “hosting”? Parents are absolutely involved in this.

My involvement: order pizza

This never used to be a thing. You ate dinner at your house then met your friends on the street. But now, you involve yourself.

I have no part other than ordering food _if_ they end up at our house.

People have gathered for dinner before trick or treating for as long as I can remember. Even back to the 80s. It might be new to you but it’s not new in general.

Not everyone had this same experience. But as usual it’s parent driven which causes a lot of problems.

In our area, it’s not parent driven at all. Which is why it’s so messy.

Kids are meeting at homes and the homeowner has no idea who is coming? People hosting parties in their homes are involved how can they not be? Kids don’t have their own places to host.

Yes. Kids are making the plans on where and who.

I really don't know my kids friends. I see new faces all the time. Unless the kid was particularly disrepectful on a previous visit I don't care who drops by. Do you have teens?

Yes, teens. I was saying yes to the PP who asked if I have no idea who is coming.

So now nobody knows where their teens are going or who they are hanging out with? Where did all these completely hands off parents come from?