Halloween dis-invitation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Bad on you for allowing this.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Parents can’t win. If we offer up some pizza, we are socially engineering our kids. If we let them roam, we aren’t involved enough.

Offering some pizza and hosting is perfectly fine, just let your kid decide who to invite and stick with who they invited. It should be a day for the kids IMO - not for the parents.

This is a tween/teen forum. Teenagers make their own friends. Parents are not involved. Do the parents of left out kids think parents are somehow the ones trying to leave out their kid???

There are so many groups. With girls, there definitely seems to be a pretty popular type group and if you are not pretty or have a charismatic personality, they may not want you around. Same for the nerdy band kid. There are kids who play football and basketball and then the kids who are in marching band. Very different crowds.

Why? The kids are not orphans.

Yes. I think that the parents get their jollies when their children ditch other kids.

These parents act like they have to walk on egg shells around their fragile kids whose social lives can not be known, questioned, or commented on. Like they have strangers living in their homes who do as they please when they are actually dependent minors they are fully responsible for.

Wut? Which orifice did you pull that out of?

Oh, found the parent too scared to talk to their own kid.

Do you really go around making up these baseless, random narratives about people?

Weird.

What? It’s so obvious. People do not want to talk to their kids. They don’t want to do the work. Lots of kids are being little a-holes and their parents have their heads in the sand. Do you often dump your friends last minute for better plans? Why is it ok for your kid to do that? You’re neglecting your job as a parent of a young teen. Do better.

You have no idea what other parents are doing or not doing. Stop judging people based on your fictional version of them.

I have two teens. They mention who they are hanging out with. There are definitely some kids from elementary that seem to be on the periphery of the group and not normally in their core group for hang outs. Sometimes they have a new kid who is a friend of a friend. I don’t ask them when Bobby from elementary cub scouts or your friend from 4th grade was not invited for Halloween.

So if they were going with bobby, and you know because you actually asked them the plan was in advance, but then suddenly said Bobby wasn’t going anymore it simply wouldn’t occur to you to ask why not? Like what happened with OPs kid?There are a lot of really uninvolved clueless parents out there apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents can’t win. If we offer up some pizza, we are socially engineering our kids. If we let them roam, we aren’t involved enough.

Offering some pizza and hosting is perfectly fine, just let your kid decide who to invite and stick with who they invited. It should be a day for the kids IMO - not for the parents.

This is a tween/teen forum. Teenagers make their own friends. Parents are not involved. Do the parents of left out kids think parents are somehow the ones trying to leave out their kid???

There are so many groups. With girls, there definitely seems to be a pretty popular type group and if you are not pretty or have a charismatic personality, they may not want you around. Same for the nerdy band kid. There are kids who play football and basketball and then the kids who are in marching band. Very different crowds.

Why? The kids are not orphans.

Yes. I think that the parents get their jollies when their children ditch other kids.

These parents act like they have to walk on egg shells around their fragile kids whose social lives can not be known, questioned, or commented on. Like they have strangers living in their homes who do as they please when they are actually dependent minors they are fully responsible for.

Wut? Which orifice did you pull that out of?

Oh, found the parent too scared to talk to their own kid.

Do you really go around making up these baseless, random narratives about people?

Weird.

What? It’s so obvious. People do not want to talk to their kids. They don’t want to do the work. Lots of kids are being little a-holes and their parents have their heads in the sand. Do you often dump your friends last minute for better plans? Why is it ok for your kid to do that? You’re neglecting your job as a parent of a young teen. Do better.

You have no idea what other parents are doing or not doing. Stop judging people based on your fictional version of them.

They have said they know nothing because they let their kids handle it all. Have you read anything here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kind off topic but seeing the mention of kids going trick or treating by themselves reminded me of the time my Aunt had a 20-some year old guy with no costume ring her doorbell at 11 pm on Halloween with no bag who said trick or treat.

I think Covid and screens have made kids less socially adept.

People really need to stop blaming Covid. That was 4 years ago. My shy kid from Covid played Minecraft and read for that year. He has all new friends plus 3 friends from elementary in high school. My Fortnite during Covid kid plays multiple sports and doesn’t touch video games.

It was four years ago during a very important developmental time for kids depending on the age. Some kids were out of in person school for much longer than others depending on their district. My own child only recently progressed because his speech therapy during that period was paused having lasting issues for his self esteem. Study after study has shown Covid related impacts on educational achievement and estimated income as an adult. So no, I’m not going to stop incorporating Covid into a discussion about delays we are seeing in social skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents can’t win. If we offer up some pizza, we are socially engineering our kids. If we let them roam, we aren’t involved enough.

Offering some pizza and hosting is perfectly fine, just let your kid decide who to invite and stick with who they invited. It should be a day for the kids IMO - not for the parents.

This is a tween/teen forum. Teenagers make their own friends. Parents are not involved. Do the parents of left out kids think parents are somehow the ones trying to leave out their kid???

There are so many groups. With girls, there definitely seems to be a pretty popular type group and if you are not pretty or have a charismatic personality, they may not want you around. Same for the nerdy band kid. There are kids who play football and basketball and then the kids who are in marching band. Very different crowds.

Why? The kids are not orphans.

Yes. I think that the parents get their jollies when their children ditch other kids.

These parents act like they have to walk on egg shells around their fragile kids whose social lives can not be known, questioned, or commented on. Like they have strangers living in their homes who do as they please when they are actually dependent minors they are fully responsible for.

Wut? Which orifice did you pull that out of?

Oh, found the parent too scared to talk to their own kid.

Do you really go around making up these baseless, random narratives about people?

Weird.

What? It’s so obvious. People do not want to talk to their kids. They don’t want to do the work. Lots of kids are being little a-holes and their parents have their heads in the sand. Do you often dump your friends last minute for better plans? Why is it ok for your kid to do that? You’re neglecting your job as a parent of a young teen. Do better.

You have no idea what other parents are doing or not doing. Stop judging people based on your fictional version of them.

They have said they know nothing because they let their kids handle it all. Have you read anything here?

Go back and read because that is not what parents have been saying. You have come in here with an agenda and aren’t listening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents can’t win. If we offer up some pizza, we are socially engineering our kids. If we let them roam, we aren’t involved enough.

Offering some pizza and hosting is perfectly fine, just let your kid decide who to invite and stick with who they invited. It should be a day for the kids IMO - not for the parents.

This is a tween/teen forum. Teenagers make their own friends. Parents are not involved. Do the parents of left out kids think parents are somehow the ones trying to leave out their kid???

There are so many groups. With girls, there definitely seems to be a pretty popular type group and if you are not pretty or have a charismatic personality, they may not want you around. Same for the nerdy band kid. There are kids who play football and basketball and then the kids who are in marching band. Very different crowds.

Why? The kids are not orphans.

Yes. I think that the parents get their jollies when their children ditch other kids.

These parents act like they have to walk on egg shells around their fragile kids whose social lives can not be known, questioned, or commented on. Like they have strangers living in their homes who do as they please when they are actually dependent minors they are fully responsible for.

Wut? Which orifice did you pull that out of?

Oh, found the parent too scared to talk to their own kid.

Do you really go around making up these baseless, random narratives about people?

Weird.

What? It’s so obvious. People do not want to talk to their kids. They don’t want to do the work. Lots of kids are being little a-holes and their parents have their heads in the sand. Do you often dump your friends last minute for better plans? Why is it ok for your kid to do that? You’re neglecting your job as a parent of a young teen. Do better.

You have no idea what other parents are doing or not doing. Stop judging people based on your fictional version of them.

They have said they know nothing because they let their kids handle it all. Have you read anything here?

Go back and read because that is not what parents have been saying. You have come in here with an agenda and aren’t listening.

Listening to “my middle schoolers social life is none of my business?” What are you reading in here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents can’t win. If we offer up some pizza, we are socially engineering our kids. If we let them roam, we aren’t involved enough.

Offering some pizza and hosting is perfectly fine, just let your kid decide who to invite and stick with who they invited. It should be a day for the kids IMO - not for the parents.

This is a tween/teen forum. Teenagers make their own friends. Parents are not involved. Do the parents of left out kids think parents are somehow the ones trying to leave out their kid???

There are so many groups. With girls, there definitely seems to be a pretty popular type group and if you are not pretty or have a charismatic personality, they may not want you around. Same for the nerdy band kid. There are kids who play football and basketball and then the kids who are in marching band. Very different crowds.

Why? The kids are not orphans.

Yes. I think that the parents get their jollies when their children ditch other kids.

These parents act like they have to walk on egg shells around their fragile kids whose social lives can not be known, questioned, or commented on. Like they have strangers living in their homes who do as they please when they are actually dependent minors they are fully responsible for.

Wut? Which orifice did you pull that out of?

Oh, found the parent too scared to talk to their own kid.

Do you really go around making up these baseless, random narratives about people?

Weird.

What? It’s so obvious. People do not want to talk to their kids. They don’t want to do the work. Lots of kids are being little a-holes and their parents have their heads in the sand. Do you often dump your friends last minute for better plans? Why is it ok for your kid to do that? You’re neglecting your job as a parent of a young teen. Do better.

You have no idea what other parents are doing or not doing. Stop judging people based on your fictional version of them.

I have two teens. They mention who they are hanging out with. There are definitely some kids from elementary that seem to be on the periphery of the group and not normally in their core group for hang outs. Sometimes they have a new kid who is a friend of a friend. I don’t ask them when Bobby from elementary cub scouts or your friend from 4th grade was not invited for Halloween.

So if they were going with bobby, and you know because you actually asked them the plan was in advance, but then suddenly said Bobby wasn’t going anymore it simply wouldn’t occur to you to ask why not? Like what happened with OPs kid?There are a lot of really uninvolved clueless parents out there apparently.

Not PP but I don’t keep up with the kids on the periphery like this hypothetical Bobby is. I keep up with my teens’ main group of friends and yes, if suddenly I’m not hearing about that kid, I ask and try to figure out if there is an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents can’t win. If we offer up some pizza, we are socially engineering our kids. If we let them roam, we aren’t involved enough.

Offering some pizza and hosting is perfectly fine, just let your kid decide who to invite and stick with who they invited. It should be a day for the kids IMO - not for the parents.

This is a tween/teen forum. Teenagers make their own friends. Parents are not involved. Do the parents of left out kids think parents are somehow the ones trying to leave out their kid???

There are so many groups. With girls, there definitely seems to be a pretty popular type group and if you are not pretty or have a charismatic personality, they may not want you around. Same for the nerdy band kid. There are kids who play football and basketball and then the kids who are in marching band. Very different crowds.

Why? The kids are not orphans.

Yes. I think that the parents get their jollies when their children ditch other kids.

These parents act like they have to walk on egg shells around their fragile kids whose social lives can not be known, questioned, or commented on. Like they have strangers living in their homes who do as they please when they are actually dependent minors they are fully responsible for.

Wut? Which orifice did you pull that out of?

Oh, found the parent too scared to talk to their own kid.

Do you really go around making up these baseless, random narratives about people?

Weird.

What? It’s so obvious. People do not want to talk to their kids. They don’t want to do the work. Lots of kids are being little a-holes and their parents have their heads in the sand. Do you often dump your friends last minute for better plans? Why is it ok for your kid to do that? You’re neglecting your job as a parent of a young teen. Do better.

You have no idea what other parents are doing or not doing. Stop judging people based on your fictional version of them.

I have two teens. They mention who they are hanging out with. There are definitely some kids from elementary that seem to be on the periphery of the group and not normally in their core group for hang outs. Sometimes they have a new kid who is a friend of a friend. I don’t ask them when Bobby from elementary cub scouts or your friend from 4th grade was not invited for Halloween.

So if they were going with bobby, and you know because you actually asked them the plan was in advance, but then suddenly said Bobby wasn’t going anymore it simply wouldn’t occur to you to ask why not? Like what happened with OPs kid?There are a lot of really uninvolved clueless parents out there apparently.

Not PP but I don’t keep up with the kids on the periphery like this hypothetical Bobby is. I keep up with my teens’ main group of friends and yes, if suddenly I’m not hearing about that kid, I ask and try to figure out if there is an issue.

So in OPs example, in a small group no parent had any idea her kid was invited then uninvited? None at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents can’t win. If we offer up some pizza, we are socially engineering our kids. If we let them roam, we aren’t involved enough.

Offering some pizza and hosting is perfectly fine, just let your kid decide who to invite and stick with who they invited. It should be a day for the kids IMO - not for the parents.

This is a tween/teen forum. Teenagers make their own friends. Parents are not involved. Do the parents of left out kids think parents are somehow the ones trying to leave out their kid???

There are so many groups. With girls, there definitely seems to be a pretty popular type group and if you are not pretty or have a charismatic personality, they may not want you around. Same for the nerdy band kid. There are kids who play football and basketball and then the kids who are in marching band. Very different crowds.

Why? The kids are not orphans.

Yes. I think that the parents get their jollies when their children ditch other kids.

Why do you think this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents can’t win. If we offer up some pizza, we are socially engineering our kids. If we let them roam, we aren’t involved enough.

Offering some pizza and hosting is perfectly fine, just let your kid decide who to invite and stick with who they invited. It should be a day for the kids IMO - not for the parents.

This is a tween/teen forum. Teenagers make their own friends. Parents are not involved. Do the parents of left out kids think parents are somehow the ones trying to leave out their kid???

There are so many groups. With girls, there definitely seems to be a pretty popular type group and if you are not pretty or have a charismatic personality, they may not want you around. Same for the nerdy band kid. There are kids who play football and basketball and then the kids who are in marching band. Very different crowds.

Why? The kids are not orphans.

Yes. I think that the parents get their jollies when their children ditch other kids.

These parents act like they have to walk on egg shells around their fragile kids whose social lives can not be known, questioned, or commented on. Like they have strangers living in their homes who do as they please when they are actually dependent minors they are fully responsible for.

Wut? Which orifice did you pull that out of?

Oh, found the parent too scared to talk to their own kid.

Do you really go around making up these baseless, random narratives about people?

Weird.

What? It’s so obvious. People do not want to talk to their kids. They don’t want to do the work. Lots of kids are being little a-holes and their parents have their heads in the sand. Do you often dump your friends last minute for better plans? Why is it ok for your kid to do that? You’re neglecting your job as a parent of a young teen. Do better.

You have no idea what other parents are doing or not doing. Stop judging people based on your fictional version of them.

I have two teens. They mention who they are hanging out with. There are definitely some kids from elementary that seem to be on the periphery of the group and not normally in their core group for hang outs. Sometimes they have a new kid who is a friend of a friend. I don’t ask them when Bobby from elementary cub scouts or your friend from 4th grade was not invited for Halloween.

So if they were going with bobby, and you know because you actually asked them the plan was in advance, but then suddenly said Bobby wasn’t going anymore it simply wouldn’t occur to you to ask why not? Like what happened with OPs kid?There are a lot of really uninvolved clueless parents out there apparently.

Not PP but I don’t keep up with the kids on the periphery like this hypothetical Bobby is. I keep up with my teens’ main group of friends and yes, if suddenly I’m not hearing about that kid, I ask and try to figure out if there is an issue.

So in OPs example, in a small group no parent had any idea her kid was invited then uninvited? None at all?

How would I know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kind off topic but seeing the mention of kids going trick or treating by themselves reminded me of the time my Aunt had a 20-some year old guy with no costume ring her doorbell at 11 pm on Halloween with no bag who said trick or treat.

I think Covid and screens have made kids less socially adept.

People really need to stop blaming Covid. That was 4 years ago. My shy kid from Covid played Minecraft and read for that year. He has all new friends plus 3 friends from elementary in high school. My Fortnite during Covid kid plays multiple sports and doesn’t touch video games.

It was four years ago during a very important developmental time for kids depending on the age. Some kids were out of in person school for much longer than others depending on their district. My own child only recently progressed because his speech therapy during that period was paused having lasting issues for his self esteem. Study after study has shown Covid related impacts on educational achievement and estimated income as an adult. So no, I’m not going to stop incorporating Covid into a discussion about delays we are seeing in social skills.

And while first PP may have done a lot to combat those effects, in many families it has meant permanently more screen time, less activity, less socializing, etc. So it is relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents can’t win. If we offer up some pizza, we are socially engineering our kids. If we let them roam, we aren’t involved enough.

Offering some pizza and hosting is perfectly fine, just let your kid decide who to invite and stick with who they invited. It should be a day for the kids IMO - not for the parents.

This is a tween/teen forum. Teenagers make their own friends. Parents are not involved. Do the parents of left out kids think parents are somehow the ones trying to leave out their kid???

There are so many groups. With girls, there definitely seems to be a pretty popular type group and if you are not pretty or have a charismatic personality, they may not want you around. Same for the nerdy band kid. There are kids who play football and basketball and then the kids who are in marching band. Very different crowds.

Why? The kids are not orphans.

Yes. I think that the parents get their jollies when their children ditch other kids.

These parents act like they have to walk on egg shells around their fragile kids whose social lives can not be known, questioned, or commented on. Like they have strangers living in their homes who do as they please when they are actually dependent minors they are fully responsible for.

Wut? Which orifice did you pull that out of?

Oh, found the parent too scared to talk to their own kid.

Do you really go around making up these baseless, random narratives about people?

Weird.

What? It’s so obvious. People do not want to talk to their kids. They don’t want to do the work. Lots of kids are being little a-holes and their parents have their heads in the sand. Do you often dump your friends last minute for better plans? Why is it ok for your kid to do that? You’re neglecting your job as a parent of a young teen. Do better.

You have no idea what other parents are doing or not doing. Stop judging people based on your fictional version of them.

I have two teens. They mention who they are hanging out with. There are definitely some kids from elementary that seem to be on the periphery of the group and not normally in their core group for hang outs. Sometimes they have a new kid who is a friend of a friend. I don’t ask them when Bobby from elementary cub scouts or your friend from 4th grade was not invited for Halloween.

So if they were going with bobby, and you know because you actually asked them the plan was in advance, but then suddenly said Bobby wasn’t going anymore it simply wouldn’t occur to you to ask why not? Like what happened with OPs kid?There are a lot of really uninvolved clueless parents out there apparently.

Not PP but I don’t keep up with the kids on the periphery like this hypothetical Bobby is. I keep up with my teens’ main group of friends and yes, if suddenly I’m not hearing about that kid, I ask and try to figure out if there is an issue.

So in OPs example, in a small group no parent had any idea her kid was invited then uninvited? None at all?

How would I know?

You assume everyone is as hands off and disengaged as you are. A lot of parents in here apparently are. You won’t care until it happens to your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents can’t win. If we offer up some pizza, we are socially engineering our kids. If we let them roam, we aren’t involved enough.

Offering some pizza and hosting is perfectly fine, just let your kid decide who to invite and stick with who they invited. It should be a day for the kids IMO - not for the parents.

This is a tween/teen forum. Teenagers make their own friends. Parents are not involved. Do the parents of left out kids think parents are somehow the ones trying to leave out their kid???

There are so many groups. With girls, there definitely seems to be a pretty popular type group and if you are not pretty or have a charismatic personality, they may not want you around. Same for the nerdy band kid. There are kids who play football and basketball and then the kids who are in marching band. Very different crowds.

Why? The kids are not orphans.

Yes. I think that the parents get their jollies when their children ditch other kids.

These parents act like they have to walk on egg shells around their fragile kids whose social lives can not be known, questioned, or commented on. Like they have strangers living in their homes who do as they please when they are actually dependent minors they are fully responsible for.

Wut? Which orifice did you pull that out of?

Oh, found the parent too scared to talk to their own kid.

Do you really go around making up these baseless, random narratives about people?

Weird.

What? It’s so obvious. People do not want to talk to their kids. They don’t want to do the work. Lots of kids are being little a-holes and their parents have their heads in the sand. Do you often dump your friends last minute for better plans? Why is it ok for your kid to do that? You’re neglecting your job as a parent of a young teen. Do better.

You have no idea what other parents are doing or not doing. Stop judging people based on your fictional version of them.

I have two teens. They mention who they are hanging out with. There are definitely some kids from elementary that seem to be on the periphery of the group and not normally in their core group for hang outs. Sometimes they have a new kid who is a friend of a friend. I don’t ask them when Bobby from elementary cub scouts or your friend from 4th grade was not invited for Halloween.

So if they were going with bobby, and you know because you actually asked them the plan was in advance, but then suddenly said Bobby wasn’t going anymore it simply wouldn’t occur to you to ask why not? Like what happened with OPs kid?There are a lot of really uninvolved clueless parents out there apparently.

Not PP but I don’t keep up with the kids on the periphery like this hypothetical Bobby is. I keep up with my teens’ main group of friends and yes, if suddenly I’m not hearing about that kid, I ask and try to figure out if there is an issue.

So in OPs example, in a small group no parent had any idea her kid was invited then uninvited? None at all?

How would I know?

You assume everyone is as hands off and disengaged as you are. A lot of parents in here apparently are. You won’t care until it happens to your kid.

I’m not making assumptions at all. I’m responding to questions here as per my own experience. My kids absolutely have been on the receiving end of these types of situations and had to navigate them, so stop making judgments here.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

Actually it is the exact opposite in middle and high school. Parents are NOT involved. Kids make their own friend groups.

Who is ordering and paying for all this food as part of the “hosting”? Parents are absolutely involved in this.

My involvement: order pizza

This never used to be a thing. You ate dinner at your house then met your friends on the street. But now, you involve yourself.

I have no part other than ordering food _if_ they end up at our house.

People have gathered for dinner before trick or treating for as long as I can remember. Even back to the 80s. It might be new to you but it’s not new in general.

Not everyone had this same experience. But as usual it’s parent driven which causes a lot of problems.

We were raised lower middle class with parents who worked all the time so both my DH and I were stunned when we first encountered the social engineering etc. and he grew up with a huge immigrant family and mostly hung out with cousins so all the friend group stuff was pretty confusing to him. I had never encountered pre-parties for trick or treating, elaborate house decorations with smoke machines etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents can’t win. If we offer up some pizza, we are socially engineering our kids. If we let them roam, we aren’t involved enough.

Offering some pizza and hosting is perfectly fine, just let your kid decide who to invite and stick with who they invited. It should be a day for the kids IMO - not for the parents.

This is a tween/teen forum. Teenagers make their own friends. Parents are not involved. Do the parents of left out kids think parents are somehow the ones trying to leave out their kid???

There are so many groups. With girls, there definitely seems to be a pretty popular type group and if you are not pretty or have a charismatic personality, they may not want you around. Same for the nerdy band kid. There are kids who play football and basketball and then the kids who are in marching band. Very different crowds.

Why? The kids are not orphans.

Yes. I think that the parents get their jollies when their children ditch other kids.

These parents act like they have to walk on egg shells around their fragile kids whose social lives can not be known, questioned, or commented on. Like they have strangers living in their homes who do as they please when they are actually dependent minors they are fully responsible for.

Wut? Which orifice did you pull that out of?

Oh, found the parent too scared to talk to their own kid.

Do you really go around making up these baseless, random narratives about people?

Weird.

What? It’s so obvious. People do not want to talk to their kids. They don’t want to do the work. Lots of kids are being little a-holes and their parents have their heads in the sand. Do you often dump your friends last minute for better plans? Why is it ok for your kid to do that? You’re neglecting your job as a parent of a young teen. Do better.

You have no idea what other parents are doing or not doing. Stop judging people based on your fictional version of them.

I have two teens. They mention who they are hanging out with. There are definitely some kids from elementary that seem to be on the periphery of the group and not normally in their core group for hang outs. Sometimes they have a new kid who is a friend of a friend. I don’t ask them when Bobby from elementary cub scouts or your friend from 4th grade was not invited for Halloween.

So if they were going with bobby, and you know because you actually asked them the plan was in advance, but then suddenly said Bobby wasn’t going anymore it simply wouldn’t occur to you to ask why not? Like what happened with OPs kid?There are a lot of really uninvolved clueless parents out there apparently.

Not PP but I don’t keep up with the kids on the periphery like this hypothetical Bobby is. I keep up with my teens’ main group of friends and yes, if suddenly I’m not hearing about that kid, I ask and try to figure out if there is an issue.

So in OPs example, in a small group no parent had any idea her kid was invited then uninvited? None at all?

How would I know?

You assume everyone is as hands off and disengaged as you are. A lot of parents in here apparently are. You won’t care until it happens to your kid.

I’m not making assumptions at all. I’m responding to questions here as per my own experience. My kids absolutely have been on the receiving end of these types of situations and had to navigate them, so stop making judgments here.

It happens to the vast majority of kids at some point it’s part of learning to navigate social situations. I think some parents on here are trying to shield their kids from any social discomfort, and I think it may have the opposite effect in adulthood.