Halloween dis-invitation

[Anonymous]

OP here,

I know tons of the parents in elementary school. But it seems like a totally different game once you get to middle school and three to four different elementary schools come together. I don't know the parents of the kid having the gathering prior to trick or treating tonight. It's not a block party or a class party. It's just a handful of friends at his house. Apparently it is exactly the kids that walk to school together minus my DS.

Anyway, I care less about who to blame and more about how I help my kid so he's not stuffing down his feelings. Seems like boys have a hard time articulating how they're feeling in words.

In the meantime I'm trying to make it fun, handing out candy, watching a movie and he still wants to go out trick or treating but on his own (likely with Dad trailing way behind).

[Anonymous]

I don't know the parents of the kid having the gathering prior to trick or treating tonight. It's not a block party or a class party. It's just a handful of friends at his house. Apparently it is exactly the kids that walk to school together minus my DS.

I understand why he may not have been invited to the party, if he is not the host's good friend or the host isn't into him for whatever reason. But why can't one of his other friends call him when they are actually leaving to trick or treat, so that they can meet up for that portion? That's what isn't making sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take it you're not friends with the moms on your street and that's why they excluded him?

This OP— it’s not the kids, it’s the jerk moms who are trying to live their kids’ lives for them. These same women will be appearing in their sons’ homecoming pictures in a few years—standing between their son and his date.

Agree with this and I could see how this happens and it’s not the kid’s fault:

They made plans at school to go in group.

Kid 1 told his mom hey I’m going with X 6 kids from school.

Mom said no we’re going to Aiden’s mom’s house for a pre Halloween party and she only invited so many kids.

This got relayed to your son as being disinvited when it was really a parent social engineering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take it you're not friends with the moms on your street and that's why they excluded him?

This OP— it’s not the kids, it’s the jerk moms who are trying to live their kids’ lives for them. These same women will be appearing in their sons’ homecoming pictures in a few years—standing between their son and his date.

Agree with this and I could see how this happens and it’s not the kid’s fault:

They made plans at school to go in group.

Kid 1 told his mom hey I’m going with X 6 kids from school.

Mom said no we’re going to Aiden’s mom’s house for a pre Halloween party and she only invited so many kids.

This got relayed to your son as being disinvited when it was really a parent social engineering.

In middle school?! I don't know the same people you know. My kids figured out their own plans and I dropped them off without even getting out of the car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take it you're not friends with the moms on your street and that's why they excluded him?

This OP— it’s not the kids, it’s the jerk moms who are trying to live their kids’ lives for them. These same women will be appearing in their sons’ homecoming pictures in a few years—standing between their son and his date.

Agree with this and I could see how this happens and it’s not the kid’s fault:

They made plans at school to go in group.

Kid 1 told his mom hey I’m going with X 6 kids from school.

Mom said no we’re going to Aiden’s mom’s house for a pre Halloween party and she only invited so many kids.

This got relayed to your son as being disinvited when it was really a parent social engineering.

In middle school?! I don't know the same people you know. My kids figured out their own plans and I dropped them off without even getting out of the car.

It’s sadly normal these days, parents are still very involved with the kids social lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take it you're not friends with the moms on your street and that's why they excluded him?

This OP— it’s not the kids, it’s the jerk moms who are trying to live their kids’ lives for them. These same women will be appearing in their sons’ homecoming pictures in a few years—standing between their son and his date.

Agree with this and I could see how this happens and it’s not the kid’s fault:

They made plans at school to go in group.

Kid 1 told his mom hey I’m going with X 6 kids from school.

Mom said no we’re going to Aiden’s mom’s house for a pre Halloween party and she only invited so many kids.

This got relayed to your son as being disinvited when it was really a parent social engineering.

Same thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you close enough with any of the moms to ask them for insight? I wouldn’t jump to conclusions now, but if he continues to be excluded/isolated I would definitely be concerned.

For tonight I’d offer a movie or some activity you know he likes, and if he wants to stay home and be sad, I’d respect that. I’m sorry those boys were so unkind to your son.

In middle school? Don't do this. This is for your kid to navigate. Of COURSE the other kid's are being jerks, but that is life. Do not intervene with a mom, that's a guarantee he'll never be invited again.

I guess you didn’t read the bolded first sentence. I didn’t suggest that OP intervene, and yes that would be weird in MS. If OP had been close with any of the moms it would be normal after the fact to say, “OtherLarlo canceled Halloween plans with Larlo, and then the NotLarlo crew didn’t want him to join them. Larlo isn’t talking much about it. Do you have any tea?”

We now know OP is not close with any of the moms so it’s not relevant for her situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I’ve just make my own plan for my 3 kids each year. We leave our neighborhood and go to my parents’ more festive and full of kids neighborhood. My kids don’t feel pressure to make their own plans because they know we already have plans if they don’t have one. So far they have preferred to stick together on Halloween.

You don’t have MS age kids do you?

Yep have an 8th grader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I’ve just make my own plan for my 3 kids each year. We leave our neighborhood and go to my parents’ more festive and full of kids neighborhood. My kids don’t feel pressure to make their own plans because they know we already have plans if they don’t have one. So far they have preferred to stick together on Halloween.

This only works if you have more than one child. For those of us with just the one, your advice is not useful.

Oh well. That’s why i mentioned 3. It doesn’t have to be one size fits all. I can’t really get 3 kids around to all their social groups and hooking up with one family doesn’t work for us either. It’s an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't know the parents of the kid having the gathering prior to trick or treating tonight. It's not a block party or a class party. It's just a handful of friends at his house. Apparently it is exactly the kids that walk to school together minus my DS.

I understand why he may not have been invited to the party, if he is not the host's good friend or the host isn't into him for whatever reason. But why can't one of his other friends call him when they are actually leaving to trick or treat, so that they can meet up for that portion? That's what isn't making sense to me.

I’m not sure MS kids think like that.

[Anonymous]

OP here

It's hard to be a friendly, grown up when the group of 4 kids who said mine couldn't go with them come to the door to trick or treat together.

They were very quiet...

Mine was out trick or treating on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

It's hard to be a friendly, grown up when the group of 4 kids who said mine couldn't go with them come to the door to trick or treat together.

They were very quiet...

Mine was out trick or treating on his own.

Oh my gosh, I’m sorry. My kids have been in this situation. It’s so hard. I hope your kid had a good enough night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you close enough with any of the moms to ask them for insight? I wouldn’t jump to conclusions now, but if he continues to be excluded/isolated I would definitely be concerned.

For tonight I’d offer a movie or some activity you know he likes, and if he wants to stay home and be sad, I’d respect that. I’m sorry those boys were so unkind to your son.

In middle school? Don't do this. This is for your kid to navigate. Of COURSE the other kid's are being jerks, but that is life. Do not intervene with a mom, that's a guarantee he'll never be invited again.

I guess you didn’t read the bolded first sentence. I didn’t suggest that OP intervene, and yes that would be weird in MS. If OP had been close with any of the moms it would be normal after the fact to say, “OtherLarlo canceled Halloween plans with Larlo, and then the NotLarlo crew didn’t want him to join them. Larlo isn’t talking much about it. Do you have any tea?”

We now know OP is not close with any of the moms so it’s not relevant for her situation.

Doesn't matter. What would be the end result?
OP, I feel you. DC has a friend whose mom is engineering MS girl friendships. She's a crude woman with deep insecurities, and I feel sorry for her girls having to grow up with that kind of mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you close enough with any of the moms to ask them for insight? I wouldn’t jump to conclusions now, but if he continues to be excluded/isolated I would definitely be concerned.

For tonight I’d offer a movie or some activity you know he likes, and if he wants to stay home and be sad, I’d respect that. I’m sorry those boys were so unkind to your son.

In middle school? Don't do this. This is for your kid to navigate. Of COURSE the other kid's are being jerks, but that is life. Do not intervene with a mom, that's a guarantee he'll never be invited again.

Agree with this. Do NOT ask other parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

It's hard to be a friendly, grown up when the group of 4 kids who said mine couldn't go with them come to the door to trick or treat together.

They were very quiet...

Mine was out trick or treating on his own.

I’m so glad your DS wasn’t home. That would have been hard.

My DD has been in the same situation before and it’s just awful, but you and your DH really came through for your DS. Hope he’s had a good enough night.