Halloween dis-invitation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: We are a non-White, non-Christian immigrant minority. I used to end up doing dinner and pictures before ToT and every kid in the neighborhood was invited (including the parents). My kids would also invite their school friends or friends from extra-curricular activities. Kids who were part of family and friends would also get invited and all of them could bring a friend or two. All we needed was a count of the number of people we were inviting so we knew how much pizza and wings to order.

Why would you wait for other people to include or exclude your child? You have your own damn party and you make sure to be inclusive to everyone. Let your kids understand that they should control the narrative of their lives. This is a valuable lesson for them to learn.

OP here

I actually suggested this very thing to DS last night after trick or treating... something to think about for next year. Also his birthday is coming up in December - we previously talked about him picking a cool activity and inviting 4-5 friends to go with him, instead of a party. In light of this he probably should take some time and really think about who he wants to invite to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

Actually it is the exact opposite in middle and high school. Parents are NOT involved. Kids make their own friend groups.

Who is ordering and paying for all this food as part of the “hosting”? Parents are absolutely involved in this.

My involvement: order pizza

This never used to be a thing. You ate dinner at your house then met your friends on the street. But now, you involve yourself.

I have no part other than ordering food _if_ they end up at our house.

People have gathered for dinner before trick or treating for as long as I can remember. Even back to the 80s. It might be new to you but it’s not new in general.

Not everyone had this same experience. But as usual it’s parent driven which causes a lot of problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

Actually it is the exact opposite in middle and high school. Parents are NOT involved. Kids make their own friend groups.

Who is ordering and paying for all this food as part of the “hosting”? Parents are absolutely involved in this.

My involvement: order pizza

This never used to be a thing. You ate dinner at your house then met your friends on the street. But now, you involve yourself.

I have no part other than ordering food _if_ they end up at our house.

People have gathered for dinner before trick or treating for as long as I can remember. Even back to the 80s. It might be new to you but it’s not new in general.

Not everyone had this same experience. But as usual it’s parent driven which causes a lot of problems.

In our area, it’s not parent driven at all. Which is why it’s so messy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

Actually it is the exact opposite in middle and high school. Parents are NOT involved. Kids make their own friend groups.

Who is ordering and paying for all this food as part of the “hosting”? Parents are absolutely involved in this.

My involvement: order pizza

This never used to be a thing. You ate dinner at your house then met your friends on the street. But now, you involve yourself.

I have no part other than ordering food _if_ they end up at our house.

People have gathered for dinner before trick or treating for as long as I can remember. Even back to the 80s. It might be new to you but it’s not new in general.

Not everyone had this same experience. But as usual it’s parent driven which causes a lot of problems.

In our area, it’s not parent driven at all. Which is why it’s so messy.

Kids are meeting at homes and the homeowner has no idea who is coming? People hosting parties in their homes are involved how can they not be? Kids don’t have their own places to host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yes, it’s a big conspiracy.

No, if the kids end up here I order pizza. Just like other parents do if the kids end up meeting at their house. I have no part in deciding where or who is meeting up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

Actually it is the exact opposite in middle and high school. Parents are NOT involved. Kids make their own friend groups.

Who is ordering and paying for all this food as part of the “hosting”? Parents are absolutely involved in this.

My involvement: order pizza

This never used to be a thing. You ate dinner at your house then met your friends on the street. But now, you involve yourself.

I have no part other than ordering food _if_ they end up at our house.

People have gathered for dinner before trick or treating for as long as I can remember. Even back to the 80s. It might be new to you but it’s not new in general.

Not everyone had this same experience. But as usual it’s parent driven which causes a lot of problems.

In our area, it’s not parent driven at all. Which is why it’s so messy.

Kids are meeting at homes and the homeowner has no idea who is coming? People hosting parties in their homes are involved how can they not be? Kids don’t have their own places to host.

Yes. Kids are making the plans on where and who.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yes, it’s a big conspiracy.

No, if the kids end up here I order pizza. Just like other parents do if the kids end up meeting at their house. I have no part in deciding where or who is meeting up.

People in here are clearly saying they host parties and are suggesting to OP that she host her own party. I guess you just don’t want to call your gathering a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I take it you're not friends with the moms on your street and that's why they excluded him?

FYI, by middle school kids manager their own relationships. I had a falling out with a friend/neighbor because she thought like this. I liked her and her kid but my kid didn't choose her kid to hang out with. I'm still saddened by the loss in friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yes, it’s a big conspiracy.

No, if the kids end up here I order pizza. Just like other parents do if the kids end up meeting at their house. I have no part in deciding where or who is meeting up.

People in here are clearly saying they host parties and are suggesting to OP that she host her own party. I guess you just don’t want to call your gathering a party.

Pick whatever word you want. It’s low key and has almost zero parent involvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yes, it’s a big conspiracy.

No, if the kids end up here I order pizza. Just like other parents do if the kids end up meeting at their house. I have no part in deciding where or who is meeting up.

People in here are clearly saying they host parties and are suggesting to OP that she host her own party. I guess you just don’t want to call your gathering a party.

Pick whatever word you want. It’s low key and has almost zero parent involvement.

Cool. So the kids are drinking in the basement at your not party b/c you’re not involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yup.
Some kids can be bribed with pizza.
Some kids are bribed by the allure of not being excluded.
Some kids want to make friends.
Some parents like that they don't have to feed dinner to their kids.
Some parents like that the kid is on their own.

It is not your business to care about why someone attends. You make your kid realize that if they put in some effort, they can have a good social experience. Hopefully it teaches them how to be good hosts and how to be inclusive. And the best outcome from this exercise (excluding having a great halloween) is that your kid will come across some kids from good families who also value being inclusive and reciprocating. - DP

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Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

Actually it is the exact opposite in middle and high school. Parents are NOT involved. Kids make their own friend groups.

Who is ordering and paying for all this food as part of the “hosting”? Parents are absolutely involved in this.

My involvement: order pizza

This never used to be a thing. You ate dinner at your house then met your friends on the street. But now, you involve yourself.

Not that pp. I ordered Chik Fil a because one of my kids doesn’t like pizza.

Even when my kids were toddlers, I used to see houses blasting music with tons of people at their house. This is not new.

Plenty of siblings go around.

This is the tween/teen forum. Teens usually stop trick or treating. OP and the 12-13 year olds is that transition year where it may seem like people are being left out. I bet half the middle did nothing.

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Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yes, it’s a big conspiracy.

No, if the kids end up here I order pizza. Just like other parents do if the kids end up meeting at their house. I have no part in deciding where or who is meeting up.

People in here are clearly saying they host parties and are suggesting to OP that she host her own party. I guess you just don’t want to call your gathering a party.

Pick whatever word you want. It’s low key and has almost zero parent involvement.

Cool. So the kids are drinking in the basement at your not party b/c you’re not involved.

Wow! You are so triggered? The scenarios you are dreaming up of are insane. Halloween is not known as the big event for drinking in the basement. Do your kids drink in the basement if you are not present? You sound like a jealous Karen who cannot stand that someone can host kids at their house.

-NP