Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?

[Anonymous]

If you don’t like them enough to pay for their dinner then don’t invite them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am genuinely curious: if you are one of the posters who is offended by the notion of cover your plate or that there is any expectation to gift- what are you doing when you attend? Are you not gifting at all?

I find the "cover your plate" thing tacky and was raised to believe that there is never an expectation of gift (I would probably find it odd if someone went to a wedding and gave nothing, though). Wedding registries were created by all couples when I was at the age where a lot of my friends were marrying (90s-early 00s), and you would put plenty of really inexpensive things on there on purpose so that people could spend a small amount on a gift if that fit their budget/sensibility. In my (WASPy, wealthy, midwestern) community, there was no expectation to cover a plate, or even to give an expensive gift if you were wealthy. I'll add here though, that back then parents paid for the wedding, and in my community there was plenty of money for that. Young couples were not paying for the wedding -- so there was less financial stress caused. Less financial stress caused = less of a situation where couples are taking the potential amount they will get in gifts into consideration when they are setting a budget for their reception (I find that a dumb thing to do, but people do it).

What am I doing when I attend a wedding now? For young couples, I am giving cash -- because nowadays that is what people want, and it is the norm. $300-500 for friends, $500-$1000 for the niece/nephew situation. The last wedding we attended was a second marriage, later in life, and we got them something off their registry that cost about $125 and they loved it and were thrilled; it's good to just take all facts and circumstances into consideration -- I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have even been comfortable with a big check. Whereas a young niece/nephew would look at that gift from that registry and roll their eyes and wonder why we didn't send a big check. Cultural norms are shifting around all of this. Mainly, I think, because couples are paying for their own wedding, and weddings aren't getting any cheaper.

Also, fwiw, although I grew up with wealthy grandparents, friends, etc, my DH and I are UMC at best, and we eloped as we had no desire to spend a lot of money on a wedding. (I married later, and my parents were no longer with us to pay, although they paid for my sibling's wedding.) We expected no gifts, and didn't get many, but a coworker I was only acquainted a little bit with showed up to work after my wedding with a beautiful card for me with a $25 Starbucks gift card in it because I'm always arriving at work with a Starbucks drink -- I'll never forget it and it meant a lot to me that she thought of me. It was probably my favorite wedding gift. Everything is context.

Weddings in some parts of US are broke dick bare bones crap.

In parts of county you go to some shack of a church and on basement some coffee and cake served. Even “rich” people in places like Ohio at crappy country club of bride with a cash bar.

I got one gift that was not cash my wedding some vase I needed like a whole in my head. The couple were multimillionaires and me and wife had combined $110k a year in one and living in a one bedroom apt. No receipt either was a used vase. They are $200 worth of food and drink and handed me a vase not even in a box! I googled it and was junk like $20 bucks.

I went to one wedding couple also making what I made had $200 a person wedding. But I had money by then. I gave them $1,000 to cover some deadbeats

Many of the “crappy” weddings are a ton of fun…why would you spend $200 a head when you clearly couldn’t afford it.

All these comments make me less likely to “cover my plate” because the couple will likely overspend and mismanage their finances.

Societal expectation! The wedding industrial complex! It sounds absurd. There really is not this hidden gem of a sub $200 option for a traditional wedding in a HCOL area. Anyone who has planned a wedding in the last two years will tell you that. But to then deliberately “punish” the couple who invited you by limiting your gift? That’s ridiculous.

What’s ridiculous is thinking people that don’t fork over large wads of cash are punishing you for being invited to your wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha! We just hosted a black tie wedding in DC proper and had a set of my children’s local friends gifted $50 (so $25 a person). Trust me, they can afford to give way more. My daughter was shocked at how cheap her friends were! It barely covered the cost of a single cocktail at the hotel bar afterparty (which of course they attended).

So the goal is to turn a profit?

Of course it is not to turn a profit. It’s just a statement that a gift of $25/person covers barely anything. It just goes to show people have differing social norms - this was not a case of not being able to afford gifting more. But if you are so focused on profit, it cost us $325 a plate inclusive of tax and service fee (its about 30% these days) for catering & open bar, so we are “officially” negative $600 on these particular guests. Weddings prices have gone out the door these days.

"covers barely anything" - so it's an entrance fee?

Some people do a simple wedding in their backyard, or at City Hall. People who want more than that can spend the money for a big party, of course. The cost is on them, not their guests (who are not "guests" at all if they are expected to "cover" costs).

+1 The "cover your plate" concept is so tacky. The first time I heard it was from someone who grew up in MD. He told the guy at the registry store that he wanted to cover his plate. The guy bristled and told him there's no need for that.

DH and I threw an expensive wedding and had no intention of foisting the costs onto our guests. After reading this thread, I hope no one felt like they had to spend more on a gift just because we chose to spend more on the wedding. I'm from the South and was raised that the host always pays for the party without any expectations for gifts. Never any cash bars and we pay for everyone if we throw a dinner party at a restaurant.

We give gifts based on how close we are to the couple. I don't care if it's a black tie event for 200 people or BBQ in the backyard for 25 people. I'd actually feel more honored to be selected as someone's top 25 people than some third cousin who I barely know, but I'd be grateful to be invited to either wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha! We just hosted a black tie wedding in DC proper and had a set of my children’s local friends gifted $50 (so $25 a person). Trust me, they can afford to give way more. My daughter was shocked at how cheap her friends were! It barely covered the cost of a single cocktail at the hotel bar afterparty (which of course they attended).

So the goal is to turn a profit?

Of course it is not to turn a profit. It’s just a statement that a gift of $25/person covers barely anything. It just goes to show people have differing social norms - this was not a case of not being able to afford gifting more. But if you are so focused on profit, it cost us $325 a plate inclusive of tax and service fee (its about 30% these days) for catering & open bar, so we are “officially” negative $600 on these particular guests. Weddings prices have gone out the door these days.

"covers barely anything" - so it's an entrance fee?

Some people do a simple wedding in their backyard, or at City Hall. People who want more than that can spend the money for a big party, of course. The cost is on them, not their guests (who are not "guests" at all if they are expected to "cover" costs).

+1 The "cover your plate" concept is so tacky. The first time I heard it was from someone who grew up in MD. He told the guy at the registry store that he wanted to cover his plate. The guy bristled and told him there's no need for that.

DH and I threw an expensive wedding and had no intention of foisting the costs onto our guests. After reading this thread, I hope no one felt like they had to spend more on a gift just because we chose to spend more on the wedding. I'm from the South and was raised that the host always pays for the party without any expectations for gifts. Never any cash bars and we pay for everyone if we throw a dinner party at a restaurant.

We give gifts based on how close we are to the couple. I don't care if it's a black tie event for 200 people or BBQ in the backyard for 25 people. I'd actually feel more honored to be selected as someone's top 25 people than some third cousin who I barely know, but I'd be grateful to be invited to either wedding.

Agreed. Don't throw parties you can't afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha! We just hosted a black tie wedding in DC proper and had a set of my children’s local friends gifted $50 (so $25 a person). Trust me, they can afford to give way more. My daughter was shocked at how cheap her friends were! It barely covered the cost of a single cocktail at the hotel bar afterparty (which of course they attended).

So the goal is to turn a profit?

Of course it is not to turn a profit. It’s just a statement that a gift of $25/person covers barely anything. It just goes to show people have differing social norms - this was not a case of not being able to afford gifting more. But if you are so focused on profit, it cost us $325 a plate inclusive of tax and service fee (its about 30% these days) for catering & open bar, so we are “officially” negative $600 on these particular guests. Weddings prices have gone out the door these days.

"covers barely anything" - so it's an entrance fee?

Some people do a simple wedding in their backyard, or at City Hall. People who want more than that can spend the money for a big party, of course. The cost is on them, not their guests (who are not "guests" at all if they are expected to "cover" costs).

+1 The "cover your plate" concept is so tacky. The first time I heard it was from someone who grew up in MD. He told the guy at the registry store that he wanted to cover his plate. The guy bristled and told him there's no need for that.

DH and I threw an expensive wedding and had no intention of foisting the costs onto our guests. After reading this thread, I hope no one felt like they had to spend more on a gift just because we chose to spend more on the wedding. I'm from the South and was raised that the host always pays for the party without any expectations for gifts. Never any cash bars and we pay for everyone if we throw a dinner party at a restaurant.

We give gifts based on how close we are to the couple. I don't care if it's a black tie event for 200 people or BBQ in the backyard for 25 people. I'd actually feel more honored to be selected as someone's top 25 people than some third cousin who I barely know, but I'd be grateful to be invited to either wedding.

Agreed. Don't throw parties you can't afford.

This is it ^^.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am genuinely curious: if you are one of the posters who is offended by the notion of cover your plate or that there is any expectation to gift- what are you doing when you attend? Are you not gifting at all?

I find the "cover your plate" thing tacky and was raised to believe that there is never an expectation of gift (I would probably find it odd if someone went to a wedding and gave nothing, though). Wedding registries were created by all couples when I was at the age where a lot of my friends were marrying (90s-early 00s), and you would put plenty of really inexpensive things on there on purpose so that people could spend a small amount on a gift if that fit their budget/sensibility. In my (WASPy, wealthy, midwestern) community, there was no expectation to cover a plate, or even to give an expensive gift if you were wealthy. I'll add here though, that back then parents paid for the wedding, and in my community there was plenty of money for that. Young couples were not paying for the wedding -- so there was less financial stress caused. Less financial stress caused = less of a situation where couples are taking the potential amount they will get in gifts into consideration when they are setting a budget for their reception (I find that a dumb thing to do, but people do it).

What am I doing when I attend a wedding now? For young couples, I am giving cash -- because nowadays that is what people want, and it is the norm. $300-500 for friends, $500-$1000 for the niece/nephew situation. The last wedding we attended was a second marriage, later in life, and we got them something off their registry that cost about $125 and they loved it and were thrilled; it's good to just take all facts and circumstances into consideration -- I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have even been comfortable with a big check. Whereas a young niece/nephew would look at that gift from that registry and roll their eyes and wonder why we didn't send a big check. Cultural norms are shifting around all of this. Mainly, I think, because couples are paying for their own wedding, and weddings aren't getting any cheaper.

Also, fwiw, although I grew up with wealthy grandparents, friends, etc, my DH and I are UMC at best, and we eloped as we had no desire to spend a lot of money on a wedding. (I married later, and my parents were no longer with us to pay, although they paid for my sibling's wedding.) We expected no gifts, and didn't get many, but a coworker I was only acquainted a little bit with showed up to work after my wedding with a beautiful card for me with a $25 Starbucks gift card in it because I'm always arriving at work with a Starbucks drink -- I'll never forget it and it meant a lot to me that she thought of me. It was probably my favorite wedding gift. Everything is context.

Weddings in some parts of US are broke dick bare bones crap.

In parts of county you go to some shack of a church and on basement some coffee and cake served. Even “rich” people in places like Ohio at crappy country club of bride with a cash bar.

I got one gift that was not cash my wedding some vase I needed like a whole in my head. The couple were multimillionaires and me and wife had combined $110k a year in one and living in a one bedroom apt. No receipt either was a used vase. They are $200 worth of food and drink and handed me a vase not even in a box! I googled it and was junk like $20 bucks.

I went to one wedding couple also making what I made had $200 a person wedding. But I had money by then. I gave them $1,000 to cover some deadbeats

Many of the “crappy” weddings are a ton of fun…why would you spend $200 a head when you clearly couldn’t afford it.

All these comments make me less likely to “cover my plate” because the couple will likely overspend and mismanage their finances.

I recognize the writing style from many threads. It's the same poster how has an amazing range of opinions on an amazing range of topics in an amazing range of places, although there's a bit of a tristate focus if there is one. Not sure how much credibility to give him.

Weddings have changed quite a bit in my lifetime and I'm only in my early 40s. I remember going to weddings in the late 80s and 90s as a child and these were the standard UMC whitebread American weddings of the time and there was always a registry with everything from the wedding china to towels or kitchen utensils on it and you got what you could afford / wanted. No one talked in terms of cash or covering the plates. There would be a table set up in the bride's house with all the gifts on display.

Cash gifts these days are convenient but a cop out in many ways. I have more respect for the very traditional "ethnic" weddings were people do give a lot of cash as gifts because everyone also knows the couple is going to use all that cash as a down payment on their first house. That makes sense and is appropriate. Cash for the sake of cash is eh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am genuinely curious: if you are one of the posters who is offended by the notion of cover your plate or that there is any expectation to gift- what are you doing when you attend? Are you not gifting at all?

I find the "cover your plate" thing tacky and was raised to believe that there is never an expectation of gift (I would probably find it odd if someone went to a wedding and gave nothing, though). Wedding registries were created by all couples when I was at the age where a lot of my friends were marrying (90s-early 00s), and you would put plenty of really inexpensive things on there on purpose so that people could spend a small amount on a gift if that fit their budget/sensibility. In my (WASPy, wealthy, midwestern) community, there was no expectation to cover a plate, or even to give an expensive gift if you were wealthy. I'll add here though, that back then parents paid for the wedding, and in my community there was plenty of money for that. Young couples were not paying for the wedding -- so there was less financial stress caused. Less financial stress caused = less of a situation where couples are taking the potential amount they will get in gifts into consideration when they are setting a budget for their reception (I find that a dumb thing to do, but people do it).

What am I doing when I attend a wedding now? For young couples, I am giving cash -- because nowadays that is what people want, and it is the norm. $300-500 for friends, $500-$1000 for the niece/nephew situation. The last wedding we attended was a second marriage, later in life, and we got them something off their registry that cost about $125 and they loved it and were thrilled; it's good to just take all facts and circumstances into consideration -- I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have even been comfortable with a big check. Whereas a young niece/nephew would look at that gift from that registry and roll their eyes and wonder why we didn't send a big check. Cultural norms are shifting around all of this. Mainly, I think, because couples are paying for their own wedding, and weddings aren't getting any cheaper.

Also, fwiw, although I grew up with wealthy grandparents, friends, etc, my DH and I are UMC at best, and we eloped as we had no desire to spend a lot of money on a wedding. (I married later, and my parents were no longer with us to pay, although they paid for my sibling's wedding.) We expected no gifts, and didn't get many, but a coworker I was only acquainted a little bit with showed up to work after my wedding with a beautiful card for me with a $25 Starbucks gift card in it because I'm always arriving at work with a Starbucks drink -- I'll never forget it and it meant a lot to me that she thought of me. It was probably my favorite wedding gift. Everything is context.

Weddings in some parts of US are broke dick bare bones crap.

In parts of county you go to some shack of a church and on basement some coffee and cake served. Even “rich” people in places like Ohio at crappy country club of bride with a cash bar.

I got one gift that was not cash my wedding some vase I needed like a whole in my head. The couple were multimillionaires and me and wife had combined $110k a year in one and living in a one bedroom apt. No receipt either was a used vase. They are $200 worth of food and drink and handed me a vase not even in a box! I googled it and was junk like $20 bucks.

I went to one wedding couple also making what I made had $200 a person wedding. But I had money by then. I gave them $1,000 to cover some deadbeats

Many of the “crappy” weddings are a ton of fun…why would you spend $200 a head when you clearly couldn’t afford it.

All these comments make me less likely to “cover my plate” because the couple will likely overspend and mismanage their finances.

I recognize the writing style from many threads. It's the same poster how has an amazing range of opinions on an amazing range of topics in an amazing range of places, although there's a bit of a tristate focus if there is one. Not sure how much credibility to give him.

Weddings have changed quite a bit in my lifetime and I'm only in my early 40s. I remember going to weddings in the late 80s and 90s as a child and these were the standard UMC whitebread American weddings of the time and there was always a registry with everything from the wedding china to towels or kitchen utensils on it and you got what you could afford / wanted. No one talked in terms of cash or covering the plates. There would be a table set up in the bride's house with all the gifts on display.

Cash gifts these days are convenient but a cop out in many ways. I have more respect for the very traditional "ethnic" weddings were people do give a lot of cash as gifts because everyone also knows the couple is going to use all that cash as a down payment on their first house. That makes sense and is appropriate. Cash for the sake of cash is eh.

Really, nobody on any forums have credibility. Including your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha! We just hosted a black tie wedding in DC proper and had a set of my children’s local friends gifted $50 (so $25 a person). Trust me, they can afford to give way more. My daughter was shocked at how cheap her friends were! It barely covered the cost of a single cocktail at the hotel bar afterparty (which of course they attended).

So the goal is to turn a profit?

Of course it is not to turn a profit. It’s just a statement that a gift of $25/person covers barely anything. It just goes to show people have differing social norms - this was not a case of not being able to afford gifting more. But if you are so focused on profit, it cost us $325 a plate inclusive of tax and service fee (its about 30% these days) for catering & open bar, so we are “officially” negative $600 on these particular guests. Weddings prices have gone out the door these days.

"covers barely anything" - so it's an entrance fee?

Some people do a simple wedding in their backyard, or at City Hall. People who want more than that can spend the money for a big party, of course. The cost is on them, not their guests (who are not "guests" at all if they are expected to "cover" costs).

+1 The "cover your plate" concept is so tacky. The first time I heard it was from someone who grew up in MD. He told the guy at the registry store that he wanted to cover his plate. The guy bristled and told him there's no need for that.

DH and I threw an expensive wedding and had no intention of foisting the costs onto our guests. After reading this thread, I hope no one felt like they had to spend more on a gift just because we chose to spend more on the wedding. I'm from the South and was raised that the host always pays for the party without any expectations for gifts. Never any cash bars and we pay for everyone if we throw a dinner party at a restaurant.

We give gifts based on how close we are to the couple. I don't care if it's a black tie event for 200 people or BBQ in the backyard for 25 people. I'd actually feel more honored to be selected as someone's top 25 people than some third cousin who I barely know, but I'd be grateful to be invited to either wedding.

Agreed. Don't throw parties you can't afford.

PP here, exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$50-$100 value gift. Don’t give cash.

Cash only. $300.

[Anonymous]

In NY/NJ it is very common to have an engagement party or bridal shower. My niece on Long Island had a full registry for hers.

They invited EVERYONE who was going to attend wedding. Was a a fancy country club with full sit down dinner, full bar, cake and desert. That was a registry of gifts, no cash at all to be given, they got everything possible. It had link to registry and you could even ship direct.

They got married two months later and of course only cash gifts. Nothing left to give. And told bride and groom leaving directly from wedding to honeymoon. So not like you hand them a blender in middle of wedding reception.

When I got married it was old tradition bride and groom went table to table after dinner and before desert to thank people for coming. We talked to every person. Perfect handed is the envelopes in person. We opened envelopes next day wrote dollar amount in each card. Then deposited them in our bank and off to honeymoon, always surprising amounts. 95 normal but 2-3 crazy cheap and 2-3 crazy high.

I got a $25 check from my cheap uncle who brought a date who my father gave him $25 at his wedding in 1963 so still uses that figure to this day. To $1,000 unexpected checks. Believe me for rest of life my $1,000 Aunt is getting served drinks first and wait on her hand and foot. Mr. $25 is last to be served

[Anonymous]

What about cousin’s daughter

[Anonymous]

I’m planning my wedding for next year. I don’t expect any gifts. If I invited you, your presence is the gift already. Anything else is gravy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m planning my wedding for next year. I don’t expect any gifts. If I invited you, your presence is the gift already. Anything else is gravy

That is the WORST thing in world. Horrible. Everyone know no gifts is a Thirst Trap.

My brother did this his big 50 birthday party. Had it a big fancy country club on a Saturday Evening. Full open bar, full sit down dinner, DJ and Dance Floor. Invited my whole family

He put on invitations NO GIFTs in big letters. I said to wife guess he wants no presents. My wife goes sounds like a trick. So wife makes me get a $200 dollar gift card, we put it in a nice gift bag and wife goes it it is a trap we can just write a note and give it to him.

So we get there. There is a Table up front and people are putting gifts and stuff on it. Then my brother in a Faux surprise in his thank you for coming speech on the DJ Microphone brings up I said no gifts, but for all the people who brought gifts thank you so much such a surprise and greatly appreciated.

If not for my wife I would have been bulldozed.

People are now getting married later in life. When I was married my wife and I paid our own wedding. I think after all said and done we had $3,000 in the bank day before wedding. Was a long time ago but all in cost me around $130 a person if you count my limo, flowers, photography on top of reception. I only made $55,000 a year at the time.

I have a few rich relatives. My Uncle makes around $500,000 a year and my older brother was making $200,000 a year and my wife has a rich Uncle and I had a few cousins well off. I was struggling.

I know a wedding is not a money maker. But with taxes and tip the meal alone was $100 a person. My $500,000 year uncle ate steak, has appetizers, salad, full cocktail hour with heavy food and buffet, then cakes and after dinner drinks. if he went out to his favorite restaurant with his wife that would easily cost him $500 and he does that all the time. Why would he show up at his poor nephews wedding and not at least cover his plate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m planning my wedding for next year. I don’t expect any gifts. If I invited you, your presence is the gift already. Anything else is gravy

That is the WORST thing in world. Horrible. Everyone know no gifts is a Thirst Trap.

My brother did this his big 50 birthday party. Had it a big fancy country club on a Saturday Evening. Full open bar, full sit down dinner, DJ and Dance Floor. Invited my whole family

He put on invitations NO GIFTs in big letters. I said to wife guess he wants no presents. My wife goes sounds like a trick. So wife makes me get a $200 dollar gift card, we put it in a nice gift bag and wife goes it it is a trap we can just write a note and give it to him.

So we get there. There is a Table up front and people are putting gifts and stuff on it. Then my brother in a Faux surprise in his thank you for coming speech on the DJ Microphone brings up I said no gifts, but for all the people who brought gifts thank you so much such a surprise and greatly appreciated.

If not for my wife I would have been bulldozed.

People are now getting married later in life. When I was married my wife and I paid our own wedding. I think after all said and done we had $3,000 in the bank day before wedding. Was a long time ago but all in cost me around $130 a person if you count my limo, flowers, photography on top of reception. I only made $55,000 a year at the time.

I have a few rich relatives. My Uncle makes around $500,000 a year and my older brother was making $200,000 a year and my wife has a rich Uncle and I had a few cousins well off. I was struggling.

I know a wedding is not a money maker. But with taxes and tip the meal alone was $100 a person. My $500,000 year uncle ate steak, has appetizers, salad, full cocktail hour with heavy food and buffet, then cakes and after dinner drinks. if he went out to his favorite restaurant with his wife that would easily cost him $500 and he does that all the time. Why would he show up at his poor nephews wedding and not at least cover his plate?

You’re overthinking what I wrote. I also did not ask for your life’s story. If my dad wants to give me a gift I won’t say no. But I’m not gonna advertise “no gifts”. There won’t be a website to send me a gift or anything to advertise it. It’s that simple

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m planning my wedding for next year. I don’t expect any gifts. If I invited you, your presence is the gift already. Anything else is gravy

That is the WORST thing in world. Horrible. Everyone know no gifts is a Thirst Trap.

My brother did this his big 50 birthday party. Had it a big fancy country club on a Saturday Evening. Full open bar, full sit down dinner, DJ and Dance Floor. Invited my whole family

He put on invitations NO GIFTs in big letters. I said to wife guess he wants no presents. My wife goes sounds like a trick. So wife makes me get a $200 dollar gift card, we put it in a nice gift bag and wife goes it it is a trap we can just write a note and give it to him.

So we get there. There is a Table up front and people are putting gifts and stuff on it. Then my brother in a Faux surprise in his thank you for coming speech on the DJ Microphone brings up I said no gifts, but for all the people who brought gifts thank you so much such a surprise and greatly appreciated.

If not for my wife I would have been bulldozed.

People are now getting married later in life. When I was married my wife and I paid our own wedding. I think after all said and done we had $3,000 in the bank day before wedding. Was a long time ago but all in cost me around $130 a person if you count my limo, flowers, photography on top of reception. I only made $55,000 a year at the time.

I have a few rich relatives. My Uncle makes around $500,000 a year and my older brother was making $200,000 a year and my wife has a rich Uncle and I had a few cousins well off. I was struggling.

I know a wedding is not a money maker. But with taxes and tip the meal alone was $100 a person. My $500,000 year uncle ate steak, has appetizers, salad, full cocktail hour with heavy food and buffet, then cakes and after dinner drinks. if he went out to his favorite restaurant with his wife that would easily cost him $500 and he does that all the time. Why would he show up at his poor nephews wedding and not at least cover his plate?

You’re overthinking what I wrote. I also did not ask for your life’s story. If my dad wants to give me a gift I won’t say no. But I’m not gonna advertise “no gifts”. There won’t be a website to send me a gift or anything to advertise it. It’s that simple

Oh honey, you are going to get so much crap you didn't ask for and don't want. No one will say "gee, there is no registry so I guess I don't have to get a gift." Best case scenario is people default to money. Worst case is you get a hundred butter knives.

Your best bet might be to say "in lieu of gifts please donate to X charity." People will probably spend less on the donation than on a gift, but you will be helping a cause instead of getting butter knives.