Moving meetings to accommodate daycare pickup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can think of a gazillion reasons unrelated to childcare for which someone might reasonably request to change the regular time of a weekly meeting. Regular weekly meetings are almost never set in stone, unless it's a core fuction of the job but nothing in the OP indicates this. So I do not get all the folks who say you can't ask for this and OP shouldn't expect her DH to do this - that's just ridiculous.

What concerns me most is one of you already making lots of schedule changes to accomodate the new pickup/dropoff schedule while the other one refuses to make *any*. As many others have said, that is not reasonable in any universe and foreshadows lots of problems in the future when flexibility will become necessary.

FWIW, my DH makes $300k+/yr as an individual contributor at a major tech firm (so, not management or executive). I make $30k/yr as a part time, fully WFH nonprofit staffer. We have two preteen SN kids with crazy schedules. I do 75% of regular pickups and dropoffs, and closer to 90% of the random appointments and sick days - that's the main reason for my PT/WFH schedule. However, ~4 times a year I have to travel for work for a week at a time (nonnegotiable core function of my job), and he takes over everything without question or complaint. He will even shift his on-call rotation to accomodate my travel if necessary. Because we are a team, and we approach our family calendar as a team effort.

Sure, some places still follow outdated/sexist norms, but the status quo won't change if no one bothers to try. I'm not even saying DH has to change the meeting, but it's about the attitude. This would absolutely be a hill I'd die on.

According to what OP said, her Dh is ok with the child attending daycare as much as needed to accommodate work schedules, while she feels the child should be in daycare fewer than 9 hours per day. If it's important to OP, SHE should be the one to figure it out. It's inappropriate of her to demand that he jeopardize his career prospects to accommodate her want.
Whether in daycare or with the parents, the child will be safe and cared for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can think of a gazillion reasons unrelated to childcare for which someone might reasonably request to change the regular time of a weekly meeting. Regular weekly meetings are almost never set in stone, unless it's a core fuction of the job but nothing in the OP indicates this. So I do not get all the folks who say you can't ask for this and OP shouldn't expect her DH to do this - that's just ridiculous.

What concerns me most is one of you already making lots of schedule changes to accomodate the new pickup/dropoff schedule while the other one refuses to make *any*. As many others have said, that is not reasonable in any universe and foreshadows lots of problems in the future when flexibility will become necessary.

FWIW, my DH makes $300k+/yr as an individual contributor at a major tech firm (so, not management or executive). I make $30k/yr as a part time, fully WFH nonprofit staffer. We have two preteen SN kids with crazy schedules. I do 75% of regular pickups and dropoffs, and closer to 90% of the random appointments and sick days - that's the main reason for my PT/WFH schedule. However, ~4 times a year I have to travel for work for a week at a time (nonnegotiable core function of my job), and he takes over everything without question or complaint. He will even shift his on-call rotation to accomodate my travel if necessary. Because we are a team, and we approach our family calendar as a team effort.

Sure, some places still follow outdated/sexist norms, but the status quo won't change if no one bothers to try. I'm not even saying DH has to change the meeting, but it's about the attitude. This would absolutely be a hill I'd die on.

FFS, yes “hero” dad swooping in to help family when mom is out of town is generally well received. That is nothing like a rigid requirement to leave at 330 EVERY DAY. You can’t even manage FT work as the primary parent, things have gotten a little better, but only in that men who prioritize childcare are mommy tracked rather than simply fired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can think of a gazillion reasons unrelated to childcare for which someone might reasonably request to change the regular time of a weekly meeting. Regular weekly meetings are almost never set in stone, unless it's a core fuction of the job but nothing in the OP indicates this. So I do not get all the folks who say you can't ask for this and OP shouldn't expect her DH to do this - that's just ridiculous.

What concerns me most is one of you already making lots of schedule changes to accomodate the new pickup/dropoff schedule while the other one refuses to make *any*. As many others have said, that is not reasonable in any universe and foreshadows lots of problems in the future when flexibility will become necessary.

FWIW, my DH makes $300k+/yr as an individual contributor at a major tech firm (so, not management or executive). I make $30k/yr as a part time, fully WFH nonprofit staffer. We have two preteen SN kids with crazy schedules. I do 75% of regular pickups and dropoffs, and closer to 90% of the random appointments and sick days - that's the main reason for my PT/WFH schedule. However, ~4 times a year I have to travel for work for a week at a time (nonnegotiable core function of my job), and he takes over everything without question or complaint. He will even shift his on-call rotation to accomodate my travel if necessary. Because we are a team, and we approach our family calendar as a team effort.

Sure, some places still follow outdated/sexist norms, but the status quo won't change if no one bothers to try. I'm not even saying DH has to change the meeting, but it's about the attitude. This would absolutely be a hill I'd die on.

According to what OP said, her Dh is ok with the child attending daycare as much as needed to accommodate work schedules, while she feels the child should be in daycare fewer than 9 hours per day. If it's important to OP, SHE should be the one to figure it out. It's inappropriate of her to demand that he jeopardize his career prospects to accommodate her want.
Whether in daycare or with the parents, the child will be safe and cared for.

No, she stated that "The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours."

[Anonymous]

It’s limiting professionally in many jobs to leave by 3:30 every day. I suggest you split dropoffs and pickups so you both have some early and late days. Plus it will be sad for op not to get to spend awake time with the baby at the end of the day,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

He’s ALREADY leaving almost EVERY DAY at 330 pm. I think this is just the final straw of what he can pull off.

[Anonymous]

I probably missed this, but why do you have to rearrange meetings for drop off? Why can't you just drop off early? Our daycare opened at 7:00.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I probably missed this, but why do you have to rearrange meetings for drop off? Why can't you just drop off early? Our daycare opened at 7:00.

Essentially Op has massive daycare guilt and wants to keep it to a minimum time. We did the same thing, but both our careers are mommy tracked so she needs to go in eyes wide open

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

He’s ALREADY leaving almost EVERY DAY at 330 pm. I think this is just the final straw of what he can pull off.

The kid isn’t even born yet; he leaves that early by choice and apparently it is ok (and he is working a full day by getting in early). Are you saying it is unreasonable to ask to change the standing meeting? If others can’t accommodate it, then they can go to plan B.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

He’s ALREADY leaving almost EVERY DAY at 330 pm. I think this is just the final straw of what he can pull off.

Which is fine but that means he needs to flip his schedule on days he cannot do pickup so he can drop off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

He’s ALREADY leaving almost EVERY DAY at 330 pm. I think this is just the final straw of what he can pull off.

Which is fine but that means he needs to flip his schedule on days he cannot do pickup so he can drop off.

Not all jobs can be that flexible where you switch around meeting times, arrive and leave at different times, etc.
Maybe yours is, maybe OP’s is…but apparently OP’s husband feels that his is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

He’s ALREADY leaving almost EVERY DAY at 330 pm. I think this is just the final straw of what he can pull off.

Which is fine but that means he needs to flip his schedule on days he cannot do pickup so he can drop off.

Not all jobs can be that flexible where you switch around meeting times, arrive and leave at different times, etc.
Maybe yours is, maybe OP’s is…but apparently OP’s husband feels that his is not.

lol sure he “feels” it is not. Do you think moms enjoy having to scrape out the flexibility we need? no we do not. unless he is in surgery or teaching or something, he can flex his schedule once a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

He’s ALREADY leaving almost EVERY DAY at 330 pm. I think this is just the final straw of what he can pull off.

Which is fine but that means he needs to flip his schedule on days he cannot do pickup so he can drop off.

Not all jobs can be that flexible where you switch around meeting times, arrive and leave at different times, etc.
Maybe yours is, maybe OP’s is…but apparently OP’s husband feels that his is not.

lol sure he “feels” it is not. Do you think moms enjoy having to scrape out the flexibility we need? no we do not. unless he is in surgery or teaching or something, he can flex his schedule once a week.

He's flexing his schedule 4x/week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I probably missed this, but why do you have to rearrange meetings for drop off? Why can't you just drop off early? Our daycare opened at 7:00.

Essentially Op has massive daycare guilt and wants to keep it to a minimum time. We did the samej thing, but both our careers are mommy tracked so she needs to go in eyes wide open

Yes, God forbid they only make a combined 250K when if they put their baby in daycare from open to close they could be making 400K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

He’s ALREADY leaving almost EVERY DAY at 330 pm. I think this is just the final straw of what he can pull off.

Which is fine but that means he needs to flip his schedule on days he cannot do pickup so he can drop off.

Not all jobs can be that flexible where you switch around meeting times, arrive and leave at different times, etc.
Maybe yours is, maybe OP’s is…but apparently OP’s husband feels that his is not.

lol sure he “feels” it is not. Do you think moms enjoy having to scrape out the flexibility we need? no we do not. unless he is in surgery or teaching or something, he can flex his schedule once a week.

Why? Potentially screw over his career and advancement prospects so baby can spend just one less hour in daycare a week?
It’s just one hour a week.