Knowledge of my dead parent's long-term affair is incredibly painful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I so wish all the cheaters in the Relationships Forum would read this post. They always insist that the cheating is only between adults, they don't talk to kids about their sex lives and so the cheating has no impact on kids.

Every great President that lead to United States to eons of freedom and wealth....was a cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I so wish all the cheaters in the Relationships Forum would read this post. They always insist that the cheating is only between adults, they don't talk to kids about their sex lives and so the cheating has no impact on kids.

Every great President that lead to United States to eons of freedom and wealth....was a cheater.

Do you really want the family life of people like the Kennedys or Clintons or whatever, but without the wealth and power?

Rich people with power can afford to have dysfunctional personal lives, for the rest of us it would just suck EVEN MORE than regular life already does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I so wish all the cheaters in the Relationships Forum would read this post. They always insist that the cheating is only between adults, they don't talk to kids about their sex lives and so the cheating has no impact on kids.

Every great President that lead to United States to eons of freedom and wealth....was a cheater.

Do you really want the family life of people like the Kennedys or Clintons or whatever, but without the wealth and power?

Rich people with power can afford to have dysfunctional personal lives, for the rest of us it would just suck EVEN MORE than regular life already does.

Great men cheat. The men they take care of and benefit from their testosterone don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I so wish all the cheaters in the Relationships Forum would read this post. They always insist that the cheating is only between adults, they don't talk to kids about their sex lives and so the cheating has no impact on kids.

Every great President that lead to United States to eons of freedom and wealth....was a cheater.

Do you really want the family life of people like the Kennedys or Clintons or whatever, but without the wealth and power?

Rich people with power can afford to have dysfunctional personal lives, for the rest of us it would just suck EVEN MORE than regular life already does.

Great men cheat. The men they take care of and benefit from their testosterone don't.

Nothing in the OP suggests that her father was more than a regular run of the mill cheater. No greatness implied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I so wish all the cheaters in the Relationships Forum would read this post. They always insist that the cheating is only between adults, they don't talk to kids about their sex lives and so the cheating has no impact on kids.

Every great President that lead to United States to eons of freedom and wealth....was a cheater.

Makes sense, they are all narcissists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etc me guess you were always a bit smug about having the perfect family and parents with the perfect relationship.
And now you have to be an adult and realize perfect doesn't exist.
Time to grow the hell up.
This really doesn't concern you at all.
Yet you've decided to make it your personal tragedy that suggests a degree of narcissism and inappropriate levels of codependency.

I wouldn't have been so harsh, but this is true. There's enough emoting and hand-wringing about posters' own betrayals by their spouses that seem completely over the top on this board, but feeling that way about parental affairs? This isn't the end of the world. Your surviving parent may have been fine with it. There might have been reasons for this situation. You can start hating your deceased parent's guts now, but I think you should accept that you will never know the full picture, and therefore cannot judge.

+1

And affair has nothing to do with parent’s love for you. Your reaction is over the top.

An affair actually has a lot to do with how much you love your children. If you love your children, you’re not selfish and do things that can hurt them deeply, which include addiction, abuse, and affairs.

The reality is this parent cared more about themselves than they did anybody else in the family, including the children.

Yeah, can someone please think of adult children!

It's not about you. Not everything in this world is about you.

How young does a person have to be for a cheating parent to be a source of pain? At what age do we say, "your childhood trauma is now irrelevant, suck it up"? Also, are spouses allowed to feel sad about affairs, and are their offspring allowed to feel sorry for them, or is that age limited as well?

TIA

[Anonymous]

The older I get the better I understand whyy dad cheated.

I found out about my dad's cheating as a teenager and I had a childish response like op is having now.

I don't condone cheating but it's not as black and white as I once was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I so wish all the cheaters in the Relationships Forum would read this post. They always insist that the cheating is only between adults, they don't talk to kids about their sex lives and so the cheating has no impact on kids.

Every great President that lead to United States to eons of freedom and wealth....was a cheater.

I disagree with this statement.

Maybe you should speak with all the people impacted by the private prisons …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The crazies have shown up, I see.

Cheaters, especially women, really lash out on this forum during the holidays because they know in one week their affair partner is going to be with their family instead of with them.

So are the harpies who know their husbands really want to be somewhere else, but instead are gulping drinks and trying to grin and bear it through the holiday gatherings. His body is there, but his mind is not and you know it. Your family is a sham.

I especially love this forum during the holidays, these poor pathetic OW know their AP's are with their family and they just need so badly to believe that they are unhappy but they are just so happy to be with their family. If they weren't they would not be there. I mean it's a bit of a guilty pleasure to see women like this woman turning themselves into pretzels trying to justify their horrid lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etc me guess you were always a bit smug about having the perfect family and parents with the perfect relationship.
And now you have to be an adult and realize perfect doesn't exist.
Time to grow the hell up.
This really doesn't concern you at all.
Yet you've decided to make it your personal tragedy that suggests a degree of narcissism and inappropriate levels of codependency.

I wouldn't have been so harsh, but this is true. There's enough emoting and hand-wringing about posters' own betrayals by their spouses that seem completely over the top on this board, but feeling that way about parental affairs? This isn't the end of the world. Your surviving parent may have been fine with it. There might have been reasons for this situation. You can start hating your deceased parent's guts now, but I think you should accept that you will never know the full picture, and therefore cannot judge.

+1

And affair has nothing to do with parent’s love for you. Your reaction is over the top.

An affair actually has a lot to do with how much you love your children. If you love your children, you’re not selfish and do things that can hurt them deeply, which include addiction, abuse, and affairs.

The reality is this parent cared more about themselves than they did anybody else in the family, including the children.

Yeah, can someone please think of adult children!

It's not about you. Not everything in this world is about you.

How young does a person have to be for a cheating parent to be a source of pain? At what age do we say, "your childhood trauma is now irrelevant, suck it up"? Also, are spouses allowed to feel sad about affairs, and are their offspring allowed to feel sorry for them, or is that age limited as well?

TIA

It depends. Are we talking about your parents or you?

If we are talking about your parents, their childhood trauma becomes irrelevant the moment they conceive you. From that time on they should suck it up and concentrate on making your life the best it can be.

If we are talking about you, it never becomes irrelevant. You'll nurse it until you die, and dump on your spouse, your kids and their kids because everyone needs to understand TRAUMA.

Did I satisfy your curiosity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The crazies have shown up, I see.

Cheaters, especially women, really lash out on this forum during the holidays because they know in one week their affair partner is going to be with their family instead of with them.

So are the harpies who know their husbands really want to be somewhere else, but instead are gulping drinks and trying to grin and bear it through the holiday gatherings. His body is there, but his mind is not and you know it. Your family is a sham.

I especially love this forum during the holidays, these poor pathetic OW know their AP's are with their family and they just need so badly to believe that they are unhappy but they are just so happy to be with their family. If they weren't they would not be there. I mean it's a bit of a guilty pleasure to see women like this woman turning themselves into pretzels trying to justify their horrid lives.

Nope, it's cheaper to keep tou. Ask th3 guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etc me guess you were always a bit smug about having the perfect family and parents with the perfect relationship.
And now you have to be an adult and realize perfect doesn't exist.
Time to grow the hell up.
This really doesn't concern you at all.
Yet you've decided to make it your personal tragedy that suggests a degree of narcissism and inappropriate levels of codependency.

I wouldn't have been so harsh, but this is true. There's enough emoting and hand-wringing about posters' own betrayals by their spouses that seem completely over the top on this board, but feeling that way about parental affairs? This isn't the end of the world. Your surviving parent may have been fine with it. There might have been reasons for this situation. You can start hating your deceased parent's guts now, but I think you should accept that you will never know the full picture, and therefore cannot judge.

+1

And affair has nothing to do with parent’s love for you. Your reaction is over the top.

An affair actually has a lot to do with how much you love your children. If you love your children, you’re not selfish and do things that can hurt them deeply, which include addiction, abuse, and affairs.

The reality is this parent cared more about themselves than they did anybody else in the family, including the children.

Yeah, can someone please think of adult children!

It's not about you. Not everything in this world is about you.

How young does a person have to be for a cheating parent to be a source of pain? At what age do we say, "your childhood trauma is now irrelevant, suck it up"? Also, are spouses allowed to feel sad about affairs, and are their offspring allowed to feel sorry for them, or is that age limited as well?

TIA

It depends. Are we talking about your parents or you?

If we are talking about your parents, their childhood trauma becomes irrelevant the moment they conceive you. From that time on they should suck it up and concentrate on making your life the best it can be.

If we are talking about you, it never becomes irrelevant. You'll nurse it until you die, and dump on your spouse, your kids and their kids because everyone needs to understand TRAUMA.

Did I satisfy your curiosity?

We are talking about the OP. How long does she have to feel bad about this? And since she came here to dump on strangers, is this an acceptable forum for her to express her feelings? Wouldn't want her dumping on her family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The crazies have shown up, I see.

Cheaters, especially women, really lash out on this forum during the holidays because they know in one week their affair partner is going to be with their family instead of with them.

So are the harpies who know their husbands really want to be somewhere else, but instead are gulping drinks and trying to grin and bear it through the holiday gatherings. His body is there, but his mind is not and you know it. Your family is a sham.

I especially love this forum during the holidays, these poor pathetic OW know their AP's are with their family and they just need so badly to believe that they are unhappy but they are just so happy to be with their family. If they weren't they would not be there. I mean it's a bit of a guilty pleasure to see women like this woman turning themselves into pretzels trying to justify their horrid lives.

Nope, it's cheaper to keep tou. Ask th3 guys.

Lol, you still believe that lie. Oh no they don't lie to you, they only lie to their wife.

Turkey sandwiches and Gilmore Girls for you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry for your loss. How long has it been since you found out about the affair? If you are still ruminating after a few weeks, I'd seek out therapy. My guess is that a therapist can help you think this through in just a few sessions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etc me guess you were always a bit smug about having the perfect family and parents with the perfect relationship.
And now you have to be an adult and realize perfect doesn't exist.
Time to grow the hell up.
This really doesn't concern you at all.
Yet you've decided to make it your personal tragedy that suggests a degree of narcissism and inappropriate levels of codependency.

I wouldn't have been so harsh, but this is true. There's enough emoting and hand-wringing about posters' own betrayals by their spouses that seem completely over the top on this board, but feeling that way about parental affairs? This isn't the end of the world. Your surviving parent may have been fine with it. There might have been reasons for this situation. You can start hating your deceased parent's guts now, but I think you should accept that you will never know the full picture, and therefore cannot judge.

+1

And affair has nothing to do with parent’s love for you. Your reaction is over the top.

An affair actually has a lot to do with how much you love your children. If you love your children, you’re not selfish and do things that can hurt them deeply, which include addiction, abuse, and affairs.

The reality is this parent cared more about themselves than they did anybody else in the family, including the children.

Yeah, can someone please think of adult children!

It's not about you. Not everything in this world is about you.

How young does a person have to be for a cheating parent to be a source of pain? At what age do we say, "your childhood trauma is now irrelevant, suck it up"? Also, are spouses allowed to feel sad about affairs, and are their offspring allowed to feel sorry for them, or is that age limited as well?

TIA

It depends. Are we talking about your parents or you?

If we are talking about your parents, their childhood trauma becomes irrelevant the moment they conceive you. From that time on they should suck it up and concentrate on making your life the best it can be.

If we are talking about you, it never becomes irrelevant. You'll nurse it until you die, and dump on your spouse, your kids and their kids because everyone needs to understand TRAUMA.

Did I satisfy your curiosity?

We are talking about the OP. How long does she have to feel bad about this? And since she came here to dump on strangers, is this an acceptable forum for her to express her feelings? Wouldn't want her dumping on her family members.

OP has the right to have feeling and she should work with a therapist to understand her feeling. How long does have to feel bad? You want to put a clock on that?

You seem really disordered in your thinking about this.

Dump on strangers? Are you okay?