Telling donor conceived kids about half siblings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We will not be bringing strsngers into our family either. Some of you people are obsessed. So funny the way the obsessed ones want to tell other people how to raise their kids snd conduct their lives.

You can do as you please but in 20 years when your children no longer wish to speak to you you’ll only have yourself and your ego to blame.

Your child could easily feel the same way about you since you’re forcing a relationship with strangers on them.

In adult adoptee circles, I've never met anyone whose trauma is related to exchanging Xmas cards with distant relatives. I've met a lot of people who are estranged from their adoptive families or their biological families over secrets, however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We will not be bringing strsngers into our family either. Some of you people are obsessed. So funny the way the obsessed ones want to tell other people how to raise their kids snd conduct their lives.

You can do as you please but in 20 years when your children no longer wish to speak to you you’ll only have yourself and your ego to blame.

Your child could easily feel the same way about you since you’re forcing a relationship with strangers on them.

In adult adoptee circles, I've never met anyone whose trauma is related to exchanging Xmas cards with distant relatives. I've met a lot of people who are estranged from their adoptive families or their biological families over secrets, however.

By definition, if you are in an adoptee support group you are coping well!
Some people do not cope well and struggle with identity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. I will do it this year. I do believe they deserve to know. I used an anonymous donor so who knows if they will ever connect with their half siblings or their biological father but they could always do 23 and me when they are 18 or go in the donor sibling registry.

With donor sperm, they may have more half siblings than they want to know about.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2023/08/01/woman-finds-65-half-siblings-sperm-donor/70498194007/

those girls all look like I guy I dated in college who donated sperm …

Was he an egomaniac? What was he like ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My good friend who has 3 children via donor egg has not told them at all—oldest is in college. It’s a tough call. Not sure what I would do in her place.

It's not a tough call. She is literally denying these kids knowing their true medical history, which is awful.
Also in this day and age where 23and me tests are a dime a dozen, the kids are bound to find out.

Denying? Well that ship has sailed. These women make a decision at birth (and before) that they DO NOT want a relationship with the biological father. Any biological father. No natural dad. That is an intentional and deliberate decision.

I doubt the child’s feelings or potential needs factor into this decision. A woman not “telling the kids” is probably because she didn’t think it through (or maybe think at all) about how it would impact them.

Most parents make it about them, not their kids.

You mean mothers?

[Anonymous]

Yes, most mothers make it about them. No one likes their mother. Many girls are daddy’s girls. That is a universal and global terms

Mother are known to be selfish and difficult and needy later in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Id wait until after college. Do you want your kids partying or finding themselves with "family" they trust but don't know, could have major issues?

After age 18? You clearly don’t have kids that are teens. You don’t know what you are talking about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, most mothers make it about them. No one likes their mother. Many girls are daddy’s girls. That is a universal and global terms

Mother are known to be selfish and difficult and needy later in life.

Do not marry donor kids or only children. High level of neurosis

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We will not be bringing strsngers into our family either. Some of you people are obsessed. So funny the way the obsessed ones want to tell other people how to raise their kids snd conduct their lives.

You can do as you please but in 20 years when your children no longer wish to speak to you you’ll only have yourself and your ego to blame.

Your child could easily feel the same way about you since you’re forcing a relationship with strangers on them.

In adult adoptee circles, I've never met anyone whose trauma is related to exchanging Xmas cards with distant relatives. I've met a lot of people who are estranged from their adoptive families or their biological families over secrets, however.

By definition, if you are in an adoptee support group you are coping well!
Some people do not cope well and struggle with identity.

Exactly, so what can be done differently so that doesn't happen? If it's safe (half our adoption is not safe, but our child knows), then some way to mitigate that is through contact. It also takes away the what if, unknown from the parents as you don't have to worry if the birth family is going to take your child away later on, etc. as everyone has a respectful relationship and boundaries. We don't discuss birth vs. adoptive/our family. For the family we have an open adoption with, we are all family. The grandparents treat us as their own kids, and our kids as all their grandkids, but we are also very fortunate with that. It very much helps to know your background, why you were placed for adoption and it is what the birthparents wanted/support. And, for the birthparents, its good for them to know their child is ok, doing well, happy and there to anwser any questions when they arise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Id wait until after college. Do you want your kids partying or finding themselves with "family" they trust but don't know, could have major issues?

You are really stretching. THey can party with anyone, including your family.

[Anonymous]

These egg moms will hover and try to control everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Id wait until after college. Do you want your kids partying or finding themselves with "family" they trust but don't know, could have major issues?

You are really stretching. THey can party with anyone, including your family.

I tend to think a lot of these mothers are lonely people. They want to “hang onto” their child for selfish reasons. Some people literally have children for companionship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At what age did you tell your donor conceived kids about half siblings? My boys are 10. They know they were conceived via donor sperm but haven’t spoken yet about their half siblings. I know they have 3 of them for sure.

Good God. What have you and other people who used donor sperm done to these children who will need a DNA test for everyone they date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what age did you tell your donor conceived kids about half siblings? My boys are 10. They know they were conceived via donor sperm but haven’t spoken yet about their half siblings. I know they have 3 of them for sure.

Good God. What have you and other people who used donor sperm done to these children who will need a DNA test for everyone they date.

Meh, the dating dna pool is big. But if they are raised by single moms who gave up on relationships early— that is more likely to be their challenge

I am thinking insecure suffocating single mom X 10.

[Anonymous]

The “single by choice” who adopt seem more normal that the ones who insist on using their DNA half.

[Anonymous]

Two abnormal parents
“One says I am going to have a random man impregnate met”

The other says “I am going to impregnate random women”

If you think about the state or mind of one or either of these people, it’s off. At least one parent wants to know their child.