Kids in high achieving schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone in DCUM is an exception to the rule and that their kid is an academic star !!!

I posted above that I have 1 academic superstar and another who isn’t. He is a smart kid but a total slacker. He would not keep up with the academic superstars.

Our public school is massive and competitive for everything whether it is to get on a sports team or academic competitions. This kid tried science Olympiad and it was obvious he was not interested. He also did not get an A in math. He is probably the only Asian kid who didn’t get an A in math.

Basically the first kid is an academic superstar and the second is a smart kid. In other words, everyone in DCUM has smart kids. That proves my point.

Pp here. We live in an affluent and highly competitive area, the exact type of school pyramid OP is referring to. Both boys were flagged gifted and in the gifted program in public. Dh and I are both ivy educated and we have a seven figure HHI. DH is one of those guys who is just really good at everything and our oldest is like him. They both excel and make it look easy. My younger kid is very bright but just puts no effort in school. He is just as smart, if not naturally smarter than his older brother. We know that being bright is not enough and thought he would just get lost in a big public school so we switched him to private.

Our neighborhood is full of rich and successful people. Everyone seems on top of their industries. You can’t live here if you are random lawyer, not even a biglaw associate. They are the biglaw partners and those guys all send their kids to private. There are tech executives, politicians, lobbyists, surgeons and some professional athletes. We have some neighbors who are foreign diplomats or just rich and bought a home in the US. There are more modest neighborhoods that feed into our highly regarded public school and those are the MC/UMC kids who grind. I don’t necessarily think their parents were the super successful ones so they may put lots of pressure on their kids.

Listen to yourself.
You live in a cloistered community, are in awe of money/fame, and talk down about everyone who isn’t insanely wealthy.

God only know what you think about your children’s teachers.

This thread is about kids in high achieving schools. I’m not sure why you are surprised that the parents living in these neighborhoods are also successful and high achieving.

When you are surrounded by these people all the time, you really don’t care. I have been going to school events at our private and public school. I am tired of meeting parents. DH is well respected in his field so some people may be impressed by him. Most people don’t care, just the way we don’t care.

I like my kids’ teachers. Why would you think I wouldn’t?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in DCUM is an exception to the rule and that their kid is an academic star !!!

I posted above that I have 1 academic superstar and another who isn’t. He is a smart kid but a total slacker. He would not keep up with the academic superstars.

Our public school is massive and competitive for everything whether it is to get on a sports team or academic competitions. This kid tried science Olympiad and it was obvious he was not interested. He also did not get an A in math. He is probably the only Asian kid who didn’t get an A in math.

Basically the first kid is an academic superstar and the second is a smart kid. In other words, everyone in DCUM has smart kids. That proves my point.

Pp here. We live in an affluent and highly competitive area, the exact type of school pyramid OP is referring to. Both boys were flagged gifted and in the gifted program in public. Dh and I are both ivy educated and we have a seven figure HHI. DH is one of those guys who is just really good at everything and our oldest is like him. They both excel and make it look easy. My younger kid is very bright but just puts no effort in school. He is just as smart, if not naturally smarter than his older brother. We know that being bright is not enough and thought he would just get lost in a big public school so we switched him to private.

Our neighborhood is full of rich and successful people. Everyone seems on top of their industries. You can’t live here if you are random lawyer, not even a biglaw associate. They are the biglaw partners and those guys all send their kids to private. There are tech executives, politicians, lobbyists, surgeons and some professional athletes. We have some neighbors who are foreign diplomats or just rich and bought a home in the US. There are more modest neighborhoods that feed into our highly regarded public school and those are the MC/UMC kids who grind. I don’t necessarily think their parents were the super successful ones so they may put lots of pressure on their kids.

Listen to yourself.
You live in a cloistered community, are in awe of money/fame, and talk down about everyone who isn’t insanely wealthy.

God only know what you think about your children’s teachers.

This thread is about kids in high achieving schools. I’m not sure why you are surprised that the parents living in these neighborhoods are also successful and high achieving.

When you are surrounded by these people all the time, you really don’t care. I have been going to school events at our private and public school. I am tired of meeting parents. DH is well respected in his field so some people may be impressed by him. Most people don’t care, just the way we don’t care.

I like my kids’ teachers. Why would you think I wouldn’t?

DP. Well you would be reaaaaaallly disappointed if one of your high achieving DC decided to be a high school or *gasp* elementary or preschool teacher. You can't even contemplate this to worry about it. It's not even a possibility.

[Anonymous]

Parents should teach their kids and let them make decisions on their own. It's the only want to learn. Some kids just feel entitled because their parents have given them everything. Nothing to work for. Then, again, you have kids who have to make their own decisions and none of them were good ones. Another type of problems and thinking "my parents abandoned me" issue and blames everything on their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in DCUM is an exception to the rule and that their kid is an academic star !!!

I posted above that I have 1 academic superstar and another who isn’t. He is a smart kid but a total slacker. He would not keep up with the academic superstars.

Our public school is massive and competitive for everything whether it is to get on a sports team or academic competitions. This kid tried science Olympiad and it was obvious he was not interested. He also did not get an A in math. He is probably the only Asian kid who didn’t get an A in math.

Basically the first kid is an academic superstar and the second is a smart kid. In other words, everyone in DCUM has smart kids. That proves my point.

Pp here. We live in an affluent and highly competitive area, the exact type of school pyramid OP is referring to. Both boys were flagged gifted and in the gifted program in public. Dh and I are both ivy educated and we have a seven figure HHI. DH is one of those guys who is just really good at everything and our oldest is like him. They both excel and make it look easy. My younger kid is very bright but just puts no effort in school. He is just as smart, if not naturally smarter than his older brother. We know that being bright is not enough and thought he would just get lost in a big public school so we switched him to private.

Our neighborhood is full of rich and successful people. Everyone seems on top of their industries. You can’t live here if you are random lawyer, not even a biglaw associate. They are the biglaw partners and those guys all send their kids to private. There are tech executives, politicians, lobbyists, surgeons and some professional athletes. We have some neighbors who are foreign diplomats or just rich and bought a home in the US. There are more modest neighborhoods that feed into our highly regarded public school and those are the MC/UMC kids who grind. I don’t necessarily think their parents were the super successful ones so they may put lots of pressure on their kids.

What’s the point of your post??? That you and your family are genetically gifted and don’t have to try hard, whereas others have to grind? How dumb do you have to be to write something like this?

Also, I live in a highly coveted area with so called high achievers and families like you are a dime a dozen, get off your high horse.

I am seriously trying to wrap my head around the ramblings in your post, your neighborhood has rich people, a foreign diplomat blah blah… who writes stuff like that? If you went to an ivy and this is your intellectual level that all ivys should be banned.

Such a loser!

The point of my post is that we do not put pressure on our kids and they don’t suffer from mental illness. We absolutely are a dime a dozen. We are surrounded by successful and smart people. Our kids are also smart. They have smart friends with smart parents.

My kids are happy well adjusted kids and have friends who also seem healthy and happy. This goes for both kids in public and private.

Are there a few kids who struggle mentally in both schools? Probably.

The point of parenting is to raise capable kids. Sometimes when a family is so cushioned by money and easy success, the kids won't know what to do if it all crashes and burns in some way. So long as you are giving them the skills that will help them keep a healthy outlook on life no matter what the circumstance, then you've done the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in DCUM is an exception to the rule and that their kid is an academic star !!!

I posted above that I have 1 academic superstar and another who isn’t. He is a smart kid but a total slacker. He would not keep up with the academic superstars.

Our public school is massive and competitive for everything whether it is to get on a sports team or academic competitions. This kid tried science Olympiad and it was obvious he was not interested. He also did not get an A in math. He is probably the only Asian kid who didn’t get an A in math.

Basically the first kid is an academic superstar and the second is a smart kid. In other words, everyone in DCUM has smart kids. That proves my point.

Pp here. We live in an affluent and highly competitive area, the exact type of school pyramid OP is referring to. Both boys were flagged gifted and in the gifted program in public. Dh and I are both ivy educated and we have a seven figure HHI. DH is one of those guys who is just really good at everything and our oldest is like him. They both excel and make it look easy. My younger kid is very bright but just puts no effort in school. He is just as smart, if not naturally smarter than his older brother. We know that being bright is not enough and thought he would just get lost in a big public school so we switched him to private.

Our neighborhood is full of rich and successful people. Everyone seems on top of their industries. You can’t live here if you are random lawyer, not even a biglaw associate. They are the biglaw partners and those guys all send their kids to private. There are tech executives, politicians, lobbyists, surgeons and some professional athletes. We have some neighbors who are foreign diplomats or just rich and bought a home in the US. There are more modest neighborhoods that feed into our highly regarded public school and those are the MC/UMC kids who grind. I don’t necessarily think their parents were the super successful ones so they may put lots of pressure on their kids.

We live in one of those MC neighborhoods feeding in to a highly affluent and competitive school and think it's funny how you define success. I chose a lower paying career on purpose and many of my neighbors did as well. We are all Ivy educated and many have Ph.Ds and could be making top dollar but they want more than money. A doctor neighbor was making a lot of money as a doctor but moved to public health and probably makes a fraction of that. Lots of non-profit heads in our neighborhood and many came from private industry where they weren't necessarily happy.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:As I’ve gotten more senior in my career (former Biglaw), I’ve realized that all the striving leads to a dead end. We have enough money now to sustain our relatively modest life. I ask myself whether I want my kids to follow a similar path.

In other words do they bust their butts to do well academically, work in a high-pressure, thankless job, and then get disillusioned with their lives thus far? Or do they take the long view even from high school, and realized that a balanced life, well lived is better than a high-achieving burst that burns out after 15 years.

And I’m also Asian, second generation American with parents who grew up in a country with a national test for college.

"We have enough money now to sustain our relatively modest life" is key here. Median income is 70K in the DMV. Would you be happy with 70K? Or is 200K+ your definition of "relatively" modest?

If my DC didn't have to "strive" to guarantee themselves an UMC lifestyle, let me know how to achieve that. I do know many "nonstrivers" from my high school that are struggling with their bills and dealing with much more stressful LMC and MC problems, rather than DCUM's relatively banal UMC problems.

Agree. UMC is expensive. Your income and your lifestyle are a direct reflection of you working very hard for many years. It builds character to apply your maximum effort and develop a stellar work ethic in the process. The grass isn’t greener on the average/middle class side. There are plenty of them wishing they would have worked harder, had more parental support with academics, etc. so they could have had the ability to obtain a higher paying career- while their life may be “balanced” they are shut out of a lot of opportunities and experiences for themselves and their children bc they can’t afford them, not to mention if a disaster happens and they don’t have enough savings to cover.

How hard you work in high school, college, and the early years of your career definitely sets the trajectory for the rest of your adult life. Slack off early on and it is hard to recover. If you front load all the work, mid career you can start stepping back.

Your kids will not be doomed to financial mediocrity if they do not strive to be "the best." Yes, work ethic is important within reason, doing well in school is important within reason. But striving at the cost of your kids' mental health is clearly self-defeating. And for what? Bragging rights?

My older step kids went to small liberal arts colleges that DCUM would scoff at and both are doing extremely well in their careers now. They got full rides and were at or near the top of their classes in college without trying too hard. Neither of them had to experience the high stress culture of HYP strivers in high school. They are no less financially well off than my husband and I were at their age, and we went to elite universities and chose high-stress competitive careers. I do not want our kids as stressed out as we were. Past a certain level of effort, the gains are not worth it. It's important to teach them balance.

You are missing the point. They don’t have to do “the best,” but they should be doing their best. Giving half effort at school and taking easy classes and not challenging and applying themselves will become their default. It will carry over into other aspects of their life.

I think you are also missing the point. Pushing a kid to do "their best" can also be detrimental. Each kid can work X number of hours and do reasonably well relative to their own ability level without negative mental health outcomes. They should still have downtime and time to socialize and not be anxious at this point. Or you can push them to work twice as hard for a supposedly better outcome at the expense of their mental health, simply so they can perform at their best. At our school we see plenty of kids pushed beyond what is reasonable, because parents always think they should be able to do better.

Their best is subjective- and of course it is a balance. The much much larger problem facing kids is the US is parents not caring or pushing them academically at all. Outside of UMC districts and private schools, majority of kids aren’t even proficient in core subjects. Sports are king.

Well then, the ideal strategy is to strive, but not too hard. People on this forum don't need reminders not to under-strive. They need reminders not to push their kids to over-strive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in DCUM is an exception to the rule and that their kid is an academic star !!!

I posted above that I have 1 academic superstar and another who isn’t. He is a smart kid but a total slacker. He would not keep up with the academic superstars.

Our public school is massive and competitive for everything whether it is to get on a sports team or academic competitions. This kid tried science Olympiad and it was obvious he was not interested. He also did not get an A in math. He is probably the only Asian kid who didn’t get an A in math.

Basically the first kid is an academic superstar and the second is a smart kid. In other words, everyone in DCUM has smart kids. That proves my point.

Pp here. We live in an affluent and highly competitive area, the exact type of school pyramid OP is referring to. Both boys were flagged gifted and in the gifted program in public. Dh and I are both ivy educated and we have a seven figure HHI. DH is one of those guys who is just really good at everything and our oldest is like him. They both excel and make it look easy. My younger kid is very bright but just puts no effort in school. He is just as smart, if not naturally smarter than his older brother. We know that being bright is not enough and thought he would just get lost in a big public school so we switched him to private.

Our neighborhood is full of rich and successful people. Everyone seems on top of their industries. You can’t live here if you are random lawyer, not even a biglaw associate. They are the biglaw partners and those guys all send their kids to private. There are tech executives, politicians, lobbyists, surgeons and some professional athletes. We have some neighbors who are foreign diplomats or just rich and bought a home in the US. There are more modest neighborhoods that feed into our highly regarded public school and those are the MC/UMC kids who grind. I don’t necessarily think their parents were the super successful ones so they may put lots of pressure on their kids.

We live in one of those MC neighborhoods feeding in to a highly affluent and competitive school and think it's funny how you define success. I chose a lower paying career on purpose and many of my neighbors did as well. We are all Ivy educated and many have Ph.Ds and could be making top dollar but they want more than money. A doctor neighbor was making a lot of money as a doctor but moved to public health and probably makes a fraction of that. Lots of non-profit heads in our neighborhood and many came from private industry where they weren't necessarily happy.

A few posters were saying that we all think our kids are smart. I simply was stating that our neighborhood was full of successful and high achieving parents. My kids are friends with kids from different backgrounds. Plenty of professors, doctors, world bank, state dept, NIH type people.

You may have missed the part where I said we don’t care what others do.

My kids are happy well adjusted kids who come from a loving family. I’m sure your kids are fine as well not suffering from mental breakdowns due to pressure from a high achieving school. OP and others seem to want to put down these sought after neighborhoods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in DCUM is an exception to the rule and that their kid is an academic star !!!

I posted above that I have 1 academic superstar and another who isn’t. He is a smart kid but a total slacker. He would not keep up with the academic superstars.

Our public school is massive and competitive for everything whether it is to get on a sports team or academic competitions. This kid tried science Olympiad and it was obvious he was not interested. He also did not get an A in math. He is probably the only Asian kid who didn’t get an A in math.

Basically the first kid is an academic superstar and the second is a smart kid. In other words, everyone in DCUM has smart kids. That proves my point.

Pp here. We live in an affluent and highly competitive area, the exact type of school pyramid OP is referring to. Both boys were flagged gifted and in the gifted program in public. Dh and I are both ivy educated and we have a seven figure HHI. DH is one of those guys who is just really good at everything and our oldest is like him. They both excel and make it look easy. My younger kid is very bright but just puts no effort in school. He is just as smart, if not naturally smarter than his older brother. We know that being bright is not enough and thought he would just get lost in a big public school so we switched him to private.

Our neighborhood is full of rich and successful people. Everyone seems on top of their industries. You can’t live here if you are random lawyer, not even a biglaw associate. They are the biglaw partners and those guys all send their kids to private. There are tech executives, politicians, lobbyists, surgeons and some professional athletes. We have some neighbors who are foreign diplomats or just rich and bought a home in the US. There are more modest neighborhoods that feed into our highly regarded public school and those are the MC/UMC kids who grind. I don’t necessarily think their parents were the super successful ones so they may put lots of pressure on their kids.

We live in one of those MC neighborhoods feeding in to a highly affluent and competitive school and think it's funny how you define success. I chose a lower paying career on purpose and many of my neighbors did as well. We are all Ivy educated and many have Ph.Ds and could be making top dollar but they want more than money. A doctor neighbor was making a lot of money as a doctor but moved to public health and probably makes a fraction of that. Lots of non-profit heads in our neighborhood and many came from private industry where they weren't necessarily happy.

A few posters were saying that we all think our kids are smart. I simply was stating that our neighborhood was full of successful and high achieving parents. My kids are friends with kids from different backgrounds. Plenty of professors, doctors, world bank, state dept, NIH type people.

You may have missed the part where I said we don’t care what others do.

My kids are happy well adjusted kids who come from a loving family. I’m sure your kids are fine as well not suffering from mental breakdowns due to pressure from a high achieving school. OP and others seem to want to put down these sought after neighborhoods.

NP here. Sorry lady, you are not putting the cat back in the bag; you have yourself away as an insufferable and mentally unwell snob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in DCUM is an exception to the rule and that their kid is an academic star !!!

I posted above that I have 1 academic superstar and another who isn’t. He is a smart kid but a total slacker. He would not keep up with the academic superstars.

Our public school is massive and competitive for everything whether it is to get on a sports team or academic competitions. This kid tried science Olympiad and it was obvious he was not interested. He also did not get an A in math. He is probably the only Asian kid who didn’t get an A in math.

Basically the first kid is an academic superstar and the second is a smart kid. In other words, everyone in DCUM has smart kids. That proves my point.

Pp here. We live in an affluent and highly competitive area, the exact type of school pyramid OP is referring to. Both boys were flagged gifted and in the gifted program in public. Dh and I are both ivy educated and we have a seven figure HHI. DH is one of those guys who is just really good at everything and our oldest is like him. They both excel and make it look easy. My younger kid is very bright but just puts no effort in school. He is just as smart, if not naturally smarter than his older brother. We know that being bright is not enough and thought he would just get lost in a big public school so we switched him to private.

Our neighborhood is full of rich and successful people. Everyone seems on top of their industries. You can’t live here if you are random lawyer, not even a biglaw associate. They are the biglaw partners and those guys all send their kids to private. There are tech executives, politicians, lobbyists, surgeons and some professional athletes. We have some neighbors who are foreign diplomats or just rich and bought a home in the US. There are more modest neighborhoods that feed into our highly regarded public school and those are the MC/UMC kids who grind. I don’t necessarily think their parents were the super successful ones so they may put lots of pressure on their kids.

We live in one of those MC neighborhoods feeding in to a highly affluent and competitive school and think it's funny how you define success. I chose a lower paying career on purpose and many of my neighbors did as well. We are all Ivy educated and many have Ph.Ds and could be making top dollar but they want more than money. A doctor neighbor was making a lot of money as a doctor but moved to public health and probably makes a fraction of that. Lots of non-profit heads in our neighborhood and many came from private industry where they weren't necessarily happy.

A few posters were saying that we all think our kids are smart. I simply was stating that our neighborhood was full of successful and high achieving parents. My kids are friends with kids from different backgrounds. Plenty of professors, doctors, world bank, state dept, NIH type people.

You may have missed the part where I said we don’t care what others do.

My kids are happy well adjusted kids who come from a loving family. I’m sure your kids are fine as well not suffering from mental breakdowns due to pressure from a high achieving school. OP and others seem to want to put down these sought after neighborhoods.

No you wrote that those terrible MC people from not your neighborhood are "strivers."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in DCUM is an exception to the rule and that their kid is an academic star !!!

I posted above that I have 1 academic superstar and another who isn’t. He is a smart kid but a total slacker. He would not keep up with the academic superstars.

Our public school is massive and competitive for everything whether it is to get on a sports team or academic competitions. This kid tried science Olympiad and it was obvious he was not interested. He also did not get an A in math. He is probably the only Asian kid who didn’t get an A in math.

Basically the first kid is an academic superstar and the second is a smart kid. In other words, everyone in DCUM has smart kids. That proves my point.

Pp here. We live in an affluent and highly competitive area, the exact type of school pyramid OP is referring to. Both boys were flagged gifted and in the gifted program in public. Dh and I are both ivy educated and we have a seven figure HHI. DH is one of those guys who is just really good at everything and our oldest is like him. They both excel and make it look easy. My younger kid is very bright but just puts no effort in school. He is just as smart, if not naturally smarter than his older brother. We know that being bright is not enough and thought he would just get lost in a big public school so we switched him to private.

Our neighborhood is full of rich and successful people. Everyone seems on top of their industries. You can’t live here if you are random lawyer, not even a biglaw associate. They are the biglaw partners and those guys all send their kids to private. There are tech executives, politicians, lobbyists, surgeons and some professional athletes. We have some neighbors who are foreign diplomats or just rich and bought a home in the US. There are more modest neighborhoods that feed into our highly regarded public school and those are the MC/UMC kids who grind. I don’t necessarily think their parents were the super successful ones so they may put lots of pressure on their kids.

We live in one of those MC neighborhoods feeding in to a highly affluent and competitive school and think it's funny how you define success. I chose a lower paying career on purpose and many of my neighbors did as well. We are all Ivy educated and many have Ph.Ds and could be making top dollar but they want more than money. A doctor neighbor was making a lot of money as a doctor but moved to public health and probably makes a fraction of that. Lots of non-profit heads in our neighborhood and many came from private industry where they weren't necessarily happy.

Yeah, he is able to take that lower paying job now that he worked his tail off at the high paying one in order to pay off his massive student dept and generate savings. Had he taken the low paying job with comfortable hours out of med school, he may not be as happy and comfortable

[Anonymous]

My spouse and I have 5 HYPS degrees between us, including professional schools. Definition of academic overachievers and have done very well, career-wise. But we don't push our kid to be us, because we don't want them to suffer the same type of tremendous anxiety that we have seen in so many of our classmates and friends, both in and out of school. Lots of very successful, very unhappy people in the top echolons.

We are fortunate enough to be UMC so we can afford to give our kid a choice about their life, and focus on balance, not just on achievement. The gold ring is not always worth it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was friends with someone who did part-time work at one of the competitive (but not big three) schools in MoCo. She ended up leaving because she said the kids were so stressed out and fearful of anything short of perfection. She was a high achiever herself and from a highly competitive public school in the Northeast. She thought it was not the DMV but more the times.

It’s definitely the times. I live elsewhere and am involved in independent school leadership. We hear parents during admissions season say they want a supportive community, a low-pressure school focused on individuals, not achievement, and a place where their child is valued for who they are. And these parents genuinely want this- it’s not fake. But once their child is in school the script flips and they want to know why we aren’t testing, why exmissions weren’t “better”, comparisons to other area schools, and explanations for why their 2nd grader is doing pre-calc.

It is ALL fear and insecurity and it comes from parents who don’t actually know their own values and what they hold important. They are scared to be in touch with or even discuss what they’re trying to get out of in life, and they fall back on the safety of external validation and “achievement” once their children are old enough to be compared to others or have to compete for resources.

It’s probably the biggest problem facing schools, parents, and kids. And I have no idea how it can get fixed because so few people dare to walk away from the game- and those that do are often so privileged that they are actually the ones running the game and making the rules.

I think you ended up inadvertently nailing the point here --

But this definitely isn't the case in this day and age. The external markers of adulthood -- buying a house in a good pyramid, saving for your kids' college while also paying for daycare, medical expenses, and retirement, have all gotten incredibly expensive. Income inequality is at an all-time high.

To survive in this world, kids need to be at the top of their game economically. And that means that they have to CRUSH IT in their schoolwork and ECs in high school, get accepted into a reputable college (not necessarily an elite one, but at the very least a solid school like VA Tech), and major in CS or Finance or do pre-med.

After college graduation, young adults these days MUST go into tech or finance or into med school (with hopes of matching into a lucrative speciality, not something like pediatrics) if they want to be UMC (not rich, just comfortable) in this day and age.

DP. Fwiw, this is incorrect. Income inequality is at an all time high but that's a red herring. Aside from the 0.0001%, the MC is shrinking because the UMC/UC is increasing. The size of the LC is not growing, the MC are moving up. Gen Z has figured out that a college degree is not worth it for many people and companies/employers are dropping these requirements. While doctors and lawyers can be lucrative stable careers (or not), there are plenty of other avenues to UMC/UC lives for our kids.

It may be hard to see in the Bay Area, and it may be hard to see in the DMV, but we don't need to fight over Ivy/top tier schools for our kids. The pressure and insecurity is false.

PP here. No, you’re totally wrong. There are NOT a lot of other avenues to the UMC for kids these days except for tech, finance, medicine, consulting, or corporate law. And where you go to college matters — full stop.

You seem like a deluded privileged person. You’re probably in the first or third category of what the PP described:

============

There are not a lot of other avenues for YOUR kids outside of what you've listed, because you've made them believe that. But that is not true for all other UMC kids.

+1 Thinking about PP's analysis of the "types", I think I'd put my family in group #1. We're not at a private school but kids went to a high-achieving/UMC public HS. I think a lot of our contentment, or confidence, that our kids will do fine in life if we just support them in pursuing their interests and they go to solid but not “the best” colleges, mainly comes from looking around at the people we know, the young people we work with and in our families, and seeing that plenty of people are getting along fine in life without buying into this idea that the only way to success is a T20 college + doctor/lawyer/hot tech job. As long as you don't define "success" as making the absolute highest salary you possibly can.

DH and I and my siblings all went to middle of the road public colleges and have done just fine. Professional careers but not the big money dr/lawyer/etc. BIL's kids (all Millennials) didn’t go to college at all and all are gainfully employed and home owners (in a lower COL city). Among my large group of cousins, I’ve seen a lot of their kids launch into solid careers from a huge range of schools in recent years so it's not just an outdated GenX memory. I work with people from all kinds of colleges. I just don’t get the fear. I do acknowledge that my kids, particularly one interested in a less high-paying path, may need to set sights on lower COL areas but that’s the trade-off she will need to make in prioritizing her passion and she fully recognizes that. We did discuss it as she thought about majors, colleges, etc.

We’re not 1%’ers but are able to send the kids to college without debt (public U for one, LAC w/ merit for the other) and I anticipate they will each get some inheritance from my mom (now in her mid-80s) which will help them with an initial downpayment for a first home purchase. Those two things are a huge leg up for getting started in life. So yes, we are privileged but a lot less than other who seems so stressed out about this. Maybe because the higher you go in income, the harder it would be for your kids to replicate that income? Maybe that's just not a reasonable expectation at some point. Especially not if you have to destroy your kids' mental health in pursuit of it.

Do you recognize the privilege that you've grown up with and/or live now? You point towards your anecdata as reasons why college rankings don't matter, but peer-reviewed studies by Chetty and others have consistently shown that college rankings matter.

Some of the people most stressed out about this, most focused on it being so important that their kids go to top ranked school have a ton of privilege. Their kids will be fine if they go to the #80 ranked school vs. #10.

I think it's the opposite. All these posters that are saying "college doesn't matter. I went to Northsoutheastwestern State with a 2.7 GPA and I'm UMC now - hard work matters more than pedigree" doesn't understand that people of color, or first generation immigrants, or people without parents to help them have to have flawless [/b] resumes just to be invited to interview with companies. [/b]

That's not true. Our company (and many others I know) specifically recruit these groups. The ones who have to be "flawless" are the people outside of these groups, because they're a dime a dozen.

It's true and well documented: https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/why-minority-job-applicants-mask-their-race-identities-when-applying-for-jobs-according-to-this-harvard-study.html

Your claim is anecdotal, made up, or is missing the point that, even if you are "targetting" those groups, you're still picking Larla Patel with a 4.0 from MIT, not Larlo Lee from Northsoutheastern State.

That article uses data from 2017. In todays world a minority kid with equal SES and hardships etc would gain preference over a white kid in many cases.

This is true. Look what just unfolded with the Ivies and flagship state universities.

[Anonymous]

Remember they are your kid you have a say in what happens in their life.

[Anonymous]

My DD graduated from TJ and now attending GMU. My oldest son graduated from Potomac school and he went to NVCC. My youngest graduated from Langley and he is now at Radford University. You can say that TJ, Potomac and Langley are probably some of the best schools here in the DMV but it doesn’t bother me one bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD graduated from TJ and now attending GMU. My oldest son graduated from Potomac school and he went to NVCC. My youngest graduated from Langley and he is now at Radford University. You can say that TJ, Potomac and Langley are probably some of the best schools here in the DMV but it doesn’t bother me one bit.

What is your point?