What’s it like being married to a medical doctor (MD)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a doctor, but I also am one myself. So I find this thread particularly funny. Curious what people think.

Do ya'll cheat on each other like they're saying in this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The following is not isolated.
Neurotic socially-stunted worms groomed and controlled by a pushy mother (and/or father) who present a phony image to the public. Fake-smiling manipulators whose mother taught them to seek out average-looking status-seeking female trust funders, lawyers, and MBAs to marry so they mooch off a woman until they rake in money post fellowship. Then when they get the big bucks, they become psychopaths who treat the wife like she's second class. Suddenly the beta wimp you married is a full of himself gaslighting cheater who lacks the bandwidth to lift a finger around the house or contribute to the marriage or house in any way. Post fellowship they often tend to leave the first wife they mooched from for a slightly younger upgrade second wife. His passive-aggressive parents will turn against you on a dime and take their son's side 100% of the time because they know you were only attracted to the creepy wimp in the first place because he was (becoming) a doctor.

Whoa. Power down, space cowboy.

Who hurt you? You know this post screams that they are still living rent free in your head, don't you?

[Anonymous]

Most of them barely understand their own specialty but the scope of their smugness extends to everything. Arrogant know-it-alls who know nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The following is not isolated.
Neurotic socially-stunted worms groomed and controlled by a pushy mother (and/or father) who present a phony image to the public. Fake-smiling manipulators whose mother taught them to seek out average-looking status-seeking female trust funders, lawyers, and MBAs to marry so they mooch off a woman until they rake in money post fellowship. Then when they get the big bucks, they become psychopaths who treat the wife like she's second class. Suddenly the beta wimp you married is a full of himself gaslighting cheater who lacks the bandwidth to lift a finger around the house or contribute to the marriage or house in any way. Post fellowship they often tend to leave the first wife they mooched from for a slightly younger upgrade second wife. His passive-aggressive parents will turn against you on a dime and take their son's side 100% of the time because they know you were only attracted to the creepy wimp in the first place because he was (becoming) a doctor.

Whoa. Power down, space cowboy.

Who hurt you? You know this post screams that they are still living rent free in your head, don't you?

My first husband. I saw enough in his extended family and colleagues to know what I went through was not isolated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a doctor, but I also am one myself. So I find this thread particularly funny. Curious what people think.

Do ya'll cheat on each other like they're saying in this thread?

I would never.

[Anonymous]

Physician jobs vary a lot depending on specialty and the individual position. Some enable a balanced lifestyle while others clearly do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The following is not isolated.
Neurotic socially-stunted worms groomed and controlled by a pushy mother (and/or father) who present a phony image to the public. Fake-smiling manipulators whose mother taught them to seek out average-looking status-seeking female trust funders, lawyers, and MBAs to marry so they mooch off a woman until they rake in money post fellowship. Then when they get the big bucks, they become psychopaths who treat the wife like she's second class. Suddenly the beta wimp you married is a full of himself gaslighting cheater who lacks the bandwidth to lift a finger around the house or contribute to the marriage or house in any way. Post fellowship they often tend to leave the first wife they mooched from for a slightly younger upgrade second wife. His passive-aggressive parents will turn against you on a dime and take their son's side 100% of the time because they know you were only attracted to the creepy wimp in the first place because he was (becoming) a doctor.

Whoa. Power down, space cowboy.

Who hurt you? You know this post screams that they are still living rent free in your head, don't you?

My first husband. I saw enough in his extended family and colleagues to know what I went through was not isolated.

I met DH when he was in med school. I was a poor grad student. We married for love.

There are a few guys who are married to frumpy women who are rich. I don’t know if they were always unattractive or they are not aging well.

He has one partner who has the most unpleasant wife. I wish he would divorce her and get a nicer second wife. We all cringe at the way she treats him.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My good friend is married to a surgeon. He's the most self-centered man I've ever met.

Yep. Neurotic, insufferable and awkward. They disregard properly cultivating their personalities because they were so focused on becoming doctors for 15 years. Many of them are mollycoddled momma’s boy who had a snow plow tiger mom doing everything for them until they were married. They in turn expect their wife to take over all of those duties. Grown *ss men who act like adult babies.

If a guy routinely works 60-70 hour weeks, his wife ought to take care of everything else, nitwit. That wife knew what the deal was when she married him.

I don't understand this. Both my wife and I work 60-80hrs/week each. When not working, we split childcare and house work.

If you are both working those hours, it’s doubtful there is much childcare left to split.

Children are not trophies.

We consider these hours mild and spend lots of time with our kids every day. Again, I don’t understand what you are talking about.

When exactly does this 60-80 hour week happen? Are you those annoying people who claim you are working from home when you’re actually doing childcare -those people who ruin it for everyone else? Or do you work during the school day and then all night?

We both work a normal work day and after kids go to sleep go back to work (evening WFH).

I see, you are a typical hot shot who barely clears 40 hours but claims to be working 80? Like Elon Musk who “sleeps at the office” but spends most of his time posting on Twitter? At least he does not say he spends tons of quality time with his kids

80 hour weeks is 13 working hours per day, 7 days a week.

We both used to work over 80 hrs per week. Now working 60-80 is pretty mild. I don’t understand you at all. Your math is also way off which is concerning.

I don’t really see how you do this either. We used to both work 80 hours a week during residency:

2 overnight calls: 30 hours (6am-noon)
1 long call: 12 hours (6am-6pm)
1 short call: 8 hours (6am-2pm)
1 day off

We had normal daycare hours and arranged our schedules so that we were never both on call at the same time. It was a lot. We had almost no social life and were always exhausted.

Not sure why this has so much interest.

M-F 8am - 5pm = 45hrs
M-F 8pm - 12am = 20hrs
Weekend work = variable 0-15hrs

Total = 65-80hrs

When are you eating, taking a shower, getting in a workout, going to the pediatrician and the dentist and mechanic, and paying your bills, and checking homework and school recitals and afterschool activities and researching summer camps etc etc etc and spending a ton of quality time with your kids. I worked in Finance and the guys working 80 hour weeks were bachelors or married with SAHM + tons of help, and barely saw their kids for dinner. Even with that many were doing Cocaine or Modafinil to keep up. I am sure you and your partner are special and not delusional.

Wake up 6am. Kids don’t wake up until 7am so we have time then. Weekends are largely free. Rare appointments get scheduled.

Not sure why this is interesting.

It’s not that interesting. It’s just that you say this isn’t a big deal, and then you give this schedule where you only sleep like 5 hours a night, and you do nothing but work and take care of your kids.

Sleep 6hrs/night, weekends mostly free, minimum 3-4hrs/day with kids. This is for two adults and flexible.

Whatever.
It sounds like working from 8pm-midnight M-F is really sitting in your bed with your laptop from whenever the kids go to bed until you get tired and go to sleep. And you do it another time if you have something else you want to do on a Friday evening or whatever.

It’s not exactly like working 65-80 hours a week in the emergency department or the intensive care unit or even a busy outpatient clinic.

The main difference is our jobs pay much better. Maybe instead of trolling others, you should focus on yourself.

What?

You posted about your job in a thread about physicians. How am I trolling you?

These hours match a lot of dual physician families that I know.

That’s cool. I’m in a dual physician family. This doesn’t match my experience, but I don’t know the people you know.

Carry on, my man. It sounds like you have some things figured out.

What are the work hours and schedules for you and spouse?

I work part time in the emergency department, about 23 hours/wk. I work evenings and overnights so that I can be home if there is some kind of emergency during the day with the kids. My oldest has autism, so I get called into the school kind of a lot. I do 8 10-hour shifts a month and also do some teaching with the residents and med students.

DH usually works more like 50-60 hours/wk in the OR and ICU. He goes in about 6:30am and comes home somewhere between 1pm and 9pm depending on the day. If he’s in the ICU, he gets off at 5:30pm barring any emergency. 22 days a year, he works overnight in the ICU from 5pm-7am.

When we were residents and working 80 hours a week, we had typical resident schedules with call every fourth day:
Day 1: 6am-overnight (DH not on call)
Day 2: get out at noon, sleep, get kids
Day 3: 6am-2pm, do stuff that needs done during the day, get kids (DH on call)
Day 4: 6am-6pm
Day 5: 6am-overnight
Day 6: get out at noon, sleep
Day 7: off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My good friend is married to a surgeon. He's the most self-centered man I've ever met.

Yep. Neurotic, insufferable and awkward. They disregard properly cultivating their personalities because they were so focused on becoming doctors for 15 years. Many of them are mollycoddled momma’s boy who had a snow plow tiger mom doing everything for them until they were married. They in turn expect their wife to take over all of those duties. Grown *ss men who act like adult babies.

If a guy routinely works 60-70 hour weeks, his wife ought to take care of everything else, nitwit. That wife knew what the deal was when she married him.

I don't understand this. Both my wife and I work 60-80hrs/week each. When not working, we split childcare and house work.

If you are both working those hours, it’s doubtful there is much childcare left to split.

Children are not trophies.

We consider these hours mild and spend lots of time with our kids every day. Again, I don’t understand what you are talking about.

How? Legimiate question.

[Anonymous]

Wake up 6am. Kids don’t wake up until 7am so we have time then. Weekends are largely free. Rare appointments get scheduled.

Not sure why this is interesting.

NP. I think people keep responding because you aren’t being totally honest. If your kids wake at 7 and you have to be at work at 8, that doesn’t leave much time to spend with them. Same with finishing at the office at 5 - then you have commute time, maybe need to stop at the store or get gas, need to make dinner - so when is the ton of time you spend with your kids happening?

It sounds like you probably actually work more like 50 hours a week, and 60 when you are busy. There is no way you are working from 8 pm - 12 am on Friday, and you said yourself that weekends are largely free. So if you had not claimed in your initial post that you work 80 hours and still spend plenty of time with your kids, people would not have pushed back. We all know that you can’t work 80 hours a week and still spend tons of time with your kids (and I speak from experience).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce rate is higher for female physicians than for males.

That’s bc so many men can’t take not being put first.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My good friend is married to a surgeon. He's the most self-centered man I've ever met.

Yep. Neurotic, insufferable and awkward. They disregard properly cultivating their personalities because they were so focused on becoming doctors for 15 years. Many of them are mollycoddled momma’s boy who had a snow plow tiger mom doing everything for them until they were married. They in turn expect their wife to take over all of those duties. Grown *ss men who act like adult babies.

If a guy routinely works 60-70 hour weeks, his wife ought to take care of everything else, nitwit. That wife knew what the deal was when she married him.

I don't understand this. Both my wife and I work 60-80hrs/week each. When not working, we split childcare and house work.

If you are both working those hours, it’s doubtful there is much childcare left to split.

Children are not trophies.

We consider these hours mild and spend lots of time with our kids every day. Again, I don’t understand what you are talking about.

When exactly does this 60-80 hour week happen? Are you those annoying people who claim you are working from home when you’re actually doing childcare -those people who ruin it for everyone else? Or do you work during the school day and then all night?

We both work a normal work day and after kids go to sleep go back to work (evening WFH).

I see, you are a typical hot shot who barely clears 40 hours but claims to be working 80? Like Elon Musk who “sleeps at the office” but spends most of his time posting on Twitter? At least he does not say he spends tons of quality time with his kids

80 hour weeks is 13 working hours per day, 7 days a week.

We both used to work over 80 hrs per week. Now working 60-80 is pretty mild. I don’t understand you at all. Your math is also way off which is concerning.

I don’t really see how you do this either. We used to both work 80 hours a week during residency:

2 overnight calls: 30 hours (6am-noon)
1 long call: 12 hours (6am-6pm)
1 short call: 8 hours (6am-2pm)
1 day off

We had normal daycare hours and arranged our schedules so that we were never both on call at the same time. It was a lot. We had almost no social life and were always exhausted.

Not sure why this has so much interest.

M-F 8am - 5pm = 45hrs
M-F 8pm - 12am = 20hrs
Weekend work = variable 0-15hrs

Total = 65-80hrs

When are you eating, taking a shower, getting in a workout, going to the pediatrician and the dentist and mechanic, and paying your bills, and checking homework and school recitals and afterschool activities and researching summer camps etc etc etc and spending a ton of quality time with your kids. I worked in Finance and the guys working 80 hour weeks were bachelors or married with SAHM + tons of help, and barely saw their kids for dinner. Even with that many were doing Cocaine or Modafinil to keep up. I am sure you and your partner are special and not delusional.

Wake up 6am. Kids don’t wake up until 7am so we have time then. Weekends are largely free. Rare appointments get scheduled.

Not sure why this is interesting.

It’s not that interesting. It’s just that you say this isn’t a big deal, and then you give this schedule where you only sleep like 5 hours a night, and you do nothing but work and take care of your kids.

Sleep 6hrs/night, weekends mostly free, minimum 3-4hrs/day with kids. This is for two adults and flexible.

I think your schedule is fiction, but if not your life sounds absolutely miserable.

DP in a two-doctor couple and this is quite typical in the young kid years.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My good friend is married to a surgeon. He's the most self-centered man I've ever met.

Yep. Neurotic, insufferable and awkward. They disregard properly cultivating their personalities because they were so focused on becoming doctors for 15 years. Many of them are mollycoddled momma’s boy who had a snow plow tiger mom doing everything for them until they were married. They in turn expect their wife to take over all of those duties. Grown *ss men who act like adult babies.

If a guy routinely works 60-70 hour weeks, his wife ought to take care of everything else, nitwit. That wife knew what the deal was when she married him.

I don't understand this. Both my wife and I work 60-80hrs/week each. When not working, we split childcare and house work.

If you are both working those hours, it’s doubtful there is much childcare left to split.

Children are not trophies.

We consider these hours mild and spend lots of time with our kids every day. Again, I don’t understand what you are talking about.

When exactly does this 60-80 hour week happen? Are you those annoying people who claim you are working from home when you’re actually doing childcare -those people who ruin it for everyone else? Or do you work during the school day and then all night?

We both work a normal work day and after kids go to sleep go back to work (evening WFH).

I see, you are a typical hot shot who barely clears 40 hours but claims to be working 80? Like Elon Musk who “sleeps at the office” but spends most of his time posting on Twitter? At least he does not say he spends tons of quality time with his kids

80 hour weeks is 13 working hours per day, 7 days a week.

We both used to work over 80 hrs per week. Now working 60-80 is pretty mild. I don’t understand you at all. Your math is also way off which is concerning.

I don’t really see how you do this either. We used to both work 80 hours a week during residency:

2 overnight calls: 30 hours (6am-noon)
1 long call: 12 hours (6am-6pm)
1 short call: 8 hours (6am-2pm)
1 day off

We had normal daycare hours and arranged our schedules so that we were never both on call at the same time. It was a lot. We had almost no social life and were always exhausted.

Not sure why this has so much interest.

M-F 8am - 5pm = 45hrs
M-F 8pm - 12am = 20hrs
Weekend work = variable 0-15hrs

Total = 65-80hrs

When are you eating, taking a shower, getting in a workout, going to the pediatrician and the dentist and mechanic, and paying your bills, and checking homework and school recitals and afterschool activities and researching summer camps etc etc etc and spending a ton of quality time with your kids. I worked in Finance and the guys working 80 hour weeks were bachelors or married with SAHM + tons of help, and barely saw their kids for dinner. Even with that many were doing Cocaine or Modafinil to keep up. I am sure you and your partner are special and not delusional.

Wake up 6am. Kids don’t wake up until 7am so we have time then. Weekends are largely free. Rare appointments get scheduled.

Not sure why this is interesting.

It’s not that interesting. It’s just that you say this isn’t a big deal, and then you give this schedule where you only sleep like 5 hours a night, and you do nothing but work and take care of your kids.

Sleep 6hrs/night, weekends mostly free, minimum 3-4hrs/day with kids. This is for two adults and flexible.

I think your schedule is fiction, but if not your life sounds absolutely miserable.

DP in a two-doctor couple and this is quite typical in the young kid years.

The age of your kids doesn't determine your work schedule. Two parents in the family both working 60-80 hours a week must be miserable. I know lots of 2-doctor families and none work that schedule (except perhaps during residency/fellowship, which is miserable). In most of the 2-doctor couples I know with kids, the wife does something like ER, derm, or peds part time. Most physician spouses I know either do not work at all or work part time.

[Anonymous]

I have known many two-doctor couples with kids during residency/fellowship when they were each doing 80 hrs/week. They were quite good at using their time off to the fullest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My good friend is married to a surgeon. He's the most self-centered man I've ever met.

Yep. Neurotic, insufferable and awkward. They disregard properly cultivating their personalities because they were so focused on becoming doctors for 15 years. Many of them are mollycoddled momma’s boy who had a snow plow tiger mom doing everything for them until they were married. They in turn expect their wife to take over all of those duties. Grown *ss men who act like adult babies.

If a guy routinely works 60-70 hour weeks, his wife ought to take care of everything else, nitwit. That wife knew what the deal was when she married him.

I don't understand this. Both my wife and I work 60-80hrs/week each. When not working, we split childcare and house work.

If you are both working those hours, it’s doubtful there is much childcare left to split.

Children are not trophies.

We consider these hours mild and spend lots of time with our kids every day. Again, I don’t understand what you are talking about.

When exactly does this 60-80 hour week happen? Are you those annoying people who claim you are working from home when you’re actually doing childcare -those people who ruin it for everyone else? Or do you work during the school day and then all night?

We both work a normal work day and after kids go to sleep go back to work (evening WFH).

I see, you are a typical hot shot who barely clears 40 hours but claims to be working 80? Like Elon Musk who “sleeps at the office” but spends most of his time posting on Twitter? At least he does not say he spends tons of quality time with his kids

80 hour weeks is 13 working hours per day, 7 days a week.

We both used to work over 80 hrs per week. Now working 60-80 is pretty mild. I don’t understand you at all. Your math is also way off which is concerning.

I don’t really see how you do this either. We used to both work 80 hours a week during residency:

2 overnight calls: 30 hours (6am-noon)
1 long call: 12 hours (6am-6pm)
1 short call: 8 hours (6am-2pm)
1 day off

We had normal daycare hours and arranged our schedules so that we were never both on call at the same time. It was a lot. We had almost no social life and were always exhausted.

Not sure why this has so much interest.

M-F 8am - 5pm = 45hrs
M-F 8pm - 12am = 20hrs
Weekend work = variable 0-15hrs

Total = 65-80hrs

When are you eating, taking a shower, getting in a workout, going to the pediatrician and the dentist and mechanic, and paying your bills, and checking homework and school recitals and afterschool activities and researching summer camps etc etc etc and spending a ton of quality time with your kids. I worked in Finance and the guys working 80 hour weeks were bachelors or married with SAHM + tons of help, and barely saw their kids for dinner. Even with that many were doing Cocaine or Modafinil to keep up. I am sure you and your partner are special and not delusional.

Wake up 6am. Kids don’t wake up until 7am so we have time then. Weekends are largely free. Rare appointments get scheduled.

Not sure why this is interesting.

It’s not that interesting. It’s just that you say this isn’t a big deal, and then you give this schedule where you only sleep like 5 hours a night, and you do nothing but work and take care of your kids.

Sleep 6hrs/night, weekends mostly free, minimum 3-4hrs/day with kids. This is for two adults and flexible.

I think your schedule is fiction, but if not your life sounds absolutely miserable.

DP in a two-doctor couple and this is quite typical in the young kid years.

What are you doing as a doctor where you work 60+ hours a week, are off from 5-8pm every day, and have most weekends free?