How to convince spouse home renovations make financial sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We gutted and renovated our 1980's kitchen and it was so worth it.

There are several details that just make the space more practical. For example, the kitchen was mostly cabinets. We replaced many of them with drawers, which are easier to access and hold more items. We have two large drawer that hold pots and pans and is well organized. To access the back of a corner cabinet I had to get on my hands and knees. We added shelving and a butcher block that I can roll dough on.

But we probably won't make money on the renovation. At best we'll recoup the money at sale. But the quality of life and practicality is worth the renovation costs.

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unrenovated homes in my neighborhood still sell quickly, and yes its for a discount, but the discount is less than the total cost of all renovations needed.

Understood.

But if you spend $100k in updates and then enjoy them for 10-15 years and sell your fully paid off home for north of $800k, isn’t it worth it? A well maintained home will surely sell faster and for more than a dilapidated one.

Before we sold our starter home, we painted the interior and spruced up the exterior. We updated the 1960s light fixtures and faucets, etc. We sold over asking price. Quickly.

There is a significant difference between maintenance and renovation. I suggest that you are clear with yourself and your spouse what you want. Do you want to do maintenance, renovations, or new furniture? These are not the same things.

Oy vey.

Who goes to the expense of renovating a kitchen only to keep the junky dinette set that surely won’t match?

When I renovate the kitchen, the 1980s floor tile that bleeds into the adjacent family room, foyer, and powder room will go. I’ll tackle the spaces at the same time—including updated furniture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Sorry, but I have to jump in here. My family home in Europe was built in the 18th century. I was put in an antique crib, and much of the fixtures and furniture are from the previous century or earlier. You'd probably die if you saw the kitchen: it's not pretty, but we make great meals in it (the 20th century kitchen, not the original kitchens which are in the basements and have huge fireplaces).

Here in the US I go to estate sales and purchase old, period-looking furniture, on purpose, because it looks well in my 1920s house. You should get a new sofa if it's been damaged over the years, but tables?!? Tables can last for years.

You seem to be under the delusion that these things are disposable. Only a very few people in this world just throw out their interiors every few years and buy new. The rest just replace pieces as they age and live with aging furniture and decor, because it's normal.

You are free to spend your money as you wish, OP. But for goodness sake stop thinking you are somehow owed new decor.

Maybe few people in the world renovate their house, but we are talking about the US, the UMC people in the DC area.
UMC homeowners in the DC area renovate their home. You look at many homes built in the 70s and 80s and it’s amazing how they look. You see these homes owned by UMC people on the market and and you are amazed by how well they have been taken care of.

OP is not wanting to do something that is unusual, and her family can definitely afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally I'd rather send the bank 200k and be rid of the mortgage forever than have a cosmetic updates and a huge HELOC.

There is no way I personally would take out a $200k HELOC at 2023 interest rates because of junky cabinets and a junky couch. I DIY’d gel finish on my cabinets and got the flooring and counters replaced, got a new vanity for my en suite bathroom a year later, got new bathroom floors the year after that… but a HELOC-funded reno? Not in this lifetime.

OP if you have an extra $1k/mo for this, spend it every 6 months on the most crucial projects. $6k at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Sorry, but I have to jump in here. My family home in Europe was built in the 18th century. I was put in an antique crib, and much of the fixtures and furniture are from the previous century or earlier. You'd probably die if you saw the kitchen: it's not pretty, but we make great meals in it (the 20th century kitchen, not the original kitchens which are in the basements and have huge fireplaces).

Here in the US I go to estate sales and purchase old, period-looking furniture, on purpose, because it looks well in my 1920s house. You should get a new sofa if it's been damaged over the years, but tables?!? Tables can last for years.

You seem to be under the delusion that these things are disposable. Only a very few people in this world just throw out their interiors every few years and buy new. The rest just replace pieces as they age and live with aging furniture and decor, because it's normal.

You are free to spend your money as you wish, OP. But for goodness sake stop thinking you are somehow owed new decor.

I've been following and this is what has been bothering me about OP's attitude. She comes across as she feels she is entitled to home renovations and new furniture just because things are old and/or falling apart. That is just not how it works. I honestly wish it did but that is not how life is. You either can afford things or you do without. This is such a basic tenet of life yet OP does not seem to understand. Her husband does not seem to think they can afford all she wants done. Because she comes across as, frankly, immature and entitled I find myself finding her husband's stance way more credible.

Yes when things fall apart they must be renovated. After 20+ years, it is perfectly normal that things have degraded and need to be renovated. The only question is: can you afford the renovations. If you can’t, this is ok, you continue to life in the crappy place until you can afford to renovate it. If you can afford it, you renovate and enjoy your place.
You are all wrong to tell OP that she acts entitled because she wants to renovate her place.
The discussion should be about affordability, can she afford it. The answer is a clear: Yes she can. She isn’t poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unrenovated homes in my neighborhood still sell quickly, and yes its for a discount, but the discount is less than the total cost of all renovations needed.

Understood.

But if you spend $100k in updates and then enjoy them for 10-15 years and sell your fully paid off home for north of $800k, isn’t it worth it? A well maintained home will surely sell faster and for more than a dilapidated one.

Before we sold our starter home, we painted the interior and spruced up the exterior. We updated the 1960s light fixtures and faucets, etc. We sold over asking price. Quickly.

There is a significant difference between maintenance and renovation. I suggest that you are clear with yourself and your spouse what you want. Do you want to do maintenance, renovations, or new furniture? These are not the same things.

Oy vey.

Who goes to the expense of renovating a kitchen only to keep the junky dinette set that surely won’t match?

When I renovate the kitchen, the 1980s floor tile that bleeds into the adjacent family room, foyer, and powder room will go. I’ll tackle the spaces at the same time—including updated furniture.

People who have agreed upon a budget with their spouse, that's who.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Sorry, but I have to jump in here. My family home in Europe was built in the 18th century. I was put in an antique crib, and much of the fixtures and furniture are from the previous century or earlier. You'd probably die if you saw the kitchen: it's not pretty, but we make great meals in it (the 20th century kitchen, not the original kitchens which are in the basements and have huge fireplaces).

Here in the US I go to estate sales and purchase old, period-looking furniture, on purpose, because it looks well in my 1920s house. You should get a new sofa if it's been damaged over the years, but tables?!? Tables can last for years.

You seem to be under the delusion that these things are disposable. Only a very few people in this world just throw out their interiors every few years and buy new. The rest just replace pieces as they age and live with aging furniture and decor, because it's normal.

You are free to spend your money as you wish, OP. But for goodness sake stop thinking you are somehow owed new decor.

I've been following and this is what has been bothering me about OP's attitude. She comes across as she feels she is entitled to home renovations and new furniture just because things are old and/or falling apart. That is just not how it works. I honestly wish it did but that is not how life is. You either can afford things or you do without. This is such a basic tenet of life yet OP does not seem to understand. Her husband does not seem to think they can afford all she wants done. Because she comes across as, frankly, immature and entitled I find myself finding her husband's stance way more credible.

Yes when things fall apart they must be renovated. After 20+ years, it is perfectly normal that things have degraded and need to be renovated. The only question is: can you afford the renovations. If you can’t, this is ok, you continue to life in the crappy place until you can afford to renovate it. If you can afford it, you renovate and enjoy your place.
You are all wrong to tell OP that she acts entitled because she wants to renovate her place.
The discussion should be about affordability, can she afford it. The answer is a clear: Yes she can. She isn’t poor.

No, she is not poor but unless she starts communicating with her husband - not whining - she could be divorced.
PP is right, this is not a question of whether OP can afford it or deserves it or not. This is not a financial issue. It is a relationship issue and OP bullying her husband to do something he is not comfortable doing is a recipe for problems.
Take some of the money you have OP and invest in your marriage: couples counseling to work through the different approaches to finances that you and your husband have. Think of the counselor as more a moderator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Sorry, but I have to jump in here. My family home in Europe was built in the 18th century. I was put in an antique crib, and much of the fixtures and furniture are from the previous century or earlier. You'd probably die if you saw the kitchen: it's not pretty, but we make great meals in it (the 20th century kitchen, not the original kitchens which are in the basements and have huge fireplaces).

Here in the US I go to estate sales and purchase old, period-looking furniture, on purpose, because it looks well in my 1920s house. You should get a new sofa if it's been damaged over the years, but tables?!? Tables can last for years.

You seem to be under the delusion that these things are disposable. Only a very few people in this world just throw out their interiors every few years and buy new. The rest just replace pieces as they age and live with aging furniture and decor, because it's normal.

You are free to spend your money as you wish, OP. But for goodness sake stop thinking you are somehow owed new decor.

I've been following and this is what has been bothering me about OP's attitude. She comes across as she feels she is entitled to home renovations and new furniture just because things are old and/or falling apart. That is just not how it works. I honestly wish it did but that is not how life is. You either can afford things or you do without. This is such a basic tenet of life yet OP does not seem to understand. Her husband does not seem to think they can afford all she wants done. Because she comes across as, frankly, immature and entitled I find myself finding her husband's stance way more credible.

Yes when things fall apart they must be renovated. After 20+ years, it is perfectly normal that things have degraded and need to be renovated. The only question is: can you afford the renovations. If you can’t, this is ok, you continue to life in the crappy place until you can afford to renovate it. If you can afford it, you renovate and enjoy your place.
You are all wrong to tell OP that she acts entitled because she wants to renovate her place.
The discussion should be about affordability, can she afford it. The answer is a clear: Yes she can. She isn’t poor.

No, she is not poor but unless she starts communicating with her husband - not whining - she could be divorced.
PP is right, this is not a question of whether OP can afford it or deserves it or not. This is not a financial issue. It is a relationship issue and OP bullying her husband to do something he is not comfortable doing is a recipe for problems.
Take some of the money you have OP and invest in your marriage: couples counseling to work through the different approaches to finances that you and your husband have. Think of the counselor as more a moderator.

Lol

Our marriage is fine. We’ve been together since we were teens. We don’t fight. I don’t whine in an attempt to get my way. We certainly don’t need therapy.

He was against “costly” travel until I just started booking trips, and now he’s on board.

A kitchen, etc renovation isn’t something I can just do without his support.

I guess I misjudged Dcumlandia. I assumed someone must have a cheap, risk averse partner who needed coaxing to open up the wallet. Guess I was wrong. Apparently everyone is either rich enough that nobody worries, or everyone is living with 1980s homes that will never be renovated.

I’m more convinced than ever that I need to get rolling on updates so we can enjoy our home and protect its value before it’s too late.

Thank you for weighing in…even the critics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unrenovated homes in my neighborhood still sell quickly, and yes its for a discount, but the discount is less than the total cost of all renovations needed.

Understood.

But if you spend $100k in updates and then enjoy them for 10-15 years and sell your fully paid off home for north of $800k, isn’t it worth it? A well maintained home will surely sell faster and for more than a dilapidated one.

Before we sold our starter home, we painted the interior and spruced up the exterior. We updated the 1960s light fixtures and faucets, etc. We sold over asking price. Quickly.

There is a significant difference between maintenance and renovation. I suggest that you are clear with yourself and your spouse what you want. Do you want to do maintenance, renovations, or new furniture? These are not the same things.

Oy vey.

Who goes to the expense of renovating a kitchen only to keep the junky dinette set that surely won’t match?

When I renovate the kitchen, the 1980s floor tile that bleeds into the adjacent family room, foyer, and powder room will go. I’ll tackle the spaces at the same time—including updated furniture.

People who have agreed upon a budget with their spouse, that's who.

Because an extra $1k after a kitchen reno is ridiculous?

Nobody renovates a kitchen and keeps a junky table. Heck, most people invest in new dishes, cookware, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Sorry, but I have to jump in here. My family home in Europe was built in the 18th century. I was put in an antique crib, and much of the fixtures and furniture are from the previous century or earlier. You'd probably die if you saw the kitchen: it's not pretty, but we make great meals in it (the 20th century kitchen, not the original kitchens which are in the basements and have huge fireplaces).

Here in the US I go to estate sales and purchase old, period-looking furniture, on purpose, because it looks well in my 1920s house. You should get a new sofa if it's been damaged over the years, but tables?!? Tables can last for years.

You seem to be under the delusion that these things are disposable. Only a very few people in this world just throw out their interiors every few years and buy new. The rest just replace pieces as they age and live with aging furniture and decor, because it's normal.

You are free to spend your money as you wish, OP. But for goodness sake stop thinking you are somehow owed new decor.

I've been following and this is what has been bothering me about OP's attitude. She comes across as she feels she is entitled to home renovations and new furniture just because things are old and/or falling apart. That is just not how it works. I honestly wish it did but that is not how life is. You either can afford things or you do without. This is such a basic tenet of life yet OP does not seem to understand. Her husband does not seem to think they can afford all she wants done. Because she comes across as, frankly, immature and entitled I find myself finding her husband's stance way more credible.

Yes when things fall apart they must be renovated. After 20+ years, it is perfectly normal that things have degraded and need to be renovated. The only question is: can you afford the renovations. If you can’t, this is ok, you continue to life in the crappy place until you can afford to renovate it. If you can afford it, you renovate and enjoy your place.
You are all wrong to tell OP that she acts entitled because she wants to renovate her place.
The discussion should be about affordability, can she afford it. The answer is a clear: Yes she can. She isn’t poor.

No, she is not poor but unless she starts communicating with her husband - not whining - she could be divorced.
PP is right, this is not a question of whether OP can afford it or deserves it or not. This is not a financial issue. It is a relationship issue and OP bullying her husband to do something he is not comfortable doing is a recipe for problems.
Take some of the money you have OP and invest in your marriage: couples counseling to work through the different approaches to finances that you and your husband have. Think of the counselor as more a moderator.

Lol

Our marriage is fine. We’ve been together since we were teens. We don’t fight. I don’t whine in an attempt to get my way. We certainly don’t need therapy.

He was against “costly” travel until I just started booking trips, and now he’s on board.

A kitchen, etc renovation isn’t something I can just do without his support.

I guess I misjudged Dcumlandia. I assumed someone must have a cheap, risk averse partner who needed coaxing to open up the wallet. Guess I was wrong. Apparently everyone is either rich enough that nobody worries, or everyone is living with 1980s homes that will never be renovated.

I’m more convinced than ever that I need to get rolling on updates so we can enjoy our home and protect its value before it’s too late.

Thank you for weighing in…even the critics.

Lots of people have that kind of partner! They've tried to give you advice on how to reach a plan with your DH, but you don't want to hear it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Sorry, but I have to jump in here. My family home in Europe was built in the 18th century. I was put in an antique crib, and much of the fixtures and furniture are from the previous century or earlier. You'd probably die if you saw the kitchen: it's not pretty, but we make great meals in it (the 20th century kitchen, not the original kitchens which are in the basements and have huge fireplaces).

Here in the US I go to estate sales and purchase old, period-looking furniture, on purpose, because it looks well in my 1920s house. You should get a new sofa if it's been damaged over the years, but tables?!? Tables can last for years.

You seem to be under the delusion that these things are disposable. Only a very few people in this world just throw out their interiors every few years and buy new. The rest just replace pieces as they age and live with aging furniture and decor, because it's normal.

You are free to spend your money as you wish, OP. But for goodness sake stop thinking you are somehow owed new decor.

I've been following and this is what has been bothering me about OP's attitude. She comes across as she feels she is entitled to home renovations and new furniture just because things are old and/or falling apart. That is just not how it works. I honestly wish it did but that is not how life is. You either can afford things or you do without. This is such a basic tenet of life yet OP does not seem to understand. Her husband does not seem to think they can afford all she wants done. Because she comes across as, frankly, immature and entitled I find myself finding her husband's stance way more credible.

Yes when things fall apart they must be renovated. After 20+ years, it is perfectly normal that things have degraded and need to be renovated. The only question is: can you afford the renovations. If you can’t, this is ok, you continue to life in the crappy place until you can afford to renovate it. If you can afford it, you renovate and enjoy your place.
You are all wrong to tell OP that she acts entitled because she wants to renovate her place.
The discussion should be about affordability, can she afford it. The answer is a clear: Yes she can. She isn’t poor.

No, she is not poor but unless she starts communicating with her husband - not whining - she could be divorced.
PP is right, this is not a question of whether OP can afford it or deserves it or not. This is not a financial issue. It is a relationship issue and OP bullying her husband to do something he is not comfortable doing is a recipe for problems.
Take some of the money you have OP and invest in your marriage: couples counseling to work through the different approaches to finances that you and your husband have. Think of the counselor as more a moderator.

Lol

Our marriage is fine. We’ve been together since we were teens. We don’t fight. I don’t whine in an attempt to get my way. We certainly don’t need therapy.

He was against “costly” travel until I just started booking trips, and now he’s on board.

A kitchen, etc renovation isn’t something I can just do without his support.

I guess I misjudged Dcumlandia. I assumed someone must have a cheap, risk averse partner who needed coaxing to open up the wallet. Guess I was wrong. Apparently everyone is either rich enough that nobody worries, or everyone is living with 1980s homes that will never be renovated.

I’m more convinced than ever that I need to get rolling on updates so we can enjoy our home and protect its value before it’s too late.

Thank you for weighing in…even the critics.

You've gotten lots of good advice here (to do small renovations over time using money that you have saved.) Taking out a HELOC to do these kinds of renovations is just not wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally I'd rather send the bank 200k and be rid of the mortgage forever than have a cosmetic updates and a huge HELOC.

There is no way I personally would take out a $200k HELOC at 2023 interest rates because of junky cabinets and a junky couch. I DIY’d gel finish on my cabinets and got the flooring and counters replaced, got a new vanity for my en suite bathroom a year later, got new bathroom floors the year after that… but a HELOC-funded reno? Not in this lifetime.

OP if you have an extra $1k/mo for this, spend it every 6 months on the most crucial projects. $6k at a time.

This is the way. Especially if you have four college tuitions to pay.

Do I keep my junky old dinette set with my new renovations? Yes, I do. And I am a woman, and I have a budget I have set by myself because my dh doesn't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unrenovated homes in my neighborhood still sell quickly, and yes its for a discount, but the discount is less than the total cost of all renovations needed.

Understood.

But if you spend $100k in updates and then enjoy them for 10-15 years and sell your fully paid off home for north of $800k, isn’t it worth it? A well maintained home will surely sell faster and for more than a dilapidated one.

Before we sold our starter home, we painted the interior and spruced up the exterior. We updated the 1960s light fixtures and faucets, etc. We sold over asking price. Quickly.

There is a significant difference between maintenance and renovation. I suggest that you are clear with yourself and your spouse what you want. Do you want to do maintenance, renovations, or new furniture? These are not the same things.

Oy vey.

Who goes to the expense of renovating a kitchen only to keep the junky dinette set that surely won’t match?

When I renovate the kitchen, the 1980s floor tile that bleeds into the adjacent family room, foyer, and powder room will go. I’ll tackle the spaces at the same time—including updated furniture.

People who have agreed upon a budget with their spouse, that's who.

Because an extra $1k after a kitchen reno is ridiculous?

Nobody renovates a kitchen and keeps a junky table. Heck, most people invest in new dishes, cookware, etc.

It is ridiculous if you can't afford it. You seem to think there's no limit on what "most people" spend. But it doesn't matter what other people do! You have your DH and your finances and you need to figure out something that works for both you and your DH. Not pout and whine and act like you're entitled to new stuff just because you say that "most people" have it. (Which they don't.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Sorry, but I have to jump in here. My family home in Europe was built in the 18th century. I was put in an antique crib, and much of the fixtures and furniture are from the previous century or earlier. You'd probably die if you saw the kitchen: it's not pretty, but we make great meals in it (the 20th century kitchen, not the original kitchens which are in the basements and have huge fireplaces).

Here in the US I go to estate sales and purchase old, period-looking furniture, on purpose, because it looks well in my 1920s house. You should get a new sofa if it's been damaged over the years, but tables?!? Tables can last for years.

You seem to be under the delusion that these things are disposable. Only a very few people in this world just throw out their interiors every few years and buy new. The rest just replace pieces as they age and live with aging furniture and decor, because it's normal.

You are free to spend your money as you wish, OP. But for goodness sake stop thinking you are somehow owed new decor.

I've been following and this is what has been bothering me about OP's attitude. She comes across as she feels she is entitled to home renovations and new furniture just because things are old and/or falling apart. That is just not how it works. I honestly wish it did but that is not how life is. You either can afford things or you do without. This is such a basic tenet of life yet OP does not seem to understand. Her husband does not seem to think they can afford all she wants done. Because she comes across as, frankly, immature and entitled I find myself finding her husband's stance way more credible.

Yes when things fall apart they must be renovated. After 20+ years, it is perfectly normal that things have degraded and need to be renovated. The only question is: can you afford the renovations. If you can’t, this is ok, you continue to life in the crappy place until you can afford to renovate it. If you can afford it, you renovate and enjoy your place.
You are all wrong to tell OP that she acts entitled because she wants to renovate her place.
The discussion should be about affordability, can she afford it. The answer is a clear: Yes she can. She isn’t poor.

No, she is not poor but unless she starts communicating with her husband - not whining - she could be divorced.
PP is right, this is not a question of whether OP can afford it or deserves it or not. This is not a financial issue. It is a relationship issue and OP bullying her husband to do something he is not comfortable doing is a recipe for problems.
Take some of the money you have OP and invest in your marriage: couples counseling to work through the different approaches to finances that you and your husband have. Think of the counselor as more a moderator.

Lol

Our marriage is fine. We’ve been together since we were teens. We don’t fight. I don’t whine in an attempt to get my way. We certainly don’t need therapy.

He was against “costly” travel until I just started booking trips, and now he’s on board.

A kitchen, etc renovation isn’t something I can just do without his support.

I guess I misjudged Dcumlandia. I assumed someone must have a cheap, risk averse partner who needed coaxing to open up the wallet. Guess I was wrong. Apparently everyone is either rich enough that nobody worries, or everyone is living with 1980s homes that will never be renovated.

I’m more convinced than ever that I need to get rolling on updates so we can enjoy our home and protect its value before it’s too late.

Thank you for weighing in…even the critics.

Lots of people have that kind of partner! They've tried to give you advice on how to reach a plan with your DH, but you don't want to hear it.

+1
OP is like my middle schooler who asks a question, does not listen to my answer and then proceeds to try to work me to answer in a way that he desires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Sorry, but I have to jump in here. My family home in Europe was built in the 18th century. I was put in an antique crib, and much of the fixtures and furniture are from the previous century or earlier. You'd probably die if you saw the kitchen: it's not pretty, but we make great meals in it (the 20th century kitchen, not the original kitchens which are in the basements and have huge fireplaces).

Here in the US I go to estate sales and purchase old, period-looking furniture, on purpose, because it looks well in my 1920s house. You should get a new sofa if it's been damaged over the years, but tables?!? Tables can last for years.

You seem to be under the delusion that these things are disposable. Only a very few people in this world just throw out their interiors every few years and buy new. The rest just replace pieces as they age and live with aging furniture and decor, because it's normal.

You are free to spend your money as you wish, OP. But for goodness sake stop thinking you are somehow owed new decor.

I've been following and this is what has been bothering me about OP's attitude. She comes across as she feels she is entitled to home renovations and new furniture just because things are old and/or falling apart. That is just not how it works. I honestly wish it did but that is not how life is. You either can afford things or you do without. This is such a basic tenet of life yet OP does not seem to understand. Her husband does not seem to think they can afford all she wants done. Because she comes across as, frankly, immature and entitled I find myself finding her husband's stance way more credible.

There is no need to live in a hovel simply because one person is a cheapskate or doesn’t think their partner’s wishes count for anything.