Posting child’s acceptance to an elite school on social media. Too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A fellow parent at our small school posted a glowing announcement of acceptance of their eighth graders high school decision, including a link to the school(it is a school everyone has heard of believe me), and I think it’s so insensitive given how few students there are in the eighth grade class and that a lot of the parents follow each other on social media, and that of course not everyone gets into their first choice these days. My child is not even in the same grade, so I am not feeling put out because my child didn’t get into that particular school however it really sat badly with me. I now see them as pretty self-absorbed and insensitive people. Is this common practice in DC? Also it struck me as really out of touch given that this is a school that is over 50k a year and she is parading it around in front of hundreds of her “friends”, most people would not be even able to consider it. Again, this doesn’t bother me personally but in the broad view of things feels really tone deaf. Is it just me?

No, you are over thinking this. People post all kinds of stuff on SM. Posting that their child got into X HS is something to be proud of in that accomplishment (because while the child did most of the work, parents absolutely aided in that accomplishment). If someone else is offended by it then the response should be you can't go through life thinking you will never be offended nnd I can't control what offends you. Posting about your kid getting into a HS is so far down the offense list that it shouldn't even warrant a post much less 8 or 9 pages of responses.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who once said, "Whenever I post something I get 2 likes, when you post you get 60 comments." I said you need to look at what you post. It's all bragging: "Look at our beach house." "My kid got into fancy private school."

I post things people can relate to. The down and dirty of parenting.

It doesn't have anything to do with jealousy when people don't acknowledge these braggy posts. It's that those posts are usually only applicable to 5% of your friend group. If you want engagement, you have to appeal to the other 95% of your friend group. Otherwise, you can use it as a place to log your family wins, but at best, people won't acknowledge or care. At worst, you'll drive many people away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I am trying to understand, though, what the purpose is of social media? To me, it serves many purposes, one of which is to brag about our kids. You can always unfriend or unfollow if those posts trigger you.

I post infrequently, but it is usually about my kids. It might be, acceptance to daughter's first choice school, her performance in the school musical, my son's acceptance to a top 20 university, other exciting stuff he did in college. I also post photos from trips, and of my backyard in the spring after planting.

Things I don't post: report card grades, details about illnesses, memes, photos of food. Many of my friends post this stuff, but I don't judge them. You shouldn't judge me.

There was only one time I was really triggered. A "friend" posted multiple times about each and every school her kid was accepted to (high school) and the merit money that was offered. There had to be 4 or 5 schools. It was so over the top and the posts about the scholarship money was too much. Then she posted the school her daughter decided to attend and made a huge deal of it. So, yes, I did judge her.

Social media's purpose? to make those who own the companies money... It was never developed for the social good. It uses you and the time you spend on it to make other people money.

People may utilize tools as they see fit. Social media is a tool. For some, it is triggering, meaning they should get off it. But for those of us who genuinely want to keep up with friends and share, it has made things much easier and efficient. I remember the days of emailing everyone news and photos. Now you just post. Unfollow me please if you are offended by my kids' achievements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So for those that think this is insensitive or tacky, where do you draw the line?

OK to post a pic of kid accepting certificate for honor roll?
OK to post about pregnancy?
OK to post about a kid winning a major sporting event?
OK to post about a nice vacation?

As others have said, I just don't see how this is fundamentally different than 75% of what everybody posts on SM...

The first and last are tacky! For sporting events if it is team then it isn’t tacky- there are others involved. If you are always posting about what a Star athlete your kid is then yes-tacky. If it is a one off thing about how proud of them you are for trying a new sport then no. For vacation it can be very tacky to post pics of the fam at an extravagant hotel, etc -tasteless and showy! A picture of your smiling faces while hiking (could be in South America or something cool) or in the ocean, of course not. Kids playing on the beach are cute—posts about how proud you are that the life guard said they are the best beach goers ever—not so much. It is not just the what but how things are posted and shared. Would you post if you or your SO (or grown child) got a job and link to the description where it shows the nice six figure salary? Of course not!
And yes 75 percent of what people post on SM is tacky because it seems these days the vast majority of people are, especially those who opt to be on SM.

Who made you the arbiter of SM appropriateness? Also why isn’t it tacky to post about getting pregnant? You don’t think it’s much more hurtful for people who have difficulty conceiving to see this than for parents to see a post about school acceptance? If it’s such a small class, all kids will know where everyone is accepted anyway. So please, drop your double standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell, I didn't even post on FB when my son got into Yale. Nobody cares about high school.

See, as your friend, I would have wanted to know. About all college acceptances, really. It's something to celebrate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who once said, "Whenever I post something I get 2 likes, when you post you get 60 comments." I said you need to look at what you post. It's all bragging: "Look at our beach house." "My kid got into fancy private school."

I post things people can relate to. The down and dirty of parenting.

It doesn't have anything to do with jealousy when people don't acknowledge these braggy posts. It's that those posts are usually only applicable to 5% of your friend group. If you want engagement, you have to appeal to the other 95% of your friend group. Otherwise, you can use it as a place to log your family wins, but at best, people won't acknowledge or care. At worst, you'll drive many people away.

I have noticed that people love these kind of posts. But, I am one of the 5% who can't relate and don't have anything to to share about the down and dirty of parenting because my teen is ridiculously easygoing and has always been an easy kid. Not that my life is easy...we have health issues, I have a disabled relative to care for, which is also a financial strain, I have constant stress from parents and in-laws. I don't post about any of these downers so people don't know. My kid is like the silver lining in the clouds and I only have positive things to say about her. It kind of sucks that bragging about the one best thing in our lives will turn people off.

[Anonymous]

I like seeing the graduation posts and first-day-of-school posts, and they convey the same info but without sounding as braggy. “Little Jimmy got into Sidwell, pat us on the back” at a time when many other (quite qualified!) kids did not get in, vs. Little Jimmy graduated today, we’re so proud, and excited to see where next year at Sidwell takes him!” when everyone is celebrating their graduates and all the acceptance drama has already shaken out, or “Little Jimmy is off to his first day at Sidwell, so excited!” when everyone is also posting all their kids’ first day photos. The first seems obnoxious and tone deaf, the other two become part of big happy times for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here
Thanks for the reality check that it isn’t just me that finds this tacky… I agree sharing this sort of news is for family and real friends only. Oh well, as PP said add it to the list…

You're jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who once said, "Whenever I post something I get 2 likes, when you post you get 60 comments." I said you need to look at what you post. It's all bragging: "Look at our beach house." "My kid got into fancy private school."

I post things people can relate to. The down and dirty of parenting.

It doesn't have anything to do with jealousy when people don't acknowledge these braggy posts. It's that those posts are usually only applicable to 5% of your friend group. If you want engagement, you have to appeal to the other 95% of your friend group. Otherwise, you can use it as a place to log your family wins, but at best, people won't acknowledge or care. At worst, you'll drive many people away.

Omg we are down to counting how many likes we get! How old are you?

[Anonymous]

I celebrate anyone’s win. New haircut, new puppy, new kid, new car, or even school or college acceptance!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like seeing the graduation posts and first-day-of-school posts, and they convey the same info but without sounding as braggy. “Little Jimmy got into Sidwell, pat us on the back” at a time when many other (quite qualified!) kids did not get in, vs. Little Jimmy graduated today, we’re so proud, and excited to see where next year at Sidwell takes him!” when everyone is celebrating their graduates and all the acceptance drama has already shaken out, or “Little Jimmy is off to his first day at Sidwell, so excited!” when everyone is also posting all their kids’ first day photos. The first seems obnoxious and tone deaf, the other two become part of big happy times for everyone.

I think this is it exactly! The other posts saying it is okay seem to be off target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here
Thanks for the reality check that it isn’t just me that finds this tacky… I agree sharing this sort of news is for family and real friends only. Oh well, as PP said add it to the list…

You're jealous.

I’m not the jealous type but there is nothing aberrant about feeling jealous. Everyone feels jealous at times, especially when they care about whatever the other person has. For instance, if your kid had hoped to attend a certain school, you might feel jealous when some other parent posts about their kid getting in there. That’s normal. Personally, I try not to post things that would make others jealous because doing so would actually detract from my joy. Plus I think it invites a negative energy. Maybe I’m a little superstitious, but I keep that stuff closer to the vest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A fellow parent at our small school posted a glowing announcement of acceptance of their eighth graders high school decision, including a link to the school(it is a school everyone has heard of believe me), and I think it’s so insensitive given how few students there are in the eighth grade class and that a lot of the parents follow each other on social media, and that of course not everyone gets into their first choice these days. My child is not even in the same grade, so I am not feeling put out because my child didn’t get into that particular school however it really sat badly with me. I now see them as pretty self-absorbed and insensitive people. Is this common practice in DC? Also it struck me as really out of touch given that this is a school that is over 50k a year and she is parading it around in front of hundreds of her “friends”, most people would not be even able to consider it. Again, this doesn’t bother me personally but in the broad view of things feels really tone deaf. Is it just me?

If it doesn't bother you than you wouldn't be posting anything about it. Why not look at it in a positive way? They are happy for their child and want to share the news?

[Anonymous]

If the person is genuinely happy and that annoys you, just move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like seeing the graduation posts and first-day-of-school posts, and they convey the same info but without sounding as braggy. “Little Jimmy got into Sidwell, pat us on the back” at a time when many other (quite qualified!) kids did not get in, vs. Little Jimmy graduated today, we’re so proud, and excited to see where next year at Sidwell takes him!” when everyone is celebrating their graduates and all the acceptance drama has already shaken out, or “Little Jimmy is off to his first day at Sidwell, so excited!” when everyone is also posting all their kids’ first day photos. The first seems obnoxious and tone deaf, the other two become part of big happy times for everyone.

This makes sense to me but I don't really have social media because I find it all so navel gazing.