Finding an affair partner

[Anonymous]

If you truly are handsome, successfully and charming, it's not that hard to find an AP. Just be on your best, charming self and strike up conversations with attractive women at work, when you are out for dinner with friends, conventions, etc. The harder part is finding an emotionally adjusted woman willing to sleep with you and not wanting "more."

Most (not all) women willing to sleep with a married man is either super unhappy in marriage and ready to divorce or single and wanting to marry you. They are sleeping with you because you are out of their league. Problem for you is you aren't interested in more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you truly are handsome, successfully and charming, it's not that hard to find an AP. Just be on your best, charming self and strike up conversations with attractive women at work, when you are out for dinner with friends, conventions, etc. The harder part is finding an emotionally adjusted woman willing to sleep with you and not wanting "more."

Most (not all) women willing to sleep with a married man is either super unhappy in marriage and ready to divorce or single and wanting to marry you. They are sleeping with you because you are out of their league. [/b]Problem for you is you aren't interested in more.[b]

No. That’s not their problem. That’s their AP’s problem. It only becomes their problem when the AP starts doing something to force the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think my friend who withheld sex from her DH for 9 years was worse than her DH who stepped out after 7 of them. She wouldn’t go to therapy when he asked, didn’t engage in conversations with him about it when he tried, and just took it off the table. That’s abominable.

Then divorce her.

You know, if life is good otherwise and you have kids, it feels “shallow” to divorce over a lack of sex. I followed this line of thinking during the sexless part of my marriage and had an emotional affair but could not go through with it.

No. Sex is the basis of all romantic relationships. What a man gives up when he gets married is something most men value above nearly everything: the ability to have sex with many women. If his wife cuts off sex, the marriage is over, and he is released from the rest of the contract.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think my friend who withheld sex from her DH for 9 years was worse than her DH who stepped out after 7 of them. She wouldn’t go to therapy when he asked, didn’t engage in conversations with him about it when he tried, and just took it off the table. That’s abominable.

Then divorce her.

You know, if life is good otherwise and you have kids, it feels “shallow” to divorce over a lack of sex. I followed this line of thinking during the sexless part of my marriage and had an emotional affair but could not go through with it.

I wish my husband felt the same. But he doesn’t so we are divorcing.

Seems short sighted on his part, but whatever. I am almost free!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think my friend who withheld sex from her DH for 9 years was worse than her DH who stepped out after 7 of them. She wouldn’t go to therapy when he asked, didn’t engage in conversations with him about it when he tried, and just took it off the table. That’s abominable.

Then divorce her.

You know, if life is good otherwise and you have kids, it feels “shallow” to divorce over a lack of sex. I followed this line of thinking during the sexless part of my marriage and had an emotional affair but could not go through with it.

I wish my husband felt the same. But he doesn’t so we are divorcing.

Seems short sighted on his part, but whatever. I am almost free!

I am confused. Are you declining to have sex or is he? Are you willing to give him a hall pass?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think my friend who withheld sex from her DH for 9 years was worse than her DH who stepped out after 7 of them. She wouldn’t go to therapy when he asked, didn’t engage in conversations with him about it when he tried, and just took it off the table. That’s abominable.

Then divorce her.

You know, if life is good otherwise and you have kids, it feels “shallow” to divorce over a lack of sex. I followed this line of thinking during the sexless part of my marriage and had an emotional affair but could not go through with it.

No. Sex is the basis of all romantic relationships. What a man gives up when he gets married is something most men value above nearly everything: the ability to have sex with many women. If his wife cuts off sex, the marriage is over, and he is released from the rest of the contract.

Well, I am a woman and I agree, but having an affair just didn’t comport with who I want to be. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t function at work, and that was only while sexting with someone. Fortunately my marriage is better now and DH has resigned himself to having sex. Poor man!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k a month or total? Just curious. I’d never be interested but those are totally different numbers.

7k/month. Not including his expenses on dates/taking me on travel. Encounters in the afternoon every other day in a rented apt. He would pay for the first month upfront even before having s…x and us signing a non disclosure agreement to ensure seriousness of his intentions I f..ing not kidding. He probably has per diem account separate from the wife thus this amount. The contract was to protect safe space for his kids and confidentiality: he would sue me if I disclose and he was damn serious about it. That was 51 yo offer. I didn’t get to hear the older one but also an allowance was mentioned.

Sex every other day is going to be a deal killer. What if the person works? They would get sick of each other really fast, too, so you couldn’t count on it long-term. You would need a severance pay stipulation in there. Also, who with a kid could drop everything on a dime? Also, business travel? No law partner travels alone. Sometime someone is going to witness something.

[Anonymous]

Just go to Latin America or SE Asia on a "business trip."

The quality in terms of looks, personality, demeanor, attitude, etc., is a million times better than what you will get with American women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think my friend who withheld sex from her DH for 9 years was worse than her DH who stepped out after 7 of them. She wouldn’t go to therapy when he asked, didn’t engage in conversations with him about it when he tried, and just took it off the table. That’s abominable.

Then divorce her.

You know, if life is good otherwise and you have kids, it feels “shallow” to divorce over a lack of sex. I followed this line of thinking during the sexless part of my marriage and had an emotional affair but could not go through with it.

I wish my husband felt the same. But he doesn’t so we are divorcing.

Seems short sighted on his part, but whatever. I am almost free!

I am confused. Are you declining to have sex or is he? Are you willing to give him a hall pass?

We don’t want to have sex with each other. He’s lazy and never initiates and I’m not sexually attracted to him so I don’t initiate.

He doesn’t seem bothered by it, but I am. He’s not willing to let me have a hall pass (or use one himself).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think my friend who withheld sex from her DH for 9 years was worse than her DH who stepped out after 7 of them. She wouldn’t go to therapy when he asked, didn’t engage in conversations with him about it when he tried, and just took it off the table. That’s abominable.

Then divorce her.

You know, if life is good otherwise and you have kids, it feels “shallow” to divorce over a lack of sex. I followed this line of thinking during the sexless part of my marriage and had an emotional affair but could not go through with it.

I wish my husband felt the same. But he doesn’t so we are divorcing.

Seems short sighted on his part, but whatever. I am almost free!

I am confused. Are you declining to have sex or is he? Are you willing to give him a hall pass?

We don’t want to have sex with each other. He’s lazy and never initiates and I’m not sexually attracted to him so I don’t initiate.

He doesn’t seem bothered by it, but I am. He’s not willing to let me have a hall pass (or use one himself).

And he’s the one who wants to get divorced, not you? Have you seen a marriage counselor? Do you otherwise get along?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because you are faithful in your marriage does not mean you are a good person. You might beat your dog, cheat on your taxes or commit various felonies.

People are not pure good or evil. If you are faithful that does not give you an automatic "Ticket to Heaven".

At the same time you can cheat on your wife but be the guy that jumps on a grenade to save your fellow men in war, or runs into the towers on 9/11...things just are not simple in life.

This is so true. There are also much worse things that happen in marriages than affairs

Who cares? An affair is awfully traumatizing, the betrayal and loss of loyalty, lies and exposure to diseases.

So who cares if there are other bad things that can happen? So what.

What crazy justifications the pp has been trying to make over the last few pages.

Yet, 1/2 of people cheat
Being faithful does not make you a saint!

I didn’t say it did. And cheating certainly doesn’t either. Look- you seem to be trying to persuade people you aren’t bad because you cheat. If you are worried that people will think poorly of you for doing a hurtful and shady thing, then don’t do it. People will react to the fact you are a cheater and you can’t control that reaction.

Only 6% of Americans thinks infidelity is ok so you aren’t going to find a lot of support, even from fellow cheaters who often justify their own cheating but think others are bad for doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think my friend who withheld sex from her DH for 9 years was worse than her DH who stepped out after 7 of them. She wouldn’t go to therapy when he asked, didn’t engage in conversations with him about it when he tried, and just took it off the table. That’s abominable.

Then divorce her.


No. Just have the affair and keep spending time with your kids every single day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think my friend who withheld sex from her DH for 9 years was worse than her DH who stepped out after 7 of them. She wouldn’t go to therapy when he asked, didn’t engage in conversations with him about it when he tried, and just took it off the table. That’s abominable.

Then divorce her.

No. Just have an affair and keep spending time with your kids every single day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think my friend who withheld sex from her DH for 9 years was worse than her DH who stepped out after 7 of them. She wouldn’t go to therapy when he asked, didn’t engage in conversations with him about it when he tried, and just took it off the table. That’s abominable.

Then divorce her.

You know, if life is good otherwise and you have kids, it feels “shallow” to divorce over a lack of sex. I followed this line of thinking during the sexless part of my marriage and had an emotional affair but could not go through with it.

No. Sex is the basis of all romantic relationships. What a man gives up when he gets married is something most men value above nearly everything: the ability to have sex with many women. If his wife cuts off sex, the marriage is over, and he is released from the rest of the contract.

Well, I am a woman and I agree, but having an affair just didn’t comport with who I want to be. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t function at work, and that was only while sexting with someone. Fortunately my marriage is better now and DH has resigned himself to having sex. Poor man!

Maybe the fantasy was more consuming than an actual physically consummated affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally think my friend who withheld sex from her DH for 9 years was worse than her DH who stepped out after 7 of them. She wouldn’t go to therapy when he asked, didn’t engage in conversations with him about it when he tried, and just took it off the table. That’s abominable.

It’s impossible to not sleep with your husband for 9 years unless you are 70+. She must have been getting good sex outside of DH.

I don’t trust women. They are very sleek and very good at lying and/or justifying any bad deed.