Uninvited from Super Bowl party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what did the email ACTUALLY say? did it say "since bob is working the shift now, sally and the kids are no longer invited either"?

+1 I need to know the text of this email!

"Unfortunately, for capacity reasons, we've made the difficult decision to cut back on the attendees of the 2023 [Unit] Super Bowl party. I appreciate your willingness to [slang] for [person] in order for him to host, but because of the space limitations, it would be best if you conveyed our disappointment to Mrs. Smith that we won't be able to host her and kids this time around."

Maybe it truly was a space thing. But it seemed like such odd timing.

this is so incredibly hostile that I would wonder if something else is going on with your DH’s work and he’s going to be fired or involved in some kind of dispute. didn’t your DH have anything to say?

Just reminded me not to say anything to anyone about it out of concern for my own reputation - which I wouldn't dare!

I don’t understand this at all. Something else is going on.

Sounds like you don't understand the culture. Wives don't make waves.

I don’t understand the DH for allowing it, and then telling his wife it cannot even be mentioned. I think DH is hiding something. I think he did not want her there and planned it this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i think a lot of people on this thread just don’t understand military life. I believe the OP. Sorry they were so rude to you and your kids!

I see other military people saying they don’t understand either.

[Anonymous]

That's an incredibly rude email, and I agree that there is something going on that really doesn't have anything to do with you as a person. I don't know much about military culture, so I couldn't hazard a guess.
Please look for other opportunities to make friends, who have shared interests. Church, kids' school, neighborhood, hobby are good places to start. You and your husband seem like nice people, so I hope you find a social circle that appreciates that.

[Anonymous]

OP is a troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what did the email ACTUALLY say? did it say "since bob is working the shift now, sally and the kids are no longer invited either"?

+1 I need to know the text of this email!

"Unfortunately, for capacity reasons, we've made the difficult decision to cut back on the attendees of the 2023 [Unit] Super Bowl party. I appreciate your willingness to [slang] for [person] in order for him to host, but because of the space limitations, it would be best if you conveyed our disappointment to Mrs. Smith that we won't be able to host her and kids this time around."

Maybe it truly was a space thing. But it seemed like such odd timing.

this is so incredibly hostile that I would wonder if something else is going on with your DH’s work and he’s going to be fired or involved in some kind of dispute. didn’t your DH have anything to say?

Just reminded me not to say anything to anyone about it out of concern for my own reputation - which I wouldn't dare!

I don’t understand this at all. Something else is going on.

I agree. I knew of husbands who lied to their wives about events when I was a military wife. One guy would tell his wife that no spouses were invited to a happy hour. I accidentally spilled the beans when I was chatting with her later and said I was sorry to have missed her at the last event. I suspect things did not go well at their house that night!

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read all the replies but I really wonder if DH had a fling at work or something equally inappropriate and that’s why OP was uninvited, as a favor to the boss.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if now that the boss isn’t going to be there, they want to be able to relax.

[Anonymous]

Well, if you’re still stationed there next year, DH should certainly not cover anyone’s shift. Screw that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what did the email ACTUALLY say? did it say "since bob is working the shift now, sally and the kids are no longer invited either"?

+1 I need to know the text of this email!

"Unfortunately, for capacity reasons, we've made the difficult decision to cut back on the attendees of the 2023 [Unit] Super Bowl party. I appreciate your willingness to [slang] for [person] in order for him to host, but because of the space limitations, it would be best if you conveyed our disappointment to Mrs. Smith that we won't be able to host her and kids this time around."

Maybe it truly was a space thing. But it seemed like such odd timing.

this is so incredibly hostile that I would wonder if something else is going on with your DH’s work and he’s going to be fired or involved in some kind of dispute. didn’t your DH have anything to say?

Just reminded me not to say anything to anyone about it out of concern for my own reputation - which I wouldn't dare!

I don’t understand this at all. Something else is going on.

Agreed. If OP isn’t a troll, my spidey sense is tingling that her husband put the subordinate up to sending that email. DH does not want her & the kids interacting solo with this group

Bingo

[Anonymous]

That’s very rude, but I doubt it’s anything against you personally. Nobody wants their boss’s wife at a social event that the boss is not attending. Totally changes the dynamic.

That said, my own DH wouldn’t let this happen. He’d back out of covering the shift and tell them why.

[Anonymous]

just read OP, no responses...wow, that is some tacky behavior. The fact that he would dis his boss's wife seems like a miscalculation on the host's part. And your husband not understanding why you're hurt looks bad on him. I'm sorry OP. Can you invite someone over? I think you need to cultivate friendships beyond your husband's network.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what did the email ACTUALLY say? did it say "since bob is working the shift now, sally and the kids are no longer invited either"?

+1 I need to know the text of this email!

"Unfortunately, for capacity reasons, we've made the difficult decision to cut back on the attendees of the 2023 [Unit] Super Bowl party. I appreciate your willingness to [slang] for [person] in order for him to host, but because of the space limitations, it would be best if you conveyed our disappointment to Mrs. Smith that we won't be able to host her and kids this time around."

Maybe it truly was a space thing. But it seemed like such odd timing.

this is so incredibly hostile that I would wonder if something else is going on with your DH’s work and he’s going to be fired or involved in some kind of dispute. didn’t your DH have anything to say?

Just reminded me not to say anything to anyone about it out of concern for my own reputation - which I wouldn't dare!

I don’t understand this at all. Something else is going on.

Agreed. If OP isn’t a troll, my spidey sense is tingling that her husband put the subordinate up to sending that email. DH does not want her & the kids interacting solo with this group

Bingo

Or maybe DH is going to the party (not actually covering a shift).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry OP. The military can be cruel to spouses snd children. Your husband's career may be in jeopardy because his underlings obviously think he is a doormat. I have never heard of an officer in charge taking a shift so underlings can celebrate and the underlings in question are complete jerks in return. Usually you would attend and everyone would talk about how awesome your DH is. This isn't normal and I hope your DH gets a new assignment soon and you PCS far away from these people.

Yeah these people have no respect for your DH. Is your DH’s career doing ok?

I guess? He just got promoted and took this position. The fill-in thing is because his predecessor used to do the same, and he hasn't found a way to rightly end it. That's all.

So Op's DH is new to the position. His predecessor never attended the party. Let's assume, then, predecessor's family never did either. People like it when the boss isn't there, and there was worry when it suddenly seemed that DH, OP, and family would attend the party. Forcing DH out was easy, because tradition, but then they wanted to be sure OP and kids wouldn't attend either. Hence the somewhat rude disinvite.

OP, I'm sorry you are lonely. But it's very possible that, given your DH's position, they never expected you to attend the party, and once they found out you were planning to attend, they figured out how to explicitly uninvite you. That's rude and it sucks, but if that's the case it's because of your DH's position as boss. I say this as someone who once watched my entire 10 person staff attempt to all casually and silently leave for lunch at the same time without me noticing because they were going to celebrate something and didn't want me there. I was hurt and annoyed, but I understood. Hopefully you can make some other social connections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what did the email ACTUALLY say? did it say "since bob is working the shift now, sally and the kids are no longer invited either"?

+1 I need to know the text of this email!

"Unfortunately, for capacity reasons, we've made the difficult decision to cut back on the attendees of the 2023 [Unit] Super Bowl party. I appreciate your willingness to [slang] for [person] in order for him to host, but because of the space limitations, it would be best if you conveyed our disappointment to Mrs. Smith that we won't be able to host her and kids this time around."

Maybe it truly was a space thing. But it seemed like such odd timing.

this is so incredibly hostile that I would wonder if something else is going on with your DH’s work and he’s going to be fired or involved in some kind of dispute. didn’t your DH have anything to say?

Just reminded me not to say anything to anyone about it out of concern for my own reputation - which I wouldn't dare!

I don’t understand this at all. Something else is going on.

Agreed. If OP isn’t a troll, my spidey sense is tingling that her husband put the subordinate up to sending that email. DH does not want her & the kids interacting solo with this group

Bingo

Or maybe DH is going to the party (not actually covering a shift).

This is what I also just thought!

[Anonymous]

Since OP was included on the email I honestly would be tempted to respond "Dear xxx, For the record, that email is breathtakingly rude. Not to worry, we won't attend."