Uninvited from Super Bowl party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, is this a party where everyone else is bringing their family ? If yes, and they uninvited their new boss’s family 3 weeks into it, knowing you all are new?? that is them being very cliquey and exclusive. Is your husband military because if yes, I see this as a big problem that there is something off in this unit. Do they respect his authority otherwise?

Or— Are there no other families coming and everyone is getting drunk and didn’t want to say it so explicitly?

If no other families were attending, they would have uninvited us long before now. But no, it's a family party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what did the email ACTUALLY say? did it say "since bob is working the shift now, sally and the kids are no longer invited either"?

+1 I need to know the text of this email!

"Unfortunately, for capacity reasons, we've made the difficult decision to cut back on the attendees of the 2023 [Unit] Super Bowl party. I appreciate your willingness to [slang] for [person] in order for him to host, but because of the space limitations, it would be best if you conveyed our disappointment to Mrs. Smith that we won't be able to host her and kids this time around."

Maybe it truly was a space thing. But it seemed like such odd timing.

this is so incredibly hostile that I would wonder if something else is going on with your DH’s work and he’s going to be fired or involved in some kind of dispute. didn’t your DH have anything to say?

Just reminded me not to say anything to anyone about it out of concern for my own reputation - which I wouldn't dare!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what did the email ACTUALLY say? did it say "since bob is working the shift now, sally and the kids are no longer invited either"?

+1 I need to know the text of this email!

"Unfortunately, for capacity reasons, we've made the difficult decision to cut back on the attendees of the 2023 [Unit] Super Bowl party. I appreciate your willingness to [slang] for [person] in order for him to host, but because of the space limitations, it would be best if you conveyed our disappointment to Mrs. Smith that we won't be able to host her and kids this time around."

Maybe it truly was a space thing. But it seemed like such odd timing.

Space issue or not, that’s the rudest email I’ve ever seen.

+1. How did your husband respond?

Your husband needs to show this email to the person he's covering for and tell him in no uncertain terms that his offer is rescinded. This is not acceptable in any way. In fact I can't imagine the host (the person dh is subbing for) would even approve of this.

Op, I would be pissed if my husband didn't respond. And if he doesn't, you should.

He doesn't want to make waves, and I certainly understand that.

You can push back without making waves. Just word it politely. Letting subordinates be so blatantly socially rude is not good leadership either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what did the email ACTUALLY say? did it say "since bob is working the shift now, sally and the kids are no longer invited either"?

+1 I need to know the text of this email!

"Unfortunately, for capacity reasons, we've made the difficult decision to cut back on the attendees of the 2023 [Unit] Super Bowl party. I appreciate your willingness to [slang] for [person] in order for him to host, but because of the space limitations, it would be best if you conveyed our disappointment to Mrs. Smith that we won't be able to host her and kids this time around."

Maybe it truly was a space thing. But it seemed like such odd timing.

this is so incredibly hostile that I would wonder if something else is going on with your DH’s work and he’s going to be fired or involved in some kind of dispute. didn’t your DH have anything to say?

Just reminded me not to say anything to anyone about it out of concern for my own reputation - which I wouldn't dare!

I don’t understand this at all. Something else is going on.

[Anonymous]

My guess is the boss is generally not invited, and now your DH is the boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what did the email ACTUALLY say? did it say "since bob is working the shift now, sally and the kids are no longer invited either"?

+1 I need to know the text of this email!

"Unfortunately, for capacity reasons, we've made the difficult decision to cut back on the attendees of the 2023 [Unit] Super Bowl party. I appreciate your willingness to [slang] for [person] in order for him to host, but because of the space limitations, it would be best if you conveyed our disappointment to Mrs. Smith that we won't be able to host her and kids this time around."

Maybe it truly was a space thing. But it seemed like such odd timing.

this is so incredibly hostile that I would wonder if something else is going on with your DH’s work and he’s going to be fired or involved in some kind of dispute. didn’t your DH have anything to say?

Just reminded me not to say anything to anyone about it out of concern for my own reputation - which I wouldn't dare!

I don’t understand this at all. Something else is going on.

Agreed. If OP isn’t a troll, my spidey sense is tingling that her husband put the subordinate up to sending that email. DH does not want her & the kids interacting solo with this group

[Anonymous]

They did you a favor, OP. Now you know they aren’t your friends and you can go find a real friend to alleviate your loneliness.

[Anonymous]

Dumb question OP.

As you said your DH is military is he an officer and the party is with all enlisted families? If this is the case the disinvite is nothing personal as that social interacting gets tricky.

Now if he is just higher up the enlisted chain then I think this reflects very poorly on him. Either the others dislike him or he is a weak leader--not a great look for the military.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't it seem reasonable that they thought they were letting you off the hook? So that you wouldn't feel like you had to attend out of obligation?

Quite possible.

They should have left it up to her then. You don’t uninvited someone. Rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dumb question OP.

As you said your DH is military is he an officer and the party is with all enlisted families? If this is the case the disinvite is nothing personal as that social interacting gets tricky.

Now if he is just higher up the enlisted chain then I think this reflects very poorly on him. Either the others dislike him or he is a weak leader--not a great look for the military.

1: You still don’t uninvite. You leave that up to them.

2: Stop. You have no reason to criticize him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy. DH - the BOSS- says he can no longer cover the shift and watches game with you and your DCs while host goes to work.

Petty and passive-aggressive. I like it!

I guess you are too above the gray for this right OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what did the email ACTUALLY say? did it say "since bob is working the shift now, sally and the kids are no longer invited either"?

+1 I need to know the text of this email!

"Unfortunately, for capacity reasons, we've made the difficult decision to cut back on the attendees of the 2023 [Unit] Super Bowl party. I appreciate your willingness to [slang] for [person] in order for him to host, but because of the space limitations, it would be best if you conveyed our disappointment to Mrs. Smith that we won't be able to host her and kids this time around."

Maybe it truly was a space thing. But it seemed like such odd timing.

this is so incredibly hostile that I would wonder if something else is going on with your DH’s work and he’s going to be fired or involved in some kind of dispute. didn’t your DH have anything to say?

Just reminded me not to say anything to anyone about it out of concern for my own reputation - which I wouldn't dare!

I don’t understand this at all. Something else is going on.

Sounds like you don't understand the culture. Wives don't make waves.

[Anonymous]

Sorry op. This is all reminding me how much I hated being a military spouse. Hated it.

[Anonymous]

Geez, OP, I’m sorry. I don’t think there’s any situation where this is anything other than rude jerk behavior.

[Anonymous]

i think a lot of people on this thread just don’t understand military life. I believe the OP. Sorry they were so rude to you and your kids!