Check your phone at the door

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would know to refuse and to call me.

such a rebel.

Not a rebel. But kid has appropriate boundaries.

[Anonymous]

You'd get away with it once because my kid is polite and has manners so he'd obey your rule. But he would never be allowed at your house again. Instead of trying to control everyone why don't you teach your kid how to use his/her phone properly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be weirded out if I found out my kid was forced to check their phone at the door in your house.

Agreed. Unless I was really close with the parents, I would be bothered by that. My kid has his phone mainly so I can reach him or he can reach me. I consider it a safety issue, and if a parent is taking it away then I'm concerned.

A basket by the front door that the kid can access at any time is not "taking it away".

Agree, I honestly don't get why this is a big deal. If the kid can access the phone any time he wants to, what's the big deal? There is no emergency your 12 year old needs a phone instantly in his pocket for-you have my phone number if your kid is at my house if you are having a true emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would know to refuse and to call me.

such a rebel.

Not a rebel. But kid has appropriate boundaries.

How do you spell "infantalizing"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You'd get away with it once because my kid is polite and has manners so he'd obey your rule. But he would never be allowed at your house again. Instead of trying to control everyone why don't you teach your kid how to use his/her phone properly?

Maybe your kid doesn't tell you everything. You might not even know if this has even happened. There's a lot your teens don't tell you. Remember that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

You claim your kid is learning to be independent, but you insist that your teenager be able to contact you instantly at all times? Seriously? Oh dear.

No. It’s so they can if they CHOOSE to.

Friend, you’re coming off bonkers.

[Anonymous]

This is our rule and we are not social pariahs. Kids are only 15 and 11 though, so maybe you all are discussing what's appropriate for much older kids. Certainly no 11 year old is hanging out in my basement with an iphone in his pocket, i have no idea what parental controls are or are not on that phone, and my 11 year old doesn't have a phone of his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'd get away with it once because my kid is polite and has manners so he'd obey your rule. But he would never be allowed at your house again. Instead of trying to control everyone why don't you teach your kid how to use his/her phone properly?

Maybe your kid doesn't tell you everything. You might not even know if this has even happened. There's a lot your teens don't tell you. Remember that.

They would tell their mommy right away that someone took their phone away from them for a couple hours. And yes, they would never want to go back to such a terrible place.

[Anonymous]

We don’t gatekeep children, our own or others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

You claim your kid is learning to be independent, but you insist that your teenager be able to contact you instantly at all times? Seriously? Oh dear.

No. It’s so they can if they CHOOSE to.

Friend, you’re coming off bonkers.

Why can't they walk up a flight of stairs, get their phone out of the basket, and contact you?

This seems to be more about parental anxiety than anything else.

[Anonymous]

I don't get the big deal? It's highly unlikely the kid wouldn't be able to get their phones if it was truly needed. Parents just want their kids to get together without just staring at screens. That's a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'd get away with it once because my kid is polite and has manners so he'd obey your rule. But he would never be allowed at your house again. Instead of trying to control everyone why don't you teach your kid how to use his/her phone properly?

Maybe your kid doesn't tell you everything. You might not even know if this has even happened. There's a lot your teens don't tell you. Remember that.

He would definitely tell me because her would not like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the reasoning behind taking kid’s phones?

1. They stop texting others to come
2. They stop texting to get more alcohol
3. When they come to get it back from you, you can see if they are drunk or high and then no leaving til their parents pick them up. woo hoo.

Honestly, this is not hard.

We always did this and keys and backpacks for homecoming and prom. Didn't stop all the alcohol or drugs but did help keep the amounts down and not one kid left driving drunk.

One mom did not allow kids to come with cars on homecoming. I thought that was a good idea as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don’t gatekeep children, our own or others.

You don't parent your children? Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would know to refuse and to call me.

Why would you want your kid to refuse? A few hours when hanging out? What is the harm in not having their phones? Just curious. Ew

My kids keep theirs on them due to some safety issues that are unique to our family. I have also taught kids who keep them on them so they can call if they have a seizure aura, or so their CGM can communicate with it's app.

None of these kids should have to explain why they need it.