Today’s young adults want apologies from their parents; parents want a thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining about how expensive kids are, to your kids, is such a pet peeve of mine. My dad did this all the time and it's impossible because as a child, what are you going to do? Stop eating? Wear clothes with holes in them? Never do any activities and never have any medical needs and never lose anything and not go to college?

Kids cost money. They are people, they have to eat and need a place to live. And yes, they are going to ask to have things that they see other people having or that they want. THAT'S NORMAL. It is normal to see things and think "oh I want that." And children don't work for a living (and shouldn't have to) and don't have the means to buy things for themselves. So yes, they are going to ask you. If doing so makes you feel bad, it's not because your kids are ungrateful jerks, it's because you have some internal stuff you need to deal with regarding money. Deal with it.

I just can't stand it when parents act beleaguered about the totally normal and predictable financial demands of having children. You know what's free? Not having kids.

And this ruined your life, right? So now your parents have to pay for your therapy.

Your post makes no sense. PP said nothing about their life. You’re drawing conclusions, likely because you feel offended. Sorry your kids don’t like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it a very bizarre concept that adult kids would want an apology for whatever they perceive their parents did wrong. A conversation about it, perhaps, but I believe most parents just do the best they can with what they have to work with. Are they supposed to apologize for being human, imperfect, and therefore a great disappointment to their kids?

It does make sense that the OP refers to young adults because I think almost 100% of everybody that becomes a parent themselves views this issue very differently than most non-parents.

This actually sounds comically childish to me. Like when you explain to a child that an apology would be appropriate in a situation, they will come back with "sorry I'm not perfect, sheesh, I guess I'm just a big disappointment."

I totally agree with apologizing to children when they are children and you make a mistake, and I have done it many times. What I don't get is an adult child rehashing what they perceive to have been parental mistakes in raising them and want an apology then. I'm not talking about clearly abuse or a similar situation for which the victim ought to get an apology from the perpetrator. I'm talking about adult kids who think their parents ought to apologize for not always knowing the right thing to say or do. I also do not think parents should ever expect their kids to thank them for having them or raising them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think this is a real dynamic?

Young adults (18-23) with a sense of being wronged. They’re exhausted parents who did everything they could.

Lots of resentment bubbling over.

Are you a social scientist researcher who has studied this question? Did you read this somewhere? Or are you just spouting some random observations based on a handful of young people in your orbit?

OP here. Friends and I were discussing attitudes of our young adult children. One of them mentioned there was a trend of “apology fantasy” filmmaking by younger directors. “Everything, Everywhere All at Once” being a recent example. It was just a conversation. I don’t quite understand the hostility in your question— are you unwell? Did the question strike a nerve? Are you going to have an episode?

Oh man, I'm not PP but this is really rude and it makes it seem like you aren't asking in good faith.

I did. I was responding to a$&hat pp in the way she spoke to me.

Also a totally new poster. Wow, OP, that question was not rude, but you were. Twice.

(Are you the poster who refers to everyone as "drama llamas" by any chance?)

No, I have never used that term. It sounds sophomoric.

If you don’t understand that I was attacked, I can’t help you with your reading comprehension.

Lol. "Attacked". Yeah, I think you might be her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it a very bizarre concept that adult kids would want an apology for whatever they perceive their parents did wrong. A conversation about it, perhaps, but I believe most parents just do the best they can with what they have to work with. Are they supposed to apologize for being human, imperfect, and therefore a great disappointment to their kids?

It does make sense that the OP refers to young adults because I think almost 100% of everybody that becomes a parent themselves views this issue very differently than most non-parents.

This actually sounds comically childish to me. Like when you explain to a child that an apology would be appropriate in a situation, they will come back with "sorry I'm not perfect, sheesh, I guess I'm just a big disappointment."

I totally agree with apologizing to children when they are children and you make a mistake, and I have done it many times. What I don't get is an adult child rehashing what they perceive to have been parental mistakes in raising them and want an apology then. I'm not talking about clearly abuse or a similar situation for which the victim ought to get an apology from the perpetrator. I'm talking about adult kids who think their parents ought to apologize for not always knowing the right thing to say or do. I also do not think parents should ever expect their kids to thank them for having them or raising them.

If your child feels you made a mistake, then you’ve made a mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it a very bizarre concept that adult kids would want an apology for whatever they perceive their parents did wrong. A conversation about it, perhaps, but I believe most parents just do the best they can with what they have to work with. Are they supposed to apologize for being human, imperfect, and therefore a great disappointment to their kids?

It does make sense that the OP refers to young adults because I think almost 100% of everybody that becomes a parent themselves views this issue very differently than most non-parents.

This actually sounds comically childish to me. Like when you explain to a child that an apology would be appropriate in a situation, they will come back with "sorry I'm not perfect, sheesh, I guess I'm just a big disappointment."

I totally agree with apologizing to children when they are children and you make a mistake, and I have done it many times. What I don't get is an adult child rehashing what they perceive to have been parental mistakes in raising them and want an apology then. I'm not talking about clearly abuse or a similar situation for which the victim ought to get an apology from the perpetrator. I'm talking about adult kids who think their parents ought to apologize for not always knowing the right thing to say or do. I also do not think parents should ever expect their kids to thank them for having them or raising them.

If your child feels you made a mistake, then you’ve made a mistake.

Np I don’t know, it’s pretty petty these days. I’m 30 but I work and know people in their early/mid 20s and it seems like everything is a perceived trauma. And the complaints are honestly kind of ridiculous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it a very bizarre concept that adult kids would want an apology for whatever they perceive their parents did wrong. A conversation about it, perhaps, but I believe most parents just do the best they can with what they have to work with. Are they supposed to apologize for being human, imperfect, and therefore a great disappointment to their kids?

It does make sense that the OP refers to young adults because I think almost 100% of everybody that becomes a parent themselves views this issue very differently than most non-parents.

This actually sounds comically childish to me. Like when you explain to a child that an apology would be appropriate in a situation, they will come back with "sorry I'm not perfect, sheesh, I guess I'm just a big disappointment."

I totally agree with apologizing to children when they are children and you make a mistake, and I have done it many times. What I don't get is an adult child rehashing what they perceive to have been parental mistakes in raising them and want an apology then. I'm not talking about clearly abuse or a similar situation for which the victim ought to get an apology from the perpetrator. I'm talking about adult kids who think their parents ought to apologize for not always knowing the right thing to say or do. I also do not think parents should ever expect their kids to thank them for having them or raising them.

If your child feels you made a mistake, then you’ve made a mistake.

I'd say if your adult child feels you made a mistake then in their reality you obviously did and it likely indicates they could use some therapy to figure out how that ought to affect or not affect their life. Whether you as a parent agree it was a mistake is mostly irrelevant I guess if you want to help your child work through their issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't most of us have a sense of being wronged? I don't think that's new.

I accept the general screw ups - we're all human - but the very bad behavior - affairs for example - it would be nice to at least get an acknowledgement that their choices had impacts on people besides themselves.

Np, I am 45, and don't feel at all wronged by my parents. They were terrific people, and I am grateful that I had them. Perfect? Nope.

Perhaps you had good parents and the PP didn't.

This website is full of people comparing and judging other people's parenting. But then whenever someone says "my parents were bad parents" posters jump all over them to be more grateful. Well guess what? Some of us had really terrible parents whose parenting you would judge very harshly.

I don't think it's good vs. bad parents. Sometimes, I think it's more about the individual's outlook. Some people chose to see the glass as half empty.

And sometimes it’s not about glasses being half full or half empty and isn’t something you can “choose to see” in a nondamaging way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think this is a real dynamic?

Young adults (18-23) with a sense of being wronged. They’re exhausted parents who did everything they could.

Lots of resentment bubbling over.

Are you a social scientist researcher who has studied this question? Did you read this somewhere? Or are you just spouting some random observations based on a handful of young people in your orbit?

OP here. Friends and I were discussing attitudes of our young adult children. One of them mentioned there was a trend of “apology fantasy” filmmaking by younger directors. “Everything, Everywhere All at Once” being a recent example. It was just a conversation. I don’t quite understand the hostility in your question— are you unwell? Did the question strike a nerve? Are you going to have an episode?

Oh man, I'm not PP but this is really rude and it makes it seem like you aren't asking in good faith.

That’s because they aren’t. This is their generation’s (the parents) victim fantasy, all while projecting that their children are “playing the victim.” They clearly don’t own mirrors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids do add lots of love and value to lives of parents but they do drain good parents, physically, emotionally and financially.

Without expenses of children, most upper middle class parents would be rich, middle class would be upper middle class and poor would be comfortable enough.

Having kids is a choice and it is well known that raising children takes time and money. Parents can’t claim to be surprised by any of it.

You expecting parents to pour 150% of their time and money into their kids, and do it perfectly without ever making an emotional or other misstep, is completely unrealistic. Nobody would have kids.

Nice straw man you have there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boomers have a lot to apologize for and money to pay to their children

We’ve paid plenty already in reparations. Find some other tree to shake.

You’ve paid nothing in reparations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think this is a real dynamic?

Young adults (18-23) with a sense of being wronged. They’re exhausted parents who did everything they could.

Lots of resentment bubbling over.

Are you a social scientist researcher who has studied this question? Did you read this somewhere? Or are you just spouting some random observations based on a handful of young people in your orbit?

OP here. Friends and I were discussing attitudes of our young adult children. One of them mentioned there was a trend of “apology fantasy” filmmaking by younger directors. “Everything, Everywhere All at Once” being a recent example. It was just a conversation. I don’t quite understand the hostility in your question— are you unwell? Did the question strike a nerve? Are you going to have an episode?

Oh man, I'm not PP but this is really rude and it makes it seem like you aren't asking in good faith.

I did. I was responding to a$&hat pp in the way she spoke to me.

Also a totally new poster. Wow, OP, that question was not rude, but you were. Twice.

(Are you the poster who refers to everyone as "drama llamas" by any chance?)

No, I have never used that term. It sounds sophomoric.

If you don’t understand that I was attacked, I can’t help you with your reading comprehension.

Wow. You were not “attacked.” Drop the persecution complex. It’s not a good look.

[Anonymous]

Why not give each other what we want?
I don’t have a problem apologizing
I will appreciate a thank you but if it never comes - oh well, I wasn’t doing it for thank you’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it a very bizarre concept that adult kids would want an apology for whatever they perceive their parents did wrong. A conversation about it, perhaps, but I believe most parents just do the best they can with what they have to work with. Are they supposed to apologize for being human, imperfect, and therefore a great disappointment to their kids?

It does make sense that the OP refers to young adults because I think almost 100% of everybody that becomes a parent themselves views this issue very differently than most non-parents.

This actually sounds comically childish to me. Like when you explain to a child that an apology would be appropriate in a situation, they will come back with "sorry I'm not perfect, sheesh, I guess I'm just a big disappointment."

I totally agree with apologizing to children when they are children and you make a mistake, and I have done it many times. What I don't get is an adult child rehashing what they perceive to have been parental mistakes in raising them and want an apology then. I'm not talking about clearly abuse or a similar situation for which the victim ought to get an apology from the perpetrator. I'm talking about adult kids who think their parents ought to apologize for not always knowing the right thing to say or do. I also do not think parents should ever expect their kids to thank them for having them or raising them.

If your child feels you made a mistake, then you’ve made a mistake.

I'd say if your adult child feels you made a mistake then in their reality you obviously did and it likely indicates they could use some therapy to figure out how that ought to affect or not affect their life. Whether you as a parent agree it was a mistake is mostly irrelevant I guess if you want to help your child work through their issues.

I think this is the most accurate summary of the issue we are going to get here. (Of course not all mistakes need therapy but if somebody thinks something is serious enough to warrant therapy, that's between the individual and their therapist.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would God ever apologize to His children? What's the point in creating them? To be able to reward and punish? Is this some sort of virtual game? Are we even real?

Finally somebody is asking the important questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think this is a real dynamic?

Young adults (18-23) with a sense of being wronged. They’re exhausted parents who did everything they could.

Lots of resentment bubbling over.

Are you a social scientist researcher who has studied this question? Did you read this somewhere? Or are you just spouting some random observations based on a handful of young people in your orbit?

OP here. Friends and I were discussing attitudes of our young adult children. One of them mentioned there was a trend of “apology fantasy” filmmaking by younger directors. “Everything, Everywhere All at Once” being a recent example. It was just a conversation. I don’t quite understand the hostility in your question— are you unwell? Did the question strike a nerve? Are you going to have an episode?

Oh man, I'm not PP but this is really rude and it makes it seem like you aren't asking in good faith.

I did. I was responding to a$&hat pp in the way she spoke to me.

Also a totally new poster. Wow, OP, that question was not rude, but you were. Twice.

(Are you the poster who refers to everyone as "drama llamas" by any chance?)

No, I have never used that term. It sounds sophomoric.

If you don’t understand that I was attacked, I can’t help you with your reading comprehension.

Wow. You were not “attacked.” Drop the persecution complex. It’s not a good look.

The very premise of my question and my motivation for asking it was challenged. Sit down.