Today’s young adults want apologies from their parents; parents want a thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think this is a real dynamic?

Young adults (18-23) with a sense of being wronged. They’re exhausted parents who did everything they could.

Lots of resentment bubbling over.

Are you a social scientist researcher who has studied this question? Did you read this somewhere? Or are you just spouting some random observations based on a handful of young people in your orbit?

OP here. Friends and I were discussing attitudes of our young adult children. One of them mentioned there was a trend of “apology fantasy” filmmaking by younger directors. “Everything, Everywhere All at Once” being a recent example. It was just a conversation. I don’t quite understand the hostility in your question— are you unwell? Did the question strike a nerve? Are you going to have an episode?

Oh man, I'm not PP but this is really rude and it makes it seem like you aren't asking in good faith.

I did. I was responding to a$&hat pp in the way she spoke to me.

Also a totally new poster. Wow, OP, that question was not rude, but you were. Twice.

(Are you the poster who refers to everyone as "drama llamas" by any chance?)

No, I have never used that term. It sounds sophomoric.

If you don’t understand that I was attacked, I can’t help you with your reading comprehension.

Lol. "Attacked". Yeah, I think you might be her.

Came help it if you are dense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think this is a real dynamic?

Young adults (18-23) with a sense of being wronged. They’re exhausted parents who did everything they could.

Lots of resentment bubbling over.

Are you a social scientist researcher who has studied this question? Did you read this somewhere? Or are you just spouting some random observations based on a handful of young people in your orbit?

OP here. Friends and I were discussing attitudes of our young adult children. One of them mentioned there was a trend of “apology fantasy” filmmaking by younger directors. “Everything, Everywhere All at Once” being a recent example. It was just a conversation. I don’t quite understand the hostility in your question— are you unwell? Did the question strike a nerve? Are you going to have an episode?

Oh man, I'm not PP but this is really rude and it makes it seem like you aren't asking in good faith.

I did. I was responding to a$&hat pp in the way she spoke to me.

Also a totally new poster. Wow, OP, that question was not rude, but you were. Twice.

(Are you the poster who refers to everyone as "drama llamas" by any chance?)

No, I have never used that term. It sounds sophomoric.

If you don’t understand that I was attacked, I can’t help you with your reading comprehension.

Wow. You were not “attacked.” Drop the persecution complex. It’s not a good look.

The very premise of my question and my motivation for asking it was challenged. Sit down.

DP. Someone said " are you just spouting some random observations based on a handful of young people in your orbit?" That wasn't exactly nice, but I don't think it was an attack on *you*, it was an attack on your post. Then you responded with "are you unwell? Are you going to have an episode?"

I get that it's easy to escalate but your comments were mean. And while we are here, what were your intentions in posting this? Are you genuinely curious and approaching the issue with an open mind? You did say that the younger people have a "sense of being wronged," rather than just being wronged, and you give sympathy to the adults who are "exhausted." It does seem like you are coming in with a bias.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think this is a real dynamic?

Young adults (18-23) with a sense of being wronged. They’re exhausted parents who did everything they could.

Lots of resentment bubbling over.

Are you a social scientist researcher who has studied this question? Did you read this somewhere? Or are you just spouting some random observations based on a handful of young people in your orbit?

OP here. Friends and I were discussing attitudes of our young adult children. One of them mentioned there was a trend of “apology fantasy” filmmaking by younger directors. “Everything, Everywhere All at Once” being a recent example. It was just a conversation. I don’t quite understand the hostility in your question— are you unwell? Did the question strike a nerve? Are you going to have an episode?

Oh man, I'm not PP but this is really rude and it makes it seem like you aren't asking in good faith.

I did. I was responding to a$&hat pp in the way she spoke to me.

Also a totally new poster. Wow, OP, that question was not rude, but you were. Twice.

(Are you the poster who refers to everyone as "drama llamas" by any chance?)

No, I have never used that term. It sounds sophomoric.

If you don’t understand that I was attacked, I can’t help you with your reading comprehension.

Wow. You were not “attacked.” Drop the persecution complex. It’s not a good look.

The very premise of my question and my motivation for asking it was challenged. Sit down.

DP. Someone said " are you just spouting some random observations based on a handful of young people in your orbit?" That wasn't exactly nice, but I don't think it was an attack on *you*, it was an attack on your post. Then you responded with "are you unwell? Are you going to have an episode?"

I get that it's easy to escalate but your comments were mean. And while we are here, what were your intentions in posting this? Are you genuinely curious and approaching the issue with an open mind? You did say that the younger people have a "sense of being wronged," rather than just being wronged, and you give sympathy to the adults who are "exhausted." It does seem like you are coming in with a bias.

I already explained myself once, newbie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe because of social media, maybe because of how they were raised, 18+ often expect perfection in everything, from their partners to their parents to their jobs. It’s unrealistic and can do them a great disservice.

+1. I think it’s also become somehow “cool” or edgy to have experienced trauma or have mental health issues. Parents are a really easy target.

Yes, yes, and yes. Lots of TikToks about narcissistic parents. Done of course by narcissistic and clueless teens.

[Anonymous]

Its not something limited to young folks, people in their 40's like Harry and Meghan are doing it to their fathers.

[Anonymous]

You could insert "my mom" instead of young adults and be perfectly accurate.

[Anonymous]

I think the difference between a child and an adult is that a child sees their parents wrong doings and hold the parents responsible for their own relief. As an adult you recognize this isn’t always possible and you become that parent figure for yourself in a type of “reparenting” way. This in no way excuses parents from actual error or hurt, it’s just that as an adult you realize your peace is no longer in someone else’s hands, including your parents.

In this way some children become adults very early on, and some adults never stop being children in a sense.

[Anonymous]

Parents are more forgiving, even of the hard time babies, toddlers and teens give us. I think kids also become forgiving towards parents with age. Of course, its about rather normal families, every unit grows differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think this is a real dynamic?

Young adults (18-23) with a sense of being wronged. They’re exhausted parents who did everything they could.

Lots of resentment bubbling over.

Are you a social scientist researcher who has studied this question? Did you read this somewhere? Or are you just spouting some random observations based on a handful of young people in your orbit?

OP here. Friends and I were discussing attitudes of our young adult children. One of them mentioned there was a trend of “apology fantasy” filmmaking by younger directors. “Everything, Everywhere All at Once” being a recent example. It was just a conversation. I don’t quite understand the hostility in your question— are you unwell? Did the question strike a nerve? Are you going to have an episode?

Oh man, I'm not PP but this is really rude and it makes it seem like you aren't asking in good faith.

I did. I was responding to a$&hat pp in the way she spoke to me.

Also a totally new poster. Wow, OP, that question was not rude, but you were. Twice.

(Are you the poster who refers to everyone as "drama llamas" by any chance?)

No, I have never used that term. It sounds sophomoric.

If you don’t understand that I was attacked, I can’t help you with your reading comprehension.

Wow. You were not “attacked.” Drop the persecution complex. It’s not a good look.

The very premise of my question and my motivation for asking it was challenged. Sit down.

DP. Someone said " are you just spouting some random observations based on a handful of young people in your orbit?" That wasn't exactly nice, but I don't think it was an attack on *you*, it was an attack on your post. Then you responded with "are you unwell? Are you going to have an episode?"

I get that it's easy to escalate but your comments were mean. And while we are here, what were your intentions in posting this? Are you genuinely curious and approaching the issue with an open mind? You did say that the younger people have a "sense of being wronged," rather than just being wronged, and you give sympathy to the adults who are "exhausted." It does seem like you are coming in with a bias.

I already explained myself once, newbie.

OP is rude and defensive. Can you imagine what it would be like to be parented by her? I suspect her children are among those wanting the apologies, thus the overreactions to questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've heard people say that they resented their parents until they had kids, and then they realized how well their parents did because they realized how hard parenting is and they appreciated some of the stuff their parents did once they understand the context of what it means to be a parent. So maybe some of these very young kids will feel more grateful later.

However, this was not my experience. Having kids actually made me realize that my parents were much worse than I had allowed myself to believe before, and that my family was deeply dysfunctional. There are a lot of things I give my kid easily and happily that I never had as a child, because my parents were very emotionally immature and had no idea how to provide it. Stuff like a calm and loving home environment or the ability to listen to her talk about her life without criticizing/sarcasm/impatience/resentment.

I don't expect an apology but I definitely don't find myself getting more grateful as I get older and experience more parenting myself. Instead I've had to go into therapy to work through some of the memories from childhood that have come up as I parent, so that I can continue to be the best parent I can despite not having had much good parenting modeled for me.

THIS. Having my own child triggered a lot of feelings that I hadn't had previously about my parents ... or exacerbated some feelings. Also watching them be not great grandparents has deeply affected my relationship with them.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you personally experiencing this situation?

[Anonymous]

They do stupid things and feel pressure from social media then go to therapy to get over their issues and the first thing the therapist tries to find out is what the parents did wrong and lay issue with them.

[Anonymous]

Blaming parents comes from self-hate and low self esteem. People feel they suck for some reason but run from accountability like roaches from the light. It’s a psychological imperative to blame somebody else and parents are the poor suckers that were stuck raising them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Blaming parents comes from self-hate and low self esteem. People feel they suck for some reason but run from accountability like roaches from the light. It’s a psychological imperative to blame somebody else and parents are the poor suckers that were stuck raising them.

Stuck raising them? Having kids is a choice. Low self-esteem formed during childhood is due to nature or nurture. Both of those are the responsibility of the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not give each other what we want?
I don’t have a problem apologizing
I will appreciate a thank you but if it never comes - oh well, I wasn’t doing it for thank you’s.

+1,000.