What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?

[Anonymous]

Even though the good times outweigh the bad, I’ve heard some zingers. “You’re a wh*re” was quite unexpected when I was 25 at a family wedding and shared a hotel room with my boyfriend of 1 year…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was 5 or 6 and my mom said, "You were such a homely child" ... she knew that I didn't know what the word meant and at the time I thought it meant cute. Once I learned how to use a dictionary, I looked it up and was very sad.

Damn, that’s heartbreaking. I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

When I was about 23, on a family cruise my mom took my room key while I was sleeping and gambled at the casino with it (because she had already exhausted the per-day ATM withdrawal amount on her own card at the casino. She won $50k playing as me, so I had to pay the taxes on it. It even kicked me into a higher income tax bracket at an age where I had zero disposable income. I went into debt over it and it took a while to pay off. If you’re wondering if she offered to give me some of the $50k to cover the taxes, the answer is no. And yes, she filled out forms with my name on them when she won without me present. This gambling behavior only got worse after my dad died a few years later, but she no longer has access to my stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was about 23, on a family cruise my mom took my room key while I was sleeping and gambled at the casino with it (because she had already exhausted the per-day ATM withdrawal amount on her own card at the casino. She won $50k playing as me, so I had to pay the taxes on it. It even kicked me into a higher income tax bracket at an age where I had zero disposable income. I went into debt over it and it took a while to pay off. If you’re wondering if she offered to give me some of the $50k to cover the taxes, the answer is no. And yes, she filled out forms with my name on them when she won without me present. This gambling behavior only got worse after my dad died a few years later, but she no longer has access to my stuff.

I’m so sorry. I wish you had sued her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why just moms? My dad said pretty terrible things too

Start a thread. I can contribute, too, unfortunately.

My dad was usually great, but once laughed at me along with my brother when I was genuinely upset. They both misunderstood what I was reacting to, and basically laughed at me and said I was being stupid. We were in the car. I was 12.

I got out of the car and he drove off. I started walking home, deliberately taking my time and going roundabout ways. We live in a huge town and were all the way across town near church. (Nice that this all happened right after church.) Dad drove home with my brother. I was walking and sobbing for hours. All of a sudden, a car drove up and asked if I needed a ride. Thankfully for me (and for my parents, who could have been criminally charged if I got lost or harmed), it was the roommate of one of my high school drama teachers. The drama teacher was also a Young Life leaders, and I had gone to enough YL events at her house or at the restaurant near her house that her roommate (who was a master’s degree student at a local university) recognized me. Imagine if I had kept walking or gotten in a car with someone who wasn’t a safe person? I was 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was 5 or 6 and my mom said, "You were such a homely child" ... she knew that I didn't know what the word meant and at the time I thought it meant cute. Once I learned how to use a dictionary, I looked it up and was very sad.

Damn, that’s heartbreaking. I’m sorry.

What a mean thing to say. My mom said I had a face only a mother could love. I can't remember if it was when I had terrible acne or when I had a mouthful of braces. She said it often, with a jokey tone. It's so bizarre to think back on it... Why would you say such a mean confusing thing to a kid? I'm ugly, but maybe my mom doesn't think so, but why would she keep saying it?. And she never ever once gave me a compliment on my looks, so it must have been her way of telling me I'm ugly.

I tell my son he's cute or handsome or looks nice or I like his shirt. I don't want him to get a big head. But I certainly don't want him to internalize that he's ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even though the good times outweigh the bad, I’ve heard some zingers. “You’re a wh*re” was quite unexpected when I was 25 at a family wedding and shared a hotel room with my boyfriend of 1 year…

That brought back a memory. I was 25 as well when my mother told a family member that I'm a whore and the low quality of men I whore with.
At the time I was dating a PhD candidate in mathematics. We ended up getting married a couple of years later (we eloped).
The ironic part (although not really if you know my mother and the dysfunctional family dynamics) is that my mother is now fighting with this family member and isn't talking to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I called my mom to tell her my husband had proposed to me, her first words were, “Well, I like him okay, but I don’t think he likes me very much.” Classic NPD. I could go on with so many other mind f-ing remarks. But I was not the family scapegoat. My brother she would chase around the house with a knife and strangle until he passed out. No one in real life gets it when I talk about my mother, because we’re supposed to honor our parents. So hugs to all of you here. I know the loneliness of having been cruelly mothered, and it absolutely sucks.

+1
My mom called me a bridezilla after I had been engaged for all of 48 hours, and when our son was born and we announced his name, her first words upon hearing the name were "I'm disappointed."
a million more stories like these two small ones. and many of them much, much worse, but i can't even put it on the web anonymously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t wait till you have a daughter as bad as you.

She’s said plenty of awful things but I think that one hits on all the key themes- i suck, she dislikes being my mom, and she wishes me similar negative experiences in my future

Right there with you. She also saved the parenting difficult child books she bought when I was young "because she knew I would need them" She was gleeful when she handed them over. I was a straight A student, never got into trouble, and was gifted in sports and music.

For me, this wasn't the worst thing. But it's hard to pinpoint the worst because it was the thousand tiny paper cuts on a daily basis all colliding to remind me all the ways I wasn't meeting her expectations as the eldest daughter in a large family. That my faults were terrible reflections of her. Lazy, selfish and ungrateful and me being generally person not worthy of any investment or love and kindness were the general themes.

I feel for all the people who have posted here.

Maybe the worst was the fact that after about age 6 or 7 I never smiled in photos and always looked sullen. She always said this was me and my terrible personality - I was negative, intense, brooding. No one ever asked why I never smiled or checked that I was ok. I wasn't ok but no one noticed. Sometimes I see children with this look on their faces today and, while I don't know what is going on in their inner life and am only seeing a brief moment in time, I silently wish them well and hope they can grow up and make it out. To have so much pain you need to dissociate from life with this blank, sad stare is something no child should have to endure.

This last paragraph brings tears to my eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just one of the things that comes to mind: mom frequently said I never worked for things but I knew how to get what I wanted because I was manipulative.

The first time she said that (that I can remember) was when I was ten. I often wonder if she is right. I’ve been really lucky in a lot of ways and I feel like an impostor.

Sounds like you were smart and lucky. Frankly, she was probably envious of your success.

Thank you. I think you’re right. She had a lot of issues and never really found the success she wanted and felt she deserved.

[Anonymous]

Prom I paid for my own dress, my own hair and makeup and she was with her 2nd husband and his kids because that was her priority. I went home to change into my dress and she looked at me, sighed, and said "you look like a whore". It wasnt even a lot of makeup. I had a conservative mermaid strapless dress and felt beautiful until she opened her mouth.

theres more but thats the one that sticks out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slapped me in the face
Rolled my arm up in a power window, supposedly an accident
Served all sugary desserts at my baby shower when I wasn’t supposed to be eating sugar
Telling everyone my house is so small
Screamed at me when I applied to a college out of state
Told me my grandmother wasn’t worth organizing a funeral for
Pits me and my siblings against each other

So many things

I am glad I have good friends but I still have a voice in my head that questions me and holds me back sometimes. I struggle now to be a normal and calm person.

You just reminded me of the time my mom stabbed me with a cooking fork, two prongs. She was cooking and teenage me said something she didn't like and she pulled it out of the boiling pasta water and pushed it into my waist. My shirt slowed it down and I didn't get burned or require stitches, but she drew blood. 35 years later, I still have that fork and I use it often, but I don't stab anyone with it. I laugh about the stabbing, but it's effed up!

I stopped telling stories about childhood. I laughed at things other people found horrible about my life and began to realize my upbringing wasn’t normal at all.

Yes. I know exactly what you mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prom I paid for my own dress, my own hair and makeup and she was with her 2nd husband and his kids because that was her priority. I went home to change into my dress and she looked at me, sighed, and said "you look like a whore". It wasnt even a lot of makeup. I had a conservative mermaid strapless dress and felt beautiful until she opened her mouth.

theres more but thats the one that sticks out.

She was/is jealous of you and your stunning beauty, and your ability to wear that beautiful dress - which you only made more beautiful when you wore it!

I bet you have never let a jealous woman bother you since, or take up any of your mind space.

You slay - and I bet you are stunning!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slapped me in the face
Rolled my arm up in a power window, supposedly an accident
Served all sugary desserts at my baby shower when I wasn’t supposed to be eating sugar
Telling everyone my house is so small
Screamed at me when I applied to a college out of state
Told me my grandmother wasn’t worth organizing a funeral for
Pits me and my siblings against each other

So many things

I am glad I have good friends but I still have a voice in my head that questions me and holds me back sometimes. I struggle now to be a normal and calm person.

You just reminded me of the time my mom stabbed me with a cooking fork, two prongs. She was cooking and teenage me said something she didn't like and she pulled it out of the boiling pasta water and pushed it into my waist. My shirt slowed it down and I didn't get burned or require stitches, but she drew blood. 35 years later, I still have that fork and I use it often, but I don't stab anyone with it. I laugh about the stabbing, but it's effed up!

I stopped telling stories about childhood. I laughed at things other people found horrible about my life and began to realize my upbringing wasn’t normal at all.

Yes. I know exactly what you mean.

+1

Time to heal, grow, and move on. Upward and onward, strong women!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prom I paid for my own dress, my own hair and makeup and she was with her 2nd husband and his kids because that was her priority. I went home to change into my dress and she looked at me, sighed, and said "you look like a whore". It wasnt even a lot of makeup. I had a conservative mermaid strapless dress and felt beautiful until she opened her mouth.

theres more but thats the one that sticks out.

She was/is jealous of you and your stunning beauty, and your ability to wear that beautiful dress - which you only made more beautiful when you wore it!

I bet you have never let a jealous woman bother you since, or take up any of your mind space.

You slay - and I bet you are stunning!

Not to mention, I bet she could never in a million years wear that dress! That is what she hated most. Too bad for her.