What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?

[Anonymous]

I just want to say that I am so sorry to read some of these stories and anecdotes. A lot of you people were severely abused, mentally, physically and emotionally. Good for you for getting on with your lives regardless of all that crap. And hugs, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a whole thread exemplifying why we need to LISTEN to women when they say they don't want kids or don't want any more kids, esp for mental health reasons. Sometimes they are wisely judging that they could not handle it. I would like to think I'm incapable of the horrible abuses in this thread but I'd bet a lot of the abusive mothers thought they were, too, until they lost it under stress.

In my experience with my own abusive mother and seeing child abuse as an advocate/attorney in the child welfare system, this is not the problem. Most child abusers don’t have the insight to recognize that they are abusers. Many have very strong narcissistic traits or are outright NPDs.

My mother firmly believed to her dying day that she was a wonderful mother, despite having three children estranged from her for many years prior to her passing. She WAS very good at clothing us, cleaning us, feeding us (regularly, but admittedly a fairly crappy diet of mostly processed foods because she loathed cooking), keeping us housed and getting us to school. But in terms of emotional support she was beyond abysmal - failed to protect us from our very abusive father and abused us herself both verbally and physically. Thinks she did a great job and her estranged kids were ungrateful jerks. Whatever.

The truth is that most women who don’t want children don’t want them because they were abused and fear perpetuating the toxic dysfunction they grew up in. They *want* children, but fear harming them. Then there are women who don’t want children because they just don’t yearn for motherhood - but still enjoy other people’s children and are capable of treating those children with loving kindness. Definitely some women don’t want children and have them to please others, but that doesn’t excuse abuse. Most child abusers are seriously messed up psychologically - you would have to be to endlessly demean and/or beat on a child - but they have zero insight and so don’t believe their behavior is wrong.

[Anonymous]

My brother sodomized me when I was 11. Neither of my parents reacted when I told them, my mother shrugged. My brother, my Grandfather’s namesake was the chosen one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother sodomized me when I was 11. Neither of my parents reacted when I told them, my mother shrugged. My brother, my Grandfather’s namesake was the chosen one.

I’m so sorry that happened to you. I think something similar happened in DH’s family. It messed up both the victim and abuser for a very long time. There have been ripple effects for a lifetime, both caused by the abuse and by the lack of response to it by the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a whole thread exemplifying why we need to LISTEN to women when they say they don't want kids or don't want any more kids, esp for mental health reasons. Sometimes they are wisely judging that they could not handle it. I would like to think I'm incapable of the horrible abuses in this thread but I'd bet a lot of the abusive mothers thought they were, too, until they lost it under stress.

In my experience with my own abusive mother and seeing child abuse as an advocate/attorney in the child welfare system, this is not the problem. Most child abusers don’t have the insight to recognize that they are abusers. Many have very strong narcissistic traits or are outright NPDs.

My mother firmly believed to her dying day that she was a wonderful mother, despite having three children estranged from her for many years prior to her passing. She WAS very good at clothing us, cleaning us, feeding us (regularly, but admittedly a fairly crappy diet of mostly processed foods because she loathed cooking), keeping us housed and getting us to school. But in terms of emotional support she was beyond abysmal - failed to protect us from our very abusive father and abused us herself both verbally and physically. Thinks she did a great job and her estranged kids were ungrateful jerks. Whatever.

The truth is that most women who don’t want children don’t want them because they were abused and fear perpetuating the toxic dysfunction they grew up in. They *want* children, but fear harming them. Then there are women who don’t want children because they just don’t yearn for motherhood - but still enjoy other people’s children and are capable of treating those children with loving kindness. Definitely some women don’t want children and have them to please others, but that doesn’t excuse abuse. Most child abusers are seriously messed up psychologically - you would have to be to endlessly demean and/or beat on a child - but they have zero insight and so don’t believe their behavior is wrong.

PP here, I didn't mean to suggest that anything excuses abuse. I personally have had to overcome anger issues/a quick temper and having a kid exacerbated it, so I thought perhaps some of these stories could be an extreme version of women who didn't deal with those issues.

[Anonymous]

when we were growing up in the 80s, there wasn't as much information on anti-depressants. so, in that regard, she deserves a break. but post medication, the same nasty, hateful behavior? medication doesn't cure NPD. there isn't a single relationship she hasn't ruined or tried to have ruined. between her siblings, their spouses, her children and their spouses, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, neighbors. you name it. of course, it is everyone else's fault.

[Anonymous]

"Wish I would've aborted you like the other 3". I am an only child. Nice job, Mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Wish I would've aborted you like the other 3". I am an only child. Nice job, Mom.

wow. that is awful. I am sorry and you didn't ask to be brought into this world.

my mother use to threaten to drive off a cliff with all of us in the car. this was in the 70s and 80s. so many offed up mothers. no wonder why there is so many people on legal and illegal drugs.

[Anonymous]

At 13, I became really obsessed with these floral silk pajama bottoms I saw at Macy's and asked for them for Christmas.

When I proudly went into her bedroom to show them off on Christmas night the response was "are those too big for you or are you just getting fatter?"

In my memory, that was the starting point for our still complicated relationship where I feel (but don't want to believe) that she is jealous of many of the things I've accomplished in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your father wanted to abort you.

When I attempted suicide by taking sleeping pills at age 15 while I was still in the hospital bed she said next time jump off a bridge and get the job done right.

My husband wanted me to abort both my boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Threw a glass of wine in my face. She is a recovered alcoholic and this was at a low point. Implied often that I was not as smart as my brother, not motivated, etc. I may not be as smart as him but we both went to Ivy League schools so I wasn’t that much of a loser!

I’ve come to recognize that these are her issues, not mine.

This is key. Parents are human, have their own crap. My husband and his family literally tried (and failed) to have me arrested for non-existent child abuse. It only stopped when social services said they would turn the tables on THEM. It was mainly about money. I know my kids are traumatized by it because I was scared a lot of the time, but the reality of what was going on was lost on them due to their young ages. Their memories therefore are not accurate. To correct them would mean more trauma so, in a sense, I throw myself under the bus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Have a nice life.” said when she decided she was done with me because my mother in law saw the baby first. She refused to speak to me or visit for two months. I have not been able to open my heart to her since then. It’s been ten years. We have a relationship, but I have been very detached since then. She was always cruel. That comment broke me. My dad walked out when I was four. She knows she was all I had, and always held it over me.

This one brings tears to my eyes (I can relate). So sorry.

Awful. I already told my daughter I would never EVER put her any sort of position where there was competition for a grandchild. I would always protect my daughter from that

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry to all of you...

A funny from me, at least I took it that way. She was an ok mom.
My twin daughters were born and she told me, "they're going to be just beautiful, they look just like (insert husband's name)..." I laughed. She knew it was a faux pas.

[Anonymous]

1. Got mad at me for not being grateful for the tooth whitening kit she brought me.

2. Told me she was tired of hearing about my trip to Australia. I had only been home 2 days.

3. Said something rude to me and when I told her it was mean told me I was being to sensitive.

4.Made fun of me because I was unsteady walking in heels.
5. Took socks out of my drawer to give to my sister. Doesn't seem like a big deal but those docks are mine and I had planned them for a special outfit. Then punished me for taking them back because I was stealing.

6. Yelled at me because I didn't know what size mattress to get .I was 13 at the time. She said nothing to my father who went shopping with me.

7. Told me you don't get everything you want for your birthday. On it's surface is true. But I hadn't asked for anything. She makes sure to get my siblings whatever they want. And she has said she forgets her birthday isn't a national holiday.

,8. Related to 7. Told me I couldn't get a foll for my birthday be ause to expensive. Bought my sister exactly what she wanted and it was the same price not even 3 weeks later

,9. When I was depressed on medication, suicidal. She told me it was my fault I didn't have friends.

10. Asked me if I should weigh that much . Much being 140 lbs at 5'7" meanwhile she weighed the same at 4 inches shorter and she was talking about how got she was.

11. Not what she said but what she didn't. She never called me pretty .but always said that about my sister's.

I'm sure there's more but that's off the top of my head.

I just wish I knew why she hated me so much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Got mad at me for not being grateful for the tooth whitening kit she brought me.

2. Told me she was tired of hearing about my trip to Australia. I had only been home 2 days.

3. Said something rude to me and when I told her it was mean told me I was being to sensitive.

4.Made fun of me because I was unsteady walking in heels.
5. Took socks out of my drawer to give to my sister. Doesn't seem like a big deal but those docks are mine and I had planned them for a special outfit. Then punished me for taking them back because I was stealing.

6. Yelled at me because I didn't know what size mattress to get .I was 13 at the time. She said nothing to my father who went shopping with me.

7. Told me you don't get everything you want for your birthday. On it's surface is true. But I hadn't asked for anything. She makes sure to get my siblings whatever they want. And she has said she forgets her birthday isn't a national holiday.

,8. Related to 7. Told me I couldn't get a foll for my birthday be ause to expensive. Bought my sister exactly what she wanted and it was the same price not even 3 weeks later

,9. When I was depressed on medication, suicidal. She told me it was my fault I didn't have friends.

10. Asked me if I should weigh that much . Much being 140 lbs at 5'7" meanwhile she weighed the same at 4 inches shorter and she was talking about how got she was.

11. Not what she said but what she didn't. She never called me pretty .but always said that about my sister's.

I'm sure there's more but that's off the top of my head.

I just wish I knew why she hated me so much

I thought of another. Laughed at me for wanting a green birthday cake for my 9 the birthday. Asked I don't know why anyone would want that. I've never heard of I remember my older sister hugging me because I was so upset. I did get the green cake not the shade I wanted one she wanted.

Sorry for the double post it's just weird the stuff that sticks with you.