Anyone facing jealous friends now that your kids are in private school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend who is sooo class conscious. She's obsessed with what others are spending. She cannot be social with someone who has more than her. We have been friends for years. DH and I are very low key wealthy. However once the pandemic hit and our schools went to shit, we were able to get our kids in an independent school that remained open all through the 2020-2021 year. My DH also got a new expensive car after driving thr same Toyota for 15 years, we bought an investment property in Montana which the kids let slip after a ski trip where we stayed there. She abruptly stopped talking to me.

Those of you whondont have friends who covet others, be grateful. It really sucks when a friend has such deep issues. I really should.have seen how my friend disparaged others and paid more attention. I just never thought I'd be on the receiving end of it.

That’s sad. For her that she is so deeply insecure, but good for you that you no longer have to socialize with her.
A “friend” of mine bought a nice house in a popular neighborhood ( we were all house hunting) and then 1 year later my family ended up buying in the same neighborhood which is convenient to my child’s private school, work, etc but a better lot and bigger home than my friend purchased. I have access to family money that she was unaware of due to the relatively modest way we lived.
It was fascinating to see how some people responded differently to me if they had reason to drop their kid off at our new house or come over. Some were surprised ( and actually would say something like, oh my! your house is so much bigger than your last one! But with a smile) and others like that “friend” felt obviously uncomfortable, had a fake smile and never said anything nice about it. It was very clear her felt uncomfortable now knowing I “had more” than she did. It’s funny to me because I live exactly the same way as before ( kids in private, we have always traveled internationally often, etc I don’t drive a particularly fancy car) but the house shifts the way I am viewed by others. It’s the same with if you switch to private from public. Some people will be happy for you, others threatened, many could not care less. Don’t be showy and pay attention to when people show you who they really are.

[Anonymous]

lol. you cant imagine the snippy comments we got from friends at current private when we moved our kid to a different private.

[Anonymous]

No, not necessarily. What it really did is give friends a better sense of our assets/income. Until then, it was a little vague. We had a bigger house in a pricier neighborhood, but it was older and parts of it were original fixtures. We drove older cars, took Metro to work, and didn't really splurge on clothes, furnishings, or vacations. But think cutting a check for ~55,000 for both DCs' tuition that first time signaled that our choices were based on lifestyle, not budget. Fortunately, it has all worked out and we are all still good friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, they are not your tribe any longer. Accept it. Don't make it worse by assigning blame. Btw, you would seem clueless to not understand a basic fact: those neighborhood kids are your child's peers, only you're saying they're not good enough. You are seeking better. Or you are seeking a school environment better than what these have parents have chose. So that's criticism. Not spoken but it's there. Be gracious. You should never have to accept rude comments to your face but accept that the dynamic for you within the neighborhood has drastically changed. That's on you. You chose this.

You make some good points but I don't get why you stress "be gracious" as if it makes a difference to insecure wackos who get triggered no matter what. Many wackos ARE obsessively jealous of private schools, status conscious, and become completely unhinged when the topic of private schools comes up in any context. I remember even a tiny local newspaper in my hometown, the sports editor for literally ten plus years forced in digs at a small local independent day school. Totally obsessed for years on end.

[Anonymous]

“Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.”

Anybody else remember that commercial?

[Anonymous]

People care a ton about where your kids go to school. Especially, among parents who are highly educated and have lots of time on their hands…is it not PC to say housewives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People care a ton about where your kids go to school. Especially, among parents who are highly educated and have lots of time on their hands…is it not PC to say housewives?

I do remember going to dinner with a double ivy couple (ug, law for both) along with our kids right after decisions came out and the couple clearly could not get over how our DC got into a Big 3 K and their kid was WLed everywhere. "Just how did that happen?" was the refrain of the evening. Both DH and I had gone to an Ivy for grad and had interesting careers, but clearly our less than prestigious undergrads - at least mine - should have ruled our DC ineligible for consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People care a ton about where your kids go to school. Especially, among parents who are highly educated and have lots of time on their hands…is it not PC to say housewives?

I do remember going to dinner with a double ivy couple (ug, law for both) along with our kids right after decisions came out and the couple clearly could not get over how our DC got into a Big 3 K and their kid was WLed everywhere. "Just how did that happen?" was the refrain of the evening. Both DH and I had gone to an Ivy for grad and had interesting careers, but clearly our less than prestigious undergrads - at least mine - should have ruled our DC ineligible for consideration.

Wow. How did keep from choking on your food throughout dinner?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People care a ton about where your kids go to school. Especially, among parents who are highly educated and have lots of time on their hands…is it not PC to say housewives?

I do remember going to dinner with a double ivy couple (ug, law for both) along with our kids right after decisions came out and the couple clearly could not get over how our DC got into a Big 3 K and their kid was WLed everywhere. "Just how did that happen?" was the refrain of the evening. Both DH and I had gone to an Ivy for grad and had interesting careers, but clearly our less than prestigious undergrads - at least mine - should have ruled our DC ineligible for consideration.

Wow. How did keep from choking on your food throughout dinner?!

TBH, their kid had a lot of struggles and they were still in denial about it, trying to cram a very large square peg into a teeny tiny small circle. We realized that there was an element of luck in our DC getting in as there are at many of these independents. While perturbed, compassion seemed to be the best course of action in the situation. Fortunately their DC finally did get some help and ended up being able to flourish in the right environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went through this a couple of times with both kids. There is jealousy and anger involved, especially if you tell them it is because of substandard MCPS.

We told people we wanted religious element in education and the satisfied them. But know that they are still steaming about it. One time I posted something on Facebook about common core and how I am glad my kids don't deal with it, and this rabid mom attacked me. She is one who asked my why I pulled my daughter out of MCPS before anyone. She also seemed happy to hear that it was religious reasons. But now she knows there are other benefits we enjoy and she is angry.

You can’t see how insulting their school choice would upset them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through this a couple of times with both kids. There is jealousy and anger involved, especially if you tell them it is because of substandard MCPS.

We told people we wanted religious element in education and the satisfied them. But know that they are still steaming about it. One time I posted something on Facebook about common core and how I am glad my kids don't deal with it, and this rabid mom attacked me. She is one who asked my why I pulled my daughter out of MCPS before anyone. She also seemed happy to hear that it was religious reasons. But now she knows there are other benefits we enjoy and she is angry.

You can’t see how insulting their school choice would upset them?

I don’t see how exercising your right to choose —what you consider—a better school for your child is insulting.

My take is, it’s better to lose their phone number…only hang out with those who are happy for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through this a couple of times with both kids. There is jealousy and anger involved, especially if you tell them it is because of substandard MCPS.

We told people we wanted religious element in education and the satisfied them. But know that they are still steaming about it. One time I posted something on Facebook about common core and how I am glad my kids don't deal with it, and this rabid mom attacked me. She is one who asked my why I pulled my daughter out of MCPS before anyone. She also seemed happy to hear that it was religious reasons. But now she knows there are other benefits we enjoy and she is angry.

You can’t see how insulting their school choice would upset them?

I don’t see how exercising your right to choose —what you consider—a better school for your child is insulting.

My take is, it’s better to lose their phone number…only hang out with those who are happy for you.

The post I’m responding to called MCPS substandard. That isn’t just exercising your right to choose. That’s insulting your friends who are staying at MCPS. I’m not surprised your friendships ended, but let’s not blame it on jealousy. Insulting someone else’s choices is you throwing the first grenade.

[Anonymous]

You have a new tribe now, embrace it. When you try to play both sides and keep the public friends you're taking away from building stronger bonds with your new private. For private to be worth it you really have to go all in.

[Anonymous]

People get triggered because they know deep down the private is better and their public is inferior. No matter how delicate you are around them, the nitwits will still get triggered because that's how insecure unstable people are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People get triggered because they know deep down the private is better and their public is inferior. No matter how delicate you are around them, the nitwits will still get triggered because that's how insecure unstable people are.

That's an interesting take. I know a lot of folks who sent their kids either through DCPS through 12 or moved to private for HS. One family I know decided to delay private till HS and built an addition on their house with the anticipated savings. A few may have had momentary pangs of something, but all are pretty happy with DCPS for their kids. A little grumbling about last year's remote learning but pretty much just that.

All these kids are ending up in comparable colleges, so hard to see any as nitwits.