Do men really not care about a woman’s career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:In my circle women’s college and profession matters but once married, it’s usually her decision if she wants to work or stay home after kids, men are okay with both choices. Men with high IQ tend to enjoy beauty but they crave intelligence.

Same.

This is what I've noticed. Career accomplishments optional, education not.

All things said "education"/ "intelligence"/ "success" is shorthand for other capacities and character traits that may come in handy when building a life with someone.

No. Educated men generally marry educated women because they meet them in school or in the same social circles. But education is not a must-have criteria. Most men would trade in an educated woman whose looks had declined for a hot, kind, great-in-bed woman. In fact, high status men often do just that after divorcing their first wife.

I guess they don't care if they have dumb children. Mother's education/intelligence greatly impacts the child's intelligence.

Except most "high status" men don't divorce. I also think the stereotype of the partner running away with his secretary is somewhat dying because of a sea change of gender roles. Divorces peaked in the late 1970s and early 1980s because you had a clash of expectations. Certainly, women worked before then, but it was much seen as a long-term, fulfilling career. By the 70s and 80s, men tended to view a wife's career as something of a side hobby. Great for them to have a career unless it impacted the smooth operation of the home. If you are a professional man who is 20 or 30 now and you want to get married, your expectations are going to be different. If you just want sex, it's never been easier to find a willing partner. Of the men that I have known who have been with someone that much more attractive but who they didn't particularly respect, it never works out, even if they sex was really good. Plenty of people deciding to have children or a buy a home without being married. Both marriage and divorce is down, but divorce is particularly down among what PP would call the "high status" men.

I can't speak for most men, but for myself and the group of men that I know enough to have some sense of their answer here, I don't think it's accurate that many are looking to swap for a second wife. Of course, it might also become more important at a certain age where drive levels depart more frequently.

First, let's make it clear that you are a woman, the one obsessed with high status men and low value women. Wealthy men cheat at exponentially higher rates than middle income ones, because of high ego and more opportunities. They do divorce a lot, simply because they have the means to divorce. They don't run away with the secretary, but with younger women who are better educated and better looking than their starter wives. I can come up with a huge list. My FIL was one of these guys.

I'm a man. See bold.

I'm not sure why you think I have a particular interest in high status men. I'm just responding to PP suggesting that most men are looking to trade up. And regardless of the anecdotal evidence you may know, the truth is that divorce rates are falling and are under 30% for high-income marriages after 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's true. Men care about your looks, and your personality. Are you thin, and attractive? (Luckily, "attractive" is in the eye of the beholder.) Are you kind, cooperative, and easy to be around? A man wants a woman who creates peace in his life above all. Who brings calm, tranquility. That is why a man will go for the woman with the associates degree over the woman with a JD. She is a lot more fun, a lot more easy, to be around. It's all about her looks, and her ability to create peace and calm. That is the cold, hard truth.

I don’t know any men who married someone with an associates degree. I can’t think of one person. Then again, I don’t think I know anyone with an associates degree.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully they don't care so much about your high-paying career that they decide to become your kid's sahd when that wasn't the deal, while smoking weed, hanging out with their buddies and living off the lady boss largesse! I hear it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

. I think you underestimate how much men of a certain class still consider marriage an institution for breeding.

Based on DCUM I’d say the class of women here look at marriage as primarily for breeding, too. Once they’ve had the desired number of kids, they lose all interest in their husbands, first sexually then in any other way, then they decide he’s a contemptible irritant they can live without. Oh sure, this is always rationalized as “he failed me” but the bottom line is once he has done his duty as a breeding stud she has no more use for him.

Everyone wants the total package, for lots of reasons. Everyone wants smart, hot, capable, good earning potential, nurturing, kind — men and women. Obviously. This is the person who you’re going to parent with, build a nest egg with, behold a social circle and community with, and have an emotional, sexual, and intellectual connection. The more they bring to the table the higher value.

Of course there are always surprises down the line that no one can predict. But most people are looking for someone who checks the boxes and who has that indefinable something that makes you crazy about them.

No guy is trying to marry the dumb hot girl. Dh earns a seven figure income and we know a lot of wealthy people. Most of the wives are quite plain looking and smart. They are definitely attractive, fit and thin. There are a handful of very pretty woman but they are also well educated and often good athletes.

The higher up the food chain you are, the better your options. This goes for both men and women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter what she does for a living, if she’s smart and we share a similar sense of humor her career or income make zero difference to me.

Exactly. Don’t care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's true. Men care about your looks, and your personality. Are you thin, and attractive? (Luckily, "attractive" is in the eye of the beholder.) Are you kind, cooperative, and easy to be around? A man wants a woman who creates peace in his life above all. Who brings calm, tranquility. That is why a man will go for the woman with the associates degree over the woman with a JD. She is a lot more fun, a lot more easy, to be around. It's all about her looks, and her ability to create peace and calm. That is the cold, hard truth.

You are half right. Men care about looks and being attractive. But there are plenty of men who are attracted to uncalm and assertive women. They are usually more on the stoic/quiet side and like women who are energetic, socially dynamic, and/or dramatic. And yes, looks are always most important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's true. Men care about your looks, and your personality. Are you thin, and attractive? (Luckily, "attractive" is in the eye of the beholder.) Are you kind, cooperative, and easy to be around? A man wants a woman who creates peace in his life above all. Who brings calm, tranquility. That is why a man will go for the woman with the associates degree over the woman with a JD. She is a lot more fun, a lot more easy, to be around. It's all about her looks, and her ability to create peace and calm. That is the cold, hard truth.

I don’t know any men who married someone with an associates degree. I can’t think of one person. Then again, I don’t think I know anyone with an associates degree.

High achieving, well educated men don’t. They marry high achieving women. Whether the woman continues to be high achieving after marriage varies, but MBAs do not marry waitresses, there’s plenty of data on this kind of thing.

They *date* waitresses or have a waitress as a FWB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's true. Men care about your looks, and your personality. Are you thin, and attractive? (Luckily, "attractive" is in the eye of the beholder.) Are you kind, cooperative, and easy to be around? A man wants a woman who creates peace in his life above all. Who brings calm, tranquility. That is why a man will go for the woman with the associates degree over the woman with a JD. She is a lot more fun, a lot more easy, to be around. It's all about her looks, and her ability to create peace and calm. That is the cold, hard truth.

I don’t know any men who married someone with an associates degree. I can’t think of one person. Then again, I don’t think I know anyone with an associates degree.

I don’t know a single person with a professional degree who married or even considered anyone with an associate degree. Some won’t even consider state school alumni, unless they have grad or professional degrees.

[Anonymous]

*professional degree from a reputable school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of men who don't want to marry someone who works in a tanning salon.

But there are plenty who will marry a teacher, a nurse, someone who works for the feds as a gs12 or 13 job in a not particularly impressive path. I think many men want a woman with a middle class or higher job.

But I don't think many care if a woman isn't, say, making 150 or 300 or 500k. 70 or 80 is fine. Whereas for many women, 80k is a big drawback if that is a man's salary.

I just posted but yeah I completely agree with this.

hhaaa. You realize GS-13s-14s make $150. GS-14 in STEM here who made $176k last year working from home.

I said 12 or 13. Not 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's true. Men care about your looks, and your personality. Are you thin, and attractive? (Luckily, "attractive" is in the eye of the beholder.) Are you kind, cooperative, and easy to be around? A man wants a woman who creates peace in his life above all. Who brings calm, tranquility. That is why a man will go for the woman with the associates degree over the woman with a JD. She is a lot more fun, a lot more easy, to be around. It's all about her looks, and her ability to create peace and calm. That is the cold, hard truth.

I don’t know any men who married someone with an associates degree. I can’t think of one person. Then again, I don’t think I know anyone with an associates degree.

+1. I don’t know any college educated married men who married a woman without at least an undergrad degree. I do know men who are married to social workers, teachers, and sahms. I don’t think earning power matters is many cases but a certain level of educational attainment and self sufficiency does. This isn’t to say there aren’t extremely wealthy men who marry models with a GED but it’s likely a moderately successful man will look for a spouse that comes from a similar background

[Anonymous]

Outside of television, well educated women are generally more attractive than less well educated women.

Look around next time you go to the doctor or the dentist. (One e you account for age) the most attractive woman there is the dentist or the doctor, not the receptionist.

[Anonymous]

As Joan Rivers once famously said, no man ever went up a woman’s dress looking for her library card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As Joan Rivers once famously said, no man ever went up a woman’s dress looking for her library card.

For those games, degree or college or career may not matter to some but if they are taking someone home to see their family, introducing them to their friends/colleagues, planning to have children with and hoping to travel/retire with, its 99.99% going to be an educated girl from a similar family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's true. Men care about your looks, and your personality. Are you thin, and attractive? (Luckily, "attractive" is in the eye of the beholder.) Are you kind, cooperative, and easy to be around? A man wants a woman who creates peace in his life above all. Who brings calm, tranquility. That is why a man will go for the woman with the associates degree over the woman with a JD. She is a lot more fun, a lot more easy, to be around. It's all about her looks, and her ability to create peace and calm. That is the cold, hard truth.

Not in my circles, maybe in yours. I don't know any men married to women with associate's degrees. Zero. The women in this expensive neighborhood have multiple degrees from top schools, and there is very little divorce. That is the cold, hard truth.