It's BAD..I don't want it anymore!

[Anonymous]

Intimacy..if you can call it that, has become so BAD, that I may call it quits!

Background, I am a F 41 with M 44. Been together 3 years, live together and we have my DS 11, half of the time.

Intimacy involves me getting to the point that I need the release, so about every 4-5 days it will be morning. I take my own clothes off, snuggle beside him. He rolls to his back, I stimulate him. No touching of any kind for me...then he is excited...I'm of course not ready, so then at this point I take matters into my own hands literally. He watches me do my thing, then when I am done, he hops on and the event is over in 2-3 mins.

This is what intimacy looks like for me, and I don't know how many more times I can just go through the motions? It feels strange to not be touched and I crave it. I have never been in a relationship with a man who doesn't want to touch me other than the final act. It makes me sad and I am so bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Intimacy..if you can call it that, has become so BAD, that I may call it quits!

Background, I am a F 41 with M 44. Been together 3 years, live together and we have my DS 11, half of the time.

Intimacy involves me getting to the point that I need the release, so about every 4-5 days it will be morning. I take my own clothes off, snuggle beside him. He rolls to his back, I stimulate him. No touching of any kind for me...then he is excited...I'm of course not ready, so then at this point I take matters into my own hands literally. He watches me do my thing, then when I am done, he hops on and the event is over in 2-3 mins.

This is what intimacy looks like for me, and I don't know how many more times I can just go through the motions? It feels strange to not be touched and I crave it. I have never been in a relationship with a man who doesn't want to touch me other than the final act. It makes me sad and I am so bored.

Bad news:
You have fully allowed this man to live with you signaling you want more of this kind of life. This will not get better without a lot of work and discussion.
It may get better only to fall back into the same rut and routine.

Good news: You aren't married and can leave to find your true intimate and sexual match easily without a divorce. Consider yourself lucky and move on!

[Anonymous]

Too bad you dragged your kid into this.

[Anonymous]

Sex therapist?

[Anonymous]

Break up. Why stay together?

[Anonymous]

How did you live with someone you were not happy with? Break up. And don’t live with someone again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too bad you dragged your kid into this.

+1

And I am divorced. No way a man is living with me.

[Anonymous]

Mine was pretty bad too. Treated me like crap most days, then popped the blue bill when kid and I went to sleep in the bedroom. We only had one-bedroom. Then came looking for me an hour later. Climbed on top, done in one to two minutes. Longest minutes of my life.
Sometimes I hid in the closet.
I left him after ten years and having great fun now. Never knew how good sex can be with the right person.

[Anonymous]

Was it always like this? If it was like this before he moved in, why did you think it would change?

[Anonymous]

OP no one would want this anymore. Most of us would’ve moved on after a few episodes like this. You sound surprised that you’ve arrived at that conclusion. Maybe it seemed ok for a while bc the relationship had other benefits? If so what? Without context this is a no-brainer situation, 86 this guy. Unless there’s more to the story, which there probably is?

[Anonymous]

I know that I need to end it. I guess I was hoping for some insight into his behavior.

It didn't start out like this, and I realize things slow down, but this is strange. He also carries on outside the bedroom on how sex I am, and talks about wanting to touch me sexually, but then when it's go time...nothing.I have never been in this situation. I have always been with men that touching was part of the act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Intimacy..if you can call it that, has become so BAD, that I may call it quits!

Background, I am a F 41 with M 44. Been together 3 years, live together and we have my DS 11, half of the time.

Intimacy involves me getting to the point that I need the release, so about every 4-5 days it will be morning. I take my own clothes off, snuggle beside him. He rolls to his back, I stimulate him. No touching of any kind for me...then he is excited...I'm of course not ready, so then at this point I take matters into my own hands literally. He watches me do my thing, then when I am done, he hops on and the event is over in 2-3 mins.

This is what intimacy looks like for me, and I don't know how many more times I can just go through the motions? It feels strange to not be touched and I crave it. I have never been in a relationship with a man who doesn't want to touch me other than the final act. It makes me sad and I am so bored.

Has the sex always been like this, OP?

I was with a guy who didn't seem very interested in touching my body, who wanted me to wank him off during most of our intimacy and who often kept his eyes closed as well. I liked him a lot in many other ways - he was sensitive, thoughtful, cooked and cleaned, etc. - but I couldn't settle for that kind of sexual intimacy for the rest of my life so I broke up with him. Surprise, surprise - he came out as gay several years later.

I'm not saying it is always the answer, but men who aren't comfortable with their female partner's body, who don't crave it and want to look at it (assuming it is in good shape, which I was) and want to pleasure it, might have some issues with their sexuality. Despite the openness of the younger generations, there are still a lot of people living repressed in their sexuality - this is one area where toxic masculinity is a very real thing.

[Anonymous]

How did it get to this point?

How do the conversations about sex go?

Just end it if you aren't happy.

[Anonymous]

OP here. For clarity...it has not always been like this. When we moved in together intimacy was nothing like it is now. I have spoken with him also, and I am met with promises to do better and that he is still attracted to me. Outside the bedroom he tells me I am so sexy, and even says things he wants to do with me, and then they just never happen...

I am divorced and yes, I am sorry my child has to be exposed to a break up. I won't live with a man again! That's for sure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For clarity...it has not always been like this. When we moved in together intimacy was nothing like it is now. I have spoken with him also, and I am met with promises to do better and that he is still attracted to me. Outside the bedroom he tells me I am so sexy, and even says things he wants to do with me, and then they just never happen...

I am divorced and yes, I am sorry my child has to be exposed to a break up. I won't live with a man again! That's for sure

Who does what portion of the household work? Who earns what portion of the household income? How does he treat your child?

The only other thing I can think of is that he's got some kind of issues with sex that may stem from a past experience of abuse.

In any case, depending on the quality of the relationship in other areas, you've got to either insist on couples therapy to work this out, or ask him to move out.

Most men are very adept at being BS artists - it's part of the toxic masculinity, the mask they learn to wear very early in the socialization process. Telling women they are sexy, blah blah blah, is all part of that for many men. They know how to get women on the hook, and many of them are just looking for a nurse/purse or a sexual release without concern for what is happening in the body or mind of the woman. It's sad, but it is undeniably true. Not all men, but . . .