When successful men with demanding jobs (doctor, lawyer) divorce, what usually causes it?
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Anonymous
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Like, specifically. Is it just that they aren't around enough? Is it job stress? Is it disconnect from spouse due to intensity of job (like your work is the biggest thing in your life, and your spouse isn't a part of it)?
I'm looking at these divorced men I know in their 50s, but then I know all these men in the same careers but younger (still married, young kids, seems fine from outside) and wondering how they go from one to the other. Divorce is common enough with these careers that there must be some commonalities, but I can't figure what. |
Anonymous
| It's their chronic cheating. |
Anonymous
| It takes a big ego to succeed in these jobs and a lot of face time. Often the woman does not like taking a back seat to their careers. |
Anonymous
| Young nurses and paralegals. |
Anonymous
| I’m married to someone in this position and while we’re not divorced, the job stress that DH brings home has made living with him very difficult at times. Now multiply that over the course of decades and you’re left married to someone who is a shadow of who you met and isn’t all that pleasant to be around. |
Anonymous
| For lawyers it’s the affairs. I saw it so much at big firms. |
Anonymous
| Stress -> not around much -> affects relationship with spouse -> affairs (by H or W or both). |
Anonymous
With WHOM? Almost all of the guys I know at firms are some combination of pudgy, bald, and awkward. They are lucky they got married to begin with. |
Anonymous
OP here and the men I'm thinking of are all pretty good looking and charismatic (part of their success). But they also do not seem like the type to cheat and I know their wives and they are mostly pretty great (unsurprisingly -- you expect someone who seems to have a lot going for them to have a great partner). Just trying to figure out how that translates to 15/20 years down the road when the men in the same professions are like 70% divorced. And some of them still very good looking for their age. It does seem like infidelity must be part of it but I guess I'm wondering what leads to the infidelity. Is it built into their personalities (big egos, as a PP said) or is it something about the job? I don't know why this is bothering me now. I work at a firm on the business side and all the young partners are married and so many of the old partners are divorced. Then thinking also about a family member who is a surgeon and similarly happily married but the divorce rate for surgeons is also high. I'm just hung up on it-- these guys have everything and then it seems to fall apart at home for an alarming number of them. |
Anonymous
+1. Older male partners + young female associates + long hours in high stress situations. Alcoholism also a problem in the legal profession, which if it doesn't lead to divorce directly, can lead to bad decisions. |
Anonymous
| Narcissism is a good trait in those professions and often correlates with success. Narcissism is horrible for a marriage. So what makes them good at business makes them terrible at marriage. |
Anonymous
| Maybe just like alot of marriages, they become annoyed and dissatisfied with the everyday interactions with the same person day in and day out. Couples with high salaries can afford to divorce financially so it could be more prevalent due to that. |
Anonymous
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Was married to a surgeon. It was narcissism + alcoholism + abuse + affair. None of that was present at the outset except the narcissism which increased with time.
These are people used to getting what they want from adoring and subservient teams they control 100%. It does not play well at home. Plus the burdens of home life fall disproportionately on the spouse. |
Anonymous
Some women can overlook a lot for money. Women also cheat and check out. |
Anonymous
NP. That doesn’t stop affairs. |