When successful men with demanding jobs (doctor, lawyer) divorce, what usually causes it?

[Anonymous]

My dad was an internist and ER doctor, and was more present in my life than my mom. My mom was a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

The wife in these divorces can emerge with a ton of money via a settlement…I think that payday opportunity plays a role…if he screws her over by cheating she can get her revenge. If the husband just makes GS-15 money, not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For lawyers it’s the affairs. I saw it so much at big firms.

With WHOM? Almost all of the guys I know at firms are some combination of pudgy, bald, and awkward. They are lucky they got married to begin with.

OP here and the men I'm thinking of are all pretty good looking and charismatic (part of their success). But they also do not seem like the type to cheat and I know their wives and they are mostly pretty great (unsurprisingly -- you expect someone who seems to have a lot going for them to have a great partner). Just trying to figure out how that translates to 15/20 years down the road when the men in the same professions are like 70% divorced. And some of them still very good looking for their age.

It does seem like infidelity must be part of it but I guess I'm wondering what leads to the infidelity. Is it built into their personalities (big egos, as a PP said) or is it something about the job?

I don't know why this is bothering me now. I work at a firm on the business side and all the young partners are married and so many of the old partners are divorced. Then thinking also about a family member who is a surgeon and similarly happily married but the divorce rate for surgeons is also high. I'm just hung up on it-- these guys have everything and then it seems to fall apart at home for an alarming number of them.

OP, your question is simple, if you have spent enough time around any of the professions you name. Personality disorders seem to be prevalent with lawyers, and some surgeons I know. I have worked in several large firms, and have surgeosn in the family. It really does not matter what they look like, but DCUM landia wants to believe that looks trump all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For lawyers it’s the affairs. I saw it so much at big firms.

With WHOM? Almost all of the guys I know at firms are some combination of pudgy, bald, and awkward. They are lucky they got married to begin with.

Some women can overlook a lot for money.

Women also cheat and check out.

Women think that some men have money, and some men lie.

[Anonymous]

Attractive men with Big Jobs doesn’t necessarily equal good partner. A lot of arrogance in those Big Jobs.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know about lawyers, but doctors have low divorce rate overall.

[Anonymous]

OP, your question is simple, if you have spent enough time around any of the professions you name. Personality disorders seem to be prevalent with lawyers, and some surgeons I know. I have worked in several large firms, and have surgeosn in the family. It really does not matter what they look like, but DCUM landia wants to believe that looks trump all.

Young lawyers are probably fine, Tax or admin lawyers are fine. (+Young professionals don’t exhibit much because they are still developing). However, I have not found middle-aged lawyers to be agreeable. I have found that to be conflict oriented. They are competitive and “like to win” even in relationships. In sum, many basically like conflict —and they thrive in it. Their entire profession supports that feeling.

[Anonymous]

That was a response to a quote —

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know about lawyers, but doctors have low divorce rate overall.

I don’t know why people group these two professions. They just don’t know either, I guess ? One group understands science and are smart. The other has excellent memory / recall and is very good with language/rhetoric.

You don’t have to be smart to be a lawyer. You just need the above qualities (common) and good work ethic. Scientists are COMPLETELY different.

[Anonymous]

People probably group these two professions because there is an easily understood, well worn path to high income success if you can grind it out hard enough. Less well understood is betting on an entrepreneur or business founder of some sort which has too many variables and risks when it comes to predicting success.

[Anonymous]

As the daughter of a doctor father who is married to a lawyer, I caution against over-generalizing. Both are wonderful men, husbands and fathers. Present and caring.

[Anonymous]

It's partly generational. The older men are of a generation where divorce is more common and more socially acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People probably group these two professions because there is an easily understood, well worn path to high income success if you can grind it out hard enough. Less well understood is betting on an entrepreneur or business founder of some sort which has too many variables and risks when it comes to predicting success.

I actually want to date one of these guys. I have doctors and lawyers in my fam. ( I am one of those too). I like controlled risk takers - and I am SO curious. Hard to find in DC.

[Anonymous]

Stress that leads to some combination of debt and cheating. Not all cheating is sexual, either. I know an old lawyer that did this with a volunteer activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People probably group these two professions because there is an easily understood, well worn path to high income success if you can grind it out hard enough. Less well understood is betting on an entrepreneur or business founder of some sort which has too many variables and risks when it comes to predicting success.

I actually want to date one of these guys. I have doctors and lawyers in my fam. ( I am one of those too). I like controlled risk takers - and I am SO curious. Hard to find in DC.

SO easy to find in DC. Are you socially awkward?