The cost of Jewish day school

[Anonymous]

We are conservative Jews who want to send our kids to Jewish day school. The only non orthodox option in our area starts at 30k for kindergarten and increases progressively, up to 50k for high school.

Our HHI is around 480-500k. We have two kids. I want a third, but the idea of three tuitions is incredibly stressful. I would not be sending to private school on our income - which I realize is objectively fairly high - if Jewish day school were not a priority. Summer camp is also a fortune.

A lot of people at the school get financial aid, apparently even with incomes like ours, which is insane but a separate topic.

How does anyone who isn’t a law partner afford to send kids to Jewish day schools?

The modern orthodox schools are less expensive, but we are not aligned with this philosophy or level of observance. Socially we’d also be pariahs.

Not so much looking for advice as much as I am for a dialogue on how other people manage the expense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are conservative Jews who want to send our kids to Jewish day school. The only non orthodox option in our area starts at 30k for kindergarten and increases progressively, up to 50k for high school.

Our HHI is around 480-500k. We have two kids. I want a third, but the idea of three tuitions is incredibly stressful. I would not be sending to private school on our income - which I realize is objectively fairly high - if Jewish day school were not a priority. Summer camp is also a fortune.

A lot of people at the school get financial aid, apparently even with incomes like ours, which is insane but a separate topic.

How does anyone who isn’t a law partner afford to send kids to Jewish day schools?

The modern orthodox schools are less expensive, but we are not aligned with this philosophy or level of observance. Socially we’d also be pariahs.

Not so much looking for advice as much as I am for a dialogue on how other people manage the expense.

People decide it is worth spending a lot of their high income on. They may have a lower mortgage, cheaper cars...It would not be doable or worth it to me at 280k but we could definitely do it with current expenses we have and your income and still save a bit.

[Anonymous]

You can afford it.

[Anonymous]

It's the same for regular private schools. There is nothing different about it being a Jewish school. You might want to head over there.

[Anonymous]

This is a troll post. You can afford to send 3 kids to private and summer camp.

[Anonymous]

My sister sent her kids. I do not know their income but they seem comfortable based on choice of cars, vacation etc. I know they got financial aid for both Jewish schools and camps. They said there are donors that really want kids to have a Jewish experience without a struggle. I would think the school should be able to tell you what the cost would be given your income.

[Anonymous]

The simple math is that if you are spending $150,000 on schools, you live otherwise like people making $150,000 (after tax) less but send our kids to public schools.

Another way to think about it is that you will be spending very roughly $500,000 on tuition over 13 years, so you have to work another year or two for each kid's tuition.

Clearly it's costly and would make a difference in your life, and we can't tell you the right decision, but you'd be giving up luxuries, not needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll post. You can afford to send 3 kids to private and summer camp.

I assure you it’s not a troll post. We are in a HCOL area. Tuition for three kids would be minimum 100k and closer to 150k if they’re older. That’s almost half of our take home income.

Summer camp is another 10-15k per kid for the summer- the cost of a full tuition essentially. Add in mortgage (which is very reasonable), medical/insurance costs, soaring food costs, childcare/costs of two working parents, extracurriculars/tutoring, retirement savings, other savings… it goes quickly. Jewish day school is a major expense. Yes, any private school is a major expense, but I wouldn’t otherwise choose private school unless I was wealthier or my kids had a specific need that warranted it.

It’s a huge financial sacrifice. It’s almost ironic that the less observant schools cost more, because those are the people most likely to turn away from it altogether.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll post. You can afford to send 3 kids to private and summer camp.

I assure you it’s not a troll post. We are in a HCOL area. Tuition for three kids would be minimum 100k and closer to 150k if they’re older. That’s almost half of our take home income.

Summer camp is another 10-15k per kid for the summer- the cost of a full tuition essentially. Add in mortgage (which is very reasonable), medical/insurance costs, soaring food costs, childcare/costs of two working parents, extracurriculars/tutoring, retirement savings, other savings… it goes quickly. Jewish day school is a major expense. Yes, any private school is a major expense, but I wouldn’t otherwise choose private school unless I was wealthier or my kids had a specific need that warranted it.

It’s a huge financial sacrifice. It’s almost ironic that the less observant schools cost more, because those are the people most likely to turn away from it altogether.

You said you have an HHI of $500,000. So tuition for school and summer camp is ~$200,000. That gives you $300,000 for everything else. Either you value religious education or you don't. What's the question?

[Anonymous]

I live in a HCOL area with the three kids on slightly less than $300k and I don’t have financial problems. I haven’t taken the kids to Europe or anything, but we don’t feel stressed or stretched.

If you want this, you do it.

[Anonymous]

You can afford it. It's important. People pay that tuition on lower incomes for Jewish schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are conservative Jews who want to send our kids to Jewish day school. The only non orthodox option in our area starts at 30k for kindergarten and increases progressively, up to 50k for high school.

Our HHI is around 480-500k. We have two kids. I want a third, but the idea of three tuitions is incredibly stressful. I would not be sending to private school on our income - which I realize is objectively fairly high - if Jewish day school were not a priority. Summer camp is also a fortune.

A lot of people at the school get financial aid, apparently even with incomes like ours, which is insane but a separate topic.

How does anyone who isn’t a law partner afford to send kids to Jewish day schools?

The modern orthodox schools are less expensive, but we are not aligned with this philosophy or level of observance. Socially we’d also be pariahs.

Not so much looking for advice as much as I am for a dialogue on how other people manage the expense.

We sent our kid to one, but not for the early elementary years. We didn't think we could afford it. When we finally applied, we were surprised that we did get some financial aid, although the cost was still around 20K. It wasn't easy, but we managed it for a few years at least. Mostly we saved less and didn't take expensive vacations or really do much of anything expensive. The school didn't have a high school, so we are in public now, as the only high schools were far from us and also started at 30K. Even with aid, we couldn't do that. What I will say is that it was worth it. We're not even very religious (I would say more secular than anything), but it really was worth every penny. I regret not doing it sooner, and wish we could afford HS too. However, our HHI is a mere 200K, so I'm surprised you can't afford it.

I'm a little confused by your mention of "modern orthodox" schools vs day schools. Admittedly, I'm not that well-versed in Judaism in spite of being Jewish - but at our day school there was a whole range of families, from secular to chabadniks. I can't imagine anyone being a social pariah there for practicing any version of Judaism, or even none at all. But perhaps because I'm not really involved with the religion I don't perceive the differences as acutely as you do. But certainly neither I nor any of my friends would treat anyone like a pariah for any reason related to their religious practice or lack thereof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are conservative Jews who want to send our kids to Jewish day school. The only non orthodox option in our area starts at 30k for kindergarten and increases progressively, up to 50k for high school.

Our HHI is around 480-500k. We have two kids. I want a third, but the idea of three tuitions is incredibly stressful. I would not be sending to private school on our income - which I realize is objectively fairly high - if Jewish day school were not a priority. Summer camp is also a fortune.

A lot of people at the school get financial aid, apparently even with incomes like ours, which is insane but a separate topic.

How does anyone who isn’t a law partner afford to send kids to Jewish day schools?

The modern orthodox schools are less expensive, but we are not aligned with this philosophy or level of observance. Socially we’d also be pariahs.

Not so much looking for advice as much as I am for a dialogue on how other people manage the expense.

A lot of people have grandparents that subsidize/pay for it and/or access to a lot of family wealth. Or they earn far more.
(there is also a longstanding joke/saying that dayschool costs are a form of jewish birth control, even in the more religious communities).

OP, i'm with you on this type of calculation (although the 3rd kid is not an option for us).

We are happy with our choices and are full-pay, but our kids don't go to overnight camp (tried it and it wasn't for them, which is fine with us). We are not running off on big trips regularly (many, many of their peers are, whether they pay our they have family memebrs that take them on vaation). We live a very comfortable life, but we don't have a lot of 'extra.' Many people we know talk about all the aid they get, and they seem to do more travel etc. than we do.

If you are in the DC-area and want to get annoyed, look at the tuitions for the Balitmore schools, which are a lot less for similar-type schools.... Also, the local non-orthodox DC schools currently have a lot of price difference: One has a middle school $10k more than another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are conservative Jews who want to send our kids to Jewish day school. The only non orthodox option in our area starts at 30k for kindergarten and increases progressively, up to 50k for high school.

Our HHI is around 480-500k. We have two kids. I want a third, but the idea of three tuitions is incredibly stressful. I would not be sending to private school on our income - which I realize is objectively fairly high - if Jewish day school were not a priority. Summer camp is also a fortune.

A lot of people at the school get financial aid, apparently even with incomes like ours, which is insane but a separate topic.

How does anyone who isn’t a law partner afford to send kids to Jewish day schools?

The modern orthodox schools are less expensive, but we are not aligned with this philosophy or level of observance. Socially we’d also be pariahs.

Not so much looking for advice as much as I am for a dialogue on how other people manage the expense.

We sent our kid to one, but not for the early elementary years. We didn't think we could afford it. When we finally applied, we were surprised that we did get some financial aid, although the cost was still around 20K. It wasn't easy, but we managed it for a few years at least. Mostly we saved less and didn't take expensive vacations or really do much of anything expensive. The school didn't have a high school, so we are in public now, as the only high schools were far from us and also started at 30K. Even with aid, we couldn't do that. What I will say is that it was worth it. We're not even very religious (I would say more secular than anything), but it really was worth every penny. I regret not doing it sooner, and wish we could afford HS too. However, our HHI is a mere 200K, so I'm surprised you can't afford it.

I'm a little confused by your mention of "modern orthodox" schools vs day schools. Admittedly, I'm not that well-versed in Judaism in spite of being Jewish - but at our day school there was a whole range of families, from secular to chabadniks. I can't imagine anyone being a social pariah there for practicing any version of Judaism, or even none at all. But perhaps because I'm not really involved with the religion I don't perceive the differences as acutely as you do. But certainly neither I nor any of my friends would treat anyone like a pariah for any reason related to their religious practice or lack thereof.

Op here. Thanks for this perspective. It is very important to me but a huge expense for multiple kids.

In terms of denominations and schooling- I went to a modern orthodox day school growing up. Meaning everyone observed Shabbat (no driving etc) and kept kosher in the home. Most people also kept kosher outside the home. We “looked” secular in that women did not wear wigs, women dressed normally etc. we didn’t even go to synagogue often, but our world was very insular.

As an adult we do not really observe Shabbat and we eat everything except pork. Modern orthodox families who do not use electronics on Shabbat, or who do not eat in regular restaurants, would not want their kids hanging out with ours - it’s considered a bad influence to expose kids to doing those things a lot, because obviously a modern orthodox lifestyle is very particular. Obviously they cannot control their kids being in school with ours, but they wouldn’t want their kids really socializing with ours outside of school, or wouldn’t trust their kids to eat at our house or have them here on weekends when it’s shabbas. Nor do we want our kids to feel pressured by their social environment and school philosophy to be more observant.

In addition, a lot of modern orthodox life revolves around observing shabbat and holidays. Modern orthodox live within compact walking distant communities and spend Shabbat dinners and lunches together. We wouldn’t be in that world. It would be isolating for my kids overall. I know because I grew up in that world. It’s very insular. There are great things about the community, but it’s just very insular and small.

The day school we’re considering is pluralistic, so families will be any denomination, but mostly secular/conservative families attend.

[Anonymous]

I send to a religious school with a large non religious minority. It's under the auspices of Chabad. I live in New England though.