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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are conservative Jews who want to send our kids to Jewish day school. The only non orthodox option in our area starts at 30k for kindergarten and increases progressively, up to 50k for high school.

Our HHI is around 480-500k. We have two kids. I want a third, but the idea of three tuitions is incredibly stressful. I would not be sending to private school on our income - which I realize is objectively fairly high - if Jewish day school were not a priority. Summer camp is also a fortune.

A lot of people at the school get financial aid, apparently even with incomes like ours, which is insane but a separate topic.

How does anyone who isn’t a law partner afford to send kids to Jewish day schools?

The modern orthodox schools are less expensive, but we are not aligned with this philosophy or level of observance. Socially we’d also be pariahs.

Not so much looking for advice as much as I am for a dialogue on how other people manage the expense. 
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We sent our kid to one, but not for the early elementary years.  We didn't think we could afford it. When we finally applied, we were surprised that we did get some financial aid, although the cost was still around 20K.  It wasn't easy, but we managed it for a few years at least.  Mostly we saved less and didn't take expensive vacations or really do much of anything expensive.  The school didn't have a high school, so we are in public now, as the only high schools were far from us and also started at 30K.  Even with aid, we couldn't do that.  What I will say is that it was worth it.  We're not even very religious (I would say more secular than anything), but it really was worth every penny.  I regret not doing it sooner, and wish we could afford HS too.  However, our HHI is a mere 200K, so I'm surprised you can't afford it.

I'm a little confused by your mention of "modern orthodox" schools vs day schools.  Admittedly, I'm not that well-versed in Judaism in spite of being Jewish - but at our day school there was a whole range of families, from secular to chabadniks.  I can't imagine anyone being a social pariah there for practicing any version of Judaism, or even none at all.  But perhaps because I'm not really involved with the religion I don't perceive the differences as acutely as you do.  But certainly neither I nor any of my friends would treat anyone like a pariah for any reason related to their religious practice or lack thereof.[/quote]

Op here. Thanks for this perspective. It is very important to me but a huge expense for multiple kids.

In terms of denominations and schooling- I went to a modern orthodox day school growing up. Meaning everyone observed Shabbat (no driving etc) and kept kosher in the home. Most people also kept kosher outside the home. We “looked” secular in that women did not wear wigs, women dressed normally etc. we didn’t even go to synagogue often, but our world was very insular.

As an adult we do not really observe Shabbat and we eat everything except pork. Modern orthodox families who do not use electronics on Shabbat, or who do not eat in regular restaurants, would not want their kids hanging out with ours - it’s considered a bad influence to expose kids to doing those things a lot, because obviously a modern orthodox lifestyle is very particular. Obviously they cannot control their kids being in school with ours, but they wouldn’t want their kids really socializing with ours outside of school, or wouldn’t trust their kids to eat at our house or have them here on  weekends when it’s shabbas. Nor do we want our kids to feel pressured by their social environment and school philosophy to be more observant. 
 
In addition, a lot of modern orthodox life revolves around observing shabbat and holidays. Modern orthodox live within compact walking distant communities and spend Shabbat dinners and lunches together. We wouldn’t be in that world. It would be isolating for my kids overall. I know because I grew up in that world. It’s very insular. There are great things about the community, but it’s just very insular and small.

The day school we’re considering is pluralistic, so families will be any denomination, but mostly secular/conservative families attend.[/quote]

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