The cost of Jewish day school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, keep an eye on antisemitism in your local public schools. Since you mention you're in a high cost of living area, I suspect you may also be in a place that is at some real risk of making Jews feel demonized and unwelcome in schools now and in the coming years. It is something to consider as you make your decision.

Op here. It’s a big factor in my decision. I am completely in support of Jewish day schools. I just don’t know how much I’m supposed to sacrifice financially for it - do I sacrifice having another kid? Vacations? Savings?

Yes, if you need to. You think you should get aid and go on fancy vacations?

Op here. No I do not. But on the other hand, the financial aid system at this school is broken because if I don’t get aid, I am subsidizing other families with stay at home parents making 75k bar mitzvahs who have the gall to apply for and take aid. So - I don’t feel like making an enormous financial sacrifice to subsidize other people’s leisurely lifestyles. The majority of people at this school get financial aid, and instead, they could just make tuition more affordable so it’s more generally accessible.

What I have an issue with is the lack of transparency. If I make 450k and use half of my post-tax income to pay for tuition, forgoing other expenses, while another family with the same income applies and receives aid, it’s not a fair or efficient system.

How do you know that other families with the same income as you are getting aid? (Also, why are they giving aid to people who earn $450k a year?)

My main observation on this reply, though, is that I hope my kid is never invited to a $75k bar mitzvah -- I already feel guilty about theirs, which we're trying to bring in for under $30k, total.

I know because I know people receiving aid. I know many families at the school and people talk.

Yes, we also hope not to be roped into crazy bar mitzvahs. We hope to do something modest at home and then a family trip to Israel. But difficult when your kids are in circles of outrageous parties. I personally know someone at our school who receives financial aid and has the following lifestyle:

- grew up very affluent (knew them growing up)
- Never had a real job. Has stayed at home since marrying young.
- wears many designer bags
- has several children
- lives in an owned, not-inexpensive house
- has extended family paying what tuition financial aid does not cover

Another person I know at the school receiving aid also has grandparents paying. Grandparents also own their house in some kind of trust.

A third family I knew receiving aid does not have family help but has a similar HHI to ours. Both parents work. Also live in a not-inexpensive house. Their lifestyle is average and similar to ours - UMC but with school being a major expense for them. We have had conversations about the very stressful financial costs of Jewish life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, keep an eye on antisemitism in your local public schools. Since you mention you're in a high cost of living area, I suspect you may also be in a place that is at some real risk of making Jews feel demonized and unwelcome in schools now and in the coming years. It is something to consider as you make your decision.

Op here. It’s a big factor in my decision. I am completely in support of Jewish day schools. I just don’t know how much I’m supposed to sacrifice financially for it - do I sacrifice having another kid? Vacations? Savings?

Yes, if you need to. You think you should get aid and go on fancy vacations?

Op here. No I do not. But on the other hand, the financial aid system at this school is broken because if I don’t get aid, I am subsidizing other families with stay at home parents making 75k bar mitzvahs who have the gall to apply for and take aid. So - I don’t feel like making an enormous financial sacrifice to subsidize other people’s leisurely lifestyles. The majority of people at this school get financial aid, and instead, they could just make tuition more affordable so it’s more generally accessible.

What I have an issue with is the lack of transparency. If I make 450k and use half of my post-tax income to pay for tuition, forgoing other expenses, while another family with the same income applies and receives aid, it’s not a fair or efficient system.

How do you know that other families with the same income as you are getting aid? (Also, why are they giving aid to people who earn $450k a year?)

My main observation on this reply, though, is that I hope my kid is never invited to a $75k bar mitzvah -- I already feel guilty about theirs, which we're trying to bring in for under $30k, total.

I know because I know people receiving aid. I know many families at the school and people talk.

Yes, we also hope not to be roped into crazy bar mitzvahs. We hope to do something modest at home and then a family trip to Israel. But difficult when your kids are in circles of outrageous parties. I personally know someone at our school who receives financial aid and has the following lifestyle:

- grew up very affluent (knew them growing up)
- Never had a real job. Has stayed at home since marrying young.
- wears many designer bags
- has several children
- lives in an owned, not-inexpensive house
- has extended family paying what tuition financial aid does not cover

Another person I know at the school receiving aid also has grandparents paying. Grandparents also own their house in some kind of trust.

A third family I knew receiving aid does not have family help but has a similar HHI to ours. Both parents work. Also live in a not-inexpensive house. Their lifestyle is average and similar to ours - UMC but with school being a major expense for them. We have had conversations about the very stressful financial costs of Jewish life.

Oh and the first financial aid situation I cited also made a crazy bat mitzvah recently, complete with a party planner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, the best answer was earlier in the thread.

How do you "make it work" on a $500K income while paying $200K in tuition/camps?

Well, then you live like people who make less. Every single day, people live on so much less. You don't get to live like $500K people, you have to live like $300K people.

Op here- yes i agree this answer was a good one

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,
We are a family with 2 kids and slightly higher (but not by much) HHI. We had our children enrolled for 5 years but eventually pulled them out. We felt that there were almost no other families like ours. There was generational wealth with grandparents paying, parents who received financial aid but still lived in mansions and went on tons of vacations, and parents with didn’t earn a lot of money and received financial aid but did not share our families work ethic or values. Tbh, we found it repugnant.
It broke out heart as we really wanted a day school education for our kids. Pulling them out of that schools (CESJDS) was the best thing we ever did. Kind of unrelated, but we put both of our kids in secular private schools and couldn’t be happier. Families actually work and don’t judge.
Good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, keep an eye on antisemitism in your local public schools. Since you mention you're in a high cost of living area, I suspect you may also be in a place that is at some real risk of making Jews feel demonized and unwelcome in schools now and in the coming years. It is something to consider as you make your decision.

Op here. It’s a big factor in my decision. I am completely in support of Jewish day schools. I just don’t know how much I’m supposed to sacrifice financially for it - do I sacrifice having another kid? Vacations? Savings?

Yes, if you need to. You think you should get aid and go on fancy vacations?

Op here. No I do not. But on the other hand, the financial aid system at this school is broken because if I don’t get aid, I am subsidizing other families with stay at home parents making 75k bar mitzvahs who have the gall to apply for and take aid. So - I don’t feel like making an enormous financial sacrifice to subsidize other people’s leisurely lifestyles. The majority of people at this school get financial aid, and instead, they could just make tuition more affordable so it’s more generally accessible.

What I have an issue with is the lack of transparency. If I make 450k and use half of my post-tax income to pay for tuition, forgoing other expenses, while another family with the same income applies and receives aid, it’s not a fair or efficient system.

My kids deserved vacations and summer camp as well as a day school education ad did most of the kids in their classes.

Most of the kids in their classes deserved vacations and summer camp, but some didn't? And the kids who didn't go at all?

I agree that OP should apply for aid, and let the school decide. I also think that she shouldn't, at this point, worry about the 50K high school tuition for a kid who isn't born yet.

Does everyone deserve a vacation?
The privilege of the wealthy - y’all are so clueless, it is not even funny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, keep an eye on antisemitism in your local public schools. Since you mention you're in a high cost of living area, I suspect you may also be in a place that is at some real risk of making Jews feel demonized and unwelcome in schools now and in the coming years. It is something to consider as you make your decision.

Op here. It’s a big factor in my decision. I am completely in support of Jewish day schools. I just don’t know how much I’m supposed to sacrifice financially for it - do I sacrifice having another kid? Vacations? Savings?

I mean, yes? People do factor finances into their decision of how many kids to have. And the cut corners elsewhere to spend on the things they want. You sound very clueless and entitled.

I’m asking what other people in this situation do. Do they have smaller family sizes than they desire? Do they not take vacations? I don’t understand how normal people afford Jewish day school on top of all the other costs of raising children. If that makes me clueless and entitled, so be it I guess

You sound spoiled, entitled and clueless. Most people somehow manage to survive and be content on much much less

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, keep an eye on antisemitism in your local public schools. Since you mention you're in a high cost of living area, I suspect you may also be in a place that is at some real risk of making Jews feel demonized and unwelcome in schools now and in the coming years. It is something to consider as you make your decision.

Op here. It’s a big factor in my decision. I am completely in support of Jewish day schools. I just don’t know how much I’m supposed to sacrifice financially for it - do I sacrifice having another kid? Vacations? Savings?

Yes, if you need to. You think you should get aid and go on fancy vacations?

Op here. No I do not. But on the other hand, the financial aid system at this school is broken because if I don’t get aid, I am subsidizing other families with stay at home parents making 75k bar mitzvahs who have the gall to apply for and take aid. So - I don’t feel like making an enormous financial sacrifice to subsidize other people’s leisurely lifestyles. The majority of people at this school get financial aid, and instead, they could just make tuition more affordable so it’s more generally accessible.

What I have an issue with is the lack of transparency. If I make 450k and use half of my post-tax income to pay for tuition, forgoing other expenses, while another family with the same income applies and receives aid, it’s not a fair or efficient system.

How do you know that other families with the same income as you are getting aid? (Also, why are they giving aid to people who earn $450k a year?)

My main observation on this reply, though, is that I hope my kid is never invited to a $75k bar mitzvah -- I already feel guilty about theirs, which we're trying to bring in for under $30k, total.

I know because I know people receiving aid. I know many families at the school and people talk.

Yes, we also hope not to be roped into crazy bar mitzvahs. We hope to do something modest at home and then a family trip to Israel. But difficult when your kids are in circles of outrageous parties. I personally know someone at our school who receives financial aid and has the following lifestyle:

- grew up very affluent (knew them growing up)
- Never had a real job. Has stayed at home since marrying young.
- wears many designer bags
- has several children
- lives in an owned, not-inexpensive house
- has extended family paying what tuition financial aid does not cover

Another person I know at the school receiving aid also has grandparents paying. Grandparents also own their house in some kind of trust.

A third family I knew receiving aid does not have family help but has a similar HHI to ours. Both parents work. Also live in a not-inexpensive house. Their lifestyle is average and similar to ours - UMC but with school being a major expense for them. We have had conversations about the very stressful financial costs of Jewish life.

Oh and the first financial aid situation I cited also made a crazy bat mitzvah recently, complete with a party planner.

And these are the people you want your kid to be in school with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, keep an eye on antisemitism in your local public schools. Since you mention you're in a high cost of living area, I suspect you may also be in a place that is at some real risk of making Jews feel demonized and unwelcome in schools now and in the coming years. It is something to consider as you make your decision.

Op here. It’s a big factor in my decision. I am completely in support of Jewish day schools. I just don’t know how much I’m supposed to sacrifice financially for it - do I sacrifice having another kid? Vacations? Savings?

Yes, if you need to. You think you should get aid and go on fancy vacations?

Op here. No I do not. But on the other hand, the financial aid system at this school is broken because if I don’t get aid, I am subsidizing other families with stay at home parents making 75k bar mitzvahs who have the gall to apply for and take aid. So - I don’t feel like making an enormous financial sacrifice to subsidize other people’s leisurely lifestyles. The majority of people at this school get financial aid, and instead, they could just make tuition more affordable so it’s more generally accessible.

What I have an issue with is the lack of transparency. If I make 450k and use half of my post-tax income to pay for tuition, forgoing other expenses, while another family with the same income applies and receives aid, it’s not a fair or efficient system.

How do you know that other families with the same income as you are getting aid? (Also, why are they giving aid to people who earn $450k a year?)

My main observation on this reply, though, is that I hope my kid is never invited to a $75k bar mitzvah -- I already feel guilty about theirs, which we're trying to bring in for under $30k, total.

I know because I know people receiving aid. I know many families at the school and people talk.

Yes, we also hope not to be roped into crazy bar mitzvahs. We hope to do something modest at home and then a family trip to Israel. But difficult when your kids are in circles of outrageous parties. I personally know someone at our school who receives financial aid and has the following lifestyle:

- grew up very affluent (knew them growing up)
- Never had a real job. Has stayed at home since marrying young.
- wears many designer bags
- has several children
- lives in an owned, not-inexpensive house
- has extended family paying what tuition financial aid does not cover

Another person I know at the school receiving aid also has grandparents paying. Grandparents also own their house in some kind of trust.

A third family I knew receiving aid does not have family help but has a similar HHI to ours. Both parents work. Also live in a not-inexpensive house. Their lifestyle is average and similar to ours - UMC but with school being a major expense for them. We have had conversations about the very stressful financial costs of Jewish life.

Expecting life to be fair is an effort in futility. As a a Jew, you must already realize this, no?

[Anonymous]

If moving to a city outside the east coast or west coast is an option, you could save a small fortune. Check out tuition in Milwaukee, Denver, or Texas. If you are able to move to an even smaller city, you could save even more. You will spend somewhere around $10K in places like New Orleans, Birmingham, or Tulsa. Just because a Jewish community isn't huge, doesn't mean it is not vibrant and close-knit.

[Anonymous]

CESJDS was a disaster for our family. Our 2 kids are both in college now (and doing well) after graduating MCPS. We were full pay and sacrificed to do so but found the school played extreme favorites based on who your parents were and who they knew, and also felt as though almost nobody paid tuition or actually worked.The kids (and parents) were largely entitled and the few that weren't were only at the school because they had struggled at their previous school. There was an arrogant at that place that we have never seen since. Very strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, keep an eye on antisemitism in your local public schools. Since you mention you're in a high cost of living area, I suspect you may also be in a place that is at some real risk of making Jews feel demonized and unwelcome in schools now and in the coming years. It is something to consider as you make your decision.

Op here. It’s a big factor in my decision. I am completely in support of Jewish day schools. I just don’t know how much I’m supposed to sacrifice financially for it - do I sacrifice having another kid? Vacations? Savings?

I mean, yes? People do factor finances into their decision of how many kids to have. And the cut corners elsewhere to spend on the things they want. You sound very clueless and entitled.

I’m asking what other people in this situation do. Do they have smaller family sizes than they desire? Do they not take vacations? I don’t understand how normal people afford Jewish day school on top of all the other costs of raising children. If that makes me clueless and entitled, so be it I guess

You sound spoiled, entitled and clueless. Most people somehow manage to survive and be content on much much less

Op here. That’s not my question. Sure, I could survive on much less, but I wouldn’t be paying for private school. We’re not at an income level where we wouldn’t miss the money we’re paying for tuition. For two kids manageable for three it’s much less so. I wouldn’t think it financially responsible to choose private over public at our income level. Could we? Sure. It would mean not saving as much as we should be. It would be cutting back in other areas, the only current luxury of which is vacation. I don’t think wondering whether I should financially prioritize a Jewish day school education is entitled, but okay if you say so.

I also think I’m particularly not entitled because my husband and I have been carefully planning for this expense. There are tons of people I know who never planned, or who stay home, or keep having kids and bank on getting aid. I’m subsidizing that while I live modestly to afford tuition, continued to work while having babies, and am considering stopping at 2 kids so we can be full pay. My husband and I work hard to be able to afford Jewish preschools, day schools and camps for our kids. I’m not sure why feeling a little resentful that my full pay tuition is subsidizing people who do not make the same sacrifices is entitled, but okay.

Thanks to others for the helpful posts here and chiming in with your own experiences.

[Anonymous]

Look, it’s worth it to you or it’s not. I pay $37k on $225 HHI, leaving $188k. I don’t mind at all because I know it’s how I want to spend my money. If you had three kids you’d be paying (at worst) $150 on $480, leaving $330. Clearly you can afford it, but it is perfectly OK if you don’t think it’s worth it. It’s your money and you get to choose how to spend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, it’s worth it to you or it’s not. I pay $37k on $225 HHI, leaving $188k. I don’t mind at all because I know it’s how I want to spend my money. If you had three kids you’d be paying (at worst) $150 on $480, leaving $330. Clearly you can afford it, but it is perfectly OK if you don’t think it’s worth it. It’s your money and you get to choose how to spend it.

Is 37k for one kid or reduced tuition for multiple kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, it’s worth it to you or it’s not. I pay $37k on $225 HHI, leaving $188k. I don’t mind at all because I know it’s how I want to spend my money. If you had three kids you’d be paying (at worst) $150 on $480, leaving $330. Clearly you can afford it, but it is perfectly OK if you don’t think it’s worth it. It’s your money and you get to choose how to spend it.

Is 37k for one kid or reduced tuition for multiple kids?

One kid. Full pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, it’s worth it to you or it’s not. I pay $37k on $225 HHI, leaving $188k. I don’t mind at all because I know it’s how I want to spend my money. If you had three kids you’d be paying (at worst) $150 on $480, leaving $330. Clearly you can afford it, but it is perfectly OK if you don’t think it’s worth it. It’s your money and you get to choose how to spend it.

Is 37k for one kid or reduced tuition for multiple kids?

One kid. Full pay.

Wow. Can’t believe the school wouldn’t help you out. I understand secular privates may not on that income, but I know families in Jewish day schools getting aid on far more HHI. Obviously don’t know your specific situation with assets. Anyway thanks for sharing.