The cost of Jewish day school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are conservative Jews who want to send our kids to Jewish day school. The only non orthodox option in our area starts at 30k for kindergarten and increases progressively, up to 50k for high school.

Our HHI is around 480-500k. We have two kids. I want a third, but the idea of three tuitions is incredibly stressful. I would not be sending to private school on our income - which I realize is objectively fairly high - if Jewish day school were not a priority. Summer camp is also a fortune.

A lot of people at the school get financial aid, apparently even with incomes like ours, which is insane but a separate topic.

How does anyone who isn’t a law partner afford to send kids to Jewish day schools?

The modern orthodox schools are less expensive, but we are not aligned with this philosophy or level of observance. Socially we’d also be pariahs.

Not so much looking for advice as much as I am for a dialogue on how other people manage the expense.

A lot of people have grandparents that subsidize/pay for it and/or access to a lot of family wealth. Or they earn far more.
(there is also a longstanding joke/saying that dayschool costs are a form of jewish birth control, even in the more religious communities).

OP, i'm with you on this type of calculation (although the 3rd kid is not an option for us).

We are happy with our choices and are full-pay, but our kids don't go to overnight camp (tried it and it wasn't for them, which is fine with us). We are not running off on big trips regularly (many, many of their peers are, whether they pay our they have family memebrs that take them on vaation). We live a very comfortable life, but we don't have a lot of 'extra.' Many people we know talk about all the aid they get, and they seem to do more travel etc. than we do.

If you are in the DC-area and want to get annoyed, look at the tuitions for the Balitmore schools, which are a lot less for similar-type schools.... Also, the local non-orthodox DC schools currently have a lot of price difference: One has a middle school $10k more than another.

Trust me, I’ve looked up day schools in other areas lol! We are pretty tied to where we live by family.

Yes- I know people who get aid who have SAHMs, make expensive bar mitzvahs, or who make similar to what we do but have less assets. I get irritated by it because dh and I planned for this since our mid twenties and saved very carefully to have a nest egg before kids so sending 2 kids to day school wouldn’t be a huge financial hardship. I work despite having preferred to stay at home with young kids- all knowing how expensive schooling would be. And it’s frustrating to see stay at home parents - some of whom I grew up affluent with and went to private college with- getting financial aid, and having things like paid for houses in some kind of a trust owned by their parents so it’s not considered as part of their net worth calculations. The aid situation is infuriating - and part of the reason tuition costs are so high- that but I guess the solution is to apply for it like everyone else does.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, that’s the standard private school dilemma. The costs you were looking at are similar to the costs of independent schools in this area. It’s an expensive area. Baltimore Jewish day schools are a lot closer to 20-25k.

[Anonymous]

OP, I do think it's possible to raise your kids with a strong Jewish identity and connection to Judaism without paying the (extremely high) cost for day school or sending them to sleepaway camp for the whole summer.

I grew up in a Conservative synagogue in the area, never went to day school, attended regular old Hebrew school through post-confirmation, and now I'm at synagogue two or three times a week. My own kids go to religious school there, are prepping for their b'nai mitzvot, we celebrate most holidays and light Shabbat candles about 95 percent of the weeks.

I know you said you didn't want to discuss the merits of day school vs. public school, but to me, it sort of feels like that's part of the equation, no?

[Anonymous]

The truth is, Jewish day schools - conservative ones - are mind boggling y expensive. For parents like me, they are unaffordable on our income - much less than OPs. And I always wonder why the Jewish private organizations don’t do more to promote Jewish education. My Christian friends send kids to Catholic and Protestant schools and tuition is at most $20k/yr in this area, which is much more manageable

[Anonymous]

OP, keep an eye on antisemitism in your local public schools. Since you mention you're in a high cost of living area, I suspect you may also be in a place that is at some real risk of making Jews feel demonized and unwelcome in schools now and in the coming years. It is something to consider as you make your decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The truth is, Jewish day schools - conservative ones - are mind boggling y expensive. For parents like me, they are unaffordable on our income - much less than OPs. And I always wonder why the Jewish private organizations don’t do more to promote Jewish education. My Christian friends send kids to Catholic and Protestant schools and tuition is at most $20k/yr in this area, which is much more manageable

Op here. I completely agree. If I was wealthy at a philanthropic level, this would be one of my major donations. It is a shame that cost is such a barrier to a non orthodox education/environment.

Between Jewish day school, summer camp (any summer camp- not just Jewish), synagogue memberships, and bar/bat mitzvah costs, it is extremely expensive to be an engaged Jewish family without asking for aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, keep an eye on antisemitism in your local public schools. Since you mention you're in a high cost of living area, I suspect you may also be in a place that is at some real risk of making Jews feel demonized and unwelcome in schools now and in the coming years. It is something to consider as you make your decision.

Op here. It’s a big factor in my decision. I am completely in support of Jewish day schools. I just don’t know how much I’m supposed to sacrifice financially for it - do I sacrifice having another kid? Vacations? Savings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The truth is, Jewish day schools - conservative ones - are mind boggling y expensive. For parents like me, they are unaffordable on our income - much less than OPs. And I always wonder why the Jewish private organizations don’t do more to promote Jewish education. My Christian friends send kids to Catholic and Protestant schools and tuition is at most $20k/yr in this area, which is much more manageable

Op here. I completely agree. If I was wealthy at a philanthropic level, this would be one of my major donations. It is a shame that cost is such a barrier to a non orthodox education/environment.

Between Jewish day school, summer camp (any summer camp- not just Jewish), synagogue memberships, and bar/bat mitzvah costs, it is extremely expensive to be an engaged Jewish family without asking for aid.

Don't forget Federation. They call looking for donations too. But yes, it is very expensive to be an "active jew". Apply for FA. I know the day schools around here really try to work with families that want a jewish education. You will have to sacrifice somethings though even with aid---the mitzvah might not be a blow out, vacations might be simpler, cars maybe older. Also look at sleepaway camps tied to the community rather than private ones---you can also get aid there. Everyone knows day school kids don't qualify for One Happy Camper so the community camps try and help. By community camps, I mean Bnai Brith, JCC, URJ, Ramah. I know for Ramah my shul offers a scholarship to all kids that attend. The money is out there if you ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, keep an eye on antisemitism in your local public schools. Since you mention you're in a high cost of living area, I suspect you may also be in a place that is at some real risk of making Jews feel demonized and unwelcome in schools now and in the coming years. It is something to consider as you make your decision.

Op here. It’s a big factor in my decision. I am completely in support of Jewish day schools. I just don’t know how much I’m supposed to sacrifice financially for it - do I sacrifice having another kid? Vacations? Savings?

OP, you are super dramatic. People send their kids to these schools on far less income. You have enough money for savings and a vacation once a year. You seem really out of touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, keep an eye on antisemitism in your local public schools. Since you mention you're in a high cost of living area, I suspect you may also be in a place that is at some real risk of making Jews feel demonized and unwelcome in schools now and in the coming years. It is something to consider as you make your decision.

Op here. It’s a big factor in my decision. I am completely in support of Jewish day schools. I just don’t know how much I’m supposed to sacrifice financially for it - do I sacrifice having another kid? Vacations? Savings?

OP, you are super dramatic. People send their kids to these schools on far less income. You have enough money for savings and a vacation once a year. You seem really out of touch.

I want to know how. Presumably they are receiving financial aid. Or they’re making enormous financial sacrifices like not owning a home or saving adequately for retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, keep an eye on antisemitism in your local public schools. Since you mention you're in a high cost of living area, I suspect you may also be in a place that is at some real risk of making Jews feel demonized and unwelcome in schools now and in the coming years. It is something to consider as you make your decision.

Op here. It’s a big factor in my decision. I am completely in support of Jewish day schools. I just don’t know how much I’m supposed to sacrifice financially for it - do I sacrifice having another kid? Vacations? Savings?

OP, you are super dramatic. People send their kids to these schools on far less income. You have enough money for savings and a vacation once a year. You seem really out of touch.

I want to know how. Presumably they are receiving financial aid. Or they’re making enormous financial sacrifices like not owning a home or saving adequately for retirement.

One parent works in the school

[Anonymous]

DH and I are also Conservative and very briefly considered the pluralistic day school in our area for our kids. Cost was ultimately only one of the factors that turned us away from it. Some of our other reasons for not going to day school were:

1. We are both the product of public schools and really believe in public education. We live in an excellent public school district and the day school doesn't have the best secular academics reputation (not bad, just not stellar, and for the price, I want stellar).

2. We wanted our kids to have friends in our neighborhood, so that when they're old enough to be semi-independent, they can walk down the street to their friends' houses, rather than having their friends flung all over the region.

3. Our synagogue has a fantastic religious school program and active youth groups. We also attend shul regularly (at least twice a month) and observe Shabbat and holidays at home as a family and with family friends. I don't feel like we need to pay half our HHI to give our kids a strong Jewish foundation.

We do have friends who chose to send their kids to the day school and they feel very strongly that full-time Jewish education is worth the cost. Ultimately, it depends on your own personal cost-benefit analysis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, keep an eye on antisemitism in your local public schools. Since you mention you're in a high cost of living area, I suspect you may also be in a place that is at some real risk of making Jews feel demonized and unwelcome in schools now and in the coming years. It is something to consider as you make your decision.

Op here. It’s a big factor in my decision. I am completely in support of Jewish day schools. I just don’t know how much I’m supposed to sacrifice financially for it - do I sacrifice having another kid? Vacations? Savings?

I mean, yes. You sacrifice vacations, nicer cars, etc. I think about what we could do if we were not paying tuition. But, it is the right choice for my family (we started out in public). We don't give as much tzedkah to other causes.as we would like. I have questions about the longer term sustainablity of the dayschool enterprise, but that is separate
Fwiw, we have been very pleasantly surprised by the relatively modest bar/bar mitzvahs we have encountered so far. There is certainly a range (and people do what they want),.but most have been pretty modest. Not like the Long Island/NJ or other blowouts I was expecting.

[Anonymous]

With how good the public schools are in this region, I can't justify paying through the nose for day school. But Jewish preschool has been totally worth it. It helped my daughter have a strong foundation in her Judaism, holidays, and identity, before transitioning to public school for kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

This post is so ridiculous. $500k household income and complaining about money? The irony is staggering!! WTF??