Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle

[Anonymous]

I recently found out that my 13 YO DD was drinking at a friend's sleepover. I was outraged and took her phone away. Once I started going through her phone I realized this was not the first time it happened and there have been times when they snuck out, met up with boys, and did inappropriate sexual activities. Obviously she is grounded with no phone or outings for a very long time, but seeking advise as to what other disciplinary measures I should take. We've had many conversations that this was not appropriate behavior and she's too young for all of this. She seems truly sorry for her actions and realizes it was wrong.

Any advise on how we course correct and get her back on the right track? I am still in shock.

[Anonymous]

Seems you don’t have a good hold of your child. You need to look within your parenting because that is a lot going on for just age 13.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently found out that my 13 YO DD was drinking at a friend's sleepover. I was outraged and took her phone away. Once I started going through her phone I realized this was not the first time it happened and there have been times when they snuck out, met up with boys, and did inappropriate sexual activities. Obviously she is grounded with no phone or outings for a very long time, but seeking advise as to what other disciplinary measures I should take. We've had many conversations that this was not appropriate behavior and she's too young for all of this. She seems truly sorry for her actions and realizes it was wrong.

Any advise on how we course correct and get her back on the right track? I am still in shock.

You both need to get on the right track.

[Anonymous]

13 is so young. She needs to realize how damaging alcohol is for the brain at that age.

[Anonymous]

That’s more like behavior of 16 year old. What the hell was op doing or not doing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently found out that my 13 YO DD was drinking at a friend's sleepover. I was outraged and took her phone away. Once I started going through her phone I realized this was not the first time it happened and there have been times when they snuck out, met up with boys, and did inappropriate sexual activities. Obviously she is grounded with no phone or outings for a very long time, but seeking advise as to what other disciplinary measures I should take. We've had many conversations that this was not appropriate behavior and she's too young for all of this. She seems truly sorry for her actions and realizes it was wrong.

Any advise on how we course correct and get her back on the right track? I am still in shock.

Disciplinary measures, getting her back on track? Where has your parenting been? You need some measures and get yourself on track?

[Anonymous]

Damn, that’s messed up for that age. Mom and dad are incredible stupid or bad parents. Or both.

[Anonymous]

I’d worry about her friends. She doesn’t seem to be hanging out with the right crowd. I would encourage her to try new activities where she might meet different kids. I’d even go so far as consider a school change.

My kids attended a small middle school and kids did not drink, vape or engage in more than kissing. Because they weren’t around that kind of behavior, it didn’t occur to them to try it. In addition to parenting, the other biggest influence on kid is their peer group.

[Anonymous]

I'd start by switching schools for high school. New friends ASAP. More weekend activities with the family. Put her in a sport that keeps her too busy to sneak out and party with this fast crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd start by switching schools for high school. New friends ASAP. More weekend activities with the family. Put her in a sport that keeps her too busy to sneak out and party with this fast crowd.

Advice for the parents is needed because they absolutely aren’t doing parenting right.

[Anonymous]

Seems like absent parents.

[Anonymous]

Op here, yes we are looking at other school options for next year. I realize I have failed as a parent, but hoping there is still time to get both of us back on track. I have an older special needs daughter who required a lot of my attention the past few years. It's not an excuse but it's been really hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently found out that my 13 YO DD was drinking at a friend's sleepover. I was outraged and took her phone away. Once I started going through her phone I realized this was not the first time it happened and there have been times when they snuck out, met up with boys, and did inappropriate sexual activities. Obviously she is grounded with no phone or outings for a very long time, but seeking advise as to what other disciplinary measures I should take. We've had many conversations that this was not appropriate behavior and she's too young for all of this. She seems truly sorry for her actions and realizes it was wrong.

Any advise on how we course correct and get her back on the right track? I am still in shock.

What good is that going to do if you don’t fix yourself? This is a parenting issue.

[Anonymous]

Is she 7th or 8th grade? At our public school, there are supposedly 8th graders having s3x in the bathroom and behind the school. This is a rich, white school. If it’s 7th grade, I think you have a much bigger problem. Obviously the group of friends she’s hanging out with is the problem, and you should probably get her away from those kids, but good luck trying. By 9th grade this was normal for many kids and continued throughout high school and college. Where are they getting the alcohol?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, yes we are looking at other school options for next year. I realize I have failed as a parent, but hoping there is still time to get both of us back on track. I have an older special needs daughter who required a lot of my attention the past few years. It's not an excuse but it's been really hard.

You’re right, it is not an excuse. Yet you are using it as one.
I don’t know if you can fix this successfully.