DD claims I'm "ruining" her life
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Anonymous
| She is 14 and doesn't have a phone, cause I just don't understand the need for someone her age. Good responsible student with outstanding grades, and she's been content without a phone until recently. She complains shes the only one in the whole grade who can't text her friends, and shes embarrassed about it, etc, etc. Now, I was planning to surprise and get her a phone at the start of her freshman year this august, when she is walking to school, but now shes being very pushy about getting it sooner. Do I get it now? Or hold off for 6 more months? |
Anonymous
| No you don’t get her something just because she’s whining about it. I would skip the phone until she’s driving. |
Anonymous
| I would just tell her you're getting her one in August. It spoils the surprise but you can explain your reasoning and that shows you are not just keeping her from having one. |
Anonymous
|
OP here.
We got her older sister a phone at 14, but the situation was different. She was walking to school alone and DD gets dropped of through car line with younger sibling at school, and picked up. |
Anonymous
| Tell her she is getting the phone in August unless she keeps on complaining. |
Anonymous
| No reason she needs a phone, put it off as long as possible. |
Anonymous
| I have to disagree with the previous posters. I got my DD a phone at age 12. By that age, she was gaining more independence. Giving her the phone to text her friends allowed her to begin making plans with her friends herself, tracking her own calendar with practices, tutoring sessions and get-togethers, and allowed her to text me to pick her up when necessary. I think that a phone is necessary for a teenager to function in modern-day society. |
Anonymous
| Take the heat and don't cave in. Too many kids are turning into phone zombies. She'll thank you when she's older. |
Anonymous
|
I wouldn't do it now but I would not wait until August - give it to her in May or June when the school year is over.
This timing works to your/her favor in that she will have had it for a couple of months before school starts again and won't be nearly the new, "shiny" distraction it would be just as she's entering high school. Make it part of her "graduation" gifts. My DD is younger but that is our plan. |
Anonymous
| Get her a watch, not a phone. Those things are dangerous for children! |
Anonymous
| Just get her the phone. |
Anonymous
| How does she contact her friends? Does she have an iPad? Do you have a house phone? |
Anonymous
Don't need a "smart" phone for this, so there's that. If you are giving a smartphone at this age and the above is your "justification", you didn't think things through completely. |
Anonymous
| Poor kid. |
Anonymous
|
We were in the same time frame as you...phones to get ready for 9th grade.
Oldest has been fine. Younger son got his in spring semester of 8th grade and sent some texts that showed poor judgment (not sexts, not school violence). So this was quite disappointing to us and we were sorry we didn't wait until high school. Kids are a little busier and older in high school. I rarely say no as a parent but I also try to stick to my principles and stated objectives. I would say to give your child the date of when she's getting her phone and stick to it. One of the things that affluent parents need to model for children is that there are limits. Phone rules are one of the few areas we have control over. If you don't model any limits, she will not have any memories to fall back on when making her own judgments about how to parent. As I say to my kids, "If the worst thing you can say about your childhood is that you had slow internet, you've led a charmed life." |