Give me ALL the talking points for talking to parents about downsizing and/or moving
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Anonymous
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Details are changed because I know a lot of people on here.
Please spare me the “you’re selfish”, why bother, leave boomers alone, etc. etc. I would love some actual talking points either from someone who has been there or what works and what doesn’t. Facts: ~Parents are 73 years old: ok health and active but aging ~Live in a 3 story Ryan home development 4 bedrooms, FILLED to the brim with stuff ~sister and I live within one of each other, 6 kids between us ~parents live 5 hours away from us ~sister and I live in a warm-ish sunny climate (think: Charlotte) ~parents live in a cold, gray state with minimal sun and snow (think:buffalo) ~parents do not have any family where they are currently living My talking points are both: The need to clean out the house and downsize: the house is large and VERY full of STUFF. Consider moving closer to sister and I (long shot due to stubbornness). I’d love some ideas. I’d like to talk about moving to a one level house in their current town. I’d like to bring up moving closer to us. |
Anonymous
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Oof, I have such a similar situation and have not had success. I'll be following the thread.
I can say that a focus on clearing out stuff and downsizing is not a winner. They like their stuff. They don't see it as a problem. Focusing on being near grandkids has got the most traction. I might be able to get a seasonal snowbird situation going with mine. As in, "you don't have to get rid of anything, but let's find a way for you to be near us more." |
Anonymous
| They probably love their house. My parents in same situation would never move if they can avoid, but they have a plan for if they need to, and enough money for that plan. |
Anonymous
| What is a Ryan home? |
Anonymous
Anonymous
Ryan homes is a well-established low-end developer of mediocre builds in the area. They are a very low price point -- cookie cutter houses, etc. But they're everywhere. |
Anonymous
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Your parents should rent a six month furnished house over the winter in your city.
If they like the experience they should sell their house and buy an equally large one in your city. That way they don't need to get rid of any of their stuff. |
Anonymous
It’s a builder of suburban homes. Really big in the dc area. |
Anonymous
A large family home in a development…like south riding? They live in a big house in a family neighborhood (large yard and driveway etc). |
Anonymous
| Op I think you and your sister will need to go through their house. I know you want them to do it but most people want to die in their home so they don’t have to. |
Anonymous
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As someone who is now an empty nester at 52, I'm actually giving thoughts to downsizing with my fiancee. Here are a couple of the things holding us back:
1) Pure economics. At the moment, selling our house and finding something even a few thousand square feet smaller (if we can find it) would end up costing us near the same as we pay now and reset our mortgage because of the interest rate differential. We can afford it, but we don't really WANT to, especially with the transaction and moving costs involved. 2) Finding the right housing stock. I realize we're 52, not 72, but we're not eager to move into a place with shared walls if we can avoid it. But on the flip side, most of where we need to live (because we are still working for the next 15 years or so) is all giant homes on huge lots. It's really difficult to find a modest SFH -- blame past zoning/planning policies. I might feel differently at 72 or 73, but generally speaking, we're down with people (I mean it, people SUCK) and have no desire to live in a high-density community. I realize that needing access to medical care down the road could change that equation. |
Anonymous
Really big in the United States! Surprised someone had not heard of Ryan Homes. |
Anonymous
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OP here.
Adding: they have lived in their current house for 20 years. It’s not my childhood home. My sister never lived there; she was in college when they bought it. |
Anonymous
| Can they actually move near you and buy something nice for much less money than their current house? |
Anonymous
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We did this with my MIL - and there was a lot more attachment as it was her parent's home.
We had a multi-year plan starting with showing her some new condo's that were really targeted for mixed ages. It checked small boxes of things that bothered her - had unground parking and storage. But it also was in a great location so she could easily connect with the community (and would be a place where her friends would be interested in meeting her for lunch) She needed to see that not only could she see herself there - but she needed to see that it could address some of her "traditions" (How would she host Christmas) From the child side - it is a conversation about the things like cost to maintain and heat and what happens if .... but you need to make it a conversation talking about how the living experience will be day to day. |