Confessions

[Anonymous]

I feel lonely. A lot.

[Anonymous]

I probably suffer from mild depression and/or anxiety, but am unwilling to discuss it with my doctor, be medicated or seek counseling for fear it will affect my insurability (life insurance). I want lots of life insurance coverage in place in case the cancer I recently had treated returns and kills me.

I am a "cancer survivor" but hate that term, because I feel like if I or anyone else uses that term to refer to me, it's tempting fate and I will become a cancer non-survivor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel lonely. A lot.

Right there with you, sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish my mother would just drop dead.

Mine just did, 4 weeks before Thanksgiving.
We had conflicts, too, but my heart is broken. My 4 mo old will never know her.

I hope you find peace before she passes away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel lonely. A lot.

Right there with you, sister.

11:08 here. Wanna be my friend? Seriously. I am tired of thinking that the only thing for me to do about feeling lonely is complaining about it. There's gotta be another solution...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish my mother would just drop dead.

Mine just did, 4 weeks before Thanksgiving.
We had conflicts, too, but my heart is broken. My 4 mo old will never know her.

I hope you find peace before she passes away.

I am very sorry for your loss. It sounds like in spite of the rough spots, you and your mother had a special bond and you have some good memories of your time together. As the pain eases, these positives will outweigh the conflicts, and you will be able to share meaningful stories with your child, and hopefully draw upon whatever positive lessons she provided. My beloved grandmother died when my daughter was 8 months old. I was absolutely heartbroken, but now I see my daughter exhibiting the best of that great woman, and it makes me happy.

For some of us, our mothers represent only pain. I know that when mine dies, there will be no heartbreak. I cannot remember a moment in my life with her where her good qualities (smart, talented, attractive) outweighed the bad (cruel, self-absorbed, narrow-minded, bigoted, an OCD control freak). People like me do mourn. We mourn not getting the chance to love a mother as you loved yours. We mourn when we see "nice grandmas" giving time to their grandchildren without attaching guilt strings for the tired parents. We mourn the childhoods that they took from us. Our mourning precedes death. My goal in life is to spare my children that feeling.

Again, my condolences to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel lonely. A lot.

Right there with you, sister.

11:08 here. Wanna be my friend? Seriously. I am tired of thinking that the only thing for me to do about feeling lonely is complaining about it. There's gotta be another solution...

Well, I'm probably about 1100 miles away from where you're living (if you're posting from anywhere near DC), but it's a nice idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel lonely. A lot.

Right there with you, sister.

11:08 here. Wanna be my friend? Seriously. I am tired of thinking that the only thing for me to do about feeling lonely is complaining about it. There's gotta be another solution...

Well, I'm probably about 1100 miles away from where you're living (if you're posting from anywhere near DC), but it's a nice idea.

I don't care. I sometimes check out/reply to DCUM posts just to feel like I'm not all alone (which, as you can imagine, only adds to the feeling) and even an email friend would be better than that.

[Anonymous]

I wish my MIL would die. She creates so much drama, stress, heartache, and bad memories for her family - she is has a horribly toxic personality and is a true burden for her children. The best thing we can say about her last visit was that we had done our duty for the year, that there were no blows up, and while it was not pleasant at least our son enjoyed being with her.

[Anonymous]

"We mourn when we see "nice grandmas" giving time to their grandchildren without attaching guilt strings for the tired parents. We mourn the childhoods that they took from us. Our mourning precedes death. My goal in life is to spare my children that feeling."

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. You hit the mail on the head. I often wonder if there should be a "motherless daughters" group or an "adopt a grandparent" group. People who have family involved have truly NO idea how much easier their life is!

[Anonymous]

I would adopt a grandparent in no time. Or a mother, for that matter (I'm 25). Not because mine are/were bad, but because they are 13h away (by plane).

[Anonymous]

I still miss "the one who got away." Often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still miss "the one who got away." Often.

Me too. And I always dream about him too - I'm not kidding. I've thought about seeking counseling for this - I feel so guilty about it. I rarely dream about my husband, but the one who got away pops up in my dreams very regularly. I am still in touch with him via Facebook, and now his girlfriend (whose pics are on his FB page) pops into my dreams to - as if we are all hanging out together or something. I must be losing it.

[Anonymous]

I confess my best friend and I got drunk this weekend and had sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish my mother would just drop dead.

Mine just did, 4 weeks before Thanksgiving.
We had conflicts, too, but my heart is broken. My 4 mo old will never know her.

I hope you find peace before she passes away.

I am very sorry for your loss. It sounds like in spite of the rough spots, you and your mother had a special bond and you have some good memories of your time together. As the pain eases, these positives will outweigh the conflicts, and you will be able to share meaningful stories with your child, and hopefully draw upon whatever positive lessons she provided. My beloved grandmother died when my daughter was 8 months old. I was absolutely heartbroken, but now I see my daughter exhibiting the best of that great woman, and it makes me happy.

For some of us, our mothers represent only pain. I know that when mine dies, there will be no heartbreak. I cannot remember a moment in my life with her where her good qualities (smart, talented, attractive) outweighed the bad (cruel, self-absorbed, narrow-minded, bigoted, an OCD control freak). People like me do mourn. We mourn not getting the chance to love a mother as you loved yours. We mourn when we see "nice grandmas" giving time to their grandchildren without attaching guilt strings for the tired parents. We mourn the childhoods that they took from us. Our mourning precedes death. My goal in life is to spare my children that feeling.

Again, my condolences to you and your family.

Yes, this describes my relationship with my mother as well. My mother has dementia and I handle all of her affairs (financial, medical, buying clothes, filling prescriptions, etc.), which is very painful for me because every time I take care of something else she needs, it is a reminder of what she *didn't* do for me.

I wish my mother would hurry up and die so that I could be free of thinking about her, forevermore. I often wish she weren't so well-taken care of so that she'd die earlier.