I have a 30 year old adult sibling who has become increasingly violent. He began living with me after our parents died over a decade ago. He is very high functioning but does not work and chose to not attend higher education. He also has ocd, severe oppositional defiant disorder and narcissistic tendencies. He refuses to go to any therapy and when we have been able to get him to go he refuses medication. Tonight was the last straw. Because he said I was “mean” by telling him he needed to clean up the kitchen he turned to my very old dog and threw her out of the house and pushed me out of the house as well. I was wearing a robe as I had just left the shower and he pulled it off of me as he did this so I was nude outside with my dog locked out. When I got back inside after taking the hidden key outside I was irate and yelled at him so he turned the gas stove on. He then poured oil all over it. We had a small kitchen fire which destroyed my microwave and the surrounding cabinets and if I didn’t have a fire extinguisher on hand I don’t know what would have happened. He is clearly extremely dangerous to himself and others. Where do you put people like this besides jail? |
I am so sorry you were dealing with this. Just know that you’ve been a great sibling by taking on your siblings for so long and caring for them. That is not a small task. It is also OK to have your boundaries so that you can remain safe in your own home. I don’t have answers. But I do want to let you know that I am sending care and compassion your way. |
Oh gees. I'm just so sorry. I don't have any suggestions, except that it's clear he's overstayed his welcome. |
Mental institution |
One way bus ticket to major city |
Call NAMI |
Are you in Ohio? |
No |
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Make sure you don’t leave him alone in the house until you make alternative arrangements, and especially not around your dog. |
OP, I am very very sorry you are going through this. You are an angel to have put up with this for 10 years.
I would check with your local county regarding services available and I would check with you sheriff's department on what it takes to get an adult out of your home. Section 8 housing? Housing vouchers? |
Has he been diagnosed with Autism or is there more here - other psychological disorders? Sounds like he may need medication. |
Where are you located? There might be group homes but there are probably also waiting lists. Does he have Medicaid? Also, is there a chance he's considered a tenant and you'll have to go through legal proceedings to evict him? |
He was previously prescribed seroquel and Prozac but decided to stop taking them. Short of getting a court order you can’t force someone to take meds or get therapy. |
OP, I'd start documenting his behavior (starting the fire), throwing you outside nude.
I'd pick up some mace or bear spray to have in your purse. Once you get him out of the house change your locks. Make sure windows are secure. Have plenty of exterior lighting. |
OP, check on what it takes to evict him. In our town the sheriffs department has that info. You may have to give 30 or 45 days notice and post the info on the door.
I'd also check on services available in your county regarding housing vouchers. OP, it might be worth calling your local battered woman's shelter and tell them your brother is lighting fires in the home and pushed you outside naked. They might be able to give you some guidance for getting brother out of the house. In our town you can also talk to their lawyers for free. |