Where to place a high functioning autistic adult

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Today after having another screaming match that resulted in him putting himself in a small crawl space under my stairs to calm down he agreed to a session with a psychologist to work on stress and coping skills but we’ll see as the appointment gets closer. I suspect he will ultimately refuse to go and I don’t have guardianship over him. His bizarre logic is that I stress him out and that any normal person would do what he did. So far after reassessing the kitchen I’ve added up at least $1200 worth of damage not including an awful time cleaning the powder from the fire extinguisher which went everywhere. When I asked about him moving out yesterday and offering to pay for his apartment with an aide he told me he will not be leaving, he hates me and hopes I suffer with his presence and that if anyone leaves it will be me. Unfortunately there is no psych unit attached to the police department where I am and he will just go to jail without resources. I’ve also started calling group homes but of course they are all full or incredibly expensive.


That is a really scary statement. There is no way I could keep living with him.


Agree.
Fake poster or not, if anyone is going through even half of these things with a mentally ill spouse or brother roommate they have Ongoing Trauma.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:His bizarre logic is that I stress him out and that any normal person would do what he did. So far after reassessing the kitchen I’ve added up at least $1200 worth of damage not including an awful time cleaning the powder from the fire extinguisher which went everywhere. When I asked about him moving out yesterday and offering to pay for his apartment with an aide he told me he will not be leaving, he hates me and hopes I suffer with his presence and that if anyone leaves it will be me.

OP I have a teen with ASD/ADHD and I can relate to all of this. My advice to you is, if your brother is willing to go to a psychologist session, find someone who has worked with clients with ASD, ADHD, and ODD behaviors. If you don't, the session could be counterproductive. Your best case scenario is to find a DBT or other therapist who can earn his trust so he would agree to work with them long term.


+1 on DBT, it’s lengthy and frequent, which is needed.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, another option, if you can get him to go, is to take him to the emergency room. Depending on your state laws on this, which you can look up, the ER can do an emergency psych evaluation, and if they find he is a danger to himself or others, you may be able to get a 72 hour involuntary commitment for further evaluation, during which they may be able to convince him to take medication and/or discharge him to an alternative living arrangement.

I'm sorry. This is so hard.


This is the way to go. Next time he freaks out and crawls under something or tries to set the stuff in fire or is physically aggressive to you, you need to call 911. Tell them he is threatening you. Ask them to take him to the ER for a psych evaluation. Ask the ER to admit him for aggression and self-harm. (You might have to do this a couple of times before he is admitted. You might have to trigger him in the ED so they can see his problematic behavior.) Once he is admitted, tell the social worker that he needs to be discharged to supportive living and you aren’t taking him back.


Yes, this.

DP
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:NP here. Can OP not report the brother tonight and get the process started? Also, if he is considered dangerous, I do not think he would qualify for a group home, which is likely the end game here. OP does have to get him out of her house ASAP.

Op, do you have kids in the house, or is it just you and your brother? Jurisdiction is important. Can you tell us where?

Also, does he ever go out and can OP not simply change the locks and get an emergency restraining order?


Yes within 24 hours is best, 48 hours works too.

Right way is best but victims are in defense mode and when police show up the ASD abuser will lie and turn tables. You may both end up in jail that night.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Today after having another screaming match that resulted in him putting himself in a small crawl space under my stairs to calm down he agreed to a session with a psychologist to work on stress and coping skills but we’ll see as the appointment gets closer. I suspect he will ultimately refuse to go and I don’t have guardianship over him. His bizarre logic is that I stress him out and that any normal person would do what he did. So far after reassessing the kitchen I’ve added up at least $1200 worth of damage not including an awful time cleaning the powder from the fire extinguisher which went everywhere. When I asked about him moving out yesterday and offering to pay for his apartment with an aide he told me he will not be leaving, he hates me and hopes I suffer with his presence and that if anyone leaves it will be me. Unfortunately there is no psych unit attached to the police department where I am and he will just go to jail without resources. I’ve also started calling group homes but of course they are all full or incredibly expensive.


That is a really scary statement. There is no way I could keep living with him.


Agree.
Fake poster or not, if anyone is going through even half of these things with a mentally ill spouse or brother roommate they have Ongoing Trauma.


Real or not, she has posted about the situation before and has received advice before. OP, I really hope you are able to take some action this time.
Anonymous
Remember, from his delusional perspective you are evil and mistreating him.
That is the narrative he will tell police, doctors, lawyers, judges.

He didn’t *intend* to shove you out of your own house and take your robe off entirely, so he didn’t do that.

And you can’t prove he did.

I assume he hasn’t apologized for flipping out, locking you outside naked, or starting a cabinetry fire? Instead he’s blaming you?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I have a 30 year old adult sibling who has become increasingly violent. He began living with me after our parents died over a decade ago. He is very high functioning but does not work and chose to not attend higher education. He also has ocd, severe oppositional defiant disorder and narcissistic tendencies. He refuses to go to any therapy and when we have been able to get him to go he refuses medication.

Tonight was the last straw. Because he said I was “mean” by telling him he needed to clean up the kitchen he turned to my very old dog and threw her out of the house and pushed me out of the house as well.

I was wearing a robe as I had just left the shower and he pulled it off of me as he did this so I was nude outside with my dog locked out.

When I got back inside after taking the hidden key outside I was irate and yelled at him so he turned the gas stove on. He then poured oil all over it. We had a small kitchen fire which destroyed my microwave and the surrounding cabinets and if I didn’t have a fire extinguisher on hand I don’t know what would have happened. He is clearly extremely dangerous to himself and others. Where do you put people like this besides jail?


Holy moly. No parents and all of this for the last 10 years of your life?
Anonymous
OP, setting part of the kitchen on fire and the damage from the fire extinguisher happened 3 days ago. There is a closing window on documenting this with the police department. If they do not take pictures (or even if they do), you should take and keep pictures as well.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Today after having another screaming match that resulted in him putting himself in a small crawl space under my stairs to calm down he agreed to a session with a psychologist to work on stress and coping skills but we’ll see as the appointment gets closer. I suspect he will ultimately refuse to go and I don’t have guardianship over him. His bizarre logic is that I stress him out and that any normal person would do what he did. So far after reassessing the kitchen I’ve added up at least $1200 worth of damage not including an awful time cleaning the powder from the fire extinguisher which went everywhere. When I asked about him moving out yesterday and offering to pay for his apartment with an aide he told me he will not be leaving, he hates me and hopes I suffer with his presence and that if anyone leaves it will be me. Unfortunately there is no psych unit attached to the police department where I am and he will just go to jail without resources. I’ve also started calling group homes but of course they are all full or incredibly expensive.


So, jail it is. The other choice is that you decide his life is worth more and you allow him to kill you. And then he goes to jail anyway.

At the very least, you should contact a lawyer. I would ask NAMI or a women's shelter for a recommendation because I think the issues you are dealing with here go beyond "high functioning autism". Yes, he is vulnerable, but so are you. Where do you all live (rental, own home)? Can you leave, rather than evict him? Maybe a lawyer can give you advice on how to get out and remove yourself from his life since you don't have guardianship. Does he have any money? If not, once you stop supporting him he may finally have the motivation to allow other services to help him.
Anonymous
There is nothing wrong with calling the police on somebody for intentionally setting a fire, it doesn't matter who they are. Think about it this way, next time if he succeeds in burning your house down it will put the firefighters in harms way
Anonymous
New poster here. Op, something is wrong on your end that You've let this go on.

Press charges. Install video cameras and record audio. Block off part of the house from his access.
Anonymous
OP, take photos and call a lawyer. You need help reporting him to the police.
Anonymous
Psychiatric hospital. If you are near Pittsburgh, western psychiatric hospital has an autism and developmental disabilities unit.
Anonymous
Pp- even if you are not near Pittsburgh still worth considering. There are not many freestanding psychiatric hospitals anymore but there is a very dire need for cases like this to protect the individual and those around him.
Anonymous
Yes you should have gotten the police involved.

What are you waiting for? For him to really hurt you or destroy your house?

You are not doing him any favors. What do you think will happen going forward? That he will magically get better?

For both your sakes you need to get him out of your home.
post reply Forum Index » Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities
Message Quick Reply
Go to: